This is a print version of story The importance of knowing yourself by amfiskadoz from

The importance of knowing yourself

Right off the bat let me say this story does not have a happy ending (no pun intended).

As I stated in another story/account, ever since I was sexually aware I enjoyed a hightened sexual sensation when something was in my rectum. The closer the size to a large male penis the better the sensation, the more powerful the orgasm. The desire for something in my rectum would come in a cycle, every 8 or 9 months, but the instant I came the desire was gone and all I felt was akin to shame or embarrassment. After years, the cycles still came but that feeling of shame subsided somewhat. fast foward to 33 years old.

married, 2 k**s. out of a job and at school to learn a new career.

Now the story about knowing yourself (myself).

The school is 250 miles away from home, we recieve a nominal stipend for food and lodging, not alot but you can survive if you are frugal. The school cost a pretty penny if your out of a job but the oppertunities are out there to make up any losses in a short time.

We were doubled up in our rooms, to offset the cost of lodging and I got stuck with a, for lack of a better term, sponge. He was chosen as my roommate because we lived about 10 mile apart. we had weekends off and I was his ride to school initially, ( the school offered me extra money to bring him out at the start of school, no other money was included) I went home on the first 3 weekends and my roommate went with me. Never offered cash for gas, or even a thank you only "I'd offer you gas money but I'm broke right now". On the 4th weekend I stayed at school. not enough gas money for the round trip, my roommate some how scrounged up enough cash for a round trip train ticket home, and had the nerve to ask me to pick him up at the train station monday morning so he wouldn't be late for class. ( He was late ). Sorry, venting a little, but his absence plays into this.

While in class there was this guy named Glenn. He was about 42, former insurance salesman, nice guy. We (he and I) hit it off. He knew I didn't leave that weekend and said he had heard of a cool place about an hour away and asked if I would like to go on saturday. Sure I said and offered to drive. (Glenn had his car also).

It was just an old town, pretty cool looking early 1900, lots of shops and stuff we just walked around and talked. Not about sports(trivial to me, what do I care other than my tax dollars going to make someone else rich) or women, just, hell I don't know, life I guess. We had lunch at some street cafe and headed back. I felt pretty good, a nice day all in all. On the drive back he asked my if I would mind giving him my opinion on an invention he had thought up.
Sure I said, what is it?
Well, it's a vibrator slash dildo.
oh? ( not a brush off "oh" a "tell me more" oh).
Well(a little encouraged by my response), the tip is a vibrating ball, say about an inch and a half or an inch and three fourths then a series of metal balls lined up right behind it so there all touching, that way the vibrations travel the entire length and it can be six or eight or even ten inches in length and its all enclosed in a rubber sleeve with just a wire and a loop coming out of the end.
why metal balls? Where would the batteries for the vibrator go? I asked.
Well, he said, the wire coming out is for the remote battery source, the loop is for total insertion and metal balls because they transmit the vibration better than plastic, they have more weight than plastic, so it will be heavy like a real meaty cock, and heres the best part(he leans closer to me) the entire thing can be submersed in warm water and the metal will hold the heat much longer than plastic so it will feel warm longer!

I was, up until that moment not in one of my "phases" but anyone with two eyes could see by looking at the sweat beading on my forehead, the pulse pounding at my wrists or the fact that my pants had shrunk 2 sizes in the crotch area that he had me turned on!

At that moment we both knew, he was gay. He read me like a book, made his play and I... I was to much the insecure, do what society says is right regardless of how YOU feel about it slug, and I played it off. I started criticizing his Idea.

He told me he had a "prototype" if I would like to see it, I said yea, maybe later.
we got back to our lodging, he went to his room, I to mine. He called my room later that night but I brused him of with some excuse or other.

Sunday he didn't call.

Monday he didn't show up for class.

Tuesday the school said he dropped out.

Glenn knew me better than I knew myself, he simply misjudged how deep the indoctrination was.

Today I would offer to test his prototype, ask him to watch, to make sure it was being tested properly, I would tell him I need something to compare it to, the real thing and he would need to make that "sacrifice" in the name of science and research. Afterwards I would tell him with every fiber of my being I need to feel his hot,dense,sticky load shot deep down my throat.

But that is now, and we can't turn back the hands of time.

Sorry for the downer story.

On the up side I recieved an invatation to another "lesson" on Wedensday.

I'll let you know how that cums out thursday if I'm not to tired.


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