A New Kind of Loving
I think I've discovered a finer kind of love - purer than what I have known up to now. I've found out that I am not just attracted to Rose - my Dad's lover - as a trusted friend and confidante, but as a woman and as a potential partner.
I guess I've long had these feelings towards other girls. But I've always tried to suppress them. I can recall having had a crush on a girl at school, and can remember becoming strangely excited after a games lesson, when we would take off our knickers and all get into the shower together. But I used to put that down to high spirits, fearful of the feelings that dwelt within me.
It was a friend who suggested that I shouldn't suppress these longings: that it was perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I now realise, after being liberated from these fears, that I might have been running after boys to prove to myself that I didn't have any feelings towards my own sex.
It was Wednesday night, after another emotionally unfulfilling sexual joust with Carlo, that I finally decided to urburden myself on Rose. But I didn't foresee the consequences of my telling Rose of my troubled sexual and emotional life with Carlo and Ed. I was frustrated by Ed's lack of sexual drive, and now understood that the eagerness of Carlo's love making was not a manifestation of love for me, but merely of a****l lust. I just had to tell someone.
I wanted to ask Rose's advice on life and love. I wanted to learn more about how she became my Dad's lover. I knew she's also been working at a bikini bar in town as a GRO ever since she moved into the village, but I didn't know how she got the job or exactly what the job involved. I'd always assumed that it was simply a waitressing job, serving drinks to the customers in the bar.
You see, as I shared my problems regarding men with her, she started to reveal her real self to me. She told me her problems as well. She told me how her father - a jeepney driver from Toledo - had died when she was very young, and to help her f****y she had started work as a housekeeper and by selling food from a roadside stall. Then, at 18, she got a job in a bar in in Cebu. She'd been told by other girls that the earnings were amazing, at least compared to what she was used to as a vendor selling calamansi fruit.
But I saw tears well up in her eyes when she described how she'd had to strip naked before the "boss" to get the job. Apparently, he'd made the excuse that he had to see whether her figure was suitable for the job of a GRO, and had then suggested that they go behind a curtain to give her a description of what would be required of her. There was just a plain bed and mattress behind the curtain. She told me that she was so desperate for the job that she'd have done anything to get the position - and she did.
I was so sad it made me forget my own problems. And it was when I went into the kitchen to make us both a coffee that it happened. I had felt us growing closer for several weeks, but suddenly she came up behind me and put her arms around me. Perhaps she was wanting to see my reaction, hesitating slightly, but when I simply murmered how much I liked the touch of her hands, she started to push her fingers up my blouse to my bra, lifting it to feel my nipples, and then proceeding to kiss my neck. Long, slow, gentle kisses.
I turned round and we started to hug and kiss. Our tongues interlocked, licking and exploring each others lips. Sucking the top lip, then the bottom. She took of her top and bra, and I now saw how cute she looked in just her shorts. I was excited now, really excited, with my panties becoming wetter and wetter at the sight of her standing in front of me. We were hugging, squeezing each other tightly, whispering words of love and affection to each other. This was sex, but sex like I'd never known it before.
Rose has now asked me to stay the night with her next week. I can't sl**p at nights thinking about my sl**pover with my new love, of feeling her naked body alongside me in bed. But I've resolved to go on seeing Ed, and perhaps now, because I'm getting some sort of emotional satisfaction elsewhere, there won't be the same sort of pressure on me as there was in the past. And, as for Carlo, the "love" he gave me seems coarse. I think I can finally say I'm free of him.