My friends say I'm really lucky to have a solicitous "hunk" for a husband. Tim, my husband of eight years, always tells me I look nice, how much he loves me, and how happy he is that I'm his wife. His actions the last few years have made me wonder if this is entirely true. While it certainly is a fact that just because a man looks at the dessert menu doesn't mean that he is going to go off his diet, the looks he gives to my friends June and Peg, and my s****r-in law Beth, make me wonder. Particularly since they love to touch his arms and hips and constantly stroke his ego by calling him "hunk-and-a-half." This is especially so since I am the one who has to initiate sex 90% of the time, and I wonder where his mind is when he's fucking me.
I've often wondered "Do I really want to know what's on Tim's mind when we make love? Am I his one and only in fantasy as well as reality? Can I be satisfied just with reality?"
Tim and I have vacationed with one other couple on a number of occasions, including with my b*****r Bill and Beth, June and her husband Jack, and Peg and her husband Artemis. The vacations have been to resorts in fairly typical places. I thought it might be time for something different.
"Tim, what do you think about a vacation with Bill, Beth, June, Jack, Peg and Artemis to a wilderness area? Away from the stress of our jobs for a week, no cell phones, iPads, Blackberries or T. V.s."
"Really, Sue? I didn't think that you'd be into that. I frequently camped out before we got married and I know at least Bill, Peg and Artemis have been on wilderness treks."
"Well it seems that both of us, as well as our friends, have been too busy and we need some 'chill' time."
"I'm game, Sue. Do you want to check into it or do you want me to."
"Let me figure it out, consult the others, and get back to you if I need your help, Tim."
A little background.
My two-years-my-junior b*****r Bill and Artemis have been friends since high school, and best men in each other's weddings. We got to know Peg through Artemis. June was an old friend of mine from college, where she met Jack. I have known them both since my sophomore year.
Beth is a year younger than Bill and had been a stripper while working her way through college. My filthy rich parents were less than thrilled by that, but I never judged her since she had to do what she felt she needed to in order to pay her way. She certainly had the physical tools and charm to be a first class stripper, but once she married Bill (with a pre-nup) she never worked again. In the six years she and Bill have been married her looks haven't changed a bit; any strip joint would hire her tomorrow.
June is a hot little red-haired firecracker with a rack that would make any tit-man swoon, and a bottom half that would do any woman justice. She has lost none of her luster since college. While Jack is good-looking and pleasant, I never considered them a good match.
Artemis is a smart and successful guy with average looks, but a keen wit and a gift of gab. I'm sure that the later are what attracted Peg to him. While Peg's face is pleasant I don't think anyone would call her beautiful. But she has an absolute killer body, and that "it" factor that is impossible to explain, but that has many guys drooling within minutes of being around her.
I met Tim shortly after college. I work in my father's business. I like to think I became a V. P. the quickest of anyone ever because of my business acumen and hard work – but I have to admit that though I have both of those, nepotism did help. Although I have always been rich I hope most people don't consider me a "rich bitch" because I try to be nice to everyone.
Tim is as good-looking, muscular, and charming as any man I have ever met and at first I didn't believe that he could be interested in me for me. I'm not as beautiful as Beth or June, but my face is pleasant and kind. I also don't have a body that compares to Beth's June's or Peg's, but it too is certainly passable. I have average sized firm tits, I'm slim, I have good muscle tone, and I do Kegel exercises every day.
By offering to sign a pre-nup that would last ten years, Tim eventually convinced me that he wanted to marry me and not my money, and we tied the knot. I know that many single women were devastated when that happened.
Back to the story.
I'm not sure I was surprised but Beth, Peg and June all seemed enthusiastic about the idea and their husbands didn't need much convincing. It was a little difficult finding the right eight day, seven night, time frame to fit all of our schedules, but we finally did it; the third week in July, in the Canadian Wilderness.
I arranged a dinner at our house to plan the details, and make sure everyone was on board before we bought the plane tickets and arranged for local transportation. Beth, June and Peg all arrived in slinky outfits. Tim's eyes were saucer like, but he didn't say anything – at least in my presence – except that they looked "toxic."
After a nice meal I started the discussion.
"Hey, campers; you understand that this is the real wilderness, and we have no way out once we're in, and no form of communication except a restricted range satellite phone."
"Isn't that the idea, s*s?" Bill laughed.
"Yeah, I just didn't want any confusion. No electronic devices of any kind but the phone."
"Can we handle an emergency with just a restricted range phone?" Peg asked while "scratching" her leg, exposing her thigh almost completely.
"The satellite phone will allow us to have 24 hour communication with a commercial wilderness rescue agency called, appropriately, 'Wilderness Rescue' where we will pick it up. We pay a daily fee to have them on retainer and we will buy an insurance policy that will pay them if we do need a rescue."
"Sounds like a plan," June chimed in. "Let's get the tickets on-line now, and start partying."
The soon-to-be-campers didn't leave until 2 a.m. Everyone was in a good mood resulting in a helluva lot more groping than I had seen before. I wondered what that meant for the vacation, now coming up in about three months.
As the departure day approached, everyone purchased all of the right equipment to make things as comfortable as possible while still allowing us to reasonably carry it on our backs into the wilderness. In the three months since the dinner/party it seemed that all of the would-be campers, especially the women, had tried their best to get in shape. It was almost like every time I went to the health club I ran into Beth, June and/or Peg, and the last time I saw each of them on the treadmill or elliptical their thighs and calves were hard and shapely. The three of them looked even better than normal.
The departure flight to Quebec City was basically uneventful, although the excitement was palpable. On the small plane ride to the wilderness area the enthusiasm level increased even more, and after we picked up the restricted range satellite phone at Wilderness Rescue and then flew by pontoon plane to our drop-off point the sense of adventure went over the top for most of us. We solicited from the pontoon plane pilot where a good first night camp location might be, confirmed the pick-up time eight days hence when we would return to the exact spot he dropped us off, and virtually bounced away toward our supposed campsite.
The terrain was beautiful, thick with natural wonders and a****ls of all sorts. We talked little, almost spellbound by the natural elegance of our surroundings as we trekked through the verdant forest until, guided by Bill's GPS, we got to where the pilot had suggested we camp. The campsite was alive with activity as we set up small tents and air mattresses, gathered dry twigs and wood for a small campfire, and broke out rations for our first meal.
With a full moon overhead and the reflection from the fire, the toned nature of June's, Peg's and Beth's legs was evident to all the males. While trying his best to hide it, it seemed like Tim's eyes rarely moved away from Beth's legs in particular except to make eye contact with another camper while conversing with them. After a simple but satisfying meal, we were spellbound by Artemis' stories of mystery and terror, and entertained by June's singing accompanied by Jack on a harmonica. What a nice surprise that we had three such talented companions for our adventure.
When we got into our tents at night, there was enough moaning and groaning from all of the venues so that no one felt self-conscious about their own festivities. Tim was very frisky the instant we got into our tent, and needed no encouragement from me as he virtually yanked my clothes off, stroked my thighs and pressed his lips firmly against mine while exploring my mouth with his tongue. He seemed to be really focused on my thighs, periodically kneading them when he interrupted his strokes. Finally he got around to my pussy.
I had rarely seen Tim in such a frenzy as he slurped and fingered my pussy, nor had his tongue and finger work typically had such a profound effect on me. In short order I was writhing and moaning in orgasm. In a night of continued previously-infrequent activities, Tim brusquely turned me onto my stomach, scooted his dick up my vagina while I was prone, and pounded the shit out of me while swearing a blue streak. His dick felt so large in my pussy when I was in that position I thought I had a cucumber reciprocating in me. I could barely remember the last time he fucked me in that position, or that he talked dirty while fucking, but I wasn't complaining about either as I went through two more orgasms before he ejaculated a full charge of cum into me when I squeezed his cock with my pelvic floor muscles, sapping every last ounce of strength that I had.
The next morning at breakfast everyone had a possum grin on his or her face. There were a few crude comments by the guys, which much to the males' disappointment the girls didn't react to. Taking out our very basic map of the area we planned the day's activities and where the next campsite might be.
On our trek Tim was quite the gentleman in helping the girls up steep inclines or rocks, though I wondered why he really needed to put his hands on their thighs or asses when doing so. He never got any complaints from them however, not even the time I saw his hand supporting Beth by her crotch to keep her from falling. I was surprised at how "helpful" the other guys were to me too, but taking my cue from the other women didn't complain when my ass was a handy "help" area.
That night as we ate and laughed during dinner around the campfire while most of the day's light had receded and only the dimness of a far North evening glow remained, the satellite phone buzzed. I had been in charge of the phone during the entire trip, mounted on the outside of my backpack. Bill was closest to it and quickly retrieved the buzzing instrument. We continued happily filling our faces, not paying much attention to Bill's conversation until he came back to the campfire unusually pale.
"What's the matter, Bill?" Beth inquired.
"That had to be wrong – we need to check someplace else before getting concerned."
The words "wrong" and "concerned" drained the color from most of our faces.
"What in the fuck is it?" Jack barked. "Spill it!"
"Well, shit. This guy Dwayne at the rescue agency said that a meteor that was supposed to miss Earth by a fair amount has suddenly drastically changed course and in three days is supposed to impact the Earth."
"What the fuck," Artemis and Tim said almost in unison.
"Worse, it is supposed to hit within a few miles of where we are and it is large enough that it will instantly kill anything within a 200 mile radius."
"That's not funny, Bill; how could you be so cruel," I screamed as June started whimpering and the rest of the campers stared in disbelief.
"I'm not fucking with you," Bill shot back, and his wide-eyed look and lack of color in his face made us believe that he really had been told what he disclosed to us.
"That can't be fucking true," I screamed, even more loudly and frantically than the first time. "Meteors don't just suddenly change course from where they miss by thousands of miles to where they wipe us out."
"Shit yeah," Jack chimed in. "I read in the newspaper on the plane that the meteor had been tracked for years, and was going to miss the earth by 30,000 miles or more, and scientists weren't the least bit concerned."
Bill said nothing more, just buried his head in his hands.
Artemis immediately got back on the satellite phone and called the rescue agency. All of us except Bill huddled around as the phone beeped for the longest time before it was finally answered by a woman with a frantic tone to her voice.
"What's this about a meteor?" Artemis huffed.
"It's gonna hit Quebec Provence, get the hell out," was the agitated response on the other end.
"This is the Martin group in the wilderness. Can you send a helicopter for us?"
"Are you shitting me? All the helicopters are long gone. The pilots are saving their own families by flying as far South as their fuel will take them. I'm hopping a plane in minutes myself. You should live out your fantasies before your quick death." Then the phone clicked off.
After a long period of silence, with as restrained a voice as possible, I said "That can't be right. Can't you find some other place to call to confirm. Maybe these people have a sick sense of humor or bad information."
"There's a small directory connected to the phone which indicates what numbers it can access," Bill yelped as he jumped up from his rock perch. Grabbing the phone from Artemis he quickly located the directory and started thumbing through it with most of the group straining to look over his shoulder. Over the next hour Bill called every other number accessible by the phone while the rest of us looked on like a committee of vultures. Most numbers rang endlessly, never being answered. The few people he got through to didn't mince any words before cutting us off. Typical was a woman at a government office in Quebec City:
"I only answered because I thought it was someone who could take me South. Get the fuck out if you can," followed by silence as she obviously dropped the phone and took off.
After those unsuccessful attempts we all had resigned and terrified looks on our faces. People congregated and whispered in twos and threes for a while thereafter in between times just sitting and crying or staring blankly while perched on a log or rock. We were all emotionally drained and went to our tents the instant darkness completely enveloped our campsite, even letting the fire reduce itself to embers.
Tim and I lay side by side, saying little. Eventually my emotional fatigue got the best of me, and I fell into a deep though troubled sl**p.
I awoke before the sun arose because of Tim's activity in the tent.
"What are you doing, Hon?" I asked, still half-asl**p.
"Sue, it's been nice being married to you, better than I expected, especially since you have a great pussy. But I've always had the hots for both Beth and June, and they for me. I wanted to screw them for a long time but never acted on it because of the conditions of the pre-nup. Now I'm spending the two or three days we have left fucking them. We're leaving the campsite; don't follow."
I was jolted awake. "No, you can't do that. We're supposed to stay together."
Coldly Tim exited the tent turning to look at me as he made a final remark. "You've been a great gravy train. Maybe someone else will give you a final fuck. Bye."
I was devastated. I didn't know quite what to do. I lay softly sobbing until first light, when I dragged my ass out of the tent and looked around. Tim, Beth and June were sure gone. But so were Peg and Jack.
I shook Bill and Artemis awake. Bill had some caked bl**d on his face and was moving his jaw back and forth.
"What the hell happened to you Bill?" I asked.
"I tried to stop Beth from leaving with that asshole husband of yours, and he punched me. He was too fucking big for me to do anything about it."
"Where's Peg?" Artemis asked, frantically looking around.
"I don't know," I said, "but I do know that June and Beth are with Tim and since Jack is gone too I can only assume that she's with him."
"No, she wouldn't do that," Artemis replied in a totally unconvincing voice. "She would at least have told me or said good-bye."
"Maybe she was afraid there would be a scene and that you'd beat the shit out of Jack," I shot back.
"God damn it I would have!" Artemis virtually screamed.
The three of us faced a new reality. We weren't important enough to our various spouses for them to spend the last two or three days on earth together. Instead they were going to live out fuck fantasies with our so called "friends." It was a bitter pill to swallow.
We ate breakfast almost in silence. Afterward Bill attempted to snap us out of our self-pity. "Look, we have only two or three days left. We can either spend them depressed or do something."
We speculated about whether we could track the assholes down, would we want to, what we would do if we found them, were we going to spend our last few days trying to get out, would we resign ourselves to our fate, etc. We talked out virtually every option that came into our brains.
We still had the satellite phone, for all the good that would do. I finally decided what I was going to do. "I'm going to go back to our drop off site," I said. "Maybe the pontoon pilot has a conscience or is resigned to his fate too, and will pick us up if I can reach him by the phone."
"You're dreaming," Artemis said as Bill shook his head in agreement. Then they both went off to Artemis's tent whispering away.
I slowly got my stuff together, including picking up the satellite phone and securing it to my backpack. I didn't take down the tent but I did deflate and gather up the air mattress. I was almost ready to leave when Bill and Artemis approached.
I could tell Bill was nervous as Artemis started talking. His words came out slowly but deliberately and f***efully.
"Listen, Sue. I want you to know I've always found you sexy. Of course while I was married and since Bill is my best friend, I never acted on that. Things are different now." I was shocked; but it was nothing compared to how flabbergasted I was when Artemis turned to Bill like he wanted him to say something.
Bill's voice was not deliberate. It was hesitant and chagrinned; but it was as f***eful as Artemis'.
"Sue, I've always loved you as a s****r; still I've had a dirty secret I've suppressed since I was 18. Always in the back of my mind was something else." I couldn't believe it when he confidently stared into my eyes and said "I wanted in your pants."
I stared blankly. I couldn't be hearing this right. I finally realized I was when Bill continued.
"When Artie and I were rising seniors in high school we talked about double-teaming you when we saw you sunning yourself topless on a lounge chair at the pool during the summer. We knew it was idle talk and never would happen – until now."
"You guys can't be serious?" I gulped. "You're teasing me, right?"
From their looks I knew they were serious.
"Look, we only have a few days of life. Our spouses have left. Who the fuck cares what social mores are now?" Bill carried on, his words no longer hesitant.
"Please cooperate," Artemis said with a tone more of an order than a request. "We need to do this."
When they both took off their shirts while boring holes in my head with their stares I knew it was going to happen. I wasn't thrilled by it, but I had always been fond of both Bill and Artie; why not fulfill their fantasy under the circumstances? I became resigned – there was no reason to fight it. Hell, maybe I would even enjoy it.
I remained relatively stoic as Bill and Artie continued to disrobe. When they were naked, with their impressive cocks at full attention, they led me to an inflated double air mattress and placed kisses on my neck, arms, and eventually my lips, as they slowly removed my clothes. Once I was naked they lay me on the mattress and Artie got to work on my crotch as Bill massaged my tits. Soon Artie had two fingers in my snatch and his tongue flicking my clit, and Bill was sucking one nipple while gently pinching the other.
As time went on I went into a state of semi-consciousness. My body felt good, but my mind felt like it was out of my body, hesitant but helpless. That is until my first orgasm. It wasn't super powerful, but it sure got my attention. Another followed shortly as fingers and a tongue were furiously stimulating my pussy, and my nipples were continuously energized.
While more aware, but still in a mild stupor, I was sure that Bill and Artie had switched positions. Bill was even more anxious to trigger an orgasm than Artie had been, and Artie really seemed to relish my nipples. My third orgasm was massive and extended. While continuing to gently stroke my genitals and boobs, the guys gave me a chance to come down from my orgasm. Then their fun began.
I think it was Bill who turned me on my hands and knees. He then moved in front of me, knelt on the mattress, and moved his dick to my lips. Meanwhile, Artie moved in back of me, stroked his dick up and down on my slit several times, and then stuck me. Any doubts I had about whether Artie really had always wanted to fuck me, as opposed to it being a recent phenomenon inspired by the meteor report, were dissipated when he started screwing my brains out. He was as animated as the Energizer Bunny as he stroked furiously in and out, some short strokes, some long ones.
I tried as best I could to suck Bill's dick as I was being pummeled and did a reasonably good job. That is until Artie started rotating his hips while pumping in and out and stuck his thumb in my asshole. Then I could only gasp and scream as Bill moved his dick with his hand up and down on my cheek. Soon Artie was detonating cum bombs in me and my face collapsed onto the mattress as I almost passed out.
Artie stayed in me for a long time, until finally Bill chastised him for hogging me, reminding him that he needed a turn. Bill apparently wasn't excited about using his friend's cum as a lubricant, so they lifted me up and led me to the lake. The water was cool rather than cold, and Bill was very anxious to help me rinse Artie's cum out of my pussy. Once I was douched to his satisfaction we returned to the air mattress.
The entire time Bill's really nice, and thick, dick had remained hard. I guess he too wasn't lying about fantasizing about banging me. By the time he had me on my hands and knees again and was stroking and licking my pussy to wetness, Artie was firming up too. I obliged Artie by sucking his dick with alacrity until Bill eased his cock into my cunt and then started thrashing inside me. Bill was clearly on a mission to bring me to orgasm as quickly and intensely as possible, so I soon had to stop sucking Artie as I was wracked by orgasm after orgasm, each more powerful than the last.
While I could no longer suck Artie's dick he massaged and sucked on my tits as he lay underneath my torso. When Bill ejaculated a full load into me I had a climax so extreme I collapsed onto Artie, and lost consciousness, or at least awareness, until I finally felt Bill pull out of me.
I was Bill and Artie's fuck toy for the rest of the day. I don't know how they were able to generate so much jism, or kept getting hard. Maybe they were popping pills and maybe their anticipation that these were the last fucks they were ever going to get in their life did it. Whether it was chemical or mind-over-matter, all I know is that except for breaks for lunch and dinner, and periodic baths in the lake, I had a cock in my pussy and/or mouth virtually the entire day.
When we finally collapsed on the air mattresses to sl**p rather than fuck, we were in dreamland almost instantly. This was one of the unusual situations where reality was more of a fantasy than dreams.
When we woke the next morning my pussy and the guys' dicks were sore.
"Listen guys I need some time to recover. And your dicks look red to me; you could use some downtime too."
"I guess you're right Sue; but we're not done with you," Bill replied.
"I know. To be honest, despite my initial shock and lack of enthusiasm I now want to fuck as badly as you guys do. You really wound my clock yesterday. I have a proposition."
"We're listening," Artie said with a big smile on his face.
"Let's hike back to the drop-off point and remain optimistic. Once we get there I'll be recovered. Then I'd be willing to treat you boys to a double penetration, ass and pussy!"
Their eyes lit up like Christmas trees, as they mumbled something that I interpreted to be consent.
We hiked straight through to the drop-off point. When we got there the guys were too fatigued to do much of anything, although they were both grateful for the blowjob I gave each of them. The next morning was a different story.
When the sun rose so did the cocks (and I don't mean roosters). They were as excited as k**s waking up on Christmas morning as they immediately went to work on me. They apparently had talked strategy at some point because they did not hesitate in getting into position. I don't know how they decided who got the pussy and who got the anus but both seemed excited with their hole.
Bill produced a tube of lubricant from his backpack and as I straddled and kissed Artemis he lubed up my pussy and asshole, as well as his fingers and cock. I slowly lowered myself onto Artie's cock until he was fully buried, and squeezed my chest tightly onto his, with my ass high up in the air. Artemis didn't move while Bill moved one, then two, then three, lubricated fingers around in my asshole.
Once I was groaning enough to suit Bill I felt the head of his thick dick press on my rosebud. The initial entry was not easy and slightly painful; until a distinct "pop." Once he was fully inside me that was their signal to start pumping.
Artie slowly pumped in as Bill slowly moved out, and vice versa. There was no way for them to pound given the geometry and that my holes were almost bursting. Holy Shit did it feel good. It was also wonderful when as my third orgasm started they both ejaculated, Artie first followed only seconds later by Bill. I was never so full or satisfied in my life, though very sore when we were finished.
After we recovered from our DP we ate breakfast and then I insisted that Bill try the satellite phone again. "You try!" was his response.
I fiddled with a few buttons I never saw anyone else use and tried calling the commercial rescue operation.
"Wilderness Rescue, Josh speaking; how can I help you?"
We were shocked.
"Uh, you're in operation?" I blurted out, obviously sounding dumbfounded.
"Yes ma'am, we're on duty 24/7."
"What about the meteor?"
With that I put my free hand to my forehead and moved the phone in the general direction of Artie. He snatched it from my hand.
While I couldn't hear everything said on the phone, I sure heard Artie when he signed off.
"Fuck me! I don't know what that shit with the meteor was, but they'll be here within two hours to pick us up. There is no meteor hitting Earth; we're not going to die, at least not soon."
We all apparently had tears of joy as we hugged. After a few minutes of celebration the reality of what we had done hit us. Bill spoke first.
"Oh my God! How can I have a normal relationship with you again, Sue, after what we've been through? I mean I had sex with my s****r, a total Taboo!"
"Shit I'm so sorry," Artie said as the color drained from his face, "will you ever forgive me? I know that we initially f***ed ourselves on you."
I had a moment of clarity. As calm and definitive as I typically was in business meetings I had the perfect response.
"Look, we fucked each other. There were unusual circumstances and I'm not about to assign blame to anyone. I never fought back and I ultimately thoroughly enjoyed it. We found out that we were married to the wrong people, fortunately for Bill and I before our spouses' pre-nups expired. We can now move on without regret about what happened between us, and without guilt."
Both Bill and Artie seemed completely relieved and got big smiles on their faces. Then, with the pleading eyes of a little boy, Artie asked. "Uh, Sue – do you think that maybe we could have sex again one more time before the plane gets here?"
I shot him a no-nonsense look. "Don't push it dick face!"
"OK, don't get your panties in a bunch, just wondering."
Bill, Artie and I were true to our plan. We were totally comfortable with each other on our trip back, we got the same lawyer and all filed for divorce within two days after we returned. I took pity on the "deserters" and had Wilderness Rescue find them and pull them out about a week after the three of us got home. There had been nothing romantic for them the last few days since they ran out of food, and the reality that they weren't going to die but that their lives were going to change hit them.
Of course Tim and Beth especially wanted back in the marriages, apologizing profusely; but Bill and I had already moved their stuff out of our houses, and refused to even meet with them. The pre-nups were ironclad so they shortly caved in and we agreed to a settlement to facilitate the divorces. Bill and I were free within three months.
Bill was on a mission to find out what had happened with the "meteor" report. The people at Wilderness Rescue told him that they had never been able to call us because apparently someone had switched the satellite phone to another system. They had some technical people take apart the phone and found clear evidence that someone had hacked into it, and that all of the calls to and from the phone – no matter what number had been dialed – had been made from and to a now abandoned phone number in our home city. The phone number had been registered to "Test Them, Inc.," a now defunct company. I thought Bill's quest would end there.
After our divorces were final Bill and I decided to live together until we found some real marriage material. We had throughly enjoyed our three days of fucking in the wilderness, and knew we could trust each other. We found out that we were very sexually compatible over the long term, fucking at least five or six times a week, and really enjoiying it. He especially liked me squeezing his cock with my toned pelvic floor muscles and I loved the way his dick filled me up. When Bill was out of town he didn't mind Artemis fucking me, but I ruled threesomes were now out, as was anal, much to their disappointment.
Months after the wilderness trip and divorces, after I thought Bill had long ago given up his search for information about the meteor incident, I found out that he hadn't. I got home from work on a Friday night before he did. I got into a bathrobe, and was trying to decide what to rustle up for dinner since I had given the cook the weekend off, when Bill walked in with a big shit eating grin.
"Why the possum grim, monkey-boy?"
"Because I'm going to get some good anal this weekend; I've even got the lube," he said, pulling a tube out of his pocket.
"Hey shit for brains," I shot back with a smile as big as his, "you can fuck my pussy and my mouth all you want, but unless you're fucking someone else you aren't getting anal."
"But Sue, it's such a turn-on for me."
"Yeah, but I don't like it nearly as much as vaginal sex, and given the limited amount of seminal fluid you can produce all of it is going into my pussy unless I feel like sucking your dick – which is a turn-on for me."
With an even bigger smile Bill pulled a piece of paper out of his suit jacket pocket. "I wonder how all of your co-campers would react if they saw two payments for $20,000 each made by you to 'Test Them, Inc.?' Let's see, one payment two weeks before our trip and the other a day after we got back? Curious!"
I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or shit. Once I recovered from the shock I turned to walk toward the master bedroom and said "Be sure to lube my ass up good before shoving your dick into it."