Favorites

A man came home from work and found his three c***dren outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the s… Read more

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the second guy," you can sleep with the cows", and the third guy, "I like the cut of your jib. You can sleep with my 18 daughters." The next morning, he asks everyone how they slept. The first man said, "I slept like a pig." The second man said ,"I slept like a cow." The third guy said, "I… Read more

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy… Read more

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough". "Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Manchester and tell her". Frantically the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”… Read more

A new sign in the Bank reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender' ******************************* MALE PROCEDURE: 1... Drive up to the ATM. 2. LOWER your car window. 3. Insert card into machine an… Read more

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was of… Read more

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater. Having been burglarized in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather chubby cat ran between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our parot we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again. Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty… Read more

There are 4 people on an airplane: the pilot, the smartest man in the world, a preacher, and a teenager. About halfway through the flight the engines cut out so they have to exit the plane. The problem is: there are only 3 parachutes. They are arguing about who is going to get a parachute. The pilot yells: "I'm married and have 4 k**s! My family needs me!" So he grabs a 'chute, puts it on, and jumps out of the plane. The 'smartest man in the world yells: "I'm the smartest man in the world! The world needs me!", puts on a 'chute and jumps out of the plane. The preacher turns to the… Read more

Ladies vs whales I noticed two large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey are you two ladies from Scotland?"One of them screamed back at me, "It's Wales you stupid IDIOT!So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"That's all I remember...! Good sex. What is the one thing you don't want to hear during good seks?? Honey..I'm home!! Gardening Why do men like gardening? Because every hole has to be filled with seed. Chicken tonight. A sexy blonde asked me today if I prefered legs or breasts.I said I'm more into shaved pus… Read more

The postman There was this postman who was transferred to another district.He was very beloved,always nice and a kind word for everybody. So on his last day people showed their appreciation by giving him five,ten even twenty dollars.At one of the last houses a gorgeous woman opened the door,only dressed in the most naughty see-through neglige.She dragged him upstairs and gave him the hottest fuck ever. Afterwards she took him to the kitchen, served him coffee and pie and handed him a dollar.The shocked postman asked "Why this treat".Well said the woman I told my husband it was your last day… Read more

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, Mom, down underneath." His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing." The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda. As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question. The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?" The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled t… Read more

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the wom… Read more

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable,… Read more

A 75 year old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say,'99'. The old guy obeys and says,'99'. The doctor says, "Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check,… Read more

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!” Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave… Read more

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ************************************************************************************************** Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?" **************************************************************************************************** From a… Read more

I love a good laugh so from time to time I'll add a new joke and I'd love if others would join in an leave a good one as well - An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake... He finds his way to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, do you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it's only fair that you should know five things since you're blind." 1. The barten… Read more

Newest Finds Thanks to XHamster Participants! (11/24/13) http://xhamster.com/movies/2421635/gabrielle_santini_anything_goes.html http://xhamster.com/movies/934850/twisted_wives_part_1.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1307335/twisted_wives_2.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1224981/cuckold_straw.html http://xhamster.com/movies/929742/hubby_loans_2_black_cock.html http://xhamster.com/movies/2386449/wife_husband_to_eat_her_black_lover_and_039_s_sperm.html http://xhamster.com/movies/2014266/smokin.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1600867/blonde_in_interracial_gangbang.html http://xhamster.co… Read more

I'm surprised that I haven't done this before, but I thought is share some of my favorite sex story sites. You can explore these and go wild, as there are many erotic stories with different themes to get off to: http://www.asstr.org/~ermberto/mainindex2.htm http://www.bimen.org/stories/ http://www.asstr.org/~/Kristen/gay/ http://www.asstr.org/~/Kristen/… Read more

Featuring male partners with a generation gap, daddy boy (DB) porn emerged only a distinct genre only in the 21st century. In fact, it had always existed since the beginning of gay porn, but for a long time, it had to be looked for in in other niches. The two last decades have seen a very fast development of older/younger in porn, reflecting a strong demand. However, the genre has only really been pinpointed by a handful of studios. A) THE UPCOMING OF DADDY BOY PORN 1) Definition and limits Daddy Boy Porn can be defined as gay porn where the major turn-on is age gap. It is sometimes ca… Read more

besche's Blog: My WET Favorites My favorite Favorites on xHamster (because they are WET): (Thom22) http://xhamster.com/movies/2330399/h.a.r.d.n.w.e.t_f.u.c.k..html http://xhamster.com/movies/2474222/h.a.r.d._w.e.t.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1894751/was_ich_mag.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1785985/lucifer.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1700955/tats_and_piercings.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1683984/muscle_bear_dominated.html http://xhamster.com/movies/1680108/slut_dirty_pigs.html http://xhamster.com/movies/2098279/red_and_yellow.html http://xhamster.com/movies/2290297/… Read more