This is a print version of story True. What I let men to do me for 2½ days by FayeKane from

True. What I let men to do me for 2½ days


Hey there, say there. My name's Faye and this all really happened in 2002. But first of all, I want to tell you that it's okay if you skip the part about me and go to the fuck part. I understand.

No, go ahead, really! I do it myself when I read dirty stories on the net!


…Thank you for still being here with me. I'm not sure why I'm typing this or what I'll do with it. I guess I'll upload it somewhere because, well, what else can I do? I mean, I can't very well print copies and send them as Christmas cards to my friends

...because I don’t HAVE any friends.

What I DO have is have autism, which means that I don't like talking to people. Even being in the mall makes me feel confused and upset because of all the noise and confusion--information raining, POURING down on me, drowning me--and I had to pay attention to all of it or I'd miss something and people would think I'm "weird" again.

Yes, autism also means that people think I'm really strange (though I'm not sure exactly how). I feel like I'm just normal, but everyone says I'm impolite, naive, inappropriate, disturbingly “intense” (like that's a BAD thing), emotionless, abrupt, c***dlike (good), c***dish (bad), shockingly direct, far too trusting, boringly matter-of-factual, and utterly tactless.

By the way, if it matters, I have short brown hair, am 32 now (but this happened when I was 27). I have no idea what my "measurements" are. I know I'm "cute", but like being "Real Smart", that's just another reason for people to be jealous and hate you.

I have degrees in computers and astronomy but quit my job at the nuclear engineering company in 2002 after I told a coworker what I did over the three-day weekend, because it was SO exciting and sexy. But instead of thinking it was sexy too, she didn’t say anything. Then I found out she told everybody else, and they all treated me with scowls and weird looks, so I just WALKED OUT without saying anything and never went to another job again. How I live without working is another story. I'll tell you after the main story if you want. Speaking of which…


One day I met a girl I knew from high school at the Safeway. She asked for my number and she called me to talk. She’s married now and they bought an old 1932 house way in the country. Her husband likes to tie her up and whip her-- HARD. And she told me that, not once, but TWICE, he locked her in a closet all weekend with her hands handcuffed to her feet and only took her out to fuck, and then he put her back in the closet. I didn't ask about going to the bathroom and stuff because what she had said so casually was so sexy that I felt numb 'n dumb. One weekday morning, he told her to get out of bed and locked her naked in the trunk of his car. She didn’t even know where he was taking her. When he let her out they were at the farm where he works, and he tied her to a table in the barn all day for all the other guys to use when they took a break from work. She also said “and once he whipped me ‘till I passed out”… then GIGGLED!

It was AMAZING! It really happened to somebody I know; it wasn't a rub-fantasy this time, or a fake movie with a “bondage model”. I was astounded, but she said she LOVED it! Those were her exact words. I could hardly hold the phone or talk because I felt like I was on d**gs. I know my voice was shaking, and I started masturbating while she was still on the phone.

After we hung up, it was all I could think about. I knew that there really were people that did those sorts of things, but, god! It HAPPENED, Diana really DID it! Her words echoed in my brain: “No, I LOVED it”. My mind was swimming. It was like a release and a revelation; everything I had been told in my life by my fucked-up religious mother was lies, awful, horrible, evil, anti-happiness LIES!

I went in the bedroom rubbin' the nubbin until I cummed, which, now that I could concentrate, took all of ten seconds. I did it a couple of minutes later too, pretending it had been ME locked in a dark silent closet with no food or water, oblivious to time, not knowing if it was day or night. I rubbed off twice again that night and first thing the next morning too, each time pretending it was ME climbing out of the trunk and ME walking across the dirt parking lot naked with bare feet, and ME entering a barn full of guys who didn't know who I was and weren’t expecting me while my husband stayed outside, and ME who obediently lay on the floor and spread my legs and waited, never saying anything to the surprised men. It was ME tied to the table all day, unable to move, waiting patiently for someone else to fuck me, cum in me, use me and walk away without ever thanking me or saying anything or even acknowledging I was a person.

I don't really drink, but I did the next day so I could call her up and ask her (after a lot of beating around the bush, so to speak) for more details, then, impulsively, I had the best idea I ever had in my life. I asked if maybe, uhh, could she could get her husband to lock ME in his car and give ME to his friends?

I figured she’d just hang up because every time I say something stupid and direct, particularly if it involves feelings, people don’t say anything, look at me weird, walk away, and are never friendly anymore... and I never know why. I got thrown off the majorgeeks discussion board and banned from (among others), supposedly for talking strange and I still have absolutely no idea why. I didn’t even say "cunt" or anything. That happens to me all the time, people hating me for no reason they can explain.

But to my surprise Diana got all excited and offered to put him on the phone.


I didn't want to know him or talk to him, I just wanted to be tied up, whipped, and ****d--and I didn't even care by whom.

So she was the intermediary, and after a couple of calls back and forth over a few days, we decided that on the 3-day weekend, he would gag me at the front door without saying hello so I wouldn't have to figure out what to say. Then I'd go in the basement, strip naked, and let him do anything he wants to me. Then if everything was going okay, he'd get one of his friends to come over and help dominate and **** me all weekend. Anonymously.

Well, what I thought would be fear, my brain interpreted as excitement! Part of the deal was that I would never have to say ANYTHING to ANYONE, that no one would ever ask my name or talk to me, and I'd be just a naked female body for them to hurt and cum into and use any way they want for their own selfish physical pleasure. That was the best part, feeling I wasn't responsible for once. That whatever happened, it wasn't MY fault and nobody could hate ME for doing something screwed up because it involved feelings-- particularly these strange, new ones I never realized I had before.

I counted the days ‘till Friday, and couldn’t concentrate at work to the extent that I said I was sick and had to leave early. I took a shower and washed my pussy and ass hole real good, dreamily thinking about how in less than an hour they would both be examined real closely by a strange man. A couple of days earlier, when Diana told me to use an enema before arriving, I almost dropped the phone and masturbated again. "Wow, he's gonna fuck me in my ass TOO!" Now, washing it out for him, I felt so deliciously embarrassed, knowing why I was doing it.

I cut the hair on my cunt short, shaved my legs and armpits, and put on perfume; I wanted my r****t to like me, and I wondered if what I hoped was coming was maybe too good to be true, that it couldn’t REALLY be about to happen. I considered what to wear, but realized that it didn’t matter because if this really happened, I would be taking my clothes off first thing, and not putting them back on for three days

I considered bringing them a present to thank them for r****g me, but my subtle, autistic jokes were never recognized as such, and anyway, the real present I was bringing them was in my pants.

I hoped they’d like it.


When I got to their house I stood on the threshold of a dream and thought about whether I really wanted to do this. Yes, it could be dangerous, but I was more worried about doing something wrong. I pressed the doorbell button three times, paused, then pressed it three times again. Diana opened the door and I felt the warm air blow out.

She said “hi” but didn’t ask me to come in. I said “hi” and stood in the doorway, staring at cracks in their crappy linoleum floor. When I had had enough of that, I concentrated intensely on the fact that electric outlets in 1932 were not only unpolarized, they weren’t even grounded. I hoped that in the increasingly unlikely case that anything actually happened tonight, someone would repeatedly shock my hairy vulva with electricity while I screamed with pleasure and cried tears of joy.

But she never said anything and I was becoming concerned that this was another instance of “IT” happening. In this case, someone making a joke and me not knowing it:

“Faye! What are YOU doing here?“

“You mean you thought… I was SERIOUS??”

“Who is it, honey?”

“It’s… it's Faye, darling. That talk, she thought it was for real!”

“Oh my god....”

Things like that happen to me all the time. Never about sex before, though.

I just stood there awkwardly, wondering if I should just turn around and walk away, which is what I usually do when “IT” happens. Then her husband came and stuffed a cloth in my mouth and put duct tape over it. WHEW, I didn't have to TALK! I started feeling delighted again. He grabbed me roughly by my upper left arm and led me to the basement and Diana followed. Nobody had said anything else yet.

The only things he said to me the whole weekend were “take off all your clothes” and “Don’t worry, you can scream as loud as you want.”

Diana sat on the couch and watched. Whenever anything needed to be said, she said it. They both stared at me. I sat down on the floor and took off my shoes and socks, then stood up and took off my jeans and then my T-shirt. I never wear a bra because my breasts are medium-small, plus it makes me feel sexy. Then I pulled my panties down, hesitating before showing my bush. I thought "I can't do this. I'll have to apologize and leave." But that thought made me angry. I suddenly pulled them all the way down and stepped out of them. Finally, I was naked! I just STOOD there in front of a strange man with grey tape over my mouth and my hands against my sides, staring at the trimmed, dark brown hair on my vulva lips, figuring that he was looking at it too. Nobody said anything or moved for about 30 seconds.

It was VERY embarrassing, which was SOO sexy! My face felt literally hot from blushing. Diana told me to lay on this heavy coffee-table-like thing, only it was higher than a coffee table. It was probably his workbench, which he had dragged to the middle of the room. Then as I lay on my back, she told me to spread my legs open, and he examined my cunt for a long time while I either looked the ceiling or looked at Diana, who smiled. When he touched it, it was like the electricity I had been wishing for.

So far, lying naked and embarrassed in front of her husband while he examined my cunt and my ass hole was the sexiest moment of my life.

After a minute or so, he started pinching it and pulling the hair on it. He pulled on the lips, and pinched the left one with his fingernails, which made me say “ow”. Then he licked my clit but didn't let me cum, and picked up a real leather whip and whipped my open legs, and I jumped and screamed through the gag, YOOWWW! It was actually happening! I was finally being whipped, for real! I was SO excited! That was the most exciting, exhilarating moment I've ever experienced and I've relived it in my mind many, many times.

He tied me with my knees bent, my legs spread open, and my arms out of the way so I couldn't move, then kept whipping me over and over real fast on my hips and tummy and upper legs, but mostly on my cunt. And not once in a while, gently and fake like on porn videos, but he got a mean face and suddenly whipped me REAL fast, and angry and vicious and hard as he possibly could for, maybe, 30 seconds. THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK THWAK…

After the first THWAK, I was stunned. I didn’t expect it to HURT so much. After the second THWAK I was panicking, struggling desperately to close my legs, and by about the fifth THWAK I began screaming those long, loud, high-pitched, frightening screams that women do in monster movies. After a while I couldn’t distinguish the individual blows, it was just one continuous hurting of my cunt, and though my mouth and eyes were wide open, I couldn’t scream anymore.

When he suddenly stopped, it was silent and I realized I was crying. I noticed that I hadn't noticed that before. I was glad that the whipping had ended, but I was afraid that because I was sobbing so hard that Diana would feel sorry for me and stop the whole thing before he ****d me. Having been through it herself, she didn't. In fact, I looked over and she was SMILING!

When he was hurting me I was wishing desperately that she would stop him, but not after it was over. When it was over, I felt defeated and degraded and humiliated and dominated. I was burning with pain from my chest to my knees and burning with desire to be ****d in my cunt. I felt a powerful desire to give in, to offer myself, to please him, to acquiesce. I wanted nothing but to surrender my cunt to this complete stranger who had whipped me, for any purpose he wanted to use it for.

I didn’t realize he had taken out his dick until he suddenly started fucking me. I also observed that I had never, ever, been this wet and slimy inside before. He thrust into me insanely and very fast , like a crazy man, and cummed deep into my belly after about 20 seconds. It felt SOO GOOD oh my GOD!!! Finally, I was being ****d… and while I was crying, too!

It was only the second time in my life I had been fucked. I was the happiest girl in the solar system, probably even the whole galaxy.

I felt his dick twitch while he pumped sperm into the back of my cunt for about ten seconds. Then he pulled his dick out of my body suddenly, without even looking at me, and turned away. I wish he had pulled out slower because the vacuum pressure hurt, like my guts were being pulled out, except that it wasn't sexy like that would have been. He zipped his pants and kissed Diana deeply and slowly, and talked to her quietly for a while but I didn't listen. They were holding hands. They completely ignored me, gagged and on obscene display. I could feel her husband's cum running out of my cunt and down my red, welted skin. I felt like I was part of God. And really, according to the real meaning of 2001, I was.

About ten minutes later, without talking to me, he turned me over and rubbed KY on the end of an already-greasy piece of broom handle while Diana asked me if I remembered to enema. As I nodded (my mouth was still taped), he pushed it at LEAST a foot deep into my ass, and I was sure it was two feet, except that that would have been impossible. Then as she was blindfolding me with a sl**p mask, Diana smiled and said “he puts that in me too, and now I know what it looks like”. Her husband asked her what it looks like. “I didn’t know it went in that deep” she said, “and it looks submissive and real, real sexy!” I could hear them kissing. Then they turned out the light and left me in the dark, attached to their furniture, my ass and cunt still stinging and throbbing.

God DAMN my ass hurt (it was up in the air). It had just been whipped, and the little hole was stretched WAY too far open. One end of the broom handle was sticking out and I could feel my ass hole squeezing against it rhythmically, and it reminded me of kissing. That's the only kind of kissing I ever want to do. The other end was REALLY deep in my guts! I could feel it behind my stomach, as high as my ribs, pushing (I think) against my diaphragm because when I breathed deeply, I could feel the pole and everything else inside me moving around. I could even feel that the end was rounded. I had NO idea your ass went that deep! I thought how wonderful it would have been if it were pointed, and he pushed up through my mouth and roasted me on a spit.

I was being left alone in the dark like an object in storage to be used later. I'm sure it's not possible for a girl to feel sexier. I peed. It was warm and ran down my leg. I peed without peeing into something, and it didn't even matter.

For the first time in my life I felt truly free, like a person, a human being. I usually feel like a math function or a broken robot , not a living being. I usually feel like I'm desperately trying to simulate being a human, but not doing it very well. Usually, I'm just like Marvin in Hitchhikers', but now I felt like an intelligent a****l-- and the "intelligent" was ancillary and unused. WOW! I was soooo happy to... FEEL... ALIVE.

They came back maybe an hour later. Diana asked me how I was doing and I answered “murmph-murmph”, so she ripped off the tape. OWW! I thought that was unfair. Is was her husband who was supposed to hurt me, not my friend!

I said "don't ASK me that anymore, just tell him to DO whatever he wants to me!" I was actually angry, because I didn't WANT to be consulted and interviewed while being ****d! We had specifically AGREED that wouldn’t happen and I was wondering if they’d break any other rules (they didn’t). In retrospect, I remember that part of the deal was that she WOULD ask me after the first "session" if I wanted to continue, and if I did, I would be a naked, bound, sex slave; tortured and ****d for for three days, no matter what I said or if I wanted it or not. When I remembered that (days later), I felt terrible about getting mad at her.

That weekend, I never felt more free! I peed on the floor whenever I wanted (I was over a drain) and I didn't even care. I cried when I wanted to cry and I screamed when I couldn’t not scream.

Instead of UNDERSTANDING something, I WAS something.

Anyway, to make a longwinded story short, his friend came over, then more of them, and men fucked me and whipped me and burned me and stuck pins in me and stuck things in my ass hole and left them there, and sucked my tits without asking my permission and clamped my nipples and cunt with clothespins and paper clips, and occasionally made me scream and cry. Most of them just silently fucked me and left,l though.

I didn't have to worry about shitting because four times, guys enema'd me before using the tightness of my ass hole to masturbate with. And except when they hung me from the ceiling and whipped me almost to u*********sness, they kept me tied to the furniture continually, without stop, from Friday night until Monday afternoon

I don’t know if that sounds sexy or just sick.

I don't care though; isn't that COOL? Not worrying--what a new feeling! Sometimes, you decide that finally, you JUST DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ANYMORE, like in that song on Quadrophenia called “The Rock”, where Jimmy makes this big decision to stop trying, and just BE.

I'm not sure how many guys tortured and ****d me, since they came and went, so to speak, all weekend. But as time went on, there were more and more guys in the basement, maybe 8 at the max. I'm sure their friends told their friends and that's how there got to be more of them. I guess that’s an advantage to having friends: you can invite them to **** the crazy autistic chick in your other friend's basement. I can't think of any other advantages, really.

No one was over about 35 (40?), but several were teenagers, and two looked 13 or 14. They weren't innocent c***dren though; they were mean rednecks who hurt me and fucked me and used me just like the others. They came quicker, though.

Never in the whole weekend did they once advise me of what they were going to do to me. They just did anything they wanted to my body, like I was a dead girl or a sex doll toy for them to play with and hurt. In fact, once when I was laid on the table face up with my legs straight and my arms at my sides and a guy was squeezing my breasts over and over and another guy was sucking my clit, I let my jaw relax until my mouth opened, closed my eyes, and pretended that they had just strangled me and I was a dead girl body which they were using for a few more hours before dumping me in the woods for the dogs to eat.

That thought made me feel SOOO sexy that I cummed. Oh god, it was WONDERFUL! I never felt so much like a GIRL instead of a person!

==============[ HOW IT ENDED

When it was all over late Monday afternoon, Diana untied me and let me take a shower before I left. I had asked ahead of time for her husband to go somewhere else while I was preparing to leave, so it wouldn't be a "social" situation. He didn't even mind! I also asked her for Novocain ointment and a gauze pad for the burn, since It hurt to wear pants (someone had stolen my panties).

The very first thing I did when I got back to my apartment was strip naked and masturbate. For a long, long time. Most parts of my body were still in pain, particularly my “female parts”. There were a lot of little red dots where I was stuck with pins, and the burn hurt a lot. But it was all fuel for masturbation for me, just like I hope it is for you. In fact, if I ever do publish this, my intent is to read it while I masturbate and imagine that maybe some guy somewhere is reading it too, a complete stranger using me all over again and we're both thinking about it. At least, that’s what I’M going to do. I'll do it at exactly 0400 GMT every day, at least until I feel silly about it. AUTHOR NOTE: That turned out not to be necessary. For the first two days after I uploaded this, someone downloaded it every EIGHTEEN SECONDS! I can rub any time I want, and someone, somewhere is using me! This time, it's YOU.

I'm thinking about YOU right now, whoever you are. I'm going to take my hands off the keyboard and rub off again...

See why I can never share my feelings with people? ‘Cause that’s the kind of thing I think about. I ignore things everybody else pays attention to, I notice things you’re not supposed to think about, and I'm obsessed with things you're WAY not supposed to think about.

For example, one thing I notice when I go to the bathroom is that my ass hole is permanently stretched now. When I use toilet paper, I can push my finger way, way in, and it doesn't get squeezed. It’s MUCH wider that it ever possibly could have been naturally if I hadn't been ****d in it so many times that weekend. You know what? I'm secretly proud of that! It’s like what they did to me then reaches into the present because they permanently changed my body in such an intimate way.

My ass hole never bled (I think), probably because I was very very insistent beforehand about there being a LOT of KY used if her husband decided to do that to me. They SURE stretched it though!

I had told them I was on the pill but I wasn't really, assuming one of the strangers would impregnate me deep in my body, and I could watch my tummy grow day by day as they continued to change my body. It would have been like my **** continued to happen before my eyes. I got aroused thinking about how long to let it go before getting the abortion. The longer I wait, the more dangerous and sexy it would have felt! It would have been the ultimate of some strange man using my body. But to my surprise it didn't happen. It turns out that women can only get pregnant sometimes (believe it or not, I didn't know that. More likely, I was told once but didn't pay attention because I was embarrassed). My dad went crazy because he was in 'Nam and my mom was a d***k who never told me anything. She died, but not from drinking.

Maybe they should have used rubbers (not my parents, my r****ts). I may have been stupid for not making them, but I wanted to be fucked by naked dicks, for REAL, like an a****l; not by plastic technological barriers that we SMART people use. I wanted to fuck the same way STUPID people do: dangerously and repeatedly and not caring about ANYTHING . Plus, all STDs are easily curable except for AIDS, and the probability of getting AIDS from having sex one time with a white guy who's not a fag or a d**g shooter is one in ninety-thousand. A lot of people don't know that because of all the (well-intentioned) hype by the gays. I did get crab lice (which were hideous), but that was easy to cure.

Another way that my torture and **** reached into the future is that I have permanent whip marks on the top of my breasts (and other places too), so I can never wear anything even slightly low cut in public for the rest of my life, unless I want people to know that I let myself be whipped really really hard and (presumably) liked it.

Maybe I'll wear low cut blouses just for that reason! It would be a characteristically crude, bizarre, and ineffective way for me to communicate with other people though, and would probably backfire somehow.

Also, if I'm ever even partially nude with a man, those marks will be my way of letting him know that it's okay to grab me, strip me naked, tie me face down to his bed, and whip me unmercifully until I'm screaming and crying into his soft pillow, begging to be brutally fucked. So if you notice someone like that at the swimming pool, follow me home and **** me. Just for god’s sake don’t ASK me about it first or I promise I'll deny everything and tell you to get out!

Author note from years later: all the marks have dissipated, even the burn. My ass hole is tighter than it was after my ****, but nowhere near as tight as it was before.


Definitely, being branded. It sounds stranger than it is. It's really just like being burned while cooking at the stove, except 1) it's by something with a shape 2) it's not by accident, 3) it's deep enough to be permanent (or it's supposed to be), 4) it's submissive, and 5) it's sexy because of where it hurts me. Though they had touched my breasts and hips and legs with cigarettes to make my cunt tighter when they cummed (that actually works, BTW), I didn't know they were going to burn me like they did. I watched them bend a coat hanger into what was supposed to be the letter "R", but the scar looks like a Chinese word or something, probably because I jerked around when they held it to my skin. They tried to heat it up with a cigarette lighter, but it just made me go “YAAAAW” but apparently didn't burn my skin, so they took it upstairs to the stove. When they held it to me, it went “ssssst” and really, REALLY hurt and I screamed. I thought I could smell burning flesh briefly, but it could have been my imagination due to expectation It was quickly overwhelmed by the awful cigarette smoke anyway. He said they branded me on my upper inside leg instead of my ass so they could still whip my ass.

See, they were SO kind and considerate!

Every time I look at the scar, my cunt gets wet inside, and when I masturbate, I touch it and it hurts, which makes the memory so much more real. I also feel the places on my ass where the whip tore up the fat layer under the skin. It's still distorted even though the skin is healed, though I doubt anyone would notice. It’s hard to tell in the mirror. I feel so proud of the permanent wounds on my soft, naked ass.

By the way, YES these things hurt awfully and YES I would have begged them to stop if I wasn't gagged. In fact, I begged them to stop even though I was gagged. But when they did stop doing something, the pain lessened and turned to intense pleasure which, with the embarrassment of what it involved and the humiliation of having submitted to it, made me VERY wanting to be fucked.

I particularly liked it when someone would torture me and then IMMEDIATELY fuck me the moment he stopped hurting me. No matter how I had just been tortured or how hard I was crying, when they fucked me I always held my cunt real tight, as tight as I possibly could, to give them the most pleasure. Even though no one told me to, it felt like doing that was submission and obedience. Plus when I did that, sometimes they moaned when they cummed into me. It wasn't necessary for me to squeeze when they used my ass hole though.

I also liked it when sometimes, after they pulled their dick out of my slimy hole, they slapped my face and walked away (after one guy did it, they all started doing it). That emphasized that it wasn't love or caring or personal.

I also liked when they were just sitting around fully clothed drinking and talking and ignoring me while I was tied, gagged and naked with my legs held open by ropes, my hairy cunt exposed to them, waiting patiently and helplessly until one of them wanted to use it or hurt it or do something embarrassing and humiliating to it. It was theirs for them to use, and I wanted to them to do everything they want to it. All of their secret shameful fantasies that they never though a girl would let them do, I wanted them to do all of those things to it.

Before it all, I had been afraid I would get sore and stop liking being fucked, but that didn't happen. I figure I was probably fucked between 50 and 100 times in 2 1/2 days, but that's just a guess. Maybe it was 200, I really have no idea. My ass hole got plenty sore though! Plus I specified ahead that they had to use a lot of KY (which I brought over but ran out of until Diana went out and bought LOTS more). One guy enema’d me and then pumped two WHOLE tubes of KY in my ass before he fucked me there! Then when then next man turned me over and fucked me on my back, the KY had melted from my body heat and the thick, gooey santorum was running out of my ass.

Earlier, another guy had squirted bottle after bottle of hot water into my ass until I was moaning and pleading (not because of the heat, which felt good, but because of the pressure). Eventually he couldn’t squirt more in without it squirting out at the same time. I felt the water stretch my intestines tightly and migrate to my right side, then up higher. I wondered if it would reach my stomach. Could he run water continuously through me, like I was a rubber tube?

He fucked me deep, DEEP into my ass and way up my back without letting the water out first, which hurt and gave me horrible cramping and I was afraid my intestine would break. He took a LONG time to cum. This was the most personal, invasive thing that anyone did to me in my life. It was SOOO sexy!

After he was finished and pulled out, the water exploded over the floor. I think some of it even hit the wall. There was more than I ever would possibly have imagined, probably more then a half gallon. It continued for a long, long time until it was just a warm dribble. That felt SO good! Believe it or not, pushing the water out was one of the best feelings of the whole time. Then I just lay there and rested, and thought about what was just done to me, and that I had willingly submitted to it being done.

I felt SO happy.

I'm glad I didn't have a safeword because then it wouldn't be real ****, just a bullshit, safe, fake Disney make-believe game. I mean, I trusted them not to kill me or cut my face and stuff. Plus, Diana was my friend. And I figured that one guy might do that sick stuff, but ten were unlikely to conspire to commit murder when there's no money in it

Also, if I had a safeword, I would have used it MANY times, so I'm glad now that I didn't. It would have been shameful. That’s also one reason I wanted to be gagged, so I couldn’t beg them to stop hurting me (which I was desperately trying to do).

I liked being suspended by my wrists onto my tippie-toes and being whipped HARD while I screamed and cried and everyone just sat around and drank and laughed. There was one time when one guy would whip me as long as he wanted, then when he stopped, another guy would start whipping me with fresh enthusiasm. There were about seven of them. Some guys whipped me two or three times. They whipped my armpits, my wrists, my elbows, my hands… literally everywhere except the soles of my feet and my head. I was whipped continuously by the same thin leather whip for probably between 30 minutes and two hours, until I was groggy, like being d***k, and almost u*********s. I think the only reason they stopped was because I wasn't moving anymore. Then they cut me down and I fell on the floor. They pushed my legs open and they each fucked me in my cunt right where I fell. That lasted a long time too, maybe a half hour. I barely remember that part, except that I wasn't crying or moving, I hurt all over but not any place in particular, and that the cement was hard but felt good because it was cold and wet.

By the way, when I was suspended (by my wrists or feet), they wrapped a small towel between me and the rope. One guy suggested hanging me by my neck but everybody else shouted “NO!” all in unison. That was kind of funny. See, they DO care about me! !

I liked being fucked by two guys at once because it emphasized that I was being USED, not "made love to". Three was good too, but it was hard to pay attention to what was going on. I liked simultaneous ass and cunt better than cunt and mouth. They never did ass and mouth at the same time.

I liked being called “bitch” and “cunt” and “slutty whore” when they slapped me. I liked that they were uncaring when I cried.

I liked when they held me by my hair and fucked my mouth, rather than making me move my head up and down. It was more brutal and less loving that way.

I had never swallowed cum before but I liked doing it, not because I liked it (it was STICKY and ICKY and it tasted awful), but because it was submissive and humiliating. It was like they made me digest their sperm, making the most intimate part of them part of my own body forever. How sexy is THAT!!!

I liked when they did something extra to me when they cummed, like touch my leg with a cigarette or squeeze both my nipples as hard as they can, making me scream for the few seconds it takes them to pump a whole teaspoonful of cum from their hairy balls into my battered cunt. I liked it if, when they pulled out, I was crying.

And I'm surprised that I liked being stuck with pins in my vulva (outer pussy lips). One guy stuck four thumbtacks in them before he fucked me, but that merely hurt like a toothache, not good like the pins were.

Once they were in, pins in my nipples hurt a LOT less that I figured they would. In fact, when they left them in while they did other stuff to me it felt REALLY good. I'm thinking of getting my nipples pierced, just so it hurts like that all the time. Pins pushed deep into my breasts felt good too usually, but sometimes they had that bad “toothache” hurt, depending where they pushed them. Beforehand, I was hoping they would have metal skewers and push them deep through the base of my breasts, but nobody thought of it, and after feeling the pins, I didn’t suggest it. If I ever do this again, I'll suggest it ahead of time so that I can be sorry I did.


I wish I had said “no smoking” or that we had done this is outside in the woods or in an open structure like the barn where Diana's husband works, where he made her walk naked into and let his friends fuck her.

I wish I had had a pillow under my head and my back when they had me tied to the furniture with my legs held open and my ass hole and cunt on display for almost a whole day.

I didn't like being hung upside down because it was distracting, and after a while I got a headache. And I was worried the rope would break. Plus, Diana told them "don't do that, it's dangerous", but I don't know why it would be, unless she was talking about the rope.

I liked being suspended by my wrists, but only for a while. It took too long for them to figure out to tie my feet to keep me from kicking wildly as I was whipped. Also, it cut off the circulation and my hands got cold and numb.

I didn't like being hit with anything wide, like a paddle (actually, just a piece of plywood). They didn't have a cat 'o nine tails or any other fancy SM stuff. I like it when it STINGS, not when it hurts with the treble turned down and the bass turned all the way up, like a toothache does.

I wish that during it, the guys WOULDN'T TRY TO TALK TO ME!

God DAMN!! They really ruined it for me every time someone did that.

Fortunately, most of them were cruel and uncaring, but sometimes one would ask me if I REALLY wanted it or if I was being coerced or maybe paid, blah blah. Particularly if I was crying. One asked me my name (against the rules) and tried to be my friend. Jeezis, what am I supposed to say? "Shut up and torture me, ASS hole"? It really killed the mood!

I wish some of the guys hadn't smelled so bad. And I wish they would have washed their dicks before fucking my mouth, even just with a damp cloth. Though strangely, I didn't mind when they fucked my ass until they were about to cum, then pushed their dicks into my mouth and emptied their balls into it for me to swallow. I would have preferred that they didn’t thrust their dicks down my throat every single time, not because I gagged (I'm sure I could have controlled that), but because I like when they cummed into my mouth. That was not only submissive and humiliating and made me feel like a device or a facility, but I could lick the “guy clit” on the bottom of the head and feel the cum shooting out of the little hole onto my tongue, like a reward for me doing it right.

I also wish I had specified times to eat, as it was a big deal to get them to feed me (Diana fed me cold pizza several times while I was tied up and nobody was around to use me), but while being starved SOUNDS sexy, being real hungry while they had pizza was distracting and not sexy. Also, I should have specified that she offer me water at least once an hour, though eventually she did. Being thirsty wasn't sexy either, because you ignore what's being done to you and think about drinking water.

I wish someone would have figured a way to fuck me in my cervix and pump his sperm directly into my womb, maybe even making it swell and filling it up. That would have been the guy who deserved to make me pregnant.

I also wish that they had shared their beer with me, as they were all drinking it. Cases and cases of malt liquor with a black label (I forget the name), but all I had was water. They did pour it on my back though (beer not water). That reminds me, I also wish they would have hosed me down every few hours because I was all sticky and sweaty and dirty and itchy.

By the way, when you see girls in porn all covered with cum, that's fake. When you're gang-****d for real, the guys ALL cum in your mouth or cunt or ass, not on your stomach or face or tits. Every single one of them. After you've been fucked like 20 times though, cum does run across your ass hole, down your leg, and makes a pool on whatever you’re tied to.

I also wish I had told them ahead of time not to torture my clit; it's too sensitive. And I was always afraid they'd cut a nerve with a pin or that a burn would leave scar tissue and then I couldn't ever feel it again, but fortunately, that didn't happen.

And I wish there had been a clock there. I know that in fantasies, everything happens “outside of time”, but when you’ve actually been tied up for two days for real, you kind of wonder how much longer it will go on (even if you like it). There was no window, but I could tell what part of the day it was by how many guys were there and how much activity there was upstairs. For instance, they left me alone in the dark for several hours in the mornings(?) and I slept. I'm sure it sounds strange, but it made me deeply happy to wake up and realize that I was tied to a table naked in a stranger's basement and that I'll be ****d again soon. It was like waking up and realizing you don't have to get up for work today because you’re on vacation in Australia after winning the 30 million dollar lottery.

I wish that at least once, I had woken up and realized I was being fucked.

I wish I had had them sterilize the pins because my nipple got infected. I used antibiotic ointment but I was afraid I might have to go to the doctor (and what the HELL could I say?) Ultimately I ate a two-inch strip of the ointment and that cured it! In porn movies, they use syringe needles. God knows where you get them. I can see going to CVS and saying "may I please have 500 syringe needles? Why that many? Well, I'm going to be tortured all weekend by strangers but I want to make sure I'm nice and safe like my mommy would want".

I wish I had specified that they not pee in my mouth. I know it's sterile, but it was disgusting, not sexy. They told me to drink their piss, but I just pretended to and eventually just didn't. I don’t even feel bad about that, because drinking piss isn’t sexy, it's bullshit. Thank god nobody crapped on me!

I liked it when they made me cry. Then, I felt like I was a real person with feelings instead of a broken robot or an AI simulation (which is how I feel when I'm around humans), or that I don't exist at all, which how I feel when I'm learning something.

And I wish I had said not to choke me with their dicks when fucking my throat, because I couldn't breathe for a long time and I had to bite their dicks to make them stop, which wasn't cool. I wish someone would have given me deep throat lessons so I could have done it right. I could have learned on my own if only they would have cooperated, but they just thrusted angrily, which was good in a way. Still I'm sorry I never felt one of the men cum deep in my throat, halfway to my stomach. It would have been sexy to have been used like that. I knew a girl who had a tracheotomy and I was actually seriously wishing someone would do that to me, then use my throat for an hour.

Maybe next time. If that could be done without me having to go to the hospital afterwords, I would DEFINITELY do it. The scar will be remind me of that being done to me, and I would blush anytime someone asked me what happened. If someone DID ask, I promise myself now to tell the truth, even if it's at work.

And finally, I wish I had specified that they had to stretch my ass hole before fucking it the first time. It hurt too much until someone told me to "push, like you're taking a crap". The other guys said “woo-woo, how would YOU know”, and he said his doctor told him when he got a colon exam, but they still called him “Bruce” and “Maurice” and “Sweet William” for a while until they forgot about it.

The KY made it okay for everybody to fuck my ass hole when they used a lot of it, but earlier I remember thinking that I can see why guys in prison don't like this. Eventually I liked being ass-fucked because of the extra humiliation and because they were fucking deep into my guts, not just my dainty feminine "vagina" like good little boys are supposed to do. Also, deep in my guts I could feel the strangers’ warm cum pumping into me, trying to make my body pregnant, which I couldn't feel when they fucked my cunt.

One guy tried “fisting” me (pushing his whole hand into my cunt) while the others cheered him on. But even though he pushed and pushed (and I screamed and screamed) it was too tight and he couldn’t. That’s too bad. Part of me wishes he had just f***eD his hand in, and sometimes I wish he had. But realistically, he REALLY wanted to put his hand inside me so intimately like that (and I wanted him to), so it was NOT from lack of pushing very, very hard that he didn’t.

Actually, I thought I would pass out during that, probably due to low bl**d pressure from screaming, I'm not sure, but my sight got dark and my hearing got “blurry”, like underwater. It also might be the same thing that happened when I was suspended and whipped, and I got sluggish and slurry. I don't know why that happened either. I have heard that c***dbirth was the most horrible pain you can experience. I always thought that was bullshit but now I believe it.

When I think about it objectively, I realize that if he had pushed even a little harder, he would have split my belly open and my intestines would fall out and the party would have been over. God only knows what I would have told the hospital… not to mention my mom. She put me in the mental hospital anyway when she found out about all this, but that’s another story.


There’s a subtle difference between something really happening and merely thinking of it as an intense masturbation fantasy (and for me it has been both).

Between the time Di told me about the things her husband did to her, and when I allowed him to do them to ME, I spent a lot of time thinking what it would be like.

The difference was that when imagining something intensely (while rubbing your clit or, presumably, the head of your dick), your mind focuses on one or two aspects of it, the details vanish, and the background becomes blurred, dark-grey cardboard. It has to be that way, or you can't cum. When I fantasized about it, I could imagine my legs held wide open with my feet slightly in the air and my hairy vulva obscenely exposed, or my wrists being attached to the ceiling and my tits and nude hips and bare feet all on display for the men to stare at before they angrily whip me until I stop moving, then take turns r****g me.

When it really happened, it was just like that, yes. And the embarrassment and submission and being exposed naked were more than I could ever have hoped for. I felt UNIMAGINABLY SEXY. I couldn't possibly BEGIN to describe how sexy it felt to be exposed naked and offered to strange men. The overloaded embarrassment of being the only one naked in a room of MEN – generic, faceless strangers who were soon going to FUCK me -- was so intense that it made me feel d**gged, probably, like heroin.

But there were a huge number of little things also going on, like the glare of the two light bulbs and the shadows they cast, the moldy smell of their basement, my hunger and thirst (other than for being ****d), the "crunching" sound of cars when they drove in the driveway then hearing the engine being turned off, the feel of gentle air on my body and low rumbling when the furnace turned on, the salty taste of my tears, the fact that the air was comfortable for them but too cold for a naked person, the “”bzzzzzt” of the door buzzer when another couple of guys showed up d***k to fuck some crazy girl who would let you do anything to her, the cold, hard concrete against the bottoms of my feet that made me aware I was bare with no clothes on like after I get out of the shower, except in a room full of MEN.. I could literally list a thousand things.

None of these are by themselves important enough to make the experience any different from the intense masturbation fantasy. But the confluence conspires to give it a REALITY and a PRESENCE which grounds the experience as being in the same universe as boring, ordinary reality. Ordinary reality like standing next to a telephone pole with rusty staples in it while waiting for the light to change so you can cross the street, looking at an old car in the parking lot and noticing that the windshield is dirty and the wax is faded, or looking at the grease they've spilled on the parking lot in front of the recycling barrel behind Burger King. In some important way, experiencing those kinds of things feels different than fantasy or even a dream.

I don't really know how to express what I'm trying to say. These things (like the musty odor and everyday sounds), while not exactly distractions, gave the experience a texture and reality that are absent in dreams and rub-fantasies. Look around you now. (Go ahead, I'll wait!). Do you think there is any possibility you are in a dream right now? No, that’s ridiculous! Why not? After all, everything you see is something you've probably seen in moves or dreams. I've even thought how ridiculous it is to ask if I'm dreaming, and then woken up. But there's a sense of being a small person in a large 3D world that makes it obviously different from watching the same scene in a movie theater.

In the fantasy, you picture yourself lying on your back holding your legs apart and things being done to you. But when it really happens, what you actually SEE is the wooden boards in the basement ceiling. The differences are like that. A better example: I had often imagined a baseball bat being pushed into my ass and deep into my belly. But when he really did that with a broom handle, there were little specks of sand stuck to the wood, and flecks of paint missing making it rough, and I could feel them sc**** against my stretched ass hole, and I could feel the larger ones sc**** against my insides. You don’t notice these things when you’re just rubbing your clit, wishing it would happen.

In the fantasy, he pushed the baseball bat into my body at a constant rate. In reality, he pushed, then stopped, then pushed, then stopped, pulled out a little, took a hit of his cigarette, pushed again, twisted it, then pushed it in HARD -- eventually going deeper and deeper into me. Also, I didn't imagine him moving the broom left and right, which made it move right and left inside me (I guess my ass hole was a fulcrum).

I know this isn’t freshmen physics, but this is important to me. When I was lying in bed rubbing my clit, the imaginary baseball bat had no resistance; it just slid right up inside my back. But when it was really done to me, some parts of the broom handle had more KY and other parts had almost none, and so had different friction along the length of the wood when my anal muscles squeezed against it. This caused the high friction places to pull my ass hole into my body a little bit, and then release it to fold back out after the friction part of the broom handle was pushed inside my body.

And when simulating it in my mind, I couldn't feel a long object move around inside me, between my hips and behind my stomach, ordering me by its presence to stay still, nor could I feel the blunt rounded top poking and prodding the place where my colon bent to the right, preventing it from being pushed any deeper into me. Nor could I imagine the hard boner pushing the front of some guy’s pants as he humiliated me in this way, or the sound of him walking to the other side of the table, unzipping, and taking it out to fuck my mouth with, after he had finished impaling me intimately on a long wooden pole.

And of course, when I was imagining it, I liked it and it didn’t hurt. When it really happened, I liked it and it DID hurt.

Those were just a few of the thousands of subtle but collectively impressive differences between being stripped and humiliated for real, with people watching me, and it merely being something to think intensely about to make myself cum. And I've only just mentioned 20 seconds' worth, but it was like that for 2 1/2 days, continuously, with no reprieve other than the few hours in the mornings when I could sl**p tied and gagged and immobile, attached to their workbench in the dark.

Lying in my bed, I had imagined kneeling down, my head on the table and one end of a baseball bat deep inside me with the other end sticking out of my ass. What I didn't think about when masturbating was how juice would run out of my cunt which was starving to be fucked too, down the bottom of my stomach to my tits, or how exposed I would feel while two married people just stood there holding hands and watching me be skewered in silence for over a minute as I obediently waited and prayed to be fucked by someone, anyone.

It was the most wonderful experience of my life. When I'm 80 years old, I'll still be rubbing and remembering.

My strong advice to other girls who get turned on by reading this: DON'T DREAM IT, **BE** IT.



And now a math lesson, boys and girls:

BONER + ANUS = BONUS! in "Oboy, free BONUS porn!"


* Make me go to a biker convention wearing nothing but a T-shirt that says "Bikers are fags!".

* Tie me naked to the hood of his car with my legs spread open and drive through the city at noon honking the horn.

* Have me fill my cunt with strawberries and whipped cream, and lie on the dinner table with my legs open while he eats dinner, eat the strawberries from me with a long wooden spoon for dessert, beat me with the spoon, then tell me to go away.

* Before I get in bed every night, make me get on my knees and say a prayer to his dick, thanking it for what it is about to do to me and begging it to be merciful tonight.

* d**g my food, and when I pass out on the sofa watching TV, strip me, stuff me in the car trunk , drive me out in the country, and dump me naked on the side of the road at 4 AM, so when I wake up I'll have no idea where I am, how I got there, or how to get home.

* Not allow me to eat unless he has masturbated into my food. If he can't cum, I go hungry.

* Make me stay awake and suck his dick all night while he sl**ps then make me go to work while he lies around all day thinking up things to do to me.

* Make me hitchhike naked and tell people "I'm autistic and so I'm very direct. This is the only way I can think of to get sex".

* Whenever he brings his friends over to watch the football game, make me sit on top of the set naked with my legs open so they can look at my cunt if they get tired of the game and throw beer cans at me when the other team scores.

* Handcuff me to the living room sofa, deny me food and water for two days, eat pizza and beer in front of me with another woman, then turn off the lights, leave me in the dark, and take her into the bedroom, where I can hear them fuck in the dark.

* Inject hot water into my vulva so they become swollen and red, take pictures of them while I'm in pain, post them on the internet with my cell phone number, and order me to answer it if anyone calls.

* Take me to a party, pull down my pants, and order me to just stand there while people look at me.

* Keep me locked in a box under his bed for a year, only taking me out to use as a nameless masturbation doll for his own selfish physical pleasure.

* Make a rule that I never speak to or look at any other part of his body but his dick.

* Handcuff my hands behind my back, bend me over the bathtub naked, and fuck me from behind. As incentive for me to make my pussy muscle tight, hold my head underwater and not let me breathe until he cums.

* Attach my nipples to hooks in the wall so I dare not fall asl**p, and make me stand like that for a week.

* When I have trouble falling asl**p, whip me into u*********sness.

* Tie me spread-eagle to his bed, push one wire just inside my ass hole and another really deep, then plug it in because it makes my cunt tight while he fucks me and my screams and thrashing around arouse him and make him cum harder.

* Tear my clothes off, whip me until my skin is red and hot, throw me out into the snow naked, lock the door, masturbate while looking at me through the window huddled and shivering, and not let me back in until he cums.

* Keep me bound and gagged naked in a plexiglass box in the living room as a coffee table. Put two holes in it for my tits to stick up through, and use them to put cigarettes out on so as not to dirty the ashtray. Keep me like that when he has cocktail parties and everybody smokes.

* Buy a ground-level apartment in the city, stick my head through a hole in the wall so I can be seen by everyone walking by on the sidewalk , brace my mouth open, and put a sign over my head for that says "fuck her in her mouth for free."

* Sell me to another man for keeps -- someone who doesn't like me.

* Leave me overnight with a sadistic r****t just released from prison. Give him $200 and the instructions: "torture her in ways that I could never bring myself to do and return her tomorrow with a video".

* Cut off my vulval lips because he wants the little hole to always be visible, tan them like leather, hang them from his rear-view mirror, and comb the pubic hair for good luck.

* Suspend me by my feet handcuffed and naked, push long candles deep into my ass and cunt until no more will fit, push several more in anyway, then light all the candles and eat dinner by candlelight, pausing to masturbate into my face when the hot wax dripping down my back, tummy, tits, and clit makes me scream.

* Make me walk back and forth in Las Vegas wearing panties and a bra selling my pussy for $200, and when the men are done, refuse their money "because you fucked me so good".

* Handcuff me, rub lighter fluid on my vulva, light it on fire, and fuck me in my ass while I scream with pleasure.

* Tie me naked with my legs spread facing a TV camera broadcasting full screen hi-definition on the internet and leave me there all day while he goes to work, watches me from his desk on his website showing nothing but that video, full-screen and post the URL on every morning just to remind them .

* March me under a bridge, handcuff me to a case of cheap wine, pull down my pants, leave me with the angry old d***ks, drive away laughing about it with his new girlfriend, and never come back.

* Buy a decibel meter from Radio Shack and hold an all-day contest for his friends to see who can make me scream the loudest. The winner gets to take me home overnight and do anything he wants to me.

* Let his five nephews in their early teens fuck me as sex education after telling me to hug them and kiss them and say I love them.

* Keep me chained to a pipe in the basement on the edge of starvation and feed me nothing but his and other men's cum.

* Tie me to his picnic table in the back yard when it's snowing, dump a bucket of cold water on me, wait two minutes, then dump a bucket of scalding water on me too.

* Cut off my toes and sell them on eBay for a dollar each as "amazingly realistic novelty toes" and not give me any of the money.

* Cut off my arms and legs, keep me upright with a two-foot post in my ass in the living room next to his sofa, and use me as a suck-job machine at parties.

* Have a cookout with his friends, amputate my leg, cook it on his grill, and serve it with BBQ sauce, then cut my vocal cords and keep me stored blindfolded and hanging in the garden shed by hooks deep in my tits until he wants to have another party to eat my other leg, then my arms, etc. When there's nothing much left to eat, lovingly strangle me, fuck my dead body, remove my hairy cunt and ass hole, and hang them in a frame on his living room wall with the clit painted red, mount my head on a post next to his bed with the mouth open, feed the rest to his dog, throw what's left in a gas station dumpster, and find a new girlfriend who uses the head as an ashtray .

Ohhh GOD, that is SO romantic!!

Well, gotta end this sometime, so here's my Post Scriptus:

Yeah, I'm a savant. I can't HELP it. It's my curse.


I invented hyperbolic topology before I knew what it was called. Big deal. I live all disgusting in a fucking cave in the woods. Being Real Smart doesn't make you rich, and it sure as HELL doesn't make you happy. You want Words of Wisdom from the savant? Here:


Write that down. Teach it to your k**s.

BTW, truth isn't beauty, either.

In fact, I've HAD it with so-called "humanity, and I live in a cave in the woods like Knee Cheese Zarathustra, except that instead of being on top of a mountain, it's next to the interstate. I set up a little tent, buried it almost completely, jacked into the power grid, hacked into the internet, and f***e-fit all my technology in until it looks like the bridge of the Starship Enterprise in here. I'm the only homeless bum (bumstress?) with Heat, A/C, broadband internet, HDTV, and a little fridge.

I've lived like this for three years and I'm happier than any other time in my life ...except for a magical 2½ days in 2002.

You can email me at fayekanegallery@hotmail. If you don't get an answer, it means that what's left of me is naked and face-down in a ditch somewhere after being USED to death.

Be assured that I died happy.

--- Faye Kane, homeless brain
They call me the recursively enumerated, insufficiently remunerated, double data-rated, triple X-rated, psychoactive, hyperactive, hyperbolic, hypergolic, St. Vitus' dancin', pull down her pants and unemployed, overjoyed, low-class, kiss-my-ass, masterpiece-makin’, masturbatin’, window ledge over-the-edge, screwy, chiral, downward-spiral, ass upended, fair-weather-friended, 'puter freq girl geek.

Oh, and here's my blog:

© 2009 by Faye Kane--NOT! As with my cunt, you can steal it, modify it , sell it, write your name on it, or do anything you want to it. "Kane" isn't my real last name, BTW, and though it's too close for comfort, it's too late to change, too late to pay, no time to stay the same, too young to leave.


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