Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 65

THE WALKING FUCKERS, Complete Story

THE WALKING FUCKERS


It was supposed to be a weak RNA strand that
disabled the enemy then withered.
The vector virus had other ideas.
It found a single, mutated Ecoli bacterium
and mated with it.
Military “Intelligence” had finally fucked us all.


“M0m will be furious with me,” I thought, lying in bed,
trying to figure how I'd refuse the “corrective” surgery
and not get kicked out of the house.
The alarm clock beeped.

“I'm 18, why NOW?? I grew up this way! NO, mom, NO!”

Fifty rehearsals in my head.
I waited.
Nothing.

Then voices in the street.
I looked out the w
... Continue»
Posted by yutubeslut 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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The Toy Run (Part 1)

It was a pain in the ass, but always worth it in the long run. Ya had to deal with folks who were either tryin' to be somthing they were not or looked down their noses at you while they took money from you. Not being one to trip till it was time to trip, it took alot more than facial expressions and wanna be's to get the ol' panites in a wad. The weather was at least warm and the roads were dry when I headed to the local toy slinger to pick up " a new unwrapped item for a boy....and a girl"

To start off the story, a cop pulled in behind me when I entered the parking lot at the local m... Continue»
Posted by whiskabiscuit 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Lisa's Song

She’s a red hot mama, rides a bike built in Hell.
Got legs stretch to Heaven and she works them well.
Her Pussy’s a cathedral a place for to pray.
Nipples like rock candy melt in your mouth all day.
Her ass rides high up on those stems.
She’ll make you suck it till She comes again and again.

She spread herself on the couch her slot just a drippin’. She said,
“Show me your stuff, let me be your sex kitten.”
I dropped my pants and fell to my knees started slurping that juice like a bear in the bee’s.

I chugged down her juice a cocktail of lust. I licked her back door, it was wet a... Continue»
Posted by toolinthroughlife 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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Sex Dares and cheating

I was at a party with a big group of guy friends and girl friends. My girl friend came with me. I am a shy guy, but We ended up all playing a game of dares with one rule. The dares had to be done, no backing out. I didn't like the idea but after an hour of funny and daft things, drinking games and stuff things became a little spicy.

Firstly the guys were dared to reduce themselves to boxer shorts only which the girls loved. I kept catching my GF staring at this other guys cock bulge which was clearly large, extra large. My GF was dared to kiss one of the guys which I didnt like the idea of,... Continue»
Posted by massivepenis21 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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How I like my sex

I love sex, but only a certain kind is guaranteed to make me a happy girl.

You would have to kiss on my neck, you know the way. My headed all the way back, you roughly kissing and biting my neck.

While your kissing on my neck your hands would find a way to my breast, the breast you love so much. Gently squeezing through my shirt.

Of course you cant wait to to get my shirt off, and do so quickly. My 44E boobs entice you, taking one in each hand. You message my boobs and pull at my nipples. Getting little peaks of hardest that make your mouth water.

You tentatively lick a nipple,... Continue»
Posted by blkbbw4fun 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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USS INTERPRIK a Sex Trek story (2012 by Salmacius)

This story is similar to other one You can see and is set like the cinema of the saga of "Star Trek" - so imagine in practice the same customs and the same atmosphere - and it's the story of an interplanetary voyage, with a few differences ... . that this will never find the movie or the text of it.

Chapter 1) THE DEPARTURE

It describes the journey of the "USS INTERPRIK" - starship ship in the same class as the best known "USS ENTERPRISE", but this is more modern and spacecraft that made a mysterious journey, a secret mission which for various reasons never ended for be described elsewhe... Continue»
Posted by salmacius 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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Great car Mate! - A tale of Tea, Biscuits and som


I’ve told you about my fuck buddy and our first adventure with another guy, here is a tale of a very unusual dogging experience up at Wisley.
We arrived quite late one night and parked up in the cafe car park, both of us climbed into the back and started to kiss and cuddle as you do, I’m quiet keen to start removing her clothes as well as mine!
I’m down to my underpants and she is now just in her basque and stockings I’ve loosen her shoulder straps and sucking on her firm tits and tonguing her hard nipples, she has such wonderful tits and I can’t leave them alone, I take a peek outside an... Continue»
Posted by flashgit 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Party!!

She was beautiful, tall for a female for she was around six feet; with the most gorgeous pair of legs he had ever seen. Her hair was long enough to cover her breasts and tickle the bottom of her rib cage with the ends of it; her hair was thick, glossy, and the color of milk chocolate. God how he wanted to run his fingers through it and feel it brush against his skin like a blanket of the finest silk. Yet, as beautiful as her body was, it was her eyes that captured, and held, him. They were a deep forest green with a dark ring of gray around the pupils. They were eyes that boldly met his own ba... Continue»
Posted by spudrico27 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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the office

I'm walking over to the kitchen when I hear Lisa call "Selfish!" in that half mocking tone she loves so much. She looks at my mug and gestures to me with her own. "Ah, shit, sorry Lisa, tea or coffee?" I reply, with a melodramatic bow. It's a running joke we have, me being her skivvy. I've been working for her on this project for over six months now. You couldn't want much more from a boss, she knows her stuff but doesn't lord it over us. Keeps the teams happy, backs us up when it counts but isn't afraid to tell you when you're talking shit. Combined with that she's gorgeous, so as far as I'm... Continue»
Posted by EASTWOODY 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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First time I saw a penis

When I was in seventh grade, a f****y moved in next door. Their son was one grade ahead of me. We lived in a rural place where there were not a lot of people around. I didn't have any b*****rs or s****rs, and he didn't either, so we became best friends.

One summer day, Tommy called me because he was home alone. His parents had to take a trip to a place 100 miles away. It was for grown-up business and he would have been bored so he did not go. He asked me to come over. So I did.

We talked for awhile, and then he asked me if I could keep a secret. I said yes, and he told me that he had a s... Continue»
Posted by kbking70 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Memories of Sirens Part I - How I Met and Fell

First story. Hope you enjoy!

There wasn't ever really anything important in my life,and there really isn't anything important now. That was until of course, I met her. Let me elaborate on who I am. My name is John, but people also refer to me as Jack. I'm a 24 year old World Traveler/Philantropist/Philosopher/Writer. I discover alot of the things that are for say " Unknown to the general public" and while I'm doing my travels help in the community and also discover exactly who I am abit then afterwards I spend the time to write and sometimes publish my experiences in novels. I'm a good 6'5,... Continue»
Posted by knightmare2196 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Wet Dream in Class

When I was a teenager, and anyone with a penis also, I had alot of wet dreams. Like more than normal I think, one a week AT LEAST. And doing sports and classes in highschool letft me with little time to sl**p at home and get all that I needed. Just like everyone else I wanted to catch a few extra Z's here and there so sometimes I would have to take to sl**ping in class. Having my proficiency in having wet dreams though, sl**ping in class was always a risk. It never happened to me my first two years of highschool, and never in my last, but one time, during that third year, it happened...I was ... Continue»
Posted by unlimitedready 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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my endless night of pleasure

it all started when me and my bf at the time was sat in the living room it had been a pretty boring day we were just having a couple of drinks as we did on most occasions and i was getting a little horny so i looked at my bf and said i was going to put a dvd on so i walked ova to my bag and pulled out a porn dvd and wen he realised what i had put on u saw a smile come right across his face he looked pleased so we started to watch it and continue our drinking by the end of it we had started to kiss and caress each other just on top of our clothes we started to get in to the moment and he slowly... Continue»
Posted by gothicprincess1988 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Frustration Contact. (Short Story) Also seen on L

The queue, waiting for the first lift is large, but my eyes focus happily on the blonde hair of a woman ahead of me, rather than the floor indicator above each lift. I love women like her, slim, mature, maybe even over fifty, dressed in a suit, shiny hair in a bob style, elegant and feminine.

I am going into the same lift as her, just so that I may gaze discretely at her and enjoy her good looks. My head thrills at the possibility that she has a thin blouse and underneath, a Camisole top. Utterly divine!

The right hand lift arrives and a mass of people shuffle sideways to get it, but ... Continue»
Posted by matureworship 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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fuck

1. Cut your finger nails!
This is such a simple little thing, but it goes a long way. You will be hard pressed to find any area on her body more sensitive than her vagina (inside and out), and the LAST thing you want to do is completely ruin the mood with a scratch. How do you know if your nails are cut short enough? Touch your gums with the tips of your fingers, how do they feel? If you're not sure, cut them. (If you're having daily sex with your partner, you might be cutting your fingernails as often as every 2-3 days.) But believe me, it's THAT important.
2. Listen and pay attention (in b... Continue»
Posted by manaliheel 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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atlantic city sex show

i was born in new jersey, grown up in new jersey and never ever ever left new jersey. why you ask. don't drive and no one drive me. trenton is where i am and will be always. at 67 old i want go to atlantic city. my landlord say's dudley, you want to go for ride to casinos and i want. so it happened. he drive and i so happy and tell him i got no money. he know because he get my disability check for rent. he say dudley, no worry, i help you but you have to pay back. i say i no want gamble, i want pussy. after long drive in middle i got go pp. we stop and i go pee. then i hungry and want burger a... Continue»
Posted by Dudley_Flem_Fartner 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Paradise Island: Part 1

29, Single white male seeks similar age female with good looks and vibrant personality. I’m getting tired of writing that on internet dating sites. I started this journal to release my inner thoughts on paper but so far I've only confirmed my sexual inadequacies and personal hang ups. I’m creeping ever closer to 30 and I’m yet to find ’The one’ I've had 3 relationships in the past 10 years and had sex about as many times. I’m beginning to realise life isn't like the movies.
I've read plenty of erotic stories on the internet and seen even more Porn films. I should be an expert at this stuff... Continue»
Posted by Skats 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Why I Sneeze When I see a Pussy!

Two things that I’ve pondered over and wondered about until just recently are: 1) I LOVE the smell of b*by powder! It gets me excited and makes me stand up and salute! –No, I’m not THAT much of a pervert; I don’t get into girls who aren’t the right age, but a lot of legal girls and women use it, too! And 2) whenever I see something particularly erotic, something that really turns me on, whether it be a really sexy picture or video, or if I’m with a decidedly delicious girl, or even when I just have a sexy daydream, I begin to sneeze! I mean I don’t just sneeze once or twice, but eight... Continue»
Posted by George178 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Not exactly a Sex Story



As the title says this is not exactly a sex story. Before I start this story, I want to tell a few things about myself. People call me different. I take it as an compliment. Some call me a sexual fanisizer, again thanks for the compliment. I never feel akward talking about sex with anyone. Rather I feel comfortable. I have no issues speaking with girls. I mingle with everyone. This is all u need to know.
I had crushes on many girls right from my college days and its always been a sexual desire. I watch porn every... Continue»
Posted by nagz 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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More Than Just A Word

Beth smirked at her friend across the room and quickly sipped from her mid afternoon glass of Chablis in an attempt to stop herself from giggling. Jenna, her friend since school, wasn't fairing quite so well in stifling her own fit of girlish giggles. As her shoulders began to silently shake, Beth knew it was only a matter of time before her friend would let out her customary bizarre high pitched whine, which always preceded the inevitable complete break down into hysterics for both women.

Beth had been here many times before. Like the time, many years ago at a party, where Beth awoke to th... Continue»
Posted by stalfonzo 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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