A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.

A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.

The young woman continued, "My Continue»

An 85-year-old visited his doctor who requested the old guy take a sperm count test as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the old man a specimen jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the old guy goes back to the doctor's office and hands over the jar, which was as clean and empty as it was the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, Doctor, it's like this, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing happened.

'Then I asked Continue»

A Sunday School teacher was speaking to her class one morning and asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Bethany raises her hand and said "I think it's your hands Miss"

"Why do you think it's your hands, Bethany?" asked the teacher.

Bethany replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you so God must takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the teacher exclaimed. "What does everyone else think?"

Young Timmy raises his hand and says, "Miss I think it's your mouth, because when you say your p Continue»

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they started a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and
asked " So why are you here today? "

The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a serial pisser. I piss on everything, I piss on the couch, the carpet, the curtains, the cat, the k**s. But last night was the final straw when I pissed on my owner's."

The black Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do? "

"Well, he's going to cut my balls off," answered the yellow Labrador. "Supposedly it'll calm me down and stop me pissing everywhere."

The Yellow Lab t Continue»

Two old age pensioners are enjoying oral sex together... but after a few minutes, the old guy says, "I can't stay down here much longer, it stinks!"

The old lady says, " I'm sorry, it's my arthritis playing up again."

The old guy replies, " You've got arthritis in your cunt?"

"No" says the old lady, "the arthritis is in my arm, it means I can't wipe my arse!"