lilith10's Blog
Nerdy Anal Girl: A Rambling Diatribe on Sexual Obj

Before reading, I must say that the purpose of this blog was primarily to organize my own thoughts about sexual objectification. I organize my thoughts best when communicating them to a specific person or people. In this case, I was thinking about the xhamster community. In reality this blog is more like an essay and has little if anything sexual arousing in it, save for maybe the enclosed link, though I, myself, find the accompanying movie (of a nerdy anal girl, thus the title) distasteful for reasons I explain below. Much of it may be obvious and I reserve the right to change my opinion on a whim as i often do with everything else these days. You've been warned!!! : )

I have recently been thinking about the objective nature of porn and what it means to me. It has been a confusing topic because of the very amorphous nature of objectification itself.

To objectify a person means to reduce them to one specific trait or groups of traits while overlooking them as a person as a whole. When this happens, many of the objectified person's talents, traits, accomplishments, feelings, opinions, and even basic rights can be (and often are) overlooked or dismissed while that specific piece of themselves is being focused upon. Even if the reason for being objectified is ultimately favorable to the person undergoing it, for instance if it occurs because of their profession or as part of a sexual practice, the reduction of that person's identity often leads to the feelings of offense, shame, or guilt.

We protect our identities fiercely, as they are our very life. Though we daily exploit, and allow others to exploit, different aspects of our identities as circumstances require, that exploitation does not necessarily permanently alter our identities. We have a core view of ourselves and we move from one role to the next without that core necessarily being changed. When it is changed, it is almost always stressful. When it is changed toward something we perceive as negative, it is often downright painful and we tend to resist it by not recognizing the change, or we shift our beliefs toward thinking that what we used to regard as negative is now positive. At any rate, we usually try our best to maintain our core identity as we shift through our many roles in life and as we offer up different aspects of ourselves to the world at different times.

It is part of life to have certain aspects of one's identity standout on one occasion and not another. It's natural to use those parts of one's identity that are beneficial at one time, and not use them at another. And it's natural to hide from the world some parts of one's identity, and even lie about the existence of others. So it can be said that we objectify ourselves and have others objectify us as being a fundamental part of living.

Objectification taken in this sense isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is when objectification results in a negative and permanent shift in a person's, or group of people's, identity that it enters the realm of being offensive and shameful. In my opinion, this is when it becomes "wrong."

For women, the primary reason sexual objectification is something so very offensive is because, for centuries, that objectification has become a means by which we have been collectively reduced to simply the sexual traits of our identities. In a male created and dominated society, so many of our other nonsexual aspects were so utterly overlooked or, worse, invalidated, that our core identities were shifted nearly completely to be comprised of nothing but our sexual aspects. The only roles we believed we could step in and out of were, largely, those associated with sex, seduction, and c***dbearing. This view of ourselves became self-prophetizing, since, because we believed we couldn't do many things, we never tried them and, therefore, couldn't.

So because it was specifically the sexual objectification of our gender that held us back for so long, after having been "liberated" it is offensive for many of us to, once again, see women displayed on screen or otherwise used as mere sex objects publicly. It just feels like a step backwards. Speaking for myself, there is an uneasy tension between wanting to be the object of one or many people's sexual desire, and with becoming nothing but that object. When a man gawks at me, I am sometimes simultaneously pleased and disgusted; pleased because I am obviously being viewed as attractive, disgusted because I am being viewed as nothing but my appearance and sexual aspect. In the eyes of the one gawking, I am something to be satisfy his sexual desires, and little more. To have my identity reduced by another human being in such a way is irritating and offensive. But it is when my identity begins to actually shift from "whole capable person" to "sex object" that I begin to feel anger. It is when this shift becomes public as the result of many gawkers that my dignity is affected and I begin to feel ashamed.

Porn is inherently sexually objectifying to both female and male performers. Obviously the entire point of a porno is to focus on the sexual attributes of the performers with the result of ignoring others. Nobody really watches porn for the high drama or the comedy or the educational value. We watch it because it gets us hot. It gets us hot because we can place ourselves in the performers' positions, imagine ourselves as them, and thus be aroused. And we can do so because porn focuses upon the sex and little else. Like everything else, porn exploits certain portions of a person's identity toward a specific goal, its particular goal being the arousal of their viewers.

Because the depiction of women in porn is almost entirely focused upon our sexuality, and because that depiction is being distributed and consumed en mass by the public, I think that, collectively, we may be forgiven for regarding porn as promoting the reobjectification of our gender in what is still a very male-dominated society. Just as I am personally offended by a single gawking man for being sexually reduced, I am, similarly, offended by witnessing what appears the de facto promotion of sexual reduction of women in general by way of the popularization and acceptance of porn. Allow me to make it clear that, in this case, it isn't porn itself that offends me... I want to watch naughty sexual acts as next as the next person... it is the fact that the consumption of porn by so many (men and women) could be reducing women to mere sexual objects once again, thereby reducing our core identities and leading to our suppression. This is a fear many women have, myself included, even if they don't articulate it as such.

Aside from the issue of gender identities being collectively altered, porn also often challenges basic human dignity the performers involved. Though I, myself, enjoy imagining being in place of the actresses in porn, and I am thankful to them for performing such roles every time I cum in delight when watching them, I really do feel a great sense of sympathy toward them as I watch them endure the invisible internal struggle of having their identities shift from "woman" to "whore." This makes me very sad to think about. For both the male and female performers, the fact that they have assumed the identities of sex objects, some as "squirters," others as "tight pussies," or "big breasts," "MILF's" "huge cocks," or any other category you would like to pick, the fact that these performers reduce themselves to so many viewers publicly must be leading to a great struggle within themselves to define who they are.

As I already mentioned, any time a person shifts their core identity it leads to a great deal of stress. When that shift is also toward something negative, real or perceived, it leads to shame and guilt. The performers in porn, I would think, must struggle with this shift on a constant basis. Unlike sex in private, when these people step off the porn set, their image and likeness is being used for the sexual gratification of people everywhere. They're reduced by many everywhere. I don't believe it is really that easy for a person to display themselves publicly as, say, an anal slut, and not internalize that somehow. I can't help but to think that the performers we watch and look at aren't actually routinely thinking of themselves as "anal sluts," or "dp whores," or "cock suckers." And I doubt they wish to be. Those things are nothing but sexual roles, they are largely seen as negative in the public eye (even if secretly many of us desire stepping into the role once in awhile), and most of us wouldn't proudly display them to everyone. It leads to shame, and I sympathize greatly with the performers that must deal with that shame.

So on these two levels, the reobjectification of women through the widespread promotion of porn, and through the individual sexual objectification of the performers involved, I find porn offensive.

But, with all of that said, I can't help but be aroused by it as well. I can't help but to feel by bl**d begin to stir, my body begin to heat up, and my pussy begin to moisten as I imagine myself in the performers' actions. My general offense for porn, and even the sympathy I feel for the performers, is normally overridden by my sexual desire to watch them fuck.

There are some huge exceptions to all of this, in particular with what types of porn I find acceptable, but it's getting really late and I need to stop writing. I'll add to this blog later. I will just add that the following scene is what prompted me to write this in the first place. In it, there is a woman who reminds me of myself for a variety of reasons and she has been labeled a "nerd." The reduction of her to a "nerd" as well as to a sexual object really got under my skin, as I could empathize with her a great deal. I skipped around the scene but could not really watch it for long without getting weirded out. It seems like, as I watch this scene, all she is is a nerdy sex object and that makes me sad and I feel offended on her behalf. I am not condemning the scene, nor anyone who likes the scene. It is just sort of a good example of everything that I wrote above.

On the other hand, this woman reminds me of myself too. Again, I was a little weirded out when I watched parts of this scene, though I was not offended.

Posted by lilith10 2 years ago
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1 year ago
I think this meme goes along with all of this splendidly:
2 years ago
How did invitro fertilization get into this conversation! lol
2 years ago
why not porn? do you think IVF is the way? even there have porn magazines:)
2 years ago
"My general offense for porn, and even the sympathy I feel for the performers, is normally overridden by my sexual desire to watch them fuck."

That's how I've felt my whole life, concurrent with my moral desire to become vegetarian being utterly overridden by my mouth's lust for steak.

I believe it was Shere Hite (or perhaps Erica Jong?) who described how she could watch a porn scene for exactly the period when she first needed to masturbate, until she came. As soon as her orgasm subsided, the porn immediately ceased being enjoyable and instead became preposterous and repugnant. She'd put the porn away, certain she'd never again want to watch it - until the next time she got that itch again and she found herself reaching for "the reliable assistant". (My phrase, not hers).
2 years ago
Was reading your blog post about objectification and recalled reading article on the matter. A few friends and i get into all sorts of subjects as we sit out in our community area weekends. You may or may not find interesting. I enjoyed your posting. Thanks...
2 years ago
I think you are onto something when you write that today's wide-spread prevalence of porn is leading back around to much more objectification of women as mere sex objects. There has always been porn around in one form or another. But it was not even close to as available as it is today - look at it on a cell phone while having lunch at a cafe or check it out in any motel room just by turning on the laptop. It isn't just for relieving oneself at the end of the day. It's part of our everyday life. Now it's so much easier to create one's own porn and create porn sites or even profiles like on xHamster. The actual creation of objectification can be a thrill. I do wonder where this is heading. I really don't see how it can be heading to a good place. Particularly for those with addictive personalities or a weak sense of self.
2 years ago
Thank again for sharing your thoughts and feelings!

2 years ago
High maintenance emotional female . Just have sex like animals do . No fetish or perverse act is good or evil .
2 years ago
What if I told you that it is absolutely impossible for you to reduce me. You don't even have near enough power for that. You may think that you are superior. You may think, myopically, the whole of my being is limited to the few characteristics that you find useful. But in what way does this error in thought change reality? You would have this power if I gave it to you. I do not need a democracy of validation. Only one opinion of my self worth is valid and it is my own. Now, everything I said about myself is true for you. I can not reduce you. I can ask you to reduce yourself. Why would you agree to? Don't concern yourself with the "collective". You owe the collective nothing. And trust me there is no collective that gives a damn about you. The great feminist sisterhood is bullshit. Just like any other collectivist group they need to gain followers to sacrifice themselves for the good of the collective. Tell Golda Meier, Margret Thatcher, Condoleeza Rice, Ayn Rand, Madame Curie and so forth about the Patriarchal Hegemony and they will say "That's nice dear...I have a world to master." There is no "collective salvation". Just save yourself and everyone else be damned. Another pet peeve of mine is the way the term "Society" is thrown around. "That's what's wrong with society...Society's expectations....Society doesn't value....Society overemphasizes..." What society? The Amish? The Bloods? Cub Scouts? Pasedena's blue collar workers? Now that's objectification. I will continue to lustfully admire the physical beauty of women without apology. If they reduce me to the object of a pathetic lech, then that error is their's alone.
BTW, I would still go to combat with you anytime.
2 years ago
Nicely stated. Hope it helped you find your perspective. Reconciling these kinds of external/internal conflicts are much harder when our belief systems are at odds with our nature. The foundation for change lies in our attitudes, thoughts, and the protocols we invent in our efforts to be effective in mind, body, and spirit. The rest is all politics.

Best of luck.. Mxx
2 years ago
Nice to read your thoughts on this. Myself I do find some porn repellent and when I can see the woman is clearly not enjoying it I do not watch it. But much of it is just act for them and I avoid this aspect and imagine the sex is out of sexual pleasure. That is sometimes even true. But mostly it is act and I just go along and delve into the deception.

What I really do not understand is your focus on "objectification". When a man looks at you on the streets (in case he does so with a sort of sympathy from his side, not like an enemy). How is that any "objectification"? (It depends what gawking really is and where the sympathy ends) He simply is attracted to you. That is natural and what a dull world would it be without it?Enjoy the arousal! We love you women and we adore you so much you do not even know. And yes sometimes we wish to grab you and take you as our little fuckdolls! That does in my case NOT in ANY form take away anything from my adoration and respect that I have engrained in my soul for you. I even do enjoy being used by a dominant woman as well! I love it. You seem to imagine "objectification" in any sexual attraction. But i would say as long as no one is used as an object against his will, there is no "objectification" at work. Even when a woman takes a passive role while being "used", fucked, "treated" roughly, how is that worthy of the term "objectification" when she APPROVES it?

It seems to me women have swallowed the feminist ideas that they HAVE to avoid any sort of passive role in any aspect whatsoever. That is pure dogma and it is wrong in my view.

What if women in many cases ENJOY being the seductive, passive goddesses of Venus that the heavens sent us to admire and "treat a little rough at the right time"? We should not try to "understand" all the secrets of nature and the complex relations between man and woman. It is fluid and life is more than words to describe in my view. (From a nature interpretative point of view a woman ogten would seek a "strong" and active man, because he will have to protect and direct her in her pregnancy when she will be in hormonal freak out mode and not able to decide and act always right and on her own) Men and women complement each other and let me tell you it is not any "better" to be the more active part as you have many problems and traps with this part as wll, let that be said to you women to understand you are not obliged to "lead" as much or be as active and "hard" as men in general. We love you as women and if you try to be men too much we will be very, very disappointed in the future.