This is a print version of story a fairy tale by bling5217664 from xHamster.com
A fairy tale
Buntylocks and the 3 blings
by hands christmaspud handyman
here is the story of Buntylocks and the three blings
once upon a time there were 3 young boys (alright Bunty, dont fucking piss yourself it's only a fairy tale and i am permitted a degree of licence) all named bling
first there was lil' bling, he was all small and adorable and i am sure tasted absolutely divine
next there was med' bling, he only came out when Buntylocks was around and although larger than lil' bling he was still nothing to write home about
finally there was xxl' bling, he was massive in length and girth and he made all the ladies happy......but he was just a fucking liar
so one day the 3 blings went out to do a little quaintballing, its like paintballing except it is carried out in a tiny sweet little countryside village. the object of the game is to hide by the local post office and shoot any pensioners on their motorbility scooters as they go to get their pensions, their daily mails and their quarter of flying saucers
before they went out they made a breakfast of porridge but as it was too hot they decided to stick it in the bin and go quaintballing. it was far healthier if they got a happy meal on the way,
now Buntylocks was wandering around the woods near the 3 blings cottage listening to birds and looking at clouds and shit, because it turns out that Buntylocks was proper boring. she came across the 3 blings cottage and went inside without even knocking..............so it seems that Buntylocks is not only boring but also nosey and without manners
Buntylocks looked around the kitchen and tutted in that way that only Buntylocks can, she reached into her bag for life and shuffled around. she had to move her ladybird book for cloudspotters and also her bumper pack of feminine wipes. she looked under her love eggs and shifted her chewing gum (for one) to one side. she took out her thigh-phone and got distracted, she took a quick look at her app "how to be a hottie" and smiled knowingly to herself saying her mantra "i am one hot milfster". she replaced her phone and continued searching. whatever she was looking for wasnt caught up in her spare bloomers that she kept in case of emergencies and it certainly wasnt in her purse because Buntylocks doesnt carry a fucking purse. finally Buntylocks found what she was looking for, her white glove. she put it on and ran her finger along the worksurface, she tutted and clucked loudly when she examined her finger, "this place is a shithole". out of her bag came an industrial sized bottle of cif, 25 litres of bleach and a scouring brush. as she started to clean she put radio 2 on................fuck me, boring, nosey, ill mannered and elderly
as she attempted to clean she looked in the bin and spied the porridge, "waste not want not" said the scavenging strumpet. she sat and ate the first lil' bowl of porridge (ok Bunty, i know it doesnt make sense but they threw away the bowls as well as the porridge) but it was too hot. Buntylocks then tried the second med' bowl but that was too cold, and it had a teabag in it. Buntylocks then tried the third xxl' bowl and that was just right but she didnt eat it because she didnt really fancy porridge..........so boring, nosey, ill mannered, elderly and fucking fussy
now whilst all of this was going on the three blings had had enough of the quaintballing and had gone for an olympic breakfast at wimpy.
lil' bling was talking and he told the other two that he had joined a porn website and had been messaging a beautiful blonde cutie called Bunty. he said she was very friendly but chatting was all they would ever do because she was completely out of his league
med' bling said he too had joined a porn website and that he was also talking to a stunning blonde called Bunty. he said that they were also chatting and that he had met Bunty but that it would go no further because with her he was punching well above his weight
xxl' bling said what a coincidence, he too had joined a porn website and that he too had been chatting to the fuckable Bunty. he said that they had met and that he he had made love to Bunty many many times, but no one believed him because he was just a fucking liar
Buntylocks was now really tuckered out so she sat down, the first chair she sat in was the lil' chair and her bum wouldnt fit, instead of just standing up she insisted on trying to f***e her substantial arse into the chair, she broke the chair with ease. next she tried the med' chair and that too was tight on her ample arse, instead of learning her lesson she again wedged herself in until she broke that too. the third chair was actually a 3 seater sofa. Buntylocks sat on the sofa but her enormous end STILL didnt fit and the sofa collapsed under her weight "fucking dfs" she mumbled. so it seems Buntylocks was boring, nosey, ill mannered, elderly, fucking fussy and deserving of an asbo.
whilst Buntylocks was causing more damage than the day my cock-ring got caught on the escalator at camden town tube station (i am certain that those japanese tourists will go back to tokyo with a full up memory card and two geisha girls suffering from post traumatic stress disorder) the three blings were making their way back home.
lil' bling went by public transport and gave his seat up to an old lady who was struggling with her bags. as he travelled he logged on to xhamster website and went straight to Bunty's page and although he loved the pictures he remaine the same size
med' bling took a taxi home and also checked his phone and went straight to Bunty's sexy pictures and grew a little bit bigger in his excitement
xxl' bling hired a stretch limo to take him home and as he sat back drinking pink champagne (what a girl) he too logged on to xhamster and went straight to Bunty's very hot page. he then rang Bunty and had a long chat about sex with her. he told Bunty how much he enjoyed fucking her, being inside her, tasting her and then told her that he had a semi hard on which measured 9 inches.............but he was just a fucking liar dont forget
Buntylocks went upstairs and saw 3 bedrooms, each with an en suite. this was much less luxury that she was used to but any port in a storm i suppose.
Buntylocks went into the lil' bathroom and brushed her teeth using the toothbrush that was in the bathroom, gross. she then tried to have a p*o but couldnt go no matter how hard she pushed. she went into the lil' bedroom and tried the bed but it was too lumpy and her arms and legs were hanging off the bed when she was doing her starfish impression. Buntylocks was unable to get comfortable as she is a very tall woman (stifles giggle).......................APPARENTLY. Buntylocks blew her nose on the pillow and went to the second bedroom.
Buntylocks went into the med' bathroom and used the bidet to wash her gnarly old toes, she then tried again to have a p*o but nothing appeared, she pushed extra hard and even broke out in a sweat but still there was nothing. Buntylocks went into the med' bedroom and although it was slightly bigger the bed was just too soft and when she lay on her side there was not enough bed to support her massive nose so she wiped her unshaven and very moist armpits on the sheets and went to the third bedroom
Buntylocks went into the xxl' bathroom and noticed that the bathroom was completely covered in mirrors, she checked herself out from every angle and liked what she saw, as she always did (i shall be adding vain to my list at the end of this story). she then tried yet again to have a p*o and this time the floodgates opened. Buntylocks let out a small scream and she vacated her bowels.............BIG TIME. the stench from the toilet was terrible and Buntylocks quickly made her way to the xxl' bedroom and got into bed. although this bed was more comfortable than the previous 2 she still wasnt comfortable. she noticed a label that said this water bed is filled only with holy water but she knew that was just a fucking lie.
she decided to leave this house as it really wasnt her kind of place, not enough bathrooms, too much damaged furniture and they only had shit food to eat. as she left the xxl' bedroom she wiped her arse on the bedsheets, well she couldnt be bothered to look for toilet paper earlier. she tottered off into the woods on her incredibly high heeled walking boots looking like a giraffe on a unicycle. she looked up at the clouds and squealed, "stratocumuliform yeah, tick it off my list"
so Buntylocks was actually boring, nosey, ill mannered, elderly, fucking fussy, FILTHY and DEFINITELY deserving of an asbo. simply put,she is just so croydon, oh and not forgetting, a fucking train spotter
now the 3 blings all arrived back home at the same time and instantly noticed that their front door was hanging off its hinges. next they saw that someone had trampled all of their daffodils and that their wishing well had been emptied of coins........and water. they went into the kitchen and surveyed what can only be described as a bomb going off. it looked as if a deaf, dumb and blind man had attempted to tidy their kitchen........and failed
they saw that their furniture had been smashed to pieces and then been pilled up in the middle of the floor and set fire to. they tentatively went upstairs afraid of what they may see. the stench as they took each step was horrific
lil' bling was heartbroken when he saw snot on his sheets
med' bling was mildly aroused when he could smell the aroma of a beautiful but sweaty woman on his sheets
xxl' bling was incredibly horny saying that he loved it when a stunner shit his bed, it was the sign that she had completely let herself go..........but then again he was just a fucking liar
after 18 months of toil the 3 blings managed to repair their house and lil' bling found and settled down with the most perfect woman........for him. she was pretty, funny, clever, sexy and innocent
med' bling also settled down with a woman and she too was perfect for him. she was beautiful, hilarious, intelligent, very sexy and reasonably experienced
xxl' bling said he met a woman who was just so incredibly fuckable, so fucking gorgeous, a bit simple but up for absolutely ANYTHING and down right filthy in the bedroom department. he would regularly say "she does things, dirty things, that no woman should know how to do and i fucking love it" but we all know what a fucking liar he is
and whatever happened to Buntylocks ? i hear you ask
well clearly you are not fucking reading what i am writing here because i have already told you what she is up to
she is going out with xxl' bling
Story URL: http://xhamster.com/user/bling5217664/posts/156775.html