It's all I want (part 1)
I feel confused. It seems I'm always receiving conflicting advice from older people. My friends have in the past eagerly encouraged me to develop the sexual side of my personality - which I had successfully surpressed until this year - and now when I am finally exploring the desires that had been hidden deep inside me since my days at the convent, they are telling me to be careful, to take things slowly. They tell me that the men in my life are just using me. That I shouldn't give myself to a man easily.
The truth is, though, that I have grown to want and need sex. I never thought I would say that. When I am aroused, I don't really care whether Lucio and Carlo are using me or not. The feeling in my breasts and kang-kang makes me forget any moral or other worries that I might have. My kang-kang rules my head. Perhaps it was the act of suppressing my desires for so long, or being told by the church that sex was something shameful, and being told by both priest and parents to avoid touching myself, that has aroused in me these cravings.
I feel sometimes as if sex is all I want. The rest of the time I feel only half alive. Yesterday, for instance, I was really bored until Lucio rang me up on the phone. I hadn't seen him for ages, and just the sound of his voice gave my kang-kang the most wonderful feelings. It didn't matter that his talk wasn't of romance. I heard him whispering that he wanted me - yes, wanted me - and that was enough for me. Because, when a man is pushing his penis inside me and groaning with pleasure, I really do feel wanted, needed, important. I feel alive.
The rest of the time I feel lonely and only half awake. My Dad has got his work and his new maid, who he's already trying to part from her knickers, and my s****r is getting married at Christmas. So she's too busy making plans and fucking with her fiance to notice me. Rose has still got a boyfriend, and my Mum always seems to be out shopping or thinking about shopping. It's only when I've got Lucio or Carlo licking between my legs and exploring my kang-kang with their fingers, or moaning in pleasure as they climax that I feel at the centre of things. I can't wait for 6 pm tonight, when he's going to pick me up from the hospital......