my girlfriend called and said she had a surprise waiting for me at her apartment,she said meet her there and use my key,when i got there my very sexy s****r to my girlfriend was there with basicly nothing on i sat on the couch,and she she sat next to to me,she confessed that she liked me and said can we have sex before my girlfriend come home, i jumped up and walked out the door,my girlfriend grabbed me and said i love you and that was a test,now i know i can trust you,The moral of the of the story is always leave your Condom in the car

because a man eats does that make him a CANNIBAL?If a woman sucks on a chicken bone does that make her a COCK-SUCKER? If a woman swallows my un-born c***dren does that make her a MURDERER ? or woman that PRACTICES BIRTH-CONTROL

man grabs his wife's ass and says:if this was firmer you wouldn't need panties. she turns around and grab his pants and says :if this was firmer i wouldn't need batteries

REDNECK WORD OF THE DAY:DRAGON***You like DRAGONS?because I'll be DRAGON my nuts across your face in a minute

Redneck word of the day:SODAS-Boy my girlfriend sure does give good head & SODAS her s****r

what do you call a woman that want suck your dick?you probably thinking an LESBIAN,but the answer is your wife,think about if more wives suck thier husbands dick there would be less cheaters out there

she said needed 12 inches and wanted it to hurt,i said how about i fuck you twice and punch in the back of your head

how come when a woman gets pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and congratulates her,but no one rubs the mans balls and says GOOD JOB

lets play a game,If i'm a customer who buys pussy from an whore,WHATS MY NAME? also men and women and even whores pisses and shit all over me WHATS MY NAME ?

a husband and wife and 9 k**s are waiting for a bus,when a blind man walks up on them,the men have casual conversation the bus comes,but there is not enough room so the husband said i will walk,the bind man said i will walk with you,after a while the man became irratated with the blind mans stick tapping the ground,so he said why dont you put a rubber on the end of your stick,the blind man said if you would have put a rubber at the end of your stick we would be the bus.

shut the door,drop your pants,climb on top of me,and satisfy your needs,LOVE ALWAYS YOUR TOILET

DEFINITION:when a womans pussy is so tight it feels like your fucking her asshole,or her asshole feels so good around your dick,you think your fucking her cunt/pussy

I think i left a BLOWJOB at your house,can i come by and pick it up

The phone rang in mom's room,mom had her back to me but i was still within an ear-shot of her conversation,i can tell she was talking to my Grandma,those two dont get along her voice became agitated,it seems that granny wanted me to come over and cut the grass or something,mom said when he gets up i will bring him over and that's when my began yelling,i know how old he is and don't tell me how to raise my c***d,then mom gasp for air,then she said look i will go and see if he is woke,DAM i will call you later and said by and hung up,mom gasp again.and she turned to say to me and it's very hard to talk on the phone with dick being pushed up inside you,we both laughed,mom turned to face me and began stroking my hard cock,she kissed me and i reach over and playing with one of her nipples,mom didn't have much breast,but she had nipples to die for.mom laid on her back,and pulled me on top of her she reached down between us and guilded me inside her wetness,now finish what you started,mom opened her legs and pulled me down on her and stuck her tongue in my mouth,our tongues were seeking out each other,mom's hips was meeting my strokes,but i needed a visual,so i broke our kiss and sat up i look into her blue eyes,looked at her nipples and began to pinched them,she responded,umm that's nice,my mom is not skinny,but she isn't fat either,she is THICK IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACE,i looked at her shaved pussy which i like very much,as my dick was going inside of her,her clit looked so yummy,i wish i could lick her and fuck at the same-time,(now that would be a feat)i looked at my mom's thick thighs and her hips which turned on so much,the more i enjoyed the view,the better the fucking became,mom looked at and said are you enjoying yourself? do you like how i rub my pussy?excuse me your pussy.i said yes she then show me much?at that point i grab mom's ankles and spread her legs wide and began to fuck her faster,mom was rubbing her pussy harder,she said yeah that's it,it's getting better,mom had her first of many orgasms,when the next one was building she said come you can do better than that,which gave me the green light,i pushed my legs to her chest and went BALLS DEEP,and mom was in her heaven when i hit the bottom,my mom scream thats it it thats the spot,oh it hurts so good dont stop,mom was on her next climax and her language changed,oh right there come on baby fuck me as hard as you can make me cum,i want to squirt all over your cock and balls,give me more,give me everything you got,hell put your balls in there to (now there is a feat if it was possible)give it to me let me feel it,i want it.give me that hot load of yours fill me up with you cum,please baby cum for me i need it,i want it,i cant cum until i feel you splashing deep inside me.as i was shooting my load deep into mom,her hips was grinding ,her pussy felt like it was milking me trying to get every drop of life out me.me and mom was in a ball of sweat,the sheets was soaking wet,the ceiling fan did no justice,mom got up and took a shower.while i did some channel surfing,just flipping thru the tv,mom turned the shower on,and got which reminded me to get my ass up and got take a piss,i could see moms body thru the curtain,just before i finished pissing ,mom snatched the curtain back and said DONT YOU DARE FLUSH,something about the shower changes,she said come in here with me i stepped and she handed me the sponge and shower gel and said wash my back,which i was more than happy to do.i was able to wash my moms whole body,then she washed mine,we began to kiss again as the water was running over us i wanted my mom again,mom was stroking my cock again,i tried to turn her around so i could fuck her again,but she said no,i have a better idea,lets go in the bedroom we did not dry off, we race to the bed mom sat on the bed as i stood in front of her and grab my harding cock and began to suck to the point i thought she was going to let me shoot in her mouth,but then she dont cum yet,she said to me my pussy is a little sore from the pounding you just gave me,i said mom i didnot mean to hurt you,she laughed you didnt,besides its what i wanted,now i want something else,mom reached over open up nightstand draw and i could see condoms,both male and female,dildos and vaseline,which she pulled out and started rubbing some on my dick until it was nice and lubed up the she got up and bent over the bed and started rubbing some between the crack of her ass,come the think of it i never fucked my mom in the ass before,but think i didn't want to,i love her wide hips,i came up behind my mom and mom pulled her ass cheeks apart for me she said now go slow and take your time,this way we both will be able to enjoy this,so i stared rubbing my dick up and down the crack of her ass,mom said ok now rub up against my butt hole,now go in easy,which i did,moms asshole was beginning to relax and was letting me in a little at a time,mom said give me another inch each time you go in,moms ass was stretching with each inch,mom took a deep breath and said give me a minute to adjust,ok i'm ready she said this time push as much as you can,my cock was throbbing,so i pushed in and my gasp for air,she said thank god for lube,ok sweetie i'm good and ready now,i grab moms hips and began fucking my mom ass,which was much tighter than her pussy,mom was moving her hips back to meet my strokes,mom said yes,it feels so good,i could feel mom rubbing her clit as i was going deeper inside her booty hole,mom grabbed the pillow to muffle her screams mom was FACED DOWN ASS UP,she lifted her said and said fuck it baby,at that point my dick was going inside moms asshole with no problem,and with greatest at ease,mom reached back and started rubbing my balls which was my signal she wanted me to cum,she lifted her head off the pillow to say cum for me baby i cant take much more and at that point i grabbed my moms hips and emptied my cum deep inside her bowels,ah thats it let me feel your hot cum up my asshole.

a man buys A ROBOT LIE DETECTOR that slaps people when they lie,so he decided to try it out on his f****y,so at the dinner table he asked his son where he was today? the boy said he was in school,the robot slapped him,the father said you want to try again? the boy said i went to a movie the robot raised his hand,but stopped the father asked what movie did you see? the boy said he went to see Harry Potter,the robot slapped him,dad said you want to try again,ok dad i went to see a porn movie,the father said what when i was your age i did not know what porn was,the robot slapped the father,then the mother started laughing and said well he is your son,the robot slapped her,LOL

AN OLD LADY GOES TO THE DENTIST,SITS DOWN, DROPS HER PANTS AND LIFT HER LEGS.THE DENTIST SAYS, "I'M NOT A GYNECOLOGIST" SHE SAYS,I KNOW, I NEED MY HUSBAND'S TEETH BACK!

Tongue,Goes.In.First.LOL

3 nurses working at a morgue find a dead guy with a hard-on,1 nurse says i cant let that go to waste and jumps on,the second nurse did the same,and the 3 nurse said i'm on my period,but i'm super horny,fuck it i do it,when she finishes the guy wakes up.the nurses all said they were sorry we thought you were dead,he said i was but after 2 jump starts and a bl**d transfusion I FEEL FUCKING GREAT.

we all know that MS.PIGGY AND KERMIT THE FROG is a couple but what would you be eating if you killed them both,PORK CHOPS AND FROG LEGGS

The only reason I would kick you out of the bed,would be to Fuck you ON THE FLOOR