Free Sex Stories Page 2598
DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian!... Continue»
Introduction: For all those people that think their cars look too boring......
Jesus loves you, but I think your an asshole!
Zero to dick in 60 seconds.
Very Funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes...
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready.
Stamp Out Crime - Abolish the IRS
Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes... Continue»
Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause... Continue»
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He f***es
himself to open his eyes, and the first things he sees are a couple of
aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on t... Continue»
Introduction: A tale with a twist
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.
Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go but, what can they do...
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire. "Damn man! How long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. The night bef... Continue»
Introduction: not so sexy
> The 1st Affair
> A married man was having an affair
> with his secretary.
> One day they went to her place
> and made love all afternoon.
> Exhausted, they fell asl**p
> and woke up at 8 PM ..
> The man hurriedly dressed
> and told his lover to take his shoes
> outside and rub! them in the grass and dirt.
> He put on his shoes and drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
> We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> ... Continue»
# 9 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask
the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the
front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman
beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into
her breast. They are both startled and he
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your
breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if
your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
# 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the
bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender
inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you
celebrating something?" ... Continue»
Introduction: Forgot some info here the better one hope you like it
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks th... Continue»
one night me and my gf daniee went out clubbing, when we arrived we had some drinks and talked before we got a little d***k and started to dance....
we were grinding on each other and that got me turned on, i said to daniee i was going to the toilet. she followed behind me and stopped me in the corridor and started to kiss me passionatly and rubbing my semi hard cock through my jeans... we then made our way into the womens toilets and into a cubeical...
as we contiuned to kiss with passion we started to strip each other down. with my 7.1/2inch cock fully erect i made her go down on me an... Continue»
After my parents got divorced, I lived with Mom. She had a good job and apparently was well paid because we never seemed to lack for any necessities. She got a recent promotion, though, and now she has to travel quite a bit. Although she seems to really like her job, having to leave me alone bothers her a whole lot. I'll have to hand it to Mom-- she's very conscientious and seems to worry considerably about being a good parent. More than anything else, she worries that I won't get proper care during those times she has to... Continue»
Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.
A Penis Study
In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with the... Continue»
As the first part ended with me seeing Carol's blond bush for the first time. I finally got to feel that sweet soft pussy. She was already wet as I fingered her pussy as she stroked my hard 6 inches. Beth and Joe were in the bedroom with the light on so I could watch the goings on. Joe immediately got Beth in the missionary and mounted her. I meanwhile buried my face between Carol's legs, as I started to lick her she pushed me away telling me she didn't like that, I didn't know of any girl that didn't like a good tonguing but I just moved up and buried my cock in her soft velvety hole. I kept... Continue»
For as long as I can remember being sexually aroused (this probably started at about age 6) I have been attracted to older women. I'm not sure what got it all started; I do remember accidentally walking in on my mom as a young boy in the bathroom and seeing her bent over toweling off after a shower, totally naked. I was astounded at how big her tits were as they hung down and that she had a hairy pussy and nice soft thighs. Her nipples were brown and actually erect when I saw her. That image was forever burned in my brain. My mom had a great body.
I also remember at a real young age finding... Continue»
I had a serious crush on the postal lady, I would wait on her until I saw that she was coming and then I would either make up some reason to go outside and exchange words with her or I would watch naked from inside of my house. I know it sounds perverted but I just couldn’t get enough of her. Her name was Marla. Obviously, she wore the whole postal get-up with the blue shorter than usual shorts on a daily basis. Usually the post ladies when they wore shorts they would come to the knee, Marla’s came to the mid thigh and were very tight and revealing. She was African-American and had sugar brown... Continue»
I've alaways had a fantasy to be a porn star. I want to be watched and lusted after. That being said I'm kinda nervous to do the real thing. In my head I've dreamed of meeting a guy who would secretly tape some of our sexy session, post it on the web and not tell me. Would be great if I could meet someone at their home and have a hidden camera setup or maybe when you come to my place make a little movie with your cell phone on the down low. Sometimes I get so d***k maybe you could snap a few pics and wouldn't remember. Because I love the idea but I get to nervous and self concious. Maybe somed... Continue»
"Hey babe, lets stop at the adult shop before we go back to the room" Jim said to his wife. "Ok hun, fine with me" replied Beth. They had been married for 24 years and
were out on the town for their anniversary. After a nice dinner they were headed back to their hotel for the night when they saw the store. Jim pulled into the parking
lot and they got out and went into the store. Beth may have been in her mid 40's but looked many years younger and had a body to match. She was wearing a short skirt
and low cut blouse and was getting lots of attention on their way in. Jim noticed a bl... Continue»
I was at the bar on a Saturday night drinking as usual. I was scoping out the girls and hoping I could find something to spend the night with. I found absolutely nothing. I continued to drink and drink and drink until I blacked out for the most part and can’t really tell u anything after that. When I came to I was in what appeared to be a woman’s room, there was a fish aquarium in the room and it appeared to be early morning outside. I had morning wood and I was wearing some males bikini cut underwear. I rolled over and saw a photo of a beautiful yellow skinned African American lady. She had l... Continue»
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!
Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?
A: Because he overdosed on viagra!
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!
Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snowblower is coming.
I was at the bar on a Saturday night drinking as usual. I was scoping out the girls and hoping I could find something to spend the night with. I found absolutely nothing. I continued to drink and drink and drink until I blacked out for the most part and cant really tell u anything after that. When I came too I was in what appeared to be a womans room, there was a fish aquarium in the room and it appeared to be early morning outside. I had morning wood and I was wearing some males bikini cut underwear. I rolled over and saw a photo of a beautiful yellow skinned African American lady. She had lo... Continue»
I joined a rock band my senior year of high school. It was the first band for most of us, and we weren't that great for a bunch of eighteen-year-olds. But we all had the usual dreams of fame, fortune, and chicks. The first couple of practices were at my house, but after that it was nearly always at Steve's house. One reason for that was because Steve's mom seemed to actually enjoy having us there making noise in her basement. Another reason was that I encouraged it, because I actually enjoyed being around Steve's mom.
Mrs. Kegal was just divorced fairly recently. She is a career woman with... Continue»