This is a print version of story Alanya's Alternative Experiences by alanyagirl from xHamster.com
Alanya's Alternative Experiences
When i decided to write my blog i thought i would recall the early times of my crossdressing and how i started and how i felt emotionally. I suppose my first feelings of wanting to experience and develop the feminine side of my personality was when i became aware of the beauty of the a womens body and the softness of the female persona, from that moment just thinking about changing my male public image to my feminine image gives me a wonderful comforting and exciting feeling which is unsurpassed by anything i had ever imagined.That is just thinking that i might make the change, actually making that change is like entering a wonderful world of sensuality and self enlightenment with deep feelings of satisfaction and contentment. Allied to these moments of changing one is aware of the sexual arousement the process gives and to this day after many years all these feelings remain just as strong and any feelings of guilt i may have experienced at first have long gone to be replaced by feelings of complete freedom.
The feelings i enjoy of knowing that i have such feminine emotions and wanting to express them in a practical way manifest themselves by the desire to dress as a female, the fact that i will never achieve the beauty of the genetic female is never a problem after all i am a male person with the attributes of that sex i do not want to change that. I have become a Transvestite and am happy to be just that because circumstances allow no further development of my female personality. Dressing in the clothes of women and enjoying the softness of silk and satin,pretty fabrics and attractive clothes i now understand the feminine desire to shop for things that feel right and suit particular occasions, the need to not only look smart and stand out from a crowd but also very importantly to feel attractive to the male. When i am dressed in pretty undies together with an attractive top and skirt and am out and about the feeling of confidence all these things give is so strong and if my make up is done well then perhaps that feeling is as close as it gets to being a female as i can achieve. I will settle for that and enjoy the the ability it gives me to make friends with guys who are pleased to be in my company and enjoy the favors that only a Transvestite can bestow.
The period i spent deciding how i wanted to look and feel in in my new female role was vey exciting, imagine to be able to decide exactly what clothes suited my personality and express the type of 'girl' i wanted to be. The idea that my personality was not already formed and that i could experiment with various clothing looks until i found the one i considered was for me was so exciting, i did just that for quite a long period and after discarding various styles and looks i was at last happy with my choice. I want to appear modern in bright colors when i feel confident and out going and to appear sexy if i feel that way, i love short skirts and thin shapely tops with open necks, when i am blue and want to feel more sober longer clothes and high neck tops are my choice, for my sl**ping attire i adore silky satiny nighties either short or long but my favourite is a lovely black see through negligee with frilly panties, oh so feminine. My shoes are mostly black court although i have a nice pair of red sling backs with medium heels, in the summer months i wear mainly open toe small heel shoes either in beige or black. Winter ankle boots are very snug especially when wearing a shortish skirt out at night. Over the last few years of Cross dressing i have now gathered a number of outfits which i can interchange depending how i feel at any time again i now can understand a women's desire to own and wear pretty things. As for my underwear well that's another story and one i absolutely revel in, i love my undies so much and get such a feeling of joy and sexual awareness when wearing them either when i am fully clothed or with nothing else on. There is no other part of dressing en femme that gives so much pleasure to me as when i am wearing pretty soft sensual undies that i can feel next to my skin supporting and caressing my body.
As my confidence grew in my new self, a male by day in my work and being Alanya when ever the opportunity arose the desire in me to dress in my lovely femme clothes and make my face up mainly with lipstick, talc, eye liner and shadow increased. I remember the excitement of buying the first of two hairpieces i now can choose from, to be brown and curly down to my shoulders or blonde and straight just below my cheeks, the choosing was so difficult but in the end i chose to be both a curly shoulder length brunette and a straight haired fringed blonde, how lovely it is to be free to choose exactly what you want to be and how you wish to look. Going out for the first time i had great trepidation although i had taken great care with my clothing and facial appearance and thought i could pass in public if no one took the time to scrutinise my face, why should anybody do that unless i gave the impression of nervousness and embarrassment i therefore took great pains to walk like a women but most of all to exude an air of femininity, little things i had noticed girls do with there hands, the small steps they take when walking and moving forwards from the hips, brushing hair from there face and small tosses of the head to keep there hair in place. I will remember that first time of going out forever and also what i was wearing, my undies were a pink lace set of bra, suspender belt and panties with black stockings, my skirt was above the knee and vented at the back made of cotton and lemon colored i remember how thin the material was, so sensual, my top was square cut above my breasts and was short sleeved gathered in a ruffle, it was salmon color and tied at the waist with ribbon. I wore a pair of new black court shoes that night and remember them as quite tight. Over all of this i wore a black knee length coat with collar and buttoned at the front, my choice of hair piece for that night was blonde and i have to say i felt very feminine and very confident, the butterflies in my tummy were very busy but the buzz i felt was awesome. This was something i knew i had to do and now was the moment.
I live on the outskirts of town in a quite suburb where most people know one another but usually that's as far as they want to go so its quite easy to move freely around without the possibility of coming face to face with your neighbors. Going out in public without to much risk of exposure when starting out this new adventure has been a major advantage for me and given the confidence i now have continues to make my outings not all nerve free but mainly most enjoyable and exciting. This first outing was not as straight forwards as that as although i had taken time with my dressing, make up and deportment i had no idea how i would be perceived by passers by, for this reason i decided to walk to the local park but after dark and here i was leaving the security of my home and crossing the road away from the street lights trying to look casual and concentrating on my new feminine walk and posture, i was confident i could pass casual inspection but close up i didn't know. My first encounter with people came very soon and the reaction of three young men in a small lorry was very encouraging a whistle from the passengers window and a shout which i didn't hear very well but i knew that i had appeared attractive to them, can you imagine the elation and relief i felt at my first encounter with my own sex dressed en femme and i had passed with flying colors, i think that moment has done more for my feminine self esteem than any thing i have achieved since. I continued my walk along the pavement and passed through the park gates but the buzz i was feeling after being whistled at was still raging in me and i had to tell myself to be cautious and continue the concentration i had been showing, the walk i had decided on in the park passed close to a seated shelter and as i approached it i was not sure if there was any one in there so i decided to pass as far away as i could but i need not have worried as it was empty, this was an opportunity to do the natural thing and sit for a while and calm down. The shelter was open to the path at the front and i could see both ways so i felt reasonably safe from being surprised, i opened my coat and lifted my shortish skirt to allow me to sit comfortably leaving my stockinged legs to be exposed above my knees but not so much as to appear tarty and there i sat in my lovely clothes as i have described to you, being the girl i wanted to be for all the world to see, absolutely marvellous, i felt so liberated i wanted to shout out and let the world know how i felt.Those moments are never to be forgotten but i felt it was time to return home i had now been out for over half an hour and every thing had been so pleasurable, as i got up to leave the shelter a dog appeared in front of me and knowing its owner would not be to far away i quickly buttoned my coat and stepped down onto the path walking towards the entrance i had come through earlier, after i had taken a few steps and being conscious of the way i was walking a middle aged man appeared behind me,the dog was now trying to be friendly and the man called it back to him apologising at the same time i half turned and blurted out the words "its ok" in the softest voice i could manage and turned back to the way i was going and continued walking home.Would i be convincing in my femme way of walking as he was only ten yards or so behind, well he never came any closer and didn't say another word, i wondered was this because he was embarrassed or had i experienced the male concern of not being thought a threat to a lady alone in the dark and vulnerable, i like to think it was the latter. My first walk lasted perhaps another ten minutes and again the lovely feelings of being out in the public domain experiencing contact with my own sex whilst dressed was making me feel very high, you can imagine the delight of taking my top clothes off when once in doors and enjoying the softness and sensuality of being in only my undies. What a climax.
Story URL: http://xhamster.com/user/alanyagirl/posts/148349.html