lilith10's Blog
Midnight Mass

I've decided to spend the holidays this year alone, away from f****y and all of the stressors that entails. I suppose to compensate for this I attended Midnight Mass at my local Cathedral. It's been a few years since I last attended mass in general, let alone Midnight Mass. I was conflicted throughout the ceremony for any number of reasons. I was so thoroughly touched by the sense of community and the general goodwill that is created through ritual that i became overwhelmed. Dogma aside, the ceremony stimulated levels of my spirit in ways that no mere rational instruction can ever touch.

I never thought I would say this, but I think I may start attending Sunday mass more often. I actually took communion again tonight and felt a power there I have not felt in years. I was in tears when "Holy Night" was performed. As i was listening to it, I was hearing MY culture, MY heritage... I was hearing a part of myself which I turned my back on so long ago.

I hate being so emotional these days, it's just that I was so touched by tonight's mass. I am honestly even considering rejoining the church, on my own grounds of course. I just think we might be depriving ourselves needlessly if we condemn the Church entirely.


I always knew there was power in faith when taken outside of the confines of religious dogma. The brand of faith I have held in my heart lately has been so focused on rebellion and individual freedom that I was beginning to lose sight of the sheer humanity that ceremonies like Mass can help instill in us. I still consider Lilith to have shown me salvation from the cultural restraints of the human spirit. She did this by showing me the exstacy of sin. However, as I stared at the image of Jesus dying in agony upon the cross at the fore of the cathedral last night, I undertood for the first time ever why his death can be said to have saved us all. The three days of agony Jesus endured was because he dared to look inward to become himself, outside of societal pressures, thus threatening the Roman and Jewish control of human belief and behavior. By defying the status quo, by embracing what I call Lilith, Jesus became a whole person. He is a potential Savior for all civilization because his horrific death shows what a terrible crime it is for any government, authority, or culture to suppress the expression of the self or, worse, to punish or murder those who chose to live their lives free. Jesus' crucifixion was an obscene violation of the human spirit, and it serves as a reminder of just how imperative cultural tolerance is.

Personal salvation comes when we are truthful about our desires. Our creative spirits are unleashed when we accept those desires. The salvation of humanity rests upon our acknowledgement of the truth of our condition, and our flourishing will arise when we quite crucifying those who dare to grace us with the unique spirits with which they are possessed.

Posted by lilith10 2 years ago
Comments (8)
Reply for:
Reply text
Please login or register to post comments.
1 year ago
Those who believe are never alone (Pope Benedict)

Contrary to my own contradictory relation to the church, being brought up strictly roman catholic, this sums up many of my own present real feelings especially as your sensitive words are touching and empathic!
2 years ago
I always love to read your points of view, there is always an deeply insightful energy behind your words no matter the subject. Can't say I've felt that power of community in a very long time, and I would like to.

And since this was a presumably a Christmas thing and so quite a while ago, have your kept at it like you suggested you might? And if so did you keep that same sense of community and goodwill?
2 years ago
Thanks for sharing that Kate, the depth and feeling from your experience definitely came accross to me. The last couple of years have been the same for me, I lost faith in the church and religion/s in general as I see them as man made things and not made by God. Religions are institutions and institutions are concerned with one thing and one thing only, continued prosperity. That said the principles churches and religions were founded on still lives on and the spiritual enlightenment can still be found through attending and participating in mass for example.

I see religion as a dividing force, just one more way people want to convince us we are different when we are not. However you will never go wrong following examples of Jesus for instance. I take the parts I need from every religion and discard that which I consider to be unspiritual.
2 years ago
Herman Hesse, a little book called "the cure"
(in italy)

quickly :

love the others as you love yourself

the central point of all the christian
philosophy, not for the phrase in itself
but because Jesus is so good and so unable
to "hate" that he doesn't understand simple
humans can't love themselves, it's the strenght
of the evil, we don't love what we are.

The pray :
The power of the pray is very important,
is not important if you pray as christian,
jewish, taoist, the power is of the pray in
itself, at first it's a discipline.
Just there is a trick :
pray for the others and have a clear goal,
focus a person who needs your help.
Often happens you gain health, however the goal
often doesn't has a benefit but another goal
is showed to you and usually is someone you
Because the forgiveness is the base of all
our discussion as I said to Mrs. Julia.
Is not a case you forgot the words of Jesus
in this post :
"Father forgive them because they DON'T KNOW
what they're doing".
The paradox is :
Forgive the others to forgive yourself,
Lilith again, forgive Lucipher or you can't
forgive yourself.
The error of the churchies is to blame someone
about a "planned" salvation project.
Judas, Pilato, Romans and Jews are just
instruments are just "characters" to show
how the human is fool.
Is not a case the story has a place and a time,
because the cross is the worst death instrument
ever built,before and after the death instruments
are quicker and without a way to mantain the
consciousness of the crucified.

Remember, religions are disciplines, in several
of them you will find the way of renunciation,
Jesus waive his life because :


time doesn't exists.
2 years ago
I love reading your blog. As usual very well said.
2 years ago
I turned my back on god and the church many years ago.I devoted myself to Satan and have not looked back.Good luck to you and I hope all works out for you :) Rhonda XO
2 years ago
your writing and thoughts are incredible, hope you're doing well :p
2 years ago
I'm glad you found something special, and by the way you're never alone :)