Fucking Feels Like Killing

i want to write a story. a story of my life as it sits now. dont hate, i dont giv a shit about spelling or punctuation. but to vent. how about you sit down and read the thoughts of a fucked up vet.

i was in afghannistan. i fucked shit up, got fucked up, saw things some of you could only wish to see or do. i was a combat engineer. i cleared roads of ieds. imporvide explosive devices. i was blown up 4 tims... what doues it feel like you ask... have you ever jumped in a pool? ya know rite when you jump in and the water seperates and a sudden rush of pressure. thats what it feels like. but with pain. imense uddering pain. you go def and your vision blurs beyond anything you can imagine. i remember once everything went black and white. damn was it scarry.

ive been in fire fights, aka shoot outs, gun battles, lead throwing, rection fire. call it what you will but i have fired apon people. taken life, ****d life, made some on into pink mist. absolutely desimatted a body to a point where it was a puddle of pink goo nd bone fragments. RUSH! DEEP SEXUAL UNIMAGINAL FEELING OF TAKING LIFE! this person fired apon me and i killed them. slaughtered them. made that person sees to exist. i killed that mother fucker and he shall no longer breathe, eat, sl**p, dream, yearn or even make more of those dirty ass poshtoon "pathan" ass hole ever again. i am the apitome of man. the killer. the a****l instinct of fight or flight. and i fought..... killed.

am i proud of it.... yes. i did what many people cant do. when it comes down to it, and ive seen it, most people tuck there tail between there legs and chicken out. cry becaus they cant kill. i mean they shouldnt be ashamed that they couldnt pull the trigger. maybe its their "soul" that stopped them. to be unblemeshed, to not have that darm mark on thm for all of enternity. but i am just a man and my thoughts are we do not have souls. we are a****ls. when you die, you die and thats it. gg allin said "die when ya die your only gunna die." and thats it. but alas im just some ass hole who only knows so much, so when it finally ends im in a for a big surprise lol.

but war changed me. living on borrowed time changed me BIG TIME! if youve never lived on borrowed time then youll understand. but i didnt change for the good. i dont care. i dont. im not afraid of death, disease, sorrow, pain. psssh FUCK THAT! who gives a shit if you die. i dont. ya people will be sad that ill be gone and i thank them for that. but honestly im not afraid. what comes will come. but i have changed. i used to live relativly safe. ya i partied and did stupid crazy shit but now, HAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHHHHEEEEEEIIIIIIT!!!!!!! pick some slut at the bar, fuck her raw dog, but you still pull out b/c im not over my shit and have no emotions for c***dren. but fuck her raw, and fuck the war out of her.

in the flick renegades ol boy said it. well the chick said it. he would just fuck her so hard deep fast. i just love to fuck. the energy, feeling, emotion, pure fucking extasy. the feeling of being alive! its the closet thing to killing that ive found. bungee jumping, sky diving, paint ball.... on and on. nothing is close. to slip inside a woman is fucking amazing! so amazing, sacred even. a womans pussy should be worshiped. if it gives me the same feeling of killing then every time you fuck you should take the time to thank it. lick it, flick it, rub it, finger it. JUST FUCKN WORSHIP IT. nothing even comes close.

i compare this to being shot at or being attacked or attacking. this is my interpretation

the build of the courtship. the game you play. meet her at a bar. a complete stranger. shots fired, shots fired. on mission. no idea how its going to end. buy her a drink, flirt with her. get to know her. fire reaction shot. eyes on. continue firing. pick up the sighns that she likes you. positive identification of target. throw the idea of getting out of here. your place or mine. i dont know she says. fired apon. bulletts wizing by you. ricochets off your truck. all around you. sure, its cool. buyher another drink. flirt some more. fire back, send another series of rounds at the insurgets. ask again, she says her place. first kill. .50 cal rips the sad muther fucker apart.

rush of acceptence. rush of the kill. drive to her house. trying not to be a tard and say something stupid and fail misserably! out of rounds. need to change out. stand up fully to put in new rounds trying not to get shot and killed like a fuckn tard. in her place. the first kiss. reloaded first burst. second kill. RUUUUSSSSHHHHH. everything gos euphoric. sexual rush. bl**d rush. fondeling and heavy petting. breathing hard, getting hard. move down road. ambush. rpg (rocket propelled gernade) blast heavy machine gun fire. heavy breathing trigger happy. breathing hard. muscles getting harder.

clothes off. eyes take in every sexy amazing detail of her amazing body. fear gone. eyes take in every movement of insrgents and rifle burst. the feel of her naked body on yours. the feel of the machine gun in your hands. primitive thinking. grunts moans. bl**d curdling screams your own angry yells of war. the musk of her body. the smell of the black powder. you plunge into her sacred pleasure palace. you relize they want to kill you. the excitement rises. the dance of sex begins. the unstoppable killing begins. thrust after thrust. body after body.

you dont take in the moment of her body. muscle reflexs of just prime evil thinking and needing take over. you dont worry about how you do it. muscle memory. reactions to her. reactions to them. fuck. kill. kiss. fire. suck. aim. thrust. move. look. feel. pleasure. hate. happyness. everything melts into one nirvana. shes about to come. theyre retreating. move to get deeper in her. stop to reload

she explodes in to pleasure and her sweet amazingness grips you. they break cover and run for their pitifull lives. you fuck deeper, harder, and faster. you aim better, hold the trigger. she screams. insurgents scream. you explode into sheer happiness and pleasure beyond explanation. you come to orgasm and cum. pull the trigger. grunts and groans. your hips slow, your cock still ejecting in complete rejoice. your machine gun still firing and killing. one last thrust deep into her. one last burst of fire. sweaty and expelled of all energy you colapse.

the only difference between the two... after sex you can kiss and hold the woman that you just shared an amazing thing with and go take a shower. in war. smell of bl**d, death and black powder. she exclaims how amazing it was. your buddies with you exclaim how many hodgies i just wasted. she wraps her arms and legs around you. you wrap your thoughts around yourself. you can feel how she still wants you and needs you. your buddies need you to save them, to kill for them.

its a sad life us war vets live. a thin line of sanity, shouldering the weight of death and destruction. but if you ever have the chance. fuck a vet and you will never go back lol.

i havnt reread any of this. it was sort of a spewing of feelings. if you like, tehn hell yea. if ya dont. of well i could care less HAHAHAHA. leave a cooment. i could share more stories. love ya xhamsters

~BFW