lilith10's Blog

Misogyny, Trolls, and Xhamster.

I just read an excellent opinion piece about internet trolling and misogyny. I can testify that I experience this very thing ALL THE TIME, not just here on Xhamster, but elsewhere on the internet whenever I write. If I am not outright sexually harassed (after my argument is totally overlooked) I am talked down to like I'm a fucking c***d. In fact just last week while commenting on CNN, one man asked me if I was "PMSing." On a porn site like this one, I've come to expect degrading remarks and largely ignore them in a majority of cases. But the problem is far more extensive and not confined... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 1 year ago  |  40


Part of something I felt compelled to write yesterday. I don't really know anything about poetry, but this sort of had that feel to it. Wrote it while listening to the following:

Takes a minute to really get into it; it actually sounds ridiculous and like noise in the beginning, but it has a certain carefree and slightly "unstable" quality about it that reminds me of when I was young and reckless. The skyline can be heard at 1:50. There was something beautif... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 1 year ago  |  12

Dancing Days: Encountering Lilith

The following was written about a year ago after waking up from a dream which depicted the feminine personality i had turned my back on for so long. When I awoke I immediately began typing this on my iphone. It must have taken like three hours. What was written was not from my conscious mind; it came from somewhere deeper within my mind. This was my repressed feminine side, as she was essentially lecturing me on how I had been neglecting her, what brought the rift between us, and how and why she turned toward Lilith. As she spoke, it was if I was taking down dictation as another person sp... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 1 year ago  |  9

Explanation of My Profile

I have been harassed by another member complaining that my profile is obscene because of its religious imagery and some pictures which he considers too violent. So I wrote this brief outline explaining what each picture represents. The pictures are all metaphors. By explaining them straightforwardly I feel I am detracting from the power they conveyed when the viewer was left to their own interpretation. Though this profile is a reflection of my own life, it also mirrors many other peoples' experiences regarding their own journey into self discovery. I get messages every day from at least ... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 1 year ago  |  30

The Colonel: My Animus/Mr. Self Destruct

I don't have much to write here, except to say that when I was listening to "Mr. Self Destruct" by Nine Inch Nails just now, I got very excited and thought "That's him! That's the Colonel in my dreams! These are what he has sung to me my entire life!" Part of me still yearns for him to take me utterly.

So, with that, here are the lyrics to "Mr. Self Destruct."

I am the voice inside your head
and I control you
I am the lover in your bed
and I control you
I am the sex that you provide
and I control you
I am the hate you try to hide
... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 1 year ago  |  8

Frequently Asked Questions

Due to the redundant nature of many of the questions I receive on a daily basis here on Xhamster, I thought it might be a good idea to create this post to provide answers for some of the more frequently asked ones. I know that some of these questions are probably just harassment, but they are very real and I get them at least once a week.

Who's "Lilith?" I explain this in my bio, however I wrote another blog entry with my conception of Lilith, what she means to me, and why I chose her as my avatar for this site. If you want a more historical/mythological perspective, Michae... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 1 year ago  |  44

Feminist Porn

This is a great little forum that isn't dominated by guys and is more friendly toward women. It's called "" From what I can tell, the site is dedicated to an open discussion of everything sexual without the stereotypical restraints espoused by many early feminists, and without the openly anti-women attitude so often found on predominately male websites, such as xhamster. Though the forum is called "feminist," what I have seen is that it inviting to people of all genders. Here is just one example of a page I found about anal sex over there: Continue»
Posted by lilith10 1 year ago  |  10

R*** Films on Xhamster

*****Note. The video in question has since been deleted.******

I wrote the following to a user concerning an upload of a movie depicting a woman being ****d. I asked him to remove it, he replied that he did not feel the movie promoted **** and so would keep it up. To his credit, the uploader was at least very courteous with me, and by writing this I am not trying to attack him personally... yet. I'll admit, this is not my best argumentative writing skills at work, but it's what I produced. There is SO much more to say, but I'm just too tired. I tried to focus more upon how the film ... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  21

Ascension of Lilith

Just a little song I kinda like, courteous of my sweety, Wildrick. Thank you ; )
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago

Midnight Mass

I've decided to spend the holidays this year alone, away from f****y and all of the stressors that entails. I suppose to compensate for this I attended Midnight Mass at my local Cathedral. It's been a few years since I last attended mass in general, let alone Midnight Mass. I was conflicted throughout the ceremony for any number of reasons. I was so thoroughly touched by the sense of community and the general goodwill that is created through ritual that i became overwhelmed. Dogma aside, the ceremony stimulated levels of my spirit in ways that no mere rational instruction can ever touch.... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  8

Concerning Lilith

This was initially written in response to HK's blog concerning Lilith. It's an ongoing thought and not meant to yet be complete:

Michaela has written THE best account on Lilith I have ever seen. She took the important parts of all the stories about Lilith and put them into a very concise, but thorough narrative. I was blown away when I read it because I have never been able to find such a complete description of Lilith. I would defintitely check out her blog.

But I think if Lilith could ever actually be summarized, it would j... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  16

To: You Know Who You Are

To my sweet stalker who spends so much life trying to ensnare me. I am the innocence you lost a long time ago. Every night that sees my spirit uncontained, let your own stagnant soul burn in its endless pursuit of naivety. You. Will. Never. Have. Me.

Listen as my spirit soars to heights you can only hope to glimpse while cowering in nostalgic fantasy.

When the evening sky ascends
up over the Hollywood Hills
So, too, does the spirit of my yo... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  22

Desiderata and other quotes.


"Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however hu... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  13

Old Intro

I am currently a self-proclaimed nymphomaniacal chataholic.

When I eat popsicles in public I normally try my best to make the tip
into a penis shape in order to draw attention to myself.

Someday, I'd like to weigh like 250 pounds and lose it just so I can
say "Hey girl, I've been there, done that" when someone mentions
their weight problem.

I love to have my ass licked, but I normally lose respect for the
guy who is doing it and I can't have sex with him afterwards.

I once fucked a remote control ... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  9

My Christ Lilith

When I was a c***d, my worldview, in all of its immaturity and unsophistication was similar to that of many other Catholics I think. I viewed the world in a very hierarchical manner, with God, Jesus, and the Church at the center of all things. I understood the Pope to be the highest representative of God, the direct concrete link between heaven and Earth. Underneath him was a bewildering and overlapping power structure that, for all intensive pur... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  9

Nerdy Anal Girl: A Rambling Diatribe on Sexual Obj

Before reading, I must say that the purpose of this blog was primarily to organize my own thoughts about sexual objectification. I organize my thoughts best when communicating them to a specific person or people. In this case, I was thinking about the xhamster community. In reality this blog is more like an essay and has little if anything sexual arousing in it, save for maybe the enclosed link, though I, myself, find the accompanying movie (of a nerdy anal girl, thus the title) distasteful for reasons I explain below. Much of it may be obvious and I reserve the right to change my opinion ... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  11

Alter Girl Fantasy

I wrote this in answer to hk55's blog ( ) who asked what our fantasies were. Here is mine. It sounds really fucking crazy now that I read it, but I suppose it is true.

I would like to make love on an alter in a candle-lit cathedral when the moon is full. I want the pews filled with the faithful, clad in black, on their knees praying for my forgiveness as they watch m... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  6

My August Gangbang

(The following was originally written to another woman on this site who was interested in visiting an adult theater. I wrote most of this in the form of several PMs to her. I had written so much that I just decided to make it all into a blog. I've added a bit since then. Keep in mind that this is not a story. This blog is a detailed and true account of what I experienced at an adult theater. For the sake of clarity I included events which occurre... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  35

"Slut" lyrics:

These are the lyrics to "Slut" by Velvet Acid Christ. As I've said, I've been known to dance slowly in the moonlight by myself while this is playing. Lilith and I have both been wont to sway in Midnight's lunar gleam while this is playing:

Well it may sound absurd
I want to be a wreck for you
Smash out my honor on your floor
Fill up your bathtub with my wounds

Well it may sound a little frightening
I want to swallow all of your skin
Chew your soft tissue into ash
Beat your ego black and blue

I will... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 2 years ago  |  4

Apparently I'm a Ridiculous Person

I friended a member recently (referred to here on as "Asshat") and decided to defriend him after seeing some of his posts to certain stories I found offensive. Though I myself have engaged in the Electra/Oedipus complex via chat, I do not in the least condone stories revolving around sexual abuse of any kind. Asshat had left sick and disturbing comments regarding stories depicting sex with preadolescent c***dren. The stories were bad enough and I am not happy I even came across them, but to see a comment like "Oh, I'll bring my daughter over so she can play," or "Eight and seven years old a... Continue»
Posted by lilith10 3 years ago  |  44