The Quest (Chapter 3)
"But I will not take your collar this time."
The Man - The next morning you have to overcome your resistance. This woman has told you you are to prepare yourself and then kneel on the cushion next to the gate and wait until someone will come for you. Having slept and feeling less confused and overwhelmed now you feel the aching muscles in your arms and shoulders from having to stand cuffed for so long. You look down at the piece of rope around your ankle. Who is this man? Who the hell does he think he is? What makes him think you will follow his orders, even when he isn't even around? The arrogance of expecting you to behave without checking, without explaining makes you angry and uncertain at the same time. When you hear footsteps approaching you quickly kneel on the cushion, lay your hands on your back and lower your head. This may be weird but it doesn't seem like a good idea to create more reasons for possible punishment.
You see my boots as the gate is being opened.
"Stand up Teresa."
Reluctantly you get on your feet and feel my hands on your hips. "Come with me."
There is an unexpected gentleness. No reference to last night as you are brought to the huge living room. You are placed at the breakfast table. This other woman is already sitting there. Through your eyelashes you look at her. Who is she? Is she his slave? This is bizarre. Two naked women, head down, silently having breakfast and a man looking at them, sipping coffee, obviously observing.
I bring you to the centre of the room. Make you stand in front of the huge fireplace, your back turned towards it. I sit in a chair opposite of you, A is right next to me on her knees. I comfort her, touching her hair and gently scratching her neck. Suddenly my voice breaks the silence: "There are a lot of things you have to learn Teresa. A lot of things. For example this, which is probably the most valuable lesson you'll ever learn in your life. You called me master last night. What in the world makes you do that? You have only got one master. The one that accepted you, loves you, protects you and goes through every effort to develop you and allow you to flourish. You will recognise him and ONLY him as your master. No one else."
My voice is suddenly sharp and the words cut like whiplashes. You suddenly blush, feel shame and feel very, very small. You want to cry, want to explain, want to apologise. I can see your lips move.
"Shut up Teresa, don't even try to speak. From now on you will only, and I repeat only, acknowledge ONE master. You will address me as Sir and you will learn to save your submissiveness for your master only. Here you will develop and a lot will come out, but all of that is because of your master, the only one who owns you and who sent you here. Now step forward."
My hands touch your shaven triangle. Gently. Suddenly they pull back.
"Do you call that shaving? I want perfection from you, Teresa. Perfection in every aspect. Perfection that shows your love and respect for your master. Now go back to your room and shave properly."
You are startled for a moment, then the tears start to flow. You forget all rules, cover your face with your hands and rush back to the room.
Crying uncontrollably in both anger and shame you stand in the bathroom. There is anger because you have been sent back like a little c***d, corrected and humiliated. Anger because of the fact that all this gets to you. Shame for all sorts of reasons, mostly because my words make you feel like you have betrayed David.
Your face is still covered with tears and you are blushing again intensely as you return the room. The hall leading towards the living room suddenly seems Miles long and your feet are heavy. You expect to be inspected again, but that doesn't happen.
Instead you are positioned in front of the fireplace again. I walk around you and put your hair in a very tight pony tail.
"This is how you will do your hair while you are here, Teresa."
"Yes Sir," you sob.
I grab your wrists and reposition your hands, making your fingers touch each other. Then I reach in my pocket and place a coin in between each pair of fingers. Flour is spread over and around your feet and a saucer is being placed on your head.
"Now listen good Teresa. Last night you asked me what right I have to keep you here. The answer is I don't. You are here because your master wants you to be here. If you feel you need to have an opinion on that or make other choices, you are free to do so."
I wait a while, light a cigarette and walk around you. "On the table are clothes, your passport and more then enough money for a trip back. The door is open, the gates are unlocked and the staff has very strict instructions not to touch you, no matter what happens. I will leave for quite a while. You have the option to go if you please. If you don't, you will remain standing like this without moving a muscle. The flour will make an excellent tell tale if you try to move your feet. The coins will drop if you move your hands and the saucer will fall off and break if you do not keep your head down and stand absolutely still. It will become increasingly difficult and painful. But remember, you always have the option to leave if you think you can not bear it anymore. If you are still here when I return I will expect you to tell me all the emotions you have gone through. All of them, including the not-so-submissive ones."
With these words I take A's hand and lead her out the room and you are left on your own. There you are, alone, standing here. Your feet lightly spread, looking down at your feet, the flour on the floor, the dark red-brown tiles. Staff walk in and clears the breakfast table. You are completely ignored. Of course, it is very normal to do the household in a room where a naked woman is standing in this position, you think, more or less sarcastically. You start to sweat ......
Teresa - I woke up the next morning and looked around. For a few moments I could not remember where I was and then the aching feeling in my arms made me look up at where my wrists had been locked in tight cuffs above my head and reality flooded back at my like a tidal wave. I was still here in this cosy cell. It had not been a dream after all. I remember how I tried to stay relaxed so as to rest my tired arms and focus on my situation. I do not know how long I stood there alone like that but soon I heard doft footsteps echoing down the hall and then the gate was being unlocked. A lovely lady walked into my room and looked at me for several seconds. I watched curiously as many different emotions seem to flit across her face and oddly tear moistened eyes.
She came toward me and stood next to me stroking my hair and talking to me in soothing tones telling me that she was once like me, and understands what I am feeling inside. She told me it is all right to be frightened but that things will go easier on me if I accept what is happening and without complaint. I listened to her words and felt my anger and resentment begin to fade.
She seemed sincere in her words to me and for some reason I feel as if I can trust her. I smiled gratefully up at her as she uncuffed my hands and rubs the rubs the soreness from them as she continued to speak.
"When you wake up you will now go into the bathroom and bathe thoroughly Teresa. Making sure to shave yourself. Everywhere. He will undoubtedly check to make sure you have followed these instructions perfectly. Do you understand this?"
I nodded my head slowly, my anger welling up inside of me with each thing she says to me but I said nothing ... just listened.
"You will after you have finished with your bath come to this cushion by the gate and kneel with your head lowered and your hands resting on your back and wait for someone to come to you."
Again she asked me if I have understood all of your instructions and I nodded curtly to her. She looked at me one last moment and shook her head slowly before turning and walking out the gate making sure to lock it as she went.
I stand in the middle of my cell. I think of picking up that cushion and ripping it to shreds for the briefest of instants before His face flashes before my eyes and I think better of it. Turning with reluctant acceptance I move to the bathroom and bathe quickly making sure to shave all the hair from my body, blushing profusely as I do so. After the bath, I walk back to where the cushion is and look down at it again. I wonder if I will ever stop feeling angry when I look at it or around this room. I glance down at the rope tied to my foot and my anger builds anew and I whisper to the room: "I doubt it."
I startle a bit as I recognise His heavier footfalls coming down the hall and quickly sink to my knees on the cushion with my head and hands positioned as she had instructed and wait for you to open the gate. My heart is beating in my ears as I sense you come into my cell. You look down at me on the cushion a moment before telling me to stand and I do so reluctantly. I feel your hands on my hips as you gently manoeuvre me through the gate to the living room. Confusion roams through my mind at your gentleness after your handling of me last night but I wisely keep my thoughts to myself.
I see the lady is already there seated at the long breakfast table and I wonder who she is and what she has to do with me. And then you push me forward and position me in front of the fireplace before you move to the chair opposite me and sit down in it. The lady is already there kneeling beside it and I watch you reach out and caress her in the silence of the room a moment before you again look up at me.
You begin to speak in a harsh but low tone telling me of the many things I must learn here. You inform me that I called you master last night and that this is not acceptable. To me you are to be known at all times as Sir. I feel the heat of my shame as you remind me that David is my one true Master and that he would undoubtedly find my calling another man Master unacceptable as well. You instruct me to move closer to you and I do so immediately and without complaint and I jump a little as I feel your hands touching my most private place. My face flames as you pull quickly away from me in anger. You berate me and tell me I did not do as instructed that my attempts to shave myself were feeble at best. You tell me I should be striving for perfection in all I do if I want to please my Master. I looked at you aghast and then the tears that had threaten to spill earlier begin to fill my eyes and I run blindly from the room back to my cell and shave myself slowly and carefully my heart feeling heavy with many emotions but the one I feel most is the feeling I have betrayed David.
When I have done as I was instructed I walk slowly back to the living room, my cheeks are still burning with my embarrassment and shame and my eyes are downcast as I wait to be inspected again. I am a little confused as I am instead repositioned in front of the fireplace and you move behind me and pull my hair into a tight ponytail and I feel my tears choking my throat again as you tell me my hair will stay this way throughout my stay here.
When you have done that you reposition my hands and place coins between each finger and I look down at this in bewilderment. Next you place a saucer on my head and spill flour on the floor around me. You tell me that as of right now the doors are unlocked my things are on the table and I am free to go. But if I choose to stay I am to remain like I am now until you return and without another word you motion to the lady and the two of you walk out of the room leaving me alone.
My mind is racing with my emotions. I want to scream loudly and toss this stupid saucer on the floor and take great delight in the sound of it shattering into a million little pieces on the tiled floor. I want to take these coins and stuff them into the pockets of clothes that now lay folded neatly on the table and run to the nearest pay phone and be free of this place. So why don't I? I know why. I can't. I know how disappointed in me David would be if I gave up now. And I know I would be disappointed in myself. I am not a quitter I tell myself and straighten my spine carefully trying to find a way to be more comfortable and not move the saucer or the coins. I feel the tears start to form in my eyes again and blink them back angrily. "I will show you all!" I cried in my head. I will do this and every other task He lays before me. I will do it for David because I know he would want me not to quit. But most of all I will do it for me.
To be continued….