Len and Masie chapter 4
Len and Masie Chapter 4
They sat in their dressing gowns eating toast at the little table in his kitchenette. The thought flashed through Lens' mind that it was the first time anyone had sat opposite him here since he had moved in, and her company felt pleasantly strange. It felt right.
They talked about a lot of things, just chatting about easy stuff and tip-toeing carefully around what both knew needed to be said.
Len was nervous and tried hard not to show it but he couldn't sit still for long and was up and down to get a spoon, or something from the fridge, or some more water for the teapot, anything to distract him from having to discuss last night or any of its implications.
He wanted to, he wanted to ask her how she felt about the two of them, where she thought it might be going, how would she feel about them becoming a couple, but he was afraid of what he might hear. He knew she had implied taking things further last night but had that been the heat of the moment speaking and did she still feel the same now.
Underlying this even more was his fear of how she might react to his relationship with Albert. Now more that ever he wanted to be with her but the fear of how she might feel if - or rather when - she found out was an ever-growing spectre hanging over him.
He was suddenly aware of a break in the conversation and he inwardly cursed himself for not having followed it more carefully. He looked at her and saw a wariness in her eyes that hadn't been there a few minutes ago.
'Len......is something bothering you?'
He started. How did she know?
'You've been very distracted since we sat down.' She paused. 'Is it us? Have I gone too far too fast?'
Her hand came across the table to rest on his and her soft touch started him crumbling inside. If he was ever going to hope for a future with this wonderful woman he had to tell her now. If she was horrified by his revelation it was better it ended here rather than later and besides he didn't feel he would be able to carry his secret for much longer.
He looked at her and saw the concern in her eyes and knew at once that she wanted the same as him, to be together.
'Was last night it?' she asked quietly, 'Was that all of it?'
His eyes widened. She thought he had just wanted the sex.
'NO,' he said earnestly almost shouting, 'no!'
He took her hand and held it tight.
'No.......nothing like that.' He paused and looked at her intently. He went on.
'I would like to hope there a chance for us to be together .....but I don't know how you feel.'
He just looked at her.
'Am I pushing you too hard Masie?' he asked softly.
He could see her relax and a little smile came to her lips. She shook her head slowly.
'No you're not pushing me hard. If I'm honest it is me who has been the more demanding since we started.......well, you know.'
Her cheeks started to colour as she spoke and it was obvious that there was a time and a place to be forthright about desires and needs but this wasn't it.
'You are a very kind and attentive man and I would love to be with you as my companion and lover......but only if that's what you want as well.'
'Oh Masie,' he said hesitantly and took a deep breath
'I've always believed that being upfront with people was best and before you say any more there is something I have to tell you.'
He saw the fear begin to creep back into her eyes again and her hand retreated back across the small table. He sought to reassure her but with the realisation that it might just be letting her down a little more gently than otherwise.
'I want to be with you in every way but you need to know something right from the start.'
The solemnity of her face told him she was expecting to be told it wasn't a possibility. He reached across to her but she sat back in the seat, her hand out of reach.
He told her about Albert. He didn't fill in all the details, he didn't want to distress her any more than was necessary, but he omitted nothing that was relevant to her understanding what had happened. His dialogue was faltering at times and he looked pleadingly at her for some sort of reaction either condemnation or encouragement from time to time but there was none.
She was not making it easy for him but he thought it was probably no more than he deserved. They had spent a glorious night together and here he was blowing it all to pieces with his sordid little tale.
When he finished he just sat and looked at her forlornly.
'I'm sorry I had to tell you all this Masie,' he said softly, 'and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to have anything more to do with me. But I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you and I am so so sorry that it ever happened.'
She sat in silence for a while shaking her head and Len could visualise her walking out and not speaking to her again.
'I don't believe it.' she said softly, almost as if to herself.
'I'm so sorry Masie but it is the truth and I had to tell you now before......'
Her light laugh stopped him dead.
'No I didn't mean it like that.' She smiled at him. 'I believe everything you said.'
She lent forward again and took his hand.
'It must have taken a great deal of courage to tell me that and I admire you for that.' She paused and smiled at him. 'What I can't believe is how alike you and Freddy are....or is that were? I don't know. It doesn't matter.'
Her tone and manner were so different to a few seconds ago he could only sit and look at her in amazement. And with renewed hope.
'You're amazed that I'm not storming out of here aren't you.'
'Well I'm not and I'll tell you why.'
She stopped and looked down at the crumbs on her plate obviously collecting her thoughts.
'I've told you a little of my marriage and how I took a lot of trouble to make sure Freddy only wanted me and it worked. We were inseparable lovers and he never had eyes for anyone else and neither did I. I was happy, very happy.'
She paused and arranged the crumbs with her finger.
'Then one night just after we had finished making love he came out with something that shook me to the core. He told me that he had been seeing someone else - another man. When I asked him what he meant he told me that they had 'made love' on several occasions and when pressed he told me everything.'
The crumbs were being rearranged on the other side of the plate now. She looked up at him.
'Len my world fell apart.' she said simply.
His heart lurched and he wanted to reach out and hold her and comfort her like he had earlier but caution made him wait.
'I didn't know what to do,' she went on, 'I had no one I could turn to or talk to and even if I had, in those days it was not as acceptable as it is now so I wouldn't have been able to say anything anyway. I felt wretched and blamed myself for not being enough for him. I had let him down and caused him to do it.'
She laughed almost sadly.
'It was a wonderful way to lose weight. I couldn't eat or sl**p properly despite him constantly and earnestly reassuring me it was nothing I had done or hadn't done.'
She stopped and just looked at him and he urged her to continue with is eyes.
'He was particularly attentive to me after that, little gifts galore and nothing was too much trouble but our lovemaking suffered badly. We still made love very frequently but it was more just like having sex for me now, and he could sense it. There was little joy in it for me and after a while we just stopped.'
There was a long pause and her eyes dropped again.
'He still cuddled me in bed and tried to assure me that it wasn't my fault, that it was just something in him, and he kept trying to persuade me to take him again. We did try but it was no use, worse than before we stopped so we slowly drifted apart, physically I mean.'
'I still kept house for him and entertained as before and to outward appearances everything was fine. But he and I knew it wasn't.'
He voice dropped to almost a whisper.
'Then one evening we sat down and discussed parting, a separation, and that was the first time I had ever seen him cry.'
She looked up and Len could see the tears in her eyes. He made to get up but she stopped him.
'Let me finish. Please.'
'At first I thought he was just doing it for the effect and I got so mad with him I hit him. He didn't even try to push me away as I hit him over and over.'
A little sob escaped as she said this and Len was on his feet in an instant.
'No please.' She said putting her hand up. He sat down again.
'Every bit of my hurt and disappointment and anger came out at that moment and I wanted to hurt him as much as I felt he had hurt me. I was demented and scratched and gouged him and pulled clumps of his hair from his head and.....and......he just let me.'
Another sob accompanied the tears that were falling from her face but she still shook her head when he got up to comfort her.
'Masie please stop. No more sweetheart please.'
But she shook her head.
'I need to let this out. It's been inside too long.'
'When I eventually ran out of energy I flopped onto the floor and he picked me up and carried me upstairs. He laid me on the bed and undressed me tenderly and covered me with the bedding before going to wash the bl**d from his face.'
'When he came to bed he cuddled me from behind and just whispered how sorry he was. I could feel his tears on my back and that did it. I rolled over and started kissing him and when I saw what I had done to him I was horrified.'
She brushed her cheeks.
'I couldn't believe what I had done to someone I loved so much, hurt him so badly, scarred him so viciously. I kept kissing him and telling him I was sorry and he just said it was alright and held me tight.'
A sob accompanied this last statement.
'I wanted to show him how much I loved him so I climbed over him and made love to him. I made love to him. And it was so wonderful. It was as if I was reasserting my rightful position in his life, this other person just didn't matter, they were unimportant.'
She reached into her bag and pulled some tissues out to wipe her eyes and blow her nose, and there was a long pause before she went on.
'Everything got back on an even keel between us after that and I realised that he did still love me in the same way as he always had. This other thing, this man, was just something inside him he needed to do from time to time but he always came home to me and he always loved me.'
She looked at him. He could see her self-assurance returning and her voice was stronger now. She even managed a little smile as she reached across the table to take his hand.
’From that day on he was never a threat and neither is what you have just told me.'
She held his hand a little tighter.
'If it is something you need or want from time to time then I wouldn't want you to stop. I made that mistake once and won't again.'
Len could not believe his ears. A few moments before he had resigned himself to losing her forever but here she was saying everything was alright between them. He started to say something but she stopped him.
'Len,' she said very softly, ' I do want to be with you, just as much as I think you want to be with me. What we had last night was wonderful and having had that excitement in my life again I don't want to just let it slip away.'
Now he got up and walked round the table to cuddle her. He bent down and kissed the top of her head and said gently 'Neither do I.'
He held her close and felt her arm go round his back and pull him to her tightly with the side of her face pressed against his stomach. They didn't move for a few minutes than gently untangled themselves for Len to bend down and kiss her lovingly on her lips.
'So what happens next?' he asked, 'where do we go from here?'
Suddenly it was all business-like again and she stood up.
'Well, I'm going to get dressed then I'm going back to my flat for a while and then I'm going out to do some shopping for our dinner tonight.'
He looked at her a little surprised.
'You come around sevenish and I'll have it all ready for us.'
'Are you sure?' he asked, 'can I bring anything, wine or something?'
'Just your toothbrush.' she replied with a smile.
He pulled her up gently and cuddled her to him. He had never felt such relief, it was as if a weight had been lifted from ahim and he felt almost lightheaded. They kissed long and deep, their bodies pressed tight to each other and it wasn't long before he felt himself stiffening.
She felt it too and pressed her crotch hard against his
'Would you like to go back to bed for a little while?' she whispered.
He nodded and stared as she unfastened the cords of both their gowns and opened them wide. When she pulled him to her again he felt the softness and warmth of her, her soft breasts pressing against him and her hair pushing against his penis.
'Oh yes please.' he breathed into her mouth as their lips met again.