Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 78

Hallmark Valentines Day Rejects

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other That is, until I met your b*****r.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace Now if only you could hide your face.

* Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes all the things you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love y... Continue»
Posted by crzs 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
  |  4

Peep Show Performance by Giorgio Canoli


On their way home from dinner George suggested he and Kim stop at a local adult toy store. "How come were making this pit stop"? she asked. He replied, "I noticed your rabbit isn't as fast as he used to be", "the tortoise can actually beat him now". They chuckled as they exited the vehicle.

This wasn't no ordinary porno shop. It was the home depot of erotica. They wandered through each aisle, Kim's pussy started getting moist and she could see George's cock growing through his pants. Kim quipped "Be careful with that loaded gun in your poc... Continue»
Posted by NYItalianStud 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo, Voyeur  |  
  |  2

Best friends

I was meeting my friend after soccer practise. We were 17. I was the shy slightly geeky one and he was the jock. I loved hanging out with him. He was always so much fun and never treated me like the other guys that were the popular jocks. He always listened to me even though I was very soft spoken. We could talk for hours about movies, books, videogames and pretty much everything. I met him outside the field and he asked if it would be alright if we swung by his house. He'd like to shower and freshen up. I waited in his bedroom sitting on the side of the bed. I never been in his bedroom before... Continue»
Posted by honeyboycdlover 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
  |  7

“wondering what he would do…”

“wondering what he would do…”

This post, inspired by a communication from a specific xhamster woman, is purely my fantasy, based upon a remarkably small number of private messages where she shared what she liked about my writing.

Chapter 1: Shake something at them...
SHE (starting from her perspective):
I can’t believe that I’m actually flying to Atlanta to check out this kinky “Emorymed” guy from xhamster (Wonder what his real name is?). What started as a passing curiosity, evolved to email exchanges, 'make me blush' photos, skype and now, finally, “in the flesh”. Although w... Continue»
Posted by emorymed 4 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
  |  11

Mother-In-Law – My Sex Slave

i going to share my sex experience with my sex bomb mother in law. Her name is surna reka. Her body stat is 38-36-40. You can imagine how big boobs ,she is not fat but her boobs are awesome and she is 5.5 feet tall fair complexion. Since from my marriage i had an eye on my mil. We used to stay very closer to mil home and their f****y consist of my mil, fil and my wife. On every weekly off myself and my wife used to go their home and spend time with them.

... Continue»
Posted by bava12 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  


Vic lay on his bed, stretched out on his side, naked, his hard, throbbing cock in his hand. As he stroked himself harder and harder, faster and faster, his breathing growing hoarse and ragged, his gaze was locked inexorably upon the centerfold of the magazine before him.

Her name, according to the XXX magazine at any rate, was Honie and, despite the unusual spelling, Vic certainly thought that she was. Her body was lean and trim, smooth and petite, hairless and just lightly tanned. Her nipples were hard as she smiled coyly for the unimaginably lucky photographer who'd been privileged enough... Continue»
Posted by Elizabethann 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
  |  11

Fireman's Carnival

Fireman's Carnival

by Kathy B.

"Mark! I'm over here!" I waved my hands wildly, trying to get my husband's
attention. It was useless though; he couldn't hear me over the noise of the
crowd and he hadn't noticed our booth when he walked past.

"Hey, lady. Can we get some pies here or not?" A sweaty, overweight man
stood beside three sweaty, underweight k**s. Each c***d clutched a dollar bill
in their dirty little fists.

I took a last look at Mark's back, disappearing behind the Ferris Wheel.
Oh, well, he'd keep looking until he found me. I'd get his attention t... Continue»
Posted by tzrlvr 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
  |  6

Shy Indian Wife's Massage

We are an Indian couple from Kerala aged 34 and 38 yrs and married for seven years.

I had to go on a business trip which involved six hours of driving and my wife was with me in the car - After the meeeting we thought of visiting a nearby beach which is famous for Indian ayurvedic messages - I suggested that she go for a massage and she gave me a flat 'NO" for her.

I requested a massage for myself and the guy who mas massaging me was just around twenty years old. I suggested that my wife watch the massage as she had never seen it before.

As my massage was almost geeting over I insiste... Continue»
Posted by cuteb0y25 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
  |  2

Fist visit to my sexy new female doctor

Yesterday I went to the doctor because i felt like i was peeing too much, i'm sitting in the waiting room and the doctor calls me, and she is the hottest woman i have ever seen. Late 20s/early 30s, gorgeous middle-eastern face, nice curvy lips, big dark eyes. She's very friendly with a thick Persian accent which i find very sexy. i explained to her my situation, and then she asked if i was sexually active, and i said no a bit too quickly, and she looked surprised for a second. She got me to pee in a jar, dipped the testing strip, and came over to show me the results. She got me to hold one end... Continue»
Posted by wet20 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
  |  1

The night of my LIFE!

My name is justin and this is my story. Well for starters I am a 5'7 male very strong build ( I play football) and I am apparently socially accepted.

It all happened on one random lonely warm night. Nothing out of place or in favor to clue a hint to this leading up to what would possibly be the most extreme not of my young life. I am a computer junky and its all I know (besides football). I live in an apartment building above my Aunt and her f****y of 5. Her second older daughter being the same age as me. Our entire lives we competed to see who was the best. We were always the same height.... Continue»
Posted by DrLoveMonkey 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
  |  4


Shannon Blake couldn't help it. She simply had to talk herself
into trouble. This had been a problem for her growing up at home,
at school and later on, wherever she worked. She seemed to
crave confrontation and constantly found herself arguing with
others over the smallest of issues.

Of course, this was before she met Erik Powell.

The two had been dating less than a month when Shannon managed
to instigate a loud argument in the middle of a film they
were watching. Aggravated by Shannon's behavior and embarrassed
at being part of a public spectacle, Erik took his date by... Continue»
Posted by meatloaf90 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
  |  2

Go Get Some (A Poem)

Just another don't have to take it to heart, though not a bad idea...

Go Get Some.

So, you’re looking for another rhyme,
Don’t know if I can do it this time,
I tried to think of something hot,
Something with a lusty plot,
Something you can read and wank,
But my mind simply came up blank,
So instead of reading some dirty poem,
While you’re sitting back at home,
Take a trip into the city,
Where you may find some real kitty,
Cause sex isn’t just to read about,
It’s something I can’t do without,
Cash your check when you get paid,
Go outside and actually ... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 5 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
  |  2

Vibration Platform Fitness Machine Product Review

A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.

S... Continue»
Posted by AdorableLaura 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
  |  2

My own personal nurse

Last week I came down with a small cold I caught at a time out with some friends. I decided it was best to stay home and rest my head. Leanne called like she normally does every morning to check up on me before class. I explained that I was sick with a cold. She asked to come by after class in the afternoon and I told her she can come over anytime.

Later that day Leanne arrives. We hug and kiss as she walks inside my apartment. Leanne cooked dinner for the both of us. She asked if she can stay the night to keep an eye on me since I was ill. I told her yes and she asked to change in my clot... Continue»
Posted by Johnny916 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  

Sex Therapy-Florida Style

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex ther****t's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
  |  4

taboo sex?!! you decide.....

one fact about hispanic teens in hispanic countries, that is taboo is as follow: Teens (hispanics) from 13 and 25 and even well in their adult hood, when they start discovering their bodies, they get help from other teens of the same sex, mostly in the male gender, they would learn how to give oral sex. they will start with jerk off circles or two somes, the obvious gay ones, would be the ones who would give oral sex and mostly the one who would take it up the ass. If these teens don't find a wife, or can't find a girlfriendwhile in their mid thirties, they will continue this type of sex well ... Continue»
Posted by m2t3eros100 4 years ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
  |  7

Story of my Life: My Sister and I

This story and all the stories that follow are true, but the names of most of the people (except my own) have changed. Everything else is as true as I can remember it.

My name is Vanessa Abigail Genai. This is a story of the first time I ever started masturbating.

At the time I was only nine years old. I had not yet begun puberty so I was still flat and hairless. Those who knew me, always said I was beautiful, even back then. I had long blonde hair that reached to my shoulders. I always kept it loose and flowing. I had bright blue eyes. I had s... Continue»
Posted by v-a-gina 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
  |  16

Small dick laughed at by 2 nurses

A friend of mine is a doctor and as part of her training she did a stint in the sexual health wing of the hospital she was working in. She is a very game girl constantly regaling us with tales of funny medical incidents. She told me about games she and her colleagues played to keep themselves amused and spirits high while working in quite a gritty environment.

She said they had a hilarious time asking really intimate questions because people would answer 100% honestly (very eye opening she said).. other guys would treat it like counselling and the moment the door shut on the examination r... Continue»
Posted by peteash 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
  |  14

My Girlfriends has a creampie pussy for the night.

Ceri my sexy saucy girlfriend was having a night out with the girls. It had been a while since she has been out and she was looking forward to it. As in my previous story Ceri like’s to flirt around with my mates and other lads she finds hot. She love’s being touched up and I don’t mind her having a bit of fun now and again. We had a steaming threesome with a male college friend of mine a few years ago. Since then our sex life has been pretty normal.

My good friend Dave was staying over our house to keep me company while she was out for the night. We had a load of beers in and were having a... Continue»
Posted by danny227 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
  |  2

Flashing Wife

I never thought that I would be writing a letter to you, but I guess that goes to show that anything is possible. I'll have to start from the beginning so please bear with me.

I met my very beautiful and sexy wife about 12 years ago. I knew that she was the one for me the minute I laid eyes on her. We dated for quite a while without having sex and I respected her for the choice she made. That still doesn't mean I wasn't dying to get into her pants and sample her sweat juices. Then one day it finally happened. I mad... Continue»
Posted by jason1000 4 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
  |  2