Surfing Porn at the Office Can Lead to a Promotion
A new study recently released by researchers purports to show that men who surf porn at the office are up to 69 percent more likely to be promoted to a management position when compared to men who refrain from such activities.
In another surprising discovery based on the same research, scientists reported that as many as 6.9 percent of male white collar employees spend at least two hours per day viewing pornography on any given work day, with Wednesday being the day of peak porn viewing activity.
"It would be an understatement to say that we were thrilled to uncover these results," said lead researcher and project coordinator Dr. Thad Chadwatcher. "Any average white collar male who, in the past worried about their workplace porn viewing, can now rest easy as such actions will surely be seen by upper management as a career-enhancing activity based on this most recent research."
According to Dr. Chadwatcher, the seemingly surprising results of his research may be less counter-intuitive than initially believed when one considers that Alpha males, who typically have risen up the corporate ladder faster than others, are also usually much more sexually active than their sexless cubicle co-dwellers due to elevated testosterone levels.
"If you think about it logically, it makes perfect sense to promote the heaviest porn users, as they are already going to have the qualities and leadership skills necessary to drive a business forward," he explained.
It could also be a factor in why so many politicians, police and others in leadership positions are so often caught up in sex scandals, as they also tend to surrender critical thinking skills to their penis, he said.
"I think it is about time that we recognize the power that sex plays inside the office, and start to reward those who follow their natural instincts at the office," Dr. Chadwatcher said. "Only then will we get the business leadership that we need to sustain the economy, without all of the politically correct sexual oppression that exists today."
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