My Life as a Perverted Piece of Garbage Pt.01
Chapter One – My Story
This is my story.
I am a single white male in my late thirties and a skilled computer analyst specializing in large to small system design and application optimization. That is my job and my hobby. It pays the bills and pays the bills for my idiotic, dumb, girlfriend (I'll call her Midge), her son (I'll call him, Sponge), and at times her debt ridden older son and daughter. I also consult in my spare time for cash-under-the-table and network friends.
I am also a piece of sexually perverted garbage.
Although I blame only myself for my thoughts and perversions one could point to specific points in my life where normal sexuality became deviated. At the young age of twelve I was assaulted by the friend of a friend during a game of "army". I also became fascinated with bondage and tie-up games.
My high school years were dismal; regressed away from friends, teased by the athletes, popular k**s and especially the girls. My grades slipped. As my depression grew I found myself watching horror movies and pornography whenever I could get my hands on it. The hardcore ads in the back of soft core magazines identified my initial fetishes: anal sex and women in bondage. When I could not get pornography I would draw my own.
Eventually my thirst for the vile grew and I satisfied it with the huge back room of the local video store. I loved anal videos and made my own compilation tapes. My fascination for facial cum shots eventually surpassed the urges for anal and bondage content. What a waste of money it was back then. I would rent four tapes at a time for perhaps ten minutes of stuff I would want and be frustrated with the lack of quality and overall satisfaction.
It wasn't until my junior year in college before I lost my virginity for real. She was moderately attractive, red-headed, and loved a****ls (I'll call her Marla). I met Marla at my part time job flipping burgers. We would go out for beers and she really came on to me then sucked me off in her car. I remembered being selfishly disappointed because she swallowed; I was denied the facial money shot I so secretly desired for my first female coaxed load. We would exchange oral services a couple more times before I fucked her in her bedroom in her mom's apartment. Unfortunately her older b*****rs were absolute monsters; ex-marines with bad habits. They showed me a trunk seat full of automatic weapons they were going to use on me if I ever laid hands on Marla which immediately killed the relationship.
A couple months later I met my first sexy, submissive, youth. I'll call her Missy. She was a freshman and was more than willing to do anything to stay in my apartment (rent free, of course). Most of that willingness came in the form of submissive sex, doing what it took to keep me happy.
Our relationship started out moderately clean but over time I took advantage of her. It started with that first massive load of cum on her face that she accepted and claimed she enjoyed despite my continuous apologies. That was followed by the fingers in her ass. Then it was "can I do this" and my cock in her ass. Sometimes she would enjoy it and tell me so (she didn't appear to lie) but as the action moved away from her vagina towards her bumhole I could tell there were times it was mere tolerance to keep me happy. I started doing simple bondage on her as well, cuffs then ropes.
Every time we were sexual I would increase the amount of perversion. I would sodomize her regularly; usually skipping foreplay and vagina penetration. Sometimes I would keep her in bondage for hours. I would always ejaculate on her face. Sometimes I would combine the perversions; tie her up and gag her then blow my load on her face. One time I used over 250 feet of rope on her, almost mummifying her with rope.
We did have fun outside of the apartment going out to drink with the few friends we had. We would occasionally get d***k with her ex-dorm mates. We also had our studies, school and homework. I was in for computer programming, her for business management. Outside of that it was increasing amounts of deviant sex.
Our relationship lasted nine months. She left abruptly. I tracked her to Dallas where she stayed with her parents for a week or two before disappearing after taking money. Her parents, ex-dorm mates and I were left with her financial disasters. I got calls at all hours of the night from creditors and debt collectors for months. I never found out what happened to her.
My last year of college was not the best for my sex life. The women available to me started going down in quality and were frustrating sexually. There was an acne-scarred blonde that was saving herself for marriage. That relationship lasted a couple months. There were quite a few that didn't think I was "fun enough" and ended up with someone else without any sexual contact. There was a larger brunette that at least gave me head once. She was jerking me off with her head resting on my chest, I warned her about five times that I was about to cum. The first load pegged her right in her eye. She yelled at me as she struggled out to wipe off letting the rest to dribble out on my chest. It was a mood killer and about six weeks later a relationship killer. Oh well.
I graduated with honors and went to work full time in my trade. Instead of having a life and trying to meet people and have sex with women I worked, I worked a ton of overtime and years later consulted on the side. Money was pouring in but I wasn't spending it on anything. The only sex in my life came through listening to the ugly couple next door fuck two or three times a day between the hours of 10pm and 4am in the morning. It was a hell.
Then I bought my first house. You would figure a successful guy with a house would interest some hot little honey or at least an average woman willing to share herself in exchange for a nice house and decent life. Nope. I could never get past the first date. So I worked myself to death and withdrew to pornography.
The next seven years were strange. I found it much easier to please myself than go through the endless dead ends trying to date women and do all the work to get them to the point where I knew I would never get sex from them.
It started with masturbation. I would finish work and rent the usual collection of anal sex themed tapes or when there were no more left, compilation tapes with facials in the theme, and bondage tapes, and then tapes when at least someone did anal. Anal manipulation started with fingers. About eight months later I took the plunge and bought a butt plug and a small dildo. It took a couple of times but I learned how to get extreme pleasure from those devices. Then I took the next taboo plunge, self facials.
That was my life for six of those seven years. If you figure 8 hours of sl**p per day that leaves 112 hours per week spent awake. Subtract 60 hours working, 14 hours driving, 10 hours eating and that leaves 28 hours a week I spent procuring, watching then returning pornography and 2 to 8 hours a week of that pleasuring myself.
As the years went by the pornography became more extreme and more depraved and I followed suit. The more extreme I got with myself, the more intense the experience was. The sexual feelings were intense, gratifying and quite frankly, incredible. But, it was all empty. The incredibly satisfying sexual pleasures were bordered by emptiness, loneliness and depression. I realized that just as the pornography got more extreme and it took more to get me off, my masturbation was getting more extreme and more involved.
One day I switch flipped. I had been trying for months to fit an 8 inch butt plug inside me. My largest dildo was 9 inches long and 7 inches wide but the 8 inch plug was almost too much. I remember that feeling, the thoughts very vividly. I had used the 9 inch on myself for at least a good hour in a variety of positions. I had also managed to fit two, 4 inch dildos in at the same time (double anal was popular in porn at that time). I had deep throated and gagged on another dildo. I would clean off the dildos out of my ass just like in porn just like they were real dicks. After I fit that plug in it was incredible. I laid there on my back, ball gagged, with and ungodly amount of spit and cum on my face. I remember actually hearing my cum squirt it was so intense. I plug came out painfully. I laid there for what seemed like hours with that slime drying on my face but saying over and over to myself "Oh my God, that was fucking incredible". But then the realization; where does it end? What was next? Two, 6 inch plugs?
That is the trap you get into with porn, it's never enough. That was the trap I was in, it was never enough. I would always need more; more girth, more length, more cum on my face. Was I homosexual? Do I need to have sex with a man? Was that the next step?
That was my stopping point. I stopped renting porn. I destroyed my personal "comp-tape" collection, tossing maybe ten thousand hours of anal and facial porn into the dumpster. I was shocked at what I was doing to get myself off. As I repeat it now I am ashamed and somewhat sickened by what I did, but I also remember how incredible it was sexually. It would start with a large ball gag and a butt plug. I would drink a gallon of water hours before so I could piss on my ball-gagged face in the shower as I loosened up my ass with the plug. Then it was the next larger butt plug, me on my back on the bed deep-throating a dildo to the point of gagging and having my face covered with spit. Then it was fucking the dildos, one after the other in every position I could think of. I would always suck them clean then put them back in. I would also end up ball-gagged, the largest butt plug I can fit it my ass, jerking off an abnormally large load of my own cum on my face. It had to stop. All the toys followed the pornography into the dumpster.
Now that I think about it, I did the same thing to "Missy". I kept using her gift of submission more and made her do more degrading and extreme things for me. She was probably smart to leave before I went too far.
I had turned into a piece of self-loathing, sexually perverted garbage willing to degrade myself and others to escalate those perversions.
As I tried to reinvent myself I found myself drawn to the on-line world and to chat rooms and game rooms. There were three types of women on-line: on-line savvy single mothers, teenage runaways or potential runaways, and the clueless of all ages. I met a wide variety of women, most of them were insane in some way shape or form. One attractive but stocky blond was willing to show me pictures of her breasts, get on the web cam naked and we eventually wrote to each other with hand written letters. She wanted to visit me in person from Montana. I got lucky, though. Her ex-friend (who I had also seen naked and talked to but never went further with) sent me a picture of her with her husband and five k**s. She wanted to ditch her f****y and secretly get away. Nice.
There were lots of interesting people. There was the 34 year old mother of two that lived about 30 minutes west of me. She liked me as a friend but stated I wasn't the right color and wasn't big enough to ride that ride. Then there was the 15 year old plumper, the 17 year old red head, the 17 year old blond, and the 19 year old chicks that were in trouble, in or near being in juvenile hall, that couldn't bear to live with their parents and their rules. No thank you; I do not need a jail sentence as a p*******e. The sexy brunette from Buffalo that had brain pressure and couldn't stand light was another one, but was probably a dude trying to get guys to confess things so they could post them on-line. Through all that I still managed to find my independent, divorced, girlfriend ("Midge").
Midge was an interesting looking woman. She was stocky, a brunette, and had a beautiful in a non-standard way face. She had a teenage boy and girl, and another older son and lived in a run down small town. She wasn't looking at that time but after a month or two talking to each other and playing on-line she started to realize that there was a whole different experience available to her.
We had sex the first time we met in person. It was mostly me nervously fondling her. She wasn't into anything kinky, that she told me the first date. I did her orally and that was that. The second date we had sex, her riding me to orgasm. I was definitely off my game. I wasn't the sexual stallion I once was. Maybe it was the eight or nine years without a woman or (more likely) the years of vile, deviant sex with myself but I lasted no more than a minute or two. Luckily it had been a while for her as well, so it all felt good.
Distance kept us apart, so weekends were spent traveling. I drove the most because her job wasn't 8 to 5 like mine. I got to know her k**s and her. I was disappointed in the sex. She didn't like oral. She tried but didn't really get into anal sex. She didn't really care for me going down on her. It was a lot of just straight sex, cum into the condom, and then we were done. I spent many nights puzzled at this situation. Was this the right thing? Was I so deviant that vaginal sex wasn't enough? Was it like this for everyone else? It was not like I could ask friends how often they had oral or anal sex or how often did they cum on her face or mummify their wife with rope. I simply accepted that it was the right thing to be doing, especially compared to the sickness I had and the unnatural things I was doing to myself.
Eight months later she and her two youngest k**s were moving in with me.
I learned more about Midge after she moved in with me. Eleven months ago she divorced the guy she was with (jailed for possession, theft, etc.). The other fathers were d**g peddlers, petty criminals, and borderline abusers. She was clean though, no d**gs, no smoking.
That is my story to this point. I'm still working lots of hours and still hoarding my money. I'm also still stuck in a land between sexual perversion and what I consider the right thing to do.