Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 71
As we step through the door, all heads turn towards us. Entering the restaurant, we are able to see down the Austrian Alps peak to a large lake. The view from the cable car ride was spectacular but the one from the summit is unrivaled as it is a panoramic view of the region. The headwaiter greets us and with a smile asks if we have a reservation. I reply with my last name. He locates it on his guest list and leads us to our table.
My tailored silk suit is dark gray with trousers breaking atop well-shined black leather shoes. A silk Jerry Garcia tie compliments the colors of the suit. I a... Continue»
Delivering gifts was always a joyous event for Santa, but 2012 was a very trying year. His wife of almost 700 years had died in July and add to that the population boom he was giving out more gifts than ever before. On this particular Christmas Eve he had just cleared Asia and was crossing the Pacific ocean with his Reindeer set on California. As the came in low over Los Angels he landed on the roof of a beautiful mansion.
"Sara Jennings, age Six a "Barbie Dream House".
With a wink and a nod he fizzled into a cloud of red dust and flew down the chimney.
He materialised in a large l... Continue»
The day was not starting out very well for me. As I walked out to my car I found a note on the windshield from my girlfriend Sheila. In her note she said she was breaking up with me. She didn't give a reason, just that we were through and she was moving on. This upset me quite a bit and I couldn't imagine what could have possibly brought this on. In hopes of getting an answer and maybe setting things right again I jumped in my car and headed for her house. As I drove I tried to think it through, Sheila and I had been together for nearly a year, and we always did things together going out to ea... Continue»
Jerry and I had been friends since we were nine or 10 years old, we played together, and learned about girls together over the next couple years as we started puberty. Whenever we were alone together we would talk about girls and get so horny and masturbate together. I don't remember exactly when, but at some point we both became curious and began to wonder what it was like to touch another guys cock and so it began as we explored each other. We both found it very exciting to touch and play with each other and before long we were giving each other blow jobs. I really liked taking Jerry's soft ... Continue»
Wow, that was pretty exciting," Sue said when he had disappeared. "I didn't realise what a randy sod you are, Steph. You wouldn't think that you only started frigging around today."
"Maybe, but I've been feeling like it for weeks. You know, I could easily let some bloke have a proper eyeful of my fanny, without any knickers in the way, I mean. They may as well be off, because they're saturated in any case. I'm really juicing up."
"Me too, but I don't know that I could just flash my fanny in cold bl**d as it were. Once we pull some bloke though, no problem."
"Tell you what, let me take... Continue»
In my defense… all this was only supposed to be just a harmless little prank and I really didn’t intend on things going as far as they did but… look, first let me explain what happened and you tell me if I was wrong.
I’m Ethan, a few years ago when I was 19 I was invited by my friend Kamario also 19 at the time, to spend the holiday weekend with him and his f****y at their home, it nothing fancy or over the top it was just a three day weekend in a small town in North East California with my friend and his f****y. Kamario and I arrived at his f****y house early Friday afternoon; his mother g... Continue»
I really hate going shopping around the holidays. My wife has shopping lists the length of her arm and sometimes if I don’t go with her she’ll spend money like there’s no tomorrow. But I can only take so much walking around in those damn malls. I can’t keep my damn eyes focused on where I am supposed to be going and wind up walking into other people because of all the damn eye candy in the damn place. I have never seen so much damn young pussy walking around in one place in my life. The ratio must be 15 females to each guy. And when I say girls I mean the average female must only be 18 or 19 y... Continue»
Recently I made an unexpected big splash in our new neighborhood. We just moved to a new home the end of this past week. The home was a former model home and it was the largest of the three model homes in a model center that was sold off and the previous office. So, naturally the home has all the bells and whistles. Well, that is except one thing... they disarmed the alarm system when we closed on the house. I noticed this when we were opening and closing the door constantly moving furniture in the front door. I wasn’t hearing the high pitched “beep” I used to hear when we first viewed the hou... Continue»
It's an amateur CGI film, running time 39 minutes. It has everything---Story, sex, emotion
. The uploader, thesandman01
, clearly put countless hours of work into it.
I dedicate this post to him. What follows is an adaption of his movie in a prose format. I have kept it as faithful to his film as possible, although I have condensed several scenes for editorial reasons.
"Just ten months ago, my life was in shatters.
Overly indulgent and depressing music playing, fade-out to dresser with shattered... Continue»
One early Sunday morning bored and a little turned on I decided to check Craigslist personals for a little fun (if I got lucky) and or just for shits and giggles.
This ended up landing me a hooker, pretending to be an average girl looking for free sex (usual craigslist stuff, but she never advertised she was a hooker until I emailed). Which kind of made me want to have fun with her a little.
Emails are as follows -
"Hi, I saw your ad on craigslist. I saw your pictures and I just had to compliment you on it."
"Are you generous?"
This shit again..... Continue»
I like anime, you know those japanese cartoons that are all the rage with those fringe types of society. I think it's great most of the time, I love the stories, I love the characters, and I love the art styles.
some of my favorites are:
Cowboy bebop, yes I'm one of those where this can't go anywhere but the top, It's great, I started watching it on adult swim and now I own the DVD's. It turned me on to getting a taste for jazz, and queens. I've identified deeply with different characters, and I love the thought of being a space cowboy.
"Trigun/Hellsing", with Trigun I love the cyber... Continue»
1. Know anything about a car except its colour.
2. Understand a film plot.
3. Go 24 hours without sending a text message.
9. Read a map.
10. Rob a bank.
11. Resist Ikea.
12. Sit still.
13. Tell a joke.
14. Play pool.
15. Pay for dinner.
16. Eat a kebab whilst walking.
17. Pee out of a train window.
18. Argue without shouting.
19. Get told off without crying.
20. Understand fruit machines.
21. Walk past a shoe shop.
22. Make a decent bacon sandwich.
23. Not comment on strangers clothes.
24. Use small amounts of toilet paper.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his s****r is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. ... Continue»
"Why don't we try something new today?" - Sheila suggested as she jumped on the bed.
We were having our usual "what are we doing tonight" conversation.
Our group was small but we usually got along well watching movies and playing video games. We weren't the kind to drink or go to big parties...
you could say we were all a little lazy and to be honest, that night I REALLY saw nothing wrong with simply hooking up the Wii
and playing Mario Party as usual.
"What's wrong with the usual?" - I said... demanding we continue our match.
"C'mon... be a little adventurous. We might find some... Continue»
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Britney Fucked In The Penthouse
A few weeks ago my little s****r Kate, won first prize in a radio station's phone in competition. She was delighted as the prize was two tickets to meet her idol Britney Spears and she had to interview the pop princess for the radio station. My Mum wasn't going to let Kate go as neither Mum or Dad could get time off work to take Kate to the gig, and they would not let their 12 year old daughter to go on her own with out some one to take care of her.
I said that I would take her and Mum agreed to that as I was 19 and she always said I was very respo... Continue»
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing th... Continue»
Dating in the modern age sucks!
So much of our lives is available at the push of a button. It's very hard to get dates when a quick Google search reveals your hidden Skeletons. In a flash any prospective mate can see your Wedding photos on Facebook, or a positive review of a Herpes cream you bought on Amazon.
For me, the thing that stands out is; Murder.
If you'd pass me on the street you'd be surprised to learn that I took a life, yep it's true. And I spent my Teens in Jail for it.
From Thirteen to Eighteen "The Mossberg home for Juvenile Offenders" was my home. And while those... Continue»
So, it was a while since my last story... (I fucked Kara) Kara was out of state for a bit and I hit a total dry spell. It was crappy weather outside, classes were canceled and I took the day off of work. I was just sitting there watching movies and old sitcoms all day while eating cheesy ruffles... That was pretty satisfying enough for me, but I had to fuck or I was gonna go crazy.
I scrolled through my phone book on my cellphone. I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit more sparse than I expected it to be, I thought I knew more girls than I actually did. I sent out a few texts to some girls... Continue»
Some more years ago we went to a restaurant of a oarsman’s club at our river. I said to my wife, please wear that black leather costume with garter, lace stockings and black boots.
She put her black white striped bra under the jacket and no pants under the very short skirt. She looked fantastic. With every step her skirt moved round her thighs and her ass. The lace of the stockings look out and you could see the closure of the garter. Hot view.
So we went into the restaurant. There was a heightened podest with some tables ... Continue»