First Love 3.
I'm sorry to disappoint you and write that still nothing has really happened between me and my boyfriend. Does it always take this long, I wonder? I'm relieved in a way because my friends all try to tell me that sex will make me a different girl. They tell me that my boyfriend's penis might not fit inside my puki anyway. And that if it does eventually go in, he might not be able to get out from me because I am still so tight. All this is new to me, and I am worried by what the girls at the shop tell me about sex. It seems as if you have to lose control and give up your whole body to the man.
We've been down to the beach a couple of times now. We lay behind one of the beach huts and it was very romantic. We did a lot of kissing, and I did let him properly touch my puki on our second date. I must say it felt very nice, and I guess if he'd tried to give it to me, I might have given in. I suppose he's just as shy and unsure as I am though. I know I'm his first girlfriend. Although we only started dating a few months ago, I've known him and his f****y a long time now. And I've had a crush on him ever since I can remember.
Unfortunately, when he put his fingers inside the elastic of my panti and started touching my puki, I felt strange. I felt his fingers starting to explore inside and I was scared of losing control and so I held his wrist. I was unprepared for that sensation of his fingers trying to go inside. Anyway, I assume he took the fact that I had stopped him to mean that he didn't want me to do it any more, and he brought his hand down from up my skirt. Nothing was the same after that, and we walked home in silence.
When I went to bed that night, I was disappointed - and frightened that I might lose him. I kept telling myself that I should have let him continue, and as I told myself that I should have let him finish, I found that I was rubbing myself in bed and my puki was getting very wet. So wet that I found marks on my bed sheet in the morning, which I tried to get off with a wet towel before my Mum saw them.
I still find it hard to admit to Nanay and Tatay that I have grown up. Or that I have grown up feelings. I keep my special panties hidden at the bottom of the drawer in my wardrobe. I only let Nanay and the helper see the same old sensible panties that I have always worn. The naughty ones that I bought once I knew that a man might see them, I never put in the wash. instead I wash them myself and hang them on the terrace in my room.
I wonder if I try really hard whether I can forget about sex.
to be continued.....