An Absorbing Tale
I love to watch women smoke. There is something inherently sexual about
smoking. It is arousing to see a woman take something into her body which
gives her pleasure. Smoke flowing in and out of a woman's lungs is a
metaphor for intercourse. The more ways that a woman allows herself to be
penetrated the better. I love the attitude that says, "I am going to
intentionally ruin my lungs because it feels good and I don't care about the
consequences." Non-smokers lack the same feeling or sensuality and do not
I had not had serious relationship in quite some time because, while I love
women who smoke cigarettes, I am also attracted to petite, girl-next-door
types. Those kinds of women are not normally smokers and those that do are
usually pretty bad. Most of them are social smokers who think it is cool to
sip on a cigarette while hanging out in a bar with their friends. I want a
woman who truly enjoys smoking, who needs the smoke. Cigarette smoke is
meant to be inhaled, the deeper the better. Most women who are serious about
their smoking are low-rent trailer trash. You can always tell by the smell.
A low-class smoker will reek of stale smoke. No matter how well a woman
smokes, I can not get past it if she sinks like a rotten ashtray. On the
other hand, when the odor of tobacco smoke combines with her natural scent to
form an intoxicating perfume it is pure heaven. That is the woman who drives
me wild. Finding one who meets those requirements is very difficult.
Jen and Jeff were two of my best friends. Although they were married and I
was single, I had known them both since high school and we spent a lot of
time together. It is sometimes awkward being the third wheel but Jen and
Jeff were not like other couples. People will often act completely different
when they are in couples mode. I have had good friends that were
insufferable when they were in the presence of their significant other. Jen
and Jeff were exactly the same whether arm-in-arm or miles apart. They also
knew how to show affection. Some couples are over the top with the PDA,
others act coldly towards one another with unnecessary sarcasm. Jen and Jeff
never made themselves uncomfortable to be around and I always appreciated
They knew about my smoking fetish as the result of a d***ken night not long
after we had all graduated from college. We were at a local bar celebrating
Jeff's first job when in walked this girl who may have been the hottest
creature I had ever seen. She had beautiful silky brunette hair that was
pulled into an inverted ponytail but was still long enough to hang back down
over her shoulders in lazy curls. Her dark eyes and black halter top were
contrasted by soft, pale skin. She was simple yet elegant and incredibly
I turned to my friends and said, "Would you look at that chick. She is
hotter than Texas asphalt."
Even Jen agreed that the woman was stunning. She sat down across from us and
it was all I could do to keep from staring a hole through her. It was
already love at first sight but when reached into her purse and took out a
pack of cigarettes I nearly fainted.
I had a radar lock on her as she took a cigarette out of the pack and lit up.
She was very good. Not the best that I had ever seen but light years ahead
those gimpy social smokers that populate every bar in America. She took a
healthy drag and inhaled it with enthusiasm. She would hold the cigarette up
by her cheek and then cock her head back and blow a tight stream toward the
ceiling in a very sexy pose. She smoked like a woman should. It looked like
she enjoyed her cigarettes and I was certainly enjoying the show. In fact I
Jeff tapped me on the shoulder and said, "If you don't stop staring at that
girl she is going to have you arrested for stalking."
"I can't help myself." I said. "There is something about her that is
"Yeah she's really hot but you can't just keep glaring at her like that.
It's creepy." He said.
"No, there's more to it than that."
"Like what?" He asked.
In my d***ken stupor I let it slip out. "She is a great smoker."
The cat was out of the bag. I spent the rest of the evening fielding
questions about my fetish.
Jen and Jeff were surprisingly receptive. While they did not quite
understand the pathology of it they were not judgmental in any way. In fact
they seemed to be a little fascinated by it. From then on every time we were
out in public and an attractive girl would pull out a pack of cigarettes one
of them would say, "Smoker at three o'clock. Go over and offer her a light."
I was deliberately evasive and tried not to let on the extent of my fetish.
They were accepting of it as it was and I did not see a need to be overly
revealing; however, it didn't take them long to figure out that I only dated
women who smoked.
I was in the middle of a six month dry spell when Jeff asked me if there were
any prospects. I said no and he asked if it was because I could not find any
girls who smoked.
"There are plenty of smokers out there, just none that I am interested in."
"What kind of smoker are you interested in?" He pried.
I knew he would continue to press so I said, "I like a girl who smokes but
doesn't look like she smokes." I could tell by the puzzled look on his face
that I needed to explain further so I continued, "You know how a lot of times
when you see a certain type of girl you can tell right away that she smokes."
"They are usually a little trashy." He said.
"Have you ever seen a girl light up a cigarette and said to yourself `Wow, I
can't believe SHE smokes'?" I asked.
"That's the kind of girl that does it for me." I finished.
"You really are limiting yourself." He said.
"I know, but I like what I like."
About a month later Jeff called me up and told me that there was a new
receptionist at his office. He said she was very cute and innocent looking
but had turned out to be a smoker. He was all excited and insisted that I
meet him and some of his coworkers for happy hour that Friday. "You said you
liked girls who smoke but don't look like they do. This girl is perfect and
she's single. I was shocked when I saw her outside with a cigarette in her
hand. Why don't you meet up with us and I'll introduce you."
I reluctantly agreed.
Jeff and his coworkers were already at the bar when I arrived. He
immediately introduced me to the new receptionist using the fact that we both
loved baseball as a lead-in. Her name was Danielle and she was very
attractive. Jeff was right; she did not look like the type of girl who
smoked. Her face was very pretty and she did not attempt to cover it with
make-up. She wore these adorable little glasses and had her hair back in a
bun. She reminded me a little bit of my third-grade teacher. In addition to
a smoking fetish I had always had a little bit of a teacher fetish as well.
So far so good.
We immediately started talking baseball. It was great to meet a woman who
knew what an RBI and the Infield-Fly Rule were. It turned out that her uncle
had played professional baseball and would frequently give tickets to her
f****y. She developed a love of the game as a young girl and had continued
to follow it. Danielle was very down-to-earth, and while it was one of the
most engrossing conversations I had ever had with a woman, I was starting to
get anxious waiting for the payoff. After what felt like a half-hour she
finally said those magic words: "Mind if I smoke?"
"Not at all." I replied.
As the saying goes, be careful what you wish for because you just might get
it. To my horror she was one of the worst smokers I had ever seen. She
smoked Marlboro Ultra Lights and took the shortest drags possible. If she
inhaled any smoke at all I could not tell. I was immediately turned off.
From that point on all I wanted to do was grab her by the shoulders and say,
"Why are you smoking? I don't see any purpose. Just quit already because
you are wasting my time and yours."
I am not the kind of person who hides his feelings very well. When I am
disinterested it shows. I sat there for another hour trying to look as bored
as possible in hopes that she would get the idea and move on. No such luck.
Women want what they can not have and sometimes the best way to attract a
woman is to appear indifferent. Apparently that is what happened because she
would not leave me alone. At the end of the evening she asked if I wanted
her phone number. Not wanting to insult my friend I took it.
Two weeks later I got a call from Jeff wanting to know why I had never called
Danielle. I tried my best to give him an excuse but he was not buying it.
"What is wrong with her? She smokes, she doesn't look like it, she likes
baseball, and she likes you. What more do you want?" He asked.
"I'm sorry but she just doesn't do it for me." I said.
"You're impossible. If you insist on being this picky you are never going to
From then on my smoking fetish never came up. Jen and Jeff had let it drop
altogether and I certainly was not going to initiate the discussion. Years
went by and while I dated whatever decent smokers I could find, I assumed
that they had forgotten all about it. That was why I was extremely surprised
when Jen called me out of the blue one night and told me about her new
"There is this girl who started working for my company a few months ago that
you have to meet." She said.
"I don't think that is such a good idea-" I started.
She interrupted, "This girl is exactly your type. She is super petite,
extremely attractive, and smokes like a chimney. She is also very smart,
really nice, and hasn't had a steady boyfriend in almost two years. You will
love her. I just know it"
"Sounds like déjà vu all over again."
She continued, "This girl is a hard-core nicotine junkie but you would never
know from looking at her. She looks like she just got back from bible study
but you should see her devour a cigarette."
I said, "I don't know. The last time you guys set me up it didn't go so
"Trust me, you are going to want to meet this chick. I think she's cute and
I'm a girl. The smoking part does nothing for me but if I was ever going to
be with another woman she is the type that I would go for."
That is what sold me. I found out from Jen that she had already told this
girl about me; how it had been a while since I had been with anyone and how I
did not mind women who smoked. She was interested enough to let Jen give me
her phone number. It took me almost a week to work up the nerve to call.
Her name was Amanda. She was thirty four years old and a chemical engineer
at the same company that my friend Jen worked at. Normally I find it very
awkward to have an introductory conversation over the telephone; however,
Amanda was very easy to talk to. We clicked almost immediately. After
getting the perfunctory small talk out of the way I asked if I could see her
"Yes, I think I would like that." She said. I could hear her smile through
"I will pick you up at seven o'clock on Saturday." I said.
"Sounds good. Where will we be going?"
"Don't worry, I'll think of something good for us to do." I said.
My plan was to take her to a place where she could smoke. During our
telephone conversation she had mentioned that she like to play pool so I
decided to take her to a nice restaurant for dinner and then to a local pool
hall where we could not only talk but she could smoke as much as she wanted.
I knocked on her door at seven o'clock sharp and when she answered I knew
another of my requirements had been fulfilled. She was exactly the kind of
woman that I find irresistible. Not necessarily the type that would make
jaws drop but she had an understated, approachable beauty that spoke to me.
Her skin was smooth with nary a blemish. She had dark hair, beautiful eyes,
delicate features, and a body to die for. Her breasts were not very big but
they were perfectly proportioned relative to the rest of her body and it
looked like her ass and legs were tight enough to bounce quarters off of.
She was cute and beautiful all at the same time, the kind of girl that you
just want to pick up and hug.
I was anxious for her to smoke, both because I wanted to see if it was all
that Jen had made it out to be and because this was where I had been burned
the last time. She was going to make me wait for it because she did not ask
if she could smoke in my car on the way to the restaurant. That was
understandable since we had just met, but still I was dying to see if she was
going to inhale cigarette smoke with the gusto that I had been promised.
The hostess at the restaurant asked if we preferred smoking or non-smoking.
"Smoking." I said without a second's hesitation. Amanda's eyes widened
indicating pleasant surprise.
We were not at the table for thirty seconds before she said what I had been
waiting to hear: "Mind if I smoke?"
"I insist." I said, fighting back a smile.
She pulled out a pack of Camel Filters, tapped it gently on her wrist, and
then extracted one of the precious white and orange cylinders. I was like a
k** at Christmas as she clicked her lighter, put the flame to the tip, and
began to draw.
It was everything that I had hoped for and more. She smoked smoothly and
purposefully without a hint of reservation or self-consciousness. She would
bring the cigarette to her lips, cock her head slightly to the left, and take
a heavy drag during which her cheeks would cave in so far they nearly touched
one another. Her eyes lost focus as she was dragging on her cigarette,
almost as if she was concentrating on what she was doing. Clearly this
woman's goal was to get as much smoke in her lungs and as much nicotine in
her system as possible. Once the drag was finished she opened her mouth and
pulled the smoke down into her waiting lungs. I could almost detect a brief
flash of satisfaction on her face as the smoke filled her alveoli.
We continued our conversation and she continued to smoke right up until the
food arrived. I was enjoying her performance but there was a nagging feeling
that something was missing. I could not put my finger on it but it was
beginning to bother me. I was cutting into my steak when all of the sudden
it hit me: She never exhales.
She had smoked three cigarettes before dinner and not once had I seen her
exhale any smoke. Could it have been my imagination? Of course she had
exhaled. She had to. Maybe she was exhaling very slowly and I could not see
it because of the dim lighting. All I wanted now was for her to finish her
dinner so she would light up another cigarette.
No sooner had she swallowed the last bite of her entrée then she reached for
her pack of Camels. I watched intently as she took her first drag. I saw
the smoke pull back into her throat as she opened her mouth and inhaled. She
started saying how wonderful her meal was and how she was curious where we
were going next. I kept waiting for that stream of smoke but it never came.
She went through the entire cigarette without a single wisp of visible smoke
ever coming out of her mouth or nose.
She had another cigarette as we sat and finished our drinks. Once again I
monitored her for some sign of exhaled smoke. Once again I came up empty.
At this point I was beyond curious.
We left the restaurant and made our way to the pool hall. She did not ask if
she could smoke in my car which at that point was surprising since she had no
idea how long it was to our next stop, although she did ask how much further
about five minutes into the ride.
"Don't worry." I said. "It's only a couple more miles."
As we pulled up in front of the building she said, "You're taking me to play
pool. It's so sweet of you to remember that I like to play." She sounded
genuinely excited about pool but I also knew that cigarettes were on her mind
and she was relieved to be some place where she could smoke.
I asked for the most secluded table in the place so we could continue our
conversation from dinner and I could continue to explore the mystery of the
disappearing smoke. She whipped out her pack of Camels and laid it on the
high top that was next to our pool table. Smoking and pool go together like
corn flakes and milk and it was obvious that she intended to do some serious
smoking while we were there. She put one between her lips and let it dangle
as she picked out a stick. Once she found a cue that was to her liking she
sparked the cigarette and pulled the smoke into her lungs, never to be seen
An hour later, four games were in the books, Amanda had smoked seven
cigarettes, and I was no closer to an answer. It was driving me nuts
wondering where she put all of that smoke. She was a tiny girl; about five
feet, two inches and maybe one-hundred pounds soaking wet with a rock in her
pocket. All I could think of was those tiny little lungs getting bombarded
with cigarette smoke. Where did it go? I was unable to remember ever seeing
anybody who did not exhale at least a little bit.
We were in the middle of our last game. It had been a wonderful evening so
far. I was very attracted to her and I thought she was attracted to me.
Even though I had obsessed about her apparent lack of exhaling, we still had
wonderful conversation over the course of the evening. I was starting to
feel very comfortable with her and decided that I was just going to go ahead
and ask. There was no sense in letting this stew or playing coy. If it was
meant to be then everything would work out. I line up a shot at the
five-ball, missed the side pocket, and said to her, "Can I ask you a
"Sure." She said.
I continued, "I've seen a lot of people smoke cigarettes in my life. Every
one of them exhaled at least some smoke after taking a drag. It just seems
to be a part of smoking. You know, smoke goes in, smoke comes out. I
couldn't help but notice but you do not exhale any smoke at all. I've never
seen anything like that. Where does all of the smoke go?"
She let out a little laugh and said, "I don't exhale it. I absorb it."
"I've never heard of anyone absorbing smoke before." I said.
She elaborated, "You're right. Most people take a drag, inhale, and then
blow the smoke right back out again. I don't do that. I inhale the smoke
and keep it in my lungs until it is completely absorbed." She replied.
"Why do you smoke that way?" I continued to query.
"I always looked at it like this: Smoking is a choice. I choose to smoke
because I enjoy it. It makes me feel good. The entire point of smoking is
to inhale cigarette smoke into your lungs so you can enjoy the sensation and
absorb the nicotine. It never made any sense to me to inhale the smoke and
then exhale it right back out again. It is a huge waste. When I inhale my
smoke I want everything that I can get out of it." She said.
I asked, "Do you hold your breath after taking a drag? We've been together
all evening and you've been talking and smoking the whole time and never
She said, "Do you really want to know? I've never had anyone ask me about
how I smoke before. You seem very interested."
I said, "It's just that I've never seen anyone smoke the way you do. If we
were only sitting across from each other for a few minutes I never would have
noticed (I lied) but I've had the last several hours to watch you smoke and
I'm curious as to what's going on."
She leaned up against the table, put the cigarette to her lips, took a huge
cheek-hollowing drag, pulled the smoke into her waiting lungs, and smiled.
"OK, if you really want to know. What I do is create a smoke vacuum. As I'm
dragging on the cigarette I exhale as much air as I can through my nose.
This creates a vacuum and when I take the cigarette out of my mouth the smoke
automatically gets pulled down deep into my lungs. Once the smoke is in I
continue to inhale air. That pushes the smoke all the way down to the bottom
of my lungs. Then I can continue to breath normally, talk, or do whatever
with the smoke locked in. I just enjoy the feeling of being full of smoke.
My lungs tingle and it makes me feel alive. By the time the sensation is
gone and I'm ready for another drag, my lungs have absorbed the previous
"Isn't that dangerous?" I asked, watching her lips closely to see if any
smoke escaped. "It sounds like it would wreck your lungs in a hurry."
"That's the chance I take. I love to smoke and want to do it the right way.
We all have to die sometime. I just choose to live my life with as much
pleasure as possible. Besides, I'm thirty-four years old and have been
smoking for about fifteen years. I've been doing it this way for at least
ten of those years and my lungs don't seem to be in worse shape than anyone
else who has been smoking for as long as I have. I might get a little winded
walking up a long flight of stairs and have a bit of a smoker's cough in the
morning, but I really don't think it has affected me any worse. In fact, I
think the way I smoke might be helpful." She said.
"How so?" I inquired.
"Most people breathe very shallow using only the upper part of their lungs.
I mean, how often do you really take a deep breath besides when you yawn.
Not very. What I do is push the smoke down into the part of my lungs that
doesn't get used very much. I put that unused lung area to work and continue
to breathe normally. Since the every day part doesn't have to handle much if
any smoke, I don't suffer from too many side-effects."
She continued, "Also, most people that smoke for an extended period of time
get that gravely smokers voice, particularly women. That hasn't happened to
me because I inhale the smoke so deeply and it's a one-way trip. It actually
annoys me to watch other women waste their smoke. So many of them are what I
call `throat smokers'. They barely inhale at all. How much nicotine could
they possibly be getting. I can't imagine that is any fun. Cigarette smoke
irritates the throat. Why not just inhale it down where it can do some good
and keep it there."
"I guess that makes sense." I said and gave her a wry smile. My curiosity
was satisfied but my boner was at full mast.
The conversation moved on to other things as the night came to an end. When
I got her home I gave her a gentle kiss on the lips, told her what a
wonderful time I had, and asked if I could see her again.
"Absolutely." She said. "I was hoping you would ask."
Our second date was a week later. Once again I was careful to pick a place
where she was free to smoke. She had said that she enjoyed being outdoors so
I made up a picnic lunch and took her fishing at a local lake.
We had a great time sitting there on the shore of the lake, sipping wine,
eating, and talking while waiting for a bite on our lines. Amanda smoked
with the same intensity that she always did and though it was a little
strange at first, I loved watching her absorb her smoke.
Suddenly her line began to jiggle. She stood up and excitedly began to reel
in her catch. I got the biggest kick out of watching her pull a small
sunfish out of the lake. With a lit cigarette held firmly between her lips
she reached down, grabbed the wriggling fish, extracted the hook, and tossed
him back in the water. Standing in front of me was a real woman and I just
sat back and took it all in.
She noticed that I was staring at her and said, "What?"
"Nothing." I said. "I was just impressed by the way you handled that fish."
We sat in silence for a moment when suddenly she got a devilish look on her
face and said, "Can I ask YOU a question?" A direct satire of the same thing
I asked her a week earlier.
"Sure." I said. Not knowing what was about to happen.
"Are you turned on by women who smoke?"
I was stunned. I certainly did not expect to be found out this early. I was
completely caught off guard and did not know what to say. All I managed to
get out was a pitiful, "yes."
"I though so." She said. "First Jen tells me that, although you don't
smoke, you have gone out with several women who were heavy smokers and didn't
mind it at all. Then you asked that question about my smoking. I was giving
you detailed play-by-play and you were hanging on my every word like I was
quoting gospel. I knew something was up. Most non-smokers don't really want
to hear how I go about ruining my lungs."
"Was it that obvious?"
"Yeah." She replied
"Uh, I'm sorry. I hope that doesn't bother you." I said.
"What are you apologizing for. I don't mind at all. In fact I'm thrilled.
Do you know how hard it is to find a man that is willing to put up with my
smoking. The kind of men who are heavy smokers are not the kind of men I
want to date and the guys who are social smokers still think I smoke way too
much. Forget about non-smokers. That is, unless, I find one that is
attracted to smoking."
"It's true. I find a woman who smokes cigarettes very sexy. That's why Jen
thought I would like you." I said.
"Do you find all women who smoke attractive?" She asked.
"No, I have a specific type of woman that I'm attracted to. If she smokes
then it's a double-bonus. If a woman turns me off physically then all of the
smoking in the world won't help." I replied.
"What kind of girl are you attracted to?" She asked, obviously fishing for a
I strung her along, "I like a girl with natural beauty, who has confidence in
herself, and who doesn't need a lot of fluff to make herself pretty. I like
a real woman."
"Do you meet many of those?" She asked again.
"I've met a couple, but there is this one girl who is absolutely gorgeous and
smokes like an angel." I smiled.
"Do I know her?"
"I think so." I said. "It's someone that I hope to spend more time with in
"I know that girl. She thinks she is lucky to have found someone that
appreciates who she is. She is looking forward to being with you as well."
And then she bashfully lowered her head. I had not seen a woman that
beautiful in ages.
Flush with the glow of new feelings we sipped at our drinks for a minute and
took it all in. Finally I asked the obvious question, "So how did you start
"You might not believe it but I was a real goody-goody in high school." She
said. "My parents were very strict and I led a sheltered life. I didn't
drink, didn't smoke, got good grades, went to church on Sunday, the whole
deal. College was the first time that I was away from home and free to meet
new people and try new things. First semester freshman year I was still a
bookworm. I didn't go to any parties and rarely socialized. I started to
come out of my shell second semester. I began hanging around with a looser
group of friends and started learning how to have a good time. Even though I
would drink at parties, the idea of smoking had never crossed my mind. I had
always thought it was disgusting and something that other people did. I was
pretty blasted one night at this party and for some reason I reached over and
grabbed the cigarette that a friend of mine was smoking. It was just a
spur-of-the-moment thing. I sucked some of the smoke into my mouth like I
thought you were supposed to. I was going to blow it right back out when
someone bumped into me and caused me to inhale. It was one of the weirdest
experiences of my life up to that point. Because I had inhaled it so quickly
and hadn't had time to think, I didn't cough at all. In fact I kind of liked
the warm feeling in my chest and the head rush it gave me. I would take
drags off of my friend's cigarettes every once in a while but that was pretty
much it for the rest of the year. I went home that summer and didn't really
give smoking any more thought."
"I had a much heavier class load my sophomore year and started to get
stressed out around mid-terms. I had taken a couple of hits here and there
but wasn't even really a party smoker at that point. The pressure started to
get to me one day and the idea popped into my head that a cigarette might
make me feel better so I walked down to the convenience store and bought a
pack. I had no idea what to buy so I just pointed to a pack of Marlboro Reds
and that's what the clerk gave me. I took the cigarettes back to my room and
was nervous as hell before I lit up. Here I was a good little girl about to
smoke her own cigarette."
"Just as I took the first drag my roommate walked in. I was so startled that
I inhaled the smoke straight down. She started yelling at me, asking why I
was smoking in our room. I was so embarrassed that I held the smoke in my
lungs and didn't blow it out. I stubbed out the cigarette so she would shut
up but it felt so good and gave me such a great buzz that I knew it was
something that I wanted to experience again."
"Not wanting to start a fight with my roommate and feeling a little bit
ashamed at doing something so dirty, I put my cigarettes away and actually
forgot about them. That Friday night I went to a party and saw a couple of
my friends smoking. I remembered how good that last drag had felt so bummed
a cigarette and started smoking with them. I inhaled the smoke with no
problem and really enjoyed how it felt in my lungs but I saw everyone else
blowing out their smoke so I thought that was what you were supposed to do.
I continued to bum cigarettes off of my friends more and more often, one of
them finally told me to go buy my own. Then it hit me that I did have my
own. I smoked that pack of Reds over the course of the next week and liked
them even more than the Marlboro Lights and Parliaments that most of the
other girls smoked. Once my pack ran out I bought another and slowly but
surely became a full-time, addicted smoker. By the end of the year I was up
to a pack-and-a-half and had a reputation as being a serious smoker. No one
would bum cigarettes off of me because they thought the Reds were too strong.
They started calling me Amanda Red."
"Did you start absorbing your smoke in college?" I asked.
"No, I didn't start doing that until a few years later. When I was in
college I would inhale my drags very deep and hold them for a few seconds. I
loved to feel the smoke swirl around in my lungs but everyone else exhaled
their smoke so that is what I did. In fact I had a pretty good repertoire of
tricks. I could do a great French inhale, some killer rings, and this trick
where I would take a drag, inhale it, breathe in some air, inhale another
drag, breathe in some air, inhale another drag, and then do an exhale that
would start and stop like Morse Code. That one was always a hit.
"Even though I was a heavy smoker, I never tried pot in college. All of my
friends were big drinkers and never fooled around with weed. After
graduation I started working for a company and became friendly with some of
my coworkers. As it turned out they were big-time stoners. I was already a
cigarette smoker so I had no trouble moving over to weed. We used to get
high whenever we could. Since we were young and not making much money we
tried to conserve our smoke as best we could. We always smoked out of a bong
so we could get the most out of our stash. You would load the chamber, take
your hit, extinguish the bowl, and then hold the smoke for as long as you
could. It was considered a party foul if you exhaled too much.
"After a while I got very good at keeping the hit in my lungs for as long as
possible. One time I u*********sly exhaled extra hard through my nose after
sucking the smoke into the bong chamber. When I released the carb the smoke
shot all the way down to the bottom of my lungs. It felt great, got me
stoned as hell, and earned me props for not exhaling any smoke at all."
"In addition to not having a lot of money for weed, I didn't have much to
spend on cigarettes either. I could only afford a pack a day which was
cutting back from the one-and-a-half to two packs that I was up to in
college. Then one day I had the idea to use my pot smoking technique with
cigarettes. I exhaled as hard as I could through my nose as I dragged,
inhaled the smoke straight to the bottom of my lungs, and let it soak in as
much as possible. This enabled me to get as much nicotine as I could out of
each cigarette. Over time my lungs got used to holding the smoke and just
began to absorb everything that I put into them. As my career moved along
and I began to make more money I started smoking more. I found that the more
I smoked, the more my lungs absorbed, and the better I felt. It didn't take
long before I was up to two packs a day again. For a while I was putting so
much smoke into my lungs it was crazy. My friends and I would smoke weed
every day after work and I would hammer it home with a load of cigarette
She could tell by the look on my face that I was intrigued.
"What I would do was take the biggest bong hit that I could, let it slide
down into my lungs, take a huge hit off of a cigarette, and then inhale it as
hard as I could. That would push the bong smoke deeper into my lungs and
make it absorb even faster. There isn't a better high in the world then
cramming the smoke from a strong cigarette on top of the smoke from some
great weed. I would get so mangled on the weekends that I could barely move.
Everyone else had a limit but my lungs just won't quit. I could fill them
with smoke all day and they'd be hungry for more. Sometimes I miss smoking
like that. I used to go through a quarter ounce of weed and almost a carton
of cigarettes in a single weekend. I don't get stoned much anymore because
of work responsibilities but I do get a craving for some serious smoke every
now and then. Every once in a while I'll pick up a pack of those small
cigars and just torture my lungs for an evening. They actually don't deliver
as much nicotine as a strong cigarette because they aren't meant to be
inhaled but I love the feeling of having my chest completely full of super
heavy smoke. I'll do my old weed smoking trick where I'll take a drag off of
my cigarette, inhale it, and then hammer it home with the cigar. I'll
actually end up exhaling some smoke in that instance. Even my super lungs
can't absorb that much"
My dick was as hard as concrete hearing her talk about how much she loved to
absorb smoke through her lungs.
"Have you ever thought about quitting?" I asked.
"My parents found out about my smoking not long after college. My mom begged
me to quit so I tried for her. I only made it three days. I felt so
horrible that I decided I would rather smoke as much as I want and take the
consequences then feel like that for one second longer. I went out to the
store, bought a carton of Camel Filters because they were out of Reds, and
smoked two packs that night. My lungs never felt better and I have never
thought about quitting again."
I was in heaven hearing her talk about her smoking in intimate detail. I
pressed on. "How do you make it through your work day? You can't smoke in
the building. Don't you go nuts?"
"I use a nicotine patch." She replied.
"You mean the one that people use to quit smoking?" I asked.
She continued, "I usually only have time for a quick break in the morning,
maybe a half-an-hour for lunch, and then another break in the afternoon.
Sometimes I might not even get that if we are busy in the lab. At best I
might be able to get down four or five cigarettes over the course of the day.
I would go crazy if that was the only nicotine my body got."
"I'll smoke as much as I can while I'm getting ready in the morning and then
another couple on the way in. When I get to work I'll put on a patch and
that lets me get through the day with only a couple of cigarettes. My lungs
miss the smoke but I'm usually so busy at work that I don't notice it too
much. I make up for it when I get home though." She said.
"That sounds dangerous. I thought they warned you not to smoke and wear the
patch at the same time."
"You're not supposed to but I do it anyway. My body is used to very high
levels of nicotine. I only smoke a couple of cigarettes while I'm wearing
the patch and then I take it off at the end of the work day. I would have
nic fits from hell if I didn't." She said.
I dropped her at her front door later that afternoon and gave her a longer
kiss on the lips than last time. I got a full whiff of her scent and it
flipped a switch inside of me. I was extremely attracted to this woman
before but now it was becoming a****l desire. The scent that filled my
nostrils that day was the most arousing thing I had ever experienced. I knew
I was going to have to wait and that was going to be excruciating.
"I had a great time. I'll call you early next week." I said, barely able to
"I can't wait." She replied. I knew she felt the same way.
Our third date started of wonderfully. We talked for two hours straight with
barely a pause in the conversation. By the time the meal arrived it was
apparent that we both wanted each other very badly and tonight would be the
night that we would consummate our relationship. The original plan was to
see a concert after dinner but when the waitress laid the check down in front
of us we looked at each other and knew that there was only one place we both
wanted to go.
She took the lead and said, "I don't know if I'm in the mood to see a show
tonight. Why don't we go back to my place and relax."
"That's a great idea. I was thinking the same thing." I replied.
The ride back to her house was about ten minutes during which she devoured
two cigarettes. Amanda always smoked with a purpose but she seemed to be
concentrating particularly hard this time. I tried to watch her out of the
side of my eye while I drove. She could tell that I was getting excited and
began to tease me by turning her head towards the window as she smoked. By
the time we hit her driveway I was ready to burst out of my pants.
The walk up to her door was the longest twenty seconds of my life. I walked
behind her and just reveled in the scent. That mixture of perfume, shampoo,
and cigarette smoke was so delightful that I almost came on the spot. I
could not wait to get her into the house.
She opened the door and began to walk in. Before she had taken two steps I
put my hand on her shoulder and spun her around. I looked into her eyes and
then gently pulled her toward me. I leaned in and slowly pressed my lips to
hers. We shared an amazing kiss that was deep and passionate. Her breath,
of course, was perfumed by all of the smoke she had taken in that evening but
it was not in the least bit offensive. I have kissed women who have tasted
like the floor of a frat house after they smoked. Amanda tasted as good as
she smelled. This was a special woman.
As we broke out of our kiss I picked her straight up off the floor and into
my arms. "Oh." She said. "What are you doing?"
I didn't say a word. I just carried her into the living room, sat her on the
couch and moved in for more tongue action.
We made out for what seemed like an hour. I had rubbed my hands all over her
body and the feeling of her baby soft skin just made me more excited. It had
reached the point where my balls were getting sore, so I was not disappointed
when she broke off and sat up.
"I really need a cigarette." She said.
She walked over to a desk that was on the other side of the room and pulled
out a pack of Camels that looked different than the normal Camel Filters that
she smoked. She shot me a sexy look as she took one out of the pack, put it
between her lips, and sparked up. She took a slow walk back to the couch
bringing the cigarettes and body language that said "I want to fuck your
brains out." back with her.
"These cigarettes are unfiltered. The extra nicotine is a great
aphrodisiac." She said.
I could barely control myself.
We moved off the couch and onto the floor, me sitting with my back against
the couch and Amanda with her back up against me. I pulled the ashtray down
off of the end table and put her potent cigarette in it for a moment. I
slowly worked her blouse up over her head and then gently unhooked her bra.
Now that her bosoms were free she leaned back into me, picked up her
cigarette, and took a mighty drag. I could hear the smoke rush into her
lungs and feel her chest expand as I pulled her close to me and massaged her
breasts. The feeling of being this close to her smoke made me incredibly
excited. I knew she could feel my engorged member pressing into her back
because she began to move her ass back and forth in a slow grinding motion.
I zoned out for a few minutes just enjoying the pleasure of exploring her
body while she filled it with smoke. After snapping back to reality I
brushed her gorgeous smoky hair aside and whispered in her ear, "I want to
pleasure your pussy while you pleasure your lungs."
Her head spun around and she blurted, "I can't believe you said that.
Nothing would make me happier right now."
"Your pleasure only makes mine better." I said.
I scooped her up again and carried her into the bedroom. She got a slightly
sheepish look on her face as I laid her down on the bed like she wanted to
ask me something.
"What is on your mind?" I asked
"Would it bother you if I smoke a cigar?"
"Of course not." I said.
"This may sound weird, but I love to pack my lungs with smoke while my pussy
is being stimulated. It drives me wild to almost suffocate myself with super
thick cigar smoke. No man that I have ever been with has understood that but
I thought that you might." She said.
"Absolutely." I replied. "Anything that you need to do."
"Thank makes me so happy. I am going to rock your world Mister. Just you
She pulled a pack of tipped cigars out of the end table, lit one, and said,
"I like these small cigars with the tips on them because they taste good and
they make a lot of smoke." And with that she laid back and began to fill up.
I slowly and carefully pulled her pants off and began to tease her pussy
through her panties. I was taking it slow but part of me just wanted to rip
those panties off, ram my dick in, and drain my aching balls into her cunt.
I remembered how excited she was at the thought of me eating her pussy while
she smoked. Not wanting to disappoint, I refocused, stripped her naked, and
moved into position.
As I went to work on her pubic mound she laid back and smoked her cigar like
it was pure bliss. She loaded her lungs very carefully to make sure that
they were full of as much smoke and as little air as possible. I watched her
take a drag, gently pull the smoke down in a tight ball, then take another
and repeat the same slow inhale so as not to disturb the smoke that was
already in there. Once her lungs were loaded she would inhale sharply to
push that rich smoke down as far as she could and then squirm with delight as
the smoke soaked into her system. She could actually hold four big drags in
her lungs for almost thirty seconds before she had to exhale some smoke and
breathe again. I counted. The more nicotine that coursed through her veins,
the more she deprived her brain of oxygen, the more she writhed with
After about twenty minutes of stimulating her clit with my tongue and
punishing her lungs with cigar smoke she sat up, placed her hand under my
chin, lifted my head and said, "I want you inside of me."
At this point I realized that we had not discussed birth control. "Do you
have any condoms?" I asked. "It has been so long for me that I don't carry
them around anymore."
"It's OK. I'm on the pill." She said.
"I would really prefer to wear a condom." I replied.
"Don't worry about getting me pregnant. I have a very erratic menstrual
cycle and have been taking birth control pills since I was s*******n to
regulate it. The doctor says I've been on them for so long that my system
would need six months to normalize if I did decide to get pregnant. As far
as diseases go, it has been even longer for me than it has been for you."
"Are you sure?" I asked.
She looked me straight in the eye, took a long slow drag of off her cigar,
sensuously inhaled it, licked her lips and said, "I want you inside of me
right now." She laid back, spread her legs wide open and said with an impish
grin, "Please fuck me."
Unable to resist I climbed between her legs and began to rub the tip of my
throbbing cock into her soaking wet slit. She filled her lungs with a three
drag load in anticipation of me penetrating her. I let Amanda hold her smoke
as I continued to tease her labia with my cock head. She finally exhaled and
said, "Put your cock in me right now."
I deliberately disobeyed and waited for her to fill up with smoke again.
This time she stuffed her lungs with four massive drags. Just as she gave
that final gasp to push it all down I parted her meat curtains with my cock.
Her eyes almost bulged out of her head as I slid into her. It had been a
long time for both of us.
I was in awe of how tight her pussy was. Most women just lay there and let
you fuck them. It is like their pussy is a receptacle more so than an active
participant. Amanda's seemed to be alive. With every thrust her pussy would
open up and then squeeze my cock as it slid out. I had never felt anything
We fucked for not more than five minutes before I began to lose my resolve.
I did not want her to think I was a three-pump chump but my balls were at
their breaking point and I was going cum soon. She must have been able to
sense my peaking excitement because that was when she pulled my head down and
whispered the sweetest words I have ever heard.
"I need you to cum in my pussy." She said.
I knew she was on the pill but Amanda asking for my cum surprised me. There
is nothing sexier than a woman who craves a man's seed. I spread her legs
wider and really began to stroke my penis deep into her pussy. She took a
huge drag on her cigar and said, "Please dump your load in me. I want your
I started thrusting deeper and deeper until I felt the knob of her cervix
hitting against the head of my cock. I adjusted the angle until my dick was
rubbing directly against it. I swear it felt like her cunt was drawing the
cum up from my balls and her cervix was attached to the tip of my cock
waiting to gobble it up.
"That's the spot." She declared. She took another hit off of her cigar and
inhaled it so far down that her toenails must have turned yellow. "Cum in me
My cock erupted like Mount St. Helens. The initial burst would have fired
five feet across the room if I had pulled out. I was cumming so hard and so
much it felt like someone was pulling a rope out of my dick.
"Oh my God!" She screamed and began to pulsate and shake like she was having
a seizure. The orgasm she had was the most awesome thing I had ever seen or
felt up to that point. All I could do was hold on.
After it was over I collapsed on top of her. We both lay there for a minute,
my dick still buried in her pussy. I picked my head up and gave her a kiss
on her smoky lips. "That was absolutely wonderful." She said. "I don't
know if I've ever cum that hard before and I don't know if I've felt anyone
cum that much."
"Yeah, that was a lot." I replied. "Maybe we ought to get a towel or
something otherwise there is going to be one heck of a wet spot."
"That's OK, you don't have to." She said.
"I don't want one of us to have to sl**p in a puddle."
"No one will be sl**ping in a puddle. Nothing is going to come out." She
"I just came a ton into your pussy. I'm sure something is going to run out."
"Go ahead and look." She said.
I pulled my still rock hard dick out of her pussy and watched for the river
of cum that I was sure would pour out. Nothing. I sat there for several
seconds and still nothing, not even a drop. By now Amanda was dragging on
her cigar again and giggling.
"What is so funny?" I asked.
"I told you nothing would come out. My pussy soaks up cum like a sponge."
"Something will probably leak out later."
"Nope. It's in there to stay." She replied.
"How can your pussy hold on to that much cum?" I asked.
"I don't know but it does. It's like my womb just sucks the cum in and won't
let it go. My lungs absorb smoke and my womb absorbs cum."
"That is the hottest fucking thing I have ever heard." I said.
"I absolutely love the sensation of hot cum in my pussy. I can actually feel
it move past my cervix. It is the only way that I can have a real orgasm. I
can have a small one if I masturbate with a vibrator but it takes a big load
of sperm flowing into my womb for me to really get off."
Even though it felt like I had cum enough to fill a thermos my dick was pile
driving hard again.
"I haven't had cum inside me in almost two years. I'm so happy that you let
me fill my lungs with smoke while you flooded my womb. I'm happiest when I'm
full of smoke and cum." She said.
By now her cigar was all but gone. I reached over to the end table and
grabbed a fresh one out of the pack. I placed the tipped cigar between her
pouty lips and lit it. Her cheeks touched one another as she pulled hard.
Once she had a good drag she hauled it down into her lungs with an audible
whoosh. She continued to inhale as her eyes rolled back in her head
indicating pulmonary bliss. She reached her hand down and touched my
"My lungs are still hungry for smoke and my pussy is still hungry for cum.
I've got a fresh cigar. Is any way you can feed my pussy a fresh load?"
I woke up the next morning after a long night of sex. My balls felt like the
size of g****fruit; I can only imagine what Amanda's lungs felt like. I came
in her pussy three times and she had smoked four tipped cigars and I do not
know how many cigarettes. Amanda was just waking up when I pulled the covers
back and looked at the sheets underneath her butt. She was right. There was
not a single drop of cum on the bed. I had pumped three gigantic loads into
her womb and from what I could tell not a single sperm had managed to get
Amanda let out a gigantic cough and moaned as she rolled over. I leaned in,
gave her a kiss and said, "How are you feeling?"
"My lungs are aching. I haven't smoked like that in quite a while." She
"Are you going to be alright?" I asked.
"I need nicotine but my lungs are too sore to smoke." She replied
"Amanda can't smoke. I don't believe it."
"I can but it really hurts to inhale." She said. "I wish there was some way
to f***e the smoke down so I would have to pull it in myself."
"Is there anything I can do?" I asked.
"There is, but you don't smoke." She said.
"Tell me." I said. "I'm not a smoker but it's not like I've never had a
cigarette before. If there is something I can do to make you feel better
I'll do it."
"You could shotgun the smoke into me." She said.
"You'll have to explain what that is." I told her.
"Take a drag, put your mouth over mine, and then blow it into my lungs as
hard as you can. It will f***e my lungs to expand, help clear them out, and
give me the nicotine I need." She said. "Grab my unfiltered cigarettes
please. I need a big dose of nicotine to get me going."
I walked out to the living room and retrieved the pack of unfiltered Camels.
I pulled one out and lit it as I returned to the bed.
"You don't have to inhale it if you don't want to. Besides I don't want you
stealing any of my nicotine." She joked.
Heavy smoke and a couple flecks of tobacco filled my mouth as I dragged on
the cigarette. I leaned down, placed my mouth over Amanda's, and blew the
smoke into her as hard as I could. She moaned as her lungs began to expand.
"Are you OK baby?" I asked.
"It just hurts a little. More please."
I repeated this process three times before her lungs were completely full of
pressurized smoke. She let it soak in for as long as she could before she
exhaled. It continued to amaze me just how much smoke her lungs could
absorb. I had filled her with three big drags and she barely exhaled
At the end of her exhale she had a major coughing fit. "That's what I
needed. The fresh smoke helps my lungs clear out the crud from last night."
"Do you want me to keep going?" I asked.
"You betcha. I'm enjoying this." She said.
I was in the middle of filling her with a second load of smoke when I
realized that my dick was getting hard again. Once her lungs were filled to
capacity I took her hand and placed it on my growing member. "Oh my." She
said. "You're ready to go again."
"Helping you fill your lungs with smoke is getting me excited. I want to cum
in your pussy some more." I said.
"She is a little raw but I always want your cum. Why don't you let me take
you in my mouth. You were so good to my pussy last night. I would love to
swallow your load. I can't stand it when sperm goes to waste. Your cum
either needs to be in my pussy or in my tummy."
After I finished inflating Amanda's lungs with cigarette smoke, she rolled me
onto my back and gave me the best blow job of my life. I have never had a
woman who could deep throat my entire member. She took it in like it was the
food of the gods. The way she pulled and stroked my balls while sliding my
cock in and out of her throat felt amazing. It usually takes me about twenty
minutes to come from a blow job. I was ready to burst after only five.
Amanda could tell that I was getting ready to cum. She started to constrict
her throat muscles around the head of my cock and stroke the shaft with her
hand. Right when I exploded she pushed herself down to the base of my dick
and let me shoot my sperm directly down her throat. I have never seen a
woman take semen the way she does. I can not decide which is more amazing,
the way her pussy extracts cum and then seals it inside or the way she pulls
the cum out with her mouth and then gulps it down.
She rolled over, patted her belly, and said, "Another one of your wonderful
"How do your lungs feel?" I asked
"Better thanks to you. Why don't we get a hot shower. The steam will help
open up my lungs and when we get out I should be able to smoke on my own."
"Sounds good." I said.
From then on Amanda and I were a couple. We would see each other during the
week but it was the weekends that were fun time. We would try not to have
sex on either Thursday or Friday and Amanda would try to keep her smoking to
a minimum, maybe a pack a day. We would then spend the entire weekend in bed
filling her with as much smoke and cum we could. One particular weekend she
took eight loads of sperm, nine cigars, and six packs of cigarettes into her
little body. Six of those loads went straight into her pussy and not a
single drop ever saw the light of day again. I could not believe I had found
a woman who was that smoke and cum hungry. She told me from that point on I
was not to waste a single drop of sperm. All of it belonged to her. Even if
I decided to jerk-off I was to cum in a cup and then give it to her as soon
"Do you want to drink it?" I asked.
"No, I only swallow fresh sperm. I want you to pour it into my pussy."
I got the chance to test her on it a week later. It was late Friday evening.
I had not seen her since Wednesday and we were not supposed to get together
until the following afternoon. I was incredibly horny and was unable wait
any longer. I went into the bathroom with a small plastic cup and proceeded
to rub out a load of sperm. I collected every drop in the container and then
called Amanda on her cell phone and told her what I had done. She said that
she was out with a friend but to hold on to it. She would be by later that
She rang my doorbell at around eleven o'clock and immediately demanded,
"Where is my cum?"
I pointed to my balls and said, "Right here."
She said, "No, I want the cum you rubbed out earlier. You don't get to put
another load in my pussy unless I get that one first."
I took her into the bedroom and showed her the cup of semen sitting on the
dresser. She took it over to the bed, pulled her pants down and said, "Since
you pleasured yourself, I get to do the same. I am going to rub my clit and
you are going to sit here and watch. When I tell you I'm ready you will pour
your cum into my pussy. Make sure you don't spill any."
She laid back and said, "Ah hem, I'm missing something here."
I knew exactly what she meant. I pulled a cigarette out of the pack that was
in her purse, put it between her lips, and lit it for her.
She decided that since she had a captive audience she was going to tease me
for a while. She put on a smoking display that was the sexiest thing I had
seen do far. She took drags that were so slow, deep, and sensuous that it
was all I could do to keep my own pants on. Once the smoke was locked in she
would rub her chest with one hand and rub her clit with the other as the
smoke permeated her body.
"Ooh, my lungs are really starting to round into shape. I think they could
use some thick cigar smoke." She said.
It just so happened that I was prepared for this. Earlier in the week I had
bought a pack of her favorite cigars. She was quite surprised when I pulled
them out of the drawer.
I placed one between her lips, lit it, and then I whispered in her ear,
"Please let me fuck you."
"No, you are going sit there and watch me smoke myself to the verge of orgasm
and then you are going to pour that load of cum into my pussy." She said.
Amanda would normally just do a straight drag on her cigar but this time she
started puffing on it, generating a huge cloud of dense smoke. Once the
cigar was hot enough and putting out the thickest smoke possible, she took
one final draw and slammed it down into her lungs. "I'm going to absorb
every bit of the cigar smoke that is in my lungs. I know that makes you
I did not say anything, I just pulled off my pants and started stroking my
erect penis. I watched as she punished her lungs with drag after drag. She
would make a big cloud of smoke but once she inhaled that smoke it was inside
to stay. Her cigar was half gone when she said, "I'm getting close. Get the
I picked up the cup and waited for the order. She rubbed her clit furiously
as she loaded up her lungs for the final assault. She performed the same
maneuver that she did that first night where she laid in several drags, one
on top of the other, and then rammed it home with a big inhale.
"Pour it in me." She yelled as she curled herself into a ball and pulled her
pussy lips apart.
She let out an excited "Ooooh." as I carefully poured the thick liquid down
"Holy shit I can feel it flowing through my cervix." She said in a strained
and excited voice. I could see bliss on her face as she felt my seed run
into her cum-starved womb.
"Fuck me. Fuck me now." She commanded as she pulled me on top of her.
I slid my dick into her sodden pussy and began pumping as hard as I could.
She let loose with an orgasm that was biggest I had seen. I though for sure
she was going to pass out. I started pumping her deeper as the crest of the
orgasm passed. My balls felt like they were going to explode. She caught
her breath and said, "More cum. I need more cum in my pussy."
I jockeyed into my favorite position where the tip of my cock was pressed up
against the opening of her cervix. If she liked to feel cum shoot through it
then I was going to make sure that was what she got.
"Oh sh..." I yelled as the first jet of cum shot out. I didn't even get the
word "shit" out before she went completely berserk.
"OH MY GOD!" She wailed at the top of her lungs. The sound came from so
deep that any residual smoke that might have been trapped inside was surely
blown out. Her fingernails dug into my back as she launched into an orgasm
for the ages. I have never heard a person make sounds as loud and as primal
as she did that night. When it was all over she passed out cold. Normally
it is the guy who falls asl**p after sex. This time Amanda was out so fast
she did not even reach for her post coital cigarette.
The next morning she woke up in my arms and gave me the biggest kiss and
warmest smile. "I want to tell you. That was the most incredible experience
of my life. I had no idea it was possible to orgasm like that. I was
serious when I told you that I didn't want you to waste any of your semen but
I was half-k**ding when I said that I wanted you to pour it into my pussy."
"I didn't really think you were serious either." I said.
"Once I got here and saw your sperm sitting in the cup I knew I had to have
it inside of me. The feeling of your cold sperm running down into my pussy,
through my cervix, and into my womb was the most amazing feeling I've ever
had. My cervix was wide-open after that first orgasm."
"I know. It felt like I could almost fit the whole head of my dick through
it." I said.
"When you shot your load straight through my cervix into my womb, I've never
felt that close to another human being. You buried your sperm so deep in me
that I swear it touched the smoke that was in my lungs. It was like we
brought the two things that I love the most together inside of my body."
Hearing Amanda talk like started to excite me again. "You are so fucking hot
I can't stand it. I want to blast another load into your womb." I said.
"My cervix is closed now. keeping all of your cum from last night inside. If
you want to ejaculate again, why don't you let me swallow your next load. I
can smoke while I suck it out."
That's my girl.