Real-life Femdom

There are many genres that seem to be pervasive when it comes to the fetish topic of Femdom. For me, this particular area of sexual fantasy has always been a huge turn-on and I have spent many hours reading, and most recently, authoring stories related to the topic. The issue I have found while dabbling in this new found hobby is that many of the traditional permutations of Femdom seem unrealistic, as best, and laughably implausible in their most extreme form. In particular, I am referring to the topic area specific to “realistic” Femdom, wherein a woman (or a group of women) have control over a man in a non-professional setting. I realize that there are many people who enjoy the fetish specific topics related to professional dominatrix’s, but for me, that subject area is not interesting.

In exploring the fundamental components of a true “Femdom” scenario, I have tied to isolate what elements of a “real” experience might look like and how a woman might (re)act if placed into a real position of power over a man.

First, I was able to pretty clearly eliminate the traditional BDSM scenarios that are so common on websites and with other genre specific information sources . Those that incorporate the standard boot-licking, CBT, foot warship, and other fetish related themes just don’t make any intuitive sense to me, primarily, because they would not possibly happen in real life.

What I mean when I say this is very simply, that I cannot imagine any woman using her power over a man in such a way, if the situation were real. It just doesn’t make any sense. What possible motive would she have to ask for this type of “service”? Why would she want a naked man to lick her boots? Why would she enjoy pouring hot candle wax over a nude male while dressed in a tight leather bikini? On what planet would she choose to tie up the private parts of some hairy fat man and proceed to lightly beat his balls with a horse whip?

In any of these typical scenarios, it’s pretty clear that these women are merely providing a service for the sub men by helping them act out their male fantasies. They are doing this either because they are being paid (they’re professional Doms) or else because they are in a relationship participating in a sexual role-play activity. They might get some enjoyment from the activity, but only to the extent that the male is getting off on the activity, too. If a man were to reach his limits at any given time, the game would instantly be off and they would show great concern for the man’s state of mind. Even in its most extreme (no limits) form, the female likely is pushing only as far as she thinks her “client” wants it to go – ever mindful of filling the role the sub has signed up for.

In real life, I think the dynamics of a woman put into absolute control over a man would play out completely different. It’s safe to assume that no two women would react the same way, but I think it’s pretty intuitive to assume that none of the typical male fantasies would be part of the agenda unless they somehow fit into the framework of the woman’s wants and desires. It is these scenarios that fascinate me and about which I attempt to create my story lines.

Let’s explore what, specifically, might occur in a realistic domination scenario. At first, I started by imagining what I might do, if the roles were reversed - If I were put in a position to completely own and control a female what would I do with her and how would the dynamics play out? When I explored the topic from this vantage point I quickly found that there was a flaw with this approach. Most men are pigs, and we would likely immediately go for the obvious activities. We’d have the girl get naked, “play” with her, have sex with her, get endless blow-jobs and have her essentially act as our personal sex toy until we got bored. In between sexual sessions, we might have her cook for us, but guaranteed in the nude, and probably interrupted several times for more sex!

I am pretty sure your typical woman would do nothing of the same. In fact, I am reasonably sure that the interaction would be light-years away from what sub men imagine and wish for in their fantasies.

For starters, I bet that a woman would have very little interest in having sex with their male subs. In fact, I would guess they wouldn’t even want to see us naked. Why would they? Unless we happen to be Brad Pitt, they would pretty much want to stay far away from us physically. Women don’t need this type of attention from men by f***e - they spend most of their time being selective about whom they get intimate with. And let’s be honest – there is little attractive about a naked man who is cowering down to a woman. I can’t imagine they would choose this standard blueprint unless they were playing to the man’s fantasy.

Now I realize, of course, that there is likely a sub-set of females that would indeed act like a male and want to use and abuse a man if they had the chance. The exception always proves the rule. This, however, is not the type of scenario I like to explore or base stories on. I am more inclined to think about a realistic dynamic that would apply to women I come across in daily life.

This is precisely the type of fantasy I like to create for myself when I begin to craft a new story line – I use what I observe on a day-to-day basis and try to create a plausible scenario that I can expand on.

On any given day, I will interact with a number of people during the course of my normal daily activities. In so doing, from time to time, I will come across a woman who strikes my imagination based on her presence and/or demeanor. These women cross all walks of life – there is no clearly defined “type” I have that stands out. Whatever it is that causes me to notice them will elicit a tiny amount of arousal at the thought of being under her control. It is this emotion that I will use to then create a story.

Primarily, there are only a hand-full of scenarios that make sense to me as being possible in a real-life scenario: Revenge is sometimes the motive, and can pretty easily be crafted into a nice store. Blackmail is another and can take numerous forms. Lastly, punishment (or correction) is an alternative that can sometimes be combined or used alone when creating a story line. I’ll explore each below.

For revenge, I imagine “the woman” (as encountered per above) to have some sort of specific issue with either me, or the male species in general. She might be someone who was mistreated by men in the past. She might have been a victim of a violent crime. She might be involved in a really bad divorce. In any case, she is not too happy with men and she wants to take it out on me.

Blackmail is often times key to making any scenario work. The idea being – why on earth would any man allow a woman to dominate him when in reality he could easily strike out and free himself at any given time. Under what pretense would he allow himself to be truly dominated and abused? The only thing I can think of is blackmail of some sort. This might take the form of information that could put the male into legal jeopardy. (He broke the law and she knows it and can prove it.) Or else it might be something that if reveled would ruin his reputation with friends and f****y. (This might be that she caught him in the act of cheating.) Or finally, it might be a situation that the man initially gets himself into but then gets out of control when the female turns the tables on him.

The punishment scenario is usually combined with one of the others above to form the story line. For example, a woman might have found out that a man has been cheating on his wife and then f***es him to undergo “re-education” punishment if he wants her to keep it to herself.

Having established a baseline for what realistic events might put a woman in control of a man, I go back to the original question of this essay – what would a real-life scenario look like once the woman has the man under her control?

Here is where it starts to get interesting. Given that woman are not motivated by the same simplistic urges men are, I think the actual plotline would be rather boring and straight forward initially. First off, I would imagine that a woman, who has complete control over a man, would likely want him to behave in a certain manner. It is very possible, she would want him to be extraordinarily polite and pleasant to be around – both physically and emotionally. Therefore, I would expect her to give very specific rules around behavior and appearance. Calling her Ma’am and speaking respectfully would certainly be plausible. Potentially being dressed in a neat and respectful manner would be required. Unfortunately, I don’t believe being naked around her would be something she would want. Not unless it was for some sort of punishment purposes and even then it would probably not be something she wouldn’t specifically enjoy to see.

Of course, I could build in a sadistic streak to her personality thereby making some typical BDSM elements more possible, but again, I don’t believe that would be a common trait among most women.

Specific sexual contact with the women in my fantasy scenarios would almost certainly be out of the question. Again – why would she want to have sex with her subject? It would not make sense unless by chance, she is completely unattractive herself and has needs that cannot be filled by someone she is emotionally connected with. (In that case, however, she would probably not fit me fantasy profile…)

I would imagine that the actual interaction would be relatively benign at the outset. It would likely center on doing chores, cooking food, and performing basic functions for her around the house.

If I then extended one of the above mentioned plot-lines to the scenario, I can make it a little more interesting. For example, assume I was caught peeping into a woman’s window and she has me on video doing so. She is disgusted with me and men in general for being so vile. She f***es me into service with her as a payback for my indiscretion. As part of this type of scene, I would imagine her forcing me to do things that are humiliating. She might even try to “break me” of my habits. To some extent I could see how this might require her to f***e me to be naked and/or perform sexual acts on myself. She might employ corporal punishment on me for not doing as expected. But in all of these instances, I cannot imagine her enjoying any of the actual activity beyond her basic desire to correct a bad behavior.

So far, my favorite plotline around a plausible scenario is as follows:
A married man finally decides to act out his Femdom fantasies by going to a professional dominatrix. He finds an interesting ad for dom services in a local paper and makes an appointment. When he arrives, he finds, to his horror, that the dominatrix is a friend of his wife’s. (Neither he or his wife knew she did this for a living.) She is mortified and pissed beyond belief that her friend’s husband would essentially cheat on his wife in this way. To make things worse, he had emailed her a copy of all of his top fetish fantasies prior to his appointment, so now she knows all the nasty stuff he was hoping to get from his encounter. After initially sending him away in anger, she decides that she will teach him a lesson about what it means to be respectful to women in general, and his wife specifically. She decides to give him what he asked for originally, but to make things worse, she includes a few other of his wife’s friend in the mix and together, they all make his life miserable using the threat of telling his wife if he doesn’t go along with their plans.

My goal in writing these stories is to find an outlet for my imaged interactions with the women I come across who strike that specific cord with me. I don’t think I would ever actually want any of these things to happen but the thoughts about how I would feel and react are very exciting and certainly drive me to think of ever evolving new permutations.

I would be curious to hear from any other men who have the same sort of fantasy thread. I’m not interested in hearing about men who want to be dressed in women’s clothes or have their diapers changed. Again – no woman would ever voluntarily do that. It just would not make any sense. I am interested in men who have thought about what it would be like to really be under the control of a woman an how that might evolve over time.

Even more then hearing from men, however, I would LOVE to hear from women who could articulate what they might do if they suddenly found themselves in a position to own and control a man. Think about what you would want from them – how you would make use of their services. Would you be interested in anything sexual at all? Would you enjoy hurting him? Would you enjoy degrading or humiliating him? How and why?

I await your input with great anticipation.
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Categories: BDSMFetish
Posted by zork2006
2 years ago    Views: 466
Comments (6)
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1 year ago
I just made my first attempt at this just recently. As I was writing all the things so stated in your piece came forward. I know there are some grammatical things to improve on. The plot was the thing I wanted to be realistic. If you read it leave me a comment. Thanks

http://xhamster.com/user/cambriakid/posts/206087.html
1 year ago
A most interesting read. I found your thoughts to be most enlightening. In my own limited experience, I've found that what most dominant women want is a "wife." Someone they can count on to keep the house and handle other run of the mill mundane responsibilities while simultaneously doting (paying rapt attention to their needs and desires)on them. As for the exchange of affections and other intimacies, these women typically don't entertain the popular concept of "unconditional love." Rewards are dispensed based on performance. Punishments, although not as stringent as those in fiction are meted out as instructive lessons. (Usually, its as simple as a denial of a privilege. I leave it to your imaginations to imagine which.) In real life, the love between the female top and her man is very profound. She greatly values her man, for all he does for her and wants him happy. And he values her because of all the people in the world she could have, she loves and cherishes him.
1 year ago
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1 year ago
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strap0n
retired
2 years ago
Yes, I think you're right on the money that most femdom erotica/porn is really just male fantasy fulfillment and what a real domme really wants is quite different than what sub men tend to think they want.

Most of my most satisfying femdom fantasies start out with the premise of revenge/punishment and I don't have sex with the sub in any of them. He's lucky if he gets to go down on me. :)
areola_bl...
retired
2 years ago
This was quite fascinating - thank you. I have sent you a invitation to become a friend as I think any discussion we may have about this subject should be in a less public place than the Comments column.

I look forward to hearing from you.

a_b