*****Note. The video in question has since been deleted.******
I wrote the following to a user concerning an upload of a movie depicting a woman being ****d. I asked him to remove it, he replied that he did not feel the movie promoted **** and so would keep it up. To his credit, the uploader was at least very courteous with me, and by writing this I am not trying to attack him personally... yet. I'll admit, this is not my best argumentative writing skills at work, but it's what I produced. There is SO much more to say, but I'm just too tired. I tried to focus more upon how the film can be harmful, not how disgusting the film itself is. I could complain all day about how terrible the things in the film are, but I wanted to focus more upon how the film itself can become dangerous.
I'm putting it in my blog so that other users can judge for themselves whether this kind of content should be allowed on xhamster. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am pretty accepting of just about everything. But ****, whether it is "simulated" or not, is not something I feel should be on this site. I think that by having it on this site, the behavior gets promoted in some people's minds, and that is something that, as a community, we should strive to prevent. There is nothing fucking arousing about being ****d. I reported it, but nothing has happened as of yet.
Anyway, here's a link to the disgusting movie:
And here is my very polite, very contained reply:
Thank you for your reply. I suppose I'll begin by clarifying that I am not accusing you or the people who enjoy extreme videos like this of being r****ts or necessarily supporting ****. As I've said, I understand the desire to be used, dominated, controlled, and things of that nature. As a primarily sexually submissive woman, I do have fantasies about rough sex. Personally, I don’t have fantasies about being abused or humiliated, though being tied up, having my body manipulated by a powerful, dominating man, being blind-folded... I do enjoy the thought of that type of “rough” sex. And though I do not have fantasies about actually being f***ed into doing things, I understand that some women are aroused by that, and I respect that.
A person’s fantasy life is something I consider nearly sacred. The things we do in our own heads, sexual or otherwise, are motivated by myriad of reasons. Sometimes those reasons are direct, yet many times they are not. We find ourselves daydreaming about strange things sometimes without a clue as to how that particular thought or notion got into our head, yet some part of our psyche put it there, and probably for good reason. Our fantasies serve to solve problems we may not readily see; they resolve conflicts which may have previously gone unsettled.
Sexual fantasies are no different. In fact I believe that much of the arousal we feel while involving ourselves in certain sexual fantasies is not so much sexual in nature, but because the fantasy has provided some sort of relief. Power/control conflicts are a classic example, as are the Oedipus/Electra complexes. We resolve all of these very complicated issues through fantasy, often u*********sly, and many times those fantasies end up being sexual in nature. Therefore, I normally encourage people’s fantasies, as I view them as part of the psyche’s healing/understanding process.
But this video which offended is not a mere fantasy. True, it is presented in the form of a woman having a fantasy, but that by no means makes it a fantasy! A fantasy remains in a person’s head. When it is acted out, it becomes a reality. So when we watch this “fantasy” unfold in this movie, it does not change the fact that there is a woman on screen, getting tackled, getting put into a bag (for Christ’s sake... a fucking bag!), slapped, hit, humiliated, and then gang ****d. What is conveniently being labeled a “fantasy” here is really a porn movie depicting the brutal **** of woman. The film tries to justify it by saying that it is a “fantasy,” which, by virtue of being acted out, it is not. The second defense is that “the woman wanted it.” Again, extreme things happen in our fantasies sometimes, but no human being would ever wish to be ****d and treated like the woman in the movie.
Yet none of this really matters, I suppose, considering we are talking about a simulated event. It was only a movie. The actress got paid to do it and did it willingly. So we know that this woman didn’t actually get ****d. And I suppose that, by my own argument, everyone watching this and getting off to it is entitled to whatever ****/domination/sadistic little fantasy the movie initiates in their mind.
But it really isn’t that simple. This movie isn’t just an aid for a **** fantasy, as if that wasn’t potentially bad enough. By taking this brutal and disgusting act and putting it on film, it really does legitimize the act in many viewers’ minds. It sends the message that, because the video was produced in the first place (especially with the aid of a willing actress) what is depicted must be condonable on some level. The fact that the **** is released as a porn video, i.e., as a movie intended to produce arousal, inflates the issue. What is depicted is not only condonable behavior, it is now to be considered something by which to become aroused. When the movie is then offered upon a site like xhamster, and as comments praising the video come rolling in, a sense of community truly is established, as people begin to bond and congregate around what is being depicted in this movie. And let’s remember what is being depicted is the brutal violation of a woman.
So this is mainly about context. The terrible thing depicted in this film is produced and released as a porn, meaning the **** we watch is meant to be viewed as arousing. The movie takes something that is evil and horrible and switches it into something arousing in the viewers minds... it takes a woman’s ****, and says to the viewer “this is arousing.” When the video gets distributed, that is to say, when this movie about a woman being brutalized gets downloaded, and commented upon, and discussed, then it just becomes another genre of porn. The viewers get desensitized because, hey, if everyone else likes it, it must be okay. If xhamster allows it, it must be okay. If an actress agrees to its depiction, it must be okay. And what is it again that is okay?: Getting aroused by watching a woman being f***ed into a plastic fucking bag, where she is then brutalized and gang ****d. That is what is being made to seem ok.
So just to sum up, I don’t care what your fantasies are. I don’t care what disgusting things you think about. It’s your right to think them. But fantasies that are concerned with harming others should never be realized. Nor should they be promoted, because many people cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality, especially when sex is involved. As a community based around porn and sexual arousal, xhamster is the worst possible place for the release of a film like this because, by virtue of being on xhamster, the film is being promoted as something which is sexually arousing. And judging from the comments under the film, your viewers do find it quite arousing. They have either chosen to overlook the brutality against the actress altogether, or they find what is being done to her sexually appealing. Judging from the comments, most of the viewers like the **** itself. To me that is disturbing and I don’t feel the xhamster community should allow this liking of **** to become normal.