Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 12
The steamy water from the hot tub warms my naked body as I immerse myself up to my shoulders. I tilt my head back and rest it on the edge of the tub as I take in a deep breath of the crisp evening air. I reach one hand up to caress my nipple the other stretches down between my legs as I begin to lose myself in a sexual fantasy.
Feeling a presence I turn my head and see you standing there. With a big smile you raise up a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. I push through the water to the edge of the tub where you are standing. “Looks like a very good year” I say as I blush and pl... Continue»
It was the beginning of a Monday morning; Lydia was waking up and rose slowly, bed covers slowly gliding down her lightly dressed body. She put on her pale pink silk dressing gown as she turned down the bed, meanwhile, Tristan who was lying next to her not five minutes ago, a slow riser, caught a glimpse of her tender bosom as she put the dressing gown around her, tying it at the waist in a simple bow.
He watched her leave the room, with gentle footstep into the large en-suite bathroom, a loving smile... Continue»
Here is my story to answer a curious person on my blog at ifounddaddy.tumblr.com:
asked: yeah i think u should let your friend your worship your pussy and how is your friend going to worship your pussy? did the guy fuck u really good? [He is referencing another guy I fucked earlier that day in the second question.]
Me: Thanks for keeping my tumblr fresh with some stories I might not have told, and drawing all the details out. You are in for some loooong answers.
Well, turns out that I did see my friend. How does he worship it, well, he starts by letting... Continue»
Hello boys and girls and special hello to my beautiful and hot bhabhis and aunties .Thank you for giving your time for my story .This is your friend Priyesh Preetam from the living city Patna , Bihar. Mail me if you like this story at firstname.lastname@example.org .I am doing my 10+2 at a collage in patna. I have very normal physique and looks, but I am good at my studies and am a man at peace so I got a good reputation in school and college.
As you all know I am living and study in patna but my native place is somewhere in bettiah. This story is about when I was studying in 9th in my native ci... Continue»
Types of Women That Men Will Eventually Date After Divorce
I’ve been divorced for a number of years and although many men browse through the internet finding articles for women written by women regarding dating after a divorce, I have yet to find any articles that dealt with the issues of dating for men, written by men on how date or avoid these personality types after a divorce. After a few years of extensive research by myself, I have categorized some women into some very recognizable groups that many of you haven’t articulated in your own minds because as guys, well, we’re... Continue»
I've had moments of curiosity whilst in the midst of a furious internet porn masturbatory frenzy, but I've never been even remotely curious about men. That said, I think a dude may have sucked me off once. Let me explain...
There is a porn video store off I-45 about 150 miles south of Dallas. I used to drive that stretch fairly frequently and was only able to drive past it twice before I went in. Their stacks are completely unorganized, so it took me forever to find anything that I was looking for. I walked up and down the aisles for about half an hour before I had to piss. In the bat... Continue»
So...you want to try swinging? You fantasize about what it will be like.You want to see your wife with another man?Would you both like to swing with another couple? Or do you want the "Holy Grail" of swinging, the hot 3 way with your wife and her hot friend from the office??? First question,One)Have you gotten your wife to AGREE to do this,and is she willing to do it,and does she want to "swing???" 98% of the time, its the MAN who brings up swinging, NOT the woman in the relationship.Now----If you've gotten your wife onboard with swinging,and you havebnt had to beg or "talk her into it" ( that... Continue»
I have to thank DeepThroatDealer
for showing me the videos , this story is created in response to [user]emorymed [/user](will link it here) my english isnt really good so dont be too harsh on me.
I Counted the minutes to log onto the site and see what kind of story emorymed
had prepared for me, and prepared to enjoy it calmly.
The story was about Isabelle, Ricardo and me! Isabelle was a sexy and wonderful roommate that I had and she came to my mind instantly. Ever since I first met her, I had a strong admiration for her; she was so sure of herself and knew what sh... Continue»
Okay, before I start this story, let me get one thing straight first :) This first chapter is just a filler, explaining things about the characters and how the boy first meets the girls, so it will not include as much sexual action as the rest of the stories, so please be patient and bare with me, thank you :)
P.S. This story and throughout all the chapters/ parts is based on characters from Anime, so their names will be anime themed :)
"Come in Kaito." A womans voice says from the other side of the door. Kaito, a 19 year old boy who is very attractive, has dark brown hair, soft brown... Continue»
As Xhamster entered the porn shoot she didn't look so hot. One of her male costars took notice. He approached the director. "Hey boss, Xhamster looks sick today. You think something may be wrong with her?" The director scratched his chin. "Hey, Xhamster, get over here, quick!" Xhamster turned around and her face was eaten up with advertisements. She walked over to the director. "My God, girl," he gasped. "Your face!" She tried to smile but a 18babysitters.com ad taped her cheek to her chin. "I'm fine," she mumbled. "I have to have these things on me, they help pay for everything, you know, Xha... Continue»
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” -Buddha
That quote by Buddha is one of my favorites, and I apply that reasoning to my life on a regular basis. Not believing in anything without deeply thinking about it has helped me form a much more rational view of the world than I ever would have if I had just listened to what other people “believe.” Or at least I believe that to be the case.
One of the things that I always find shocking is how many people just adopt a belief wi... Continue»
Please read Part 1 before this part. It's called 3 Girls In A Cafe :)
It'd been a week since Kaito started working in the Cafe with the beautiful three girls. Hiraki had still remained silent and quiet ever since her and Kaito's little interuption on his first day. Yume had grown very fond of him, always talking and clinging to him like she was his little s****r and Diasuke remained fierce yet kind to Kaito. It was now a Thursday afternoon and Diasuke had given him the spare room in the Cafe so that he didn't have to drive to work everday, he could just stay there if he wanted, she didn't r... Continue»
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!
Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?
A: Because he overdosed on viagra!
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!
Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snowblower is coming.
Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.
A Penis Study
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with the... Continue»
Introduction: not so sexy
> The 1st Affair
> A married man was having an affair
> with his secretary.
> One day they went to her place
> and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asl**p
> and woke up at 8 PM ..
> The man hurriedly dressed
> and told his lover to take his shoes
> outside and rub! them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> ... Continue»
# 9 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask
the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the
front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both startled and he
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if
your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
# 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the
bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender
inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
celebrating something?" ... Continue»
Introduction: Forgot some info here the better one hope you like it
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks th... Continue»
Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause... Continue»
I'm sure that upon reading this, you'll nod your head in agreement as you will all have experienced most, if not all of the scenarios listed. If you haven't you need more fiber.....
The Perfect Dump
Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world a... Continue»
DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian!... Continue»