Jessy's Diary, January 9th 2012
Have you ever woken up in the morning, made your husband his coffee and lunch and then, after he's gone, you wonder, how you turned out to be the person you are? Why did everything turn out to be the way it is now? Was it just fate? Or did I choose it to be that way?
So I sit here at the kitchen table, laptop in front of me, coffee next to it.. and I think about my life, about the past, the present and occasionally the future. Being 23 years old, married for almost three of them, the last couple of years seemed to be rushing by, neither slowing down nor allowing me to keep up with them.
Don't get me wrong, dear diary, I love my life. I have two great parents, a more then lovely big s****r, I am married to maybe the best guy a woman can find out there in this swamp of jerks and assholes. Actually, my life turned out exactly the way, I phantasized about when I was 12 or 13 years old, laying in my bed, dreaming of the knight in shining white armour to come to get me.
Now, you can laugh, but that was me. A late-bloomer, a girl, who until the age of 18 hadn't had a boyfriend or even an affair, who's only sexual encounter was her own hands and a d***k handjob to her best friend after her first disco-night, after which said friend turned out to be the same kind of jackass most men are.
When other girls went out partying, I laid down on my bed, reading philosophical books, more interested in ancient history then present guys. My life kind of changed when I rented my first own flat, a small two-room-apartment a bit outside the city, to become more independent from my parents. Of course, it wasn't an overnight-change. First I was occupied with holding everything together, looking for a job to pay the rent, washing my own clothes, buying my own food and as soon as I had finished all that studying for my final exams at high school.
The change came in the person of Karl, a young and very handsome guy who sat next to me during my Latin-course. To be honest, after the first two or three sessions, I was absolutely positive about him being gay. He never looked at me, he was totally concentrated on the books in front of him. But then I realised, that he was studying hard indeed, but at the same time being a lot of fun about it. He laughed a lot, sometimes about the stupidest of all things, but then he was like a walking enceclopaedia, knowing a good answer to any question from any field of expertise you asked him. Every break we sat togehter, joining lunch, talking about whatever came to mind. And the more I got to know him, the more I wondered if he might be that knight, I had been searching for.
When our prom neared and it was time to buy the suitable dress, it was him, who adressed me with the question: „Jessica... would it be totally weird, if I asked you to be my prom-date?“
Moron, I had almost replied. It would have been weird, if you hadn't!.. But instead I answered: „I'd love to.“
He smiled at me. And somehow I knew, that this was about to be the date, that was going to change my whole life. Though if one had asked me, I had not in the slightest way anticipated, how much my life was going to change.
The night of the prom, Karl came by my apartment at 6 pm. The whole afternoon I had spent in the bathroom, trying to figure out how to do my hair and what kind of make-up to wear. In the end I had decided to wear my hair casual and keep the make-up low profil. I was wearing a dress of a dark-red colour, which showed arms and shoulders but not much of the rest of my body. Still it was pretty tight and pressed firmly against the curves of my body.
When the doorbell rang, I walked over and opened. „Hi, Karl“, I greeted him. „Come in.“
„Hi, Jessica“, Karl greeted back. He wore a dark suit, white shirt, tie... well, you could say, he looked exactly how you imagine a guy to look on a prom-date. Just a bit more handsome. Or at least that was what I thought. „Nice to finally meet you in private.“
„Well, you could've asked me for a date sooner“, I smiled at him.
„It took all my courage to ask such a beautiful girl this once“, Karl said totally honest.
„You do know what a girl likes to hear, don't you“, I kept smiling.
He didn't answer to that, but instead leaned in on me and gave me a shy kiss on my cheek. When his lips touched my skin, I felt a low shiver run through my spine. He must have shaven freshly, for the skin around his mouth was very smooth and I could smell his after-shave. It was a very decent smell, just the kind I liked. That's why I didn't mind, that his kiss lasted maybe a second longer than it should have to be by a perfect gentleman.
„You're a sweety“, I whispered.
„We do have some time left, before we've got to go“, he said, after he had withdrawn again. „You wanna sit down and talk a bit, before we leave?“
„Sure, why not“, I replied.
We went to my livingroom/office and I took a seat on my white couch. The lamp, which stood next to it, enlightened the room. I still had a bottle of water on the table in front of the sofa and I offered Karl something to drink, while he sat down on one of the two chairs in the room.
„You know, we have never talked about what you do for fun“, he said, while I poured him a glas. „What are your hobbies?“
„Besides reading?“ I answered. „Hm, I guess music comes second. I love to listen to it and to sing. Though I don't think my voice sounds too well.“
„Ah, I bet you have a beautiful singing voice“, Karl said.
„Not really“, I replied. „My s****r always said, the milk would turn bad, whenever I sang. So, what kinda music do you like?“
„Rock, most of the time“, he answered.
„Cool“, I replied, though I don't really like rock that much.
„You have a nice place here“, Karl said.
„Wanna take a look around?“ I asked.
He nodded and I got up from my sofa. I still couldn't believe I was on an actual date. But the funniest thing about it was, that it seemed as if Karl wasn't too sure how to proceed either. I showed him my livingroom, the wooden tv-board on which the most expensive pierce of furniture I owned was placed, a flatscreen-tv I had gotten as a gift from my grandma. Then I showed him the small corner, in which my desk stood. In front of it there was a small chair and on the desk was my laptop.
„So this is where I work“, I said.
„You've been studying even today?“ Karl asked.
I was surprised, why he did, but then I realised that I had let my laptop turned on. I had worked on some pictures from my last vacation to kill time, when the door-bell had rang. As they were partially pictures from the beach, I didn't want him to see them, so I turned away.
„Yeah, well, just some photoshop-work“, I replied.
But I hadn't quite said that, when Karl had looked at my laptop screen. The picture he could see displayed my upper body. I was wearing a summer-top which revealed about half my boobs and worst of all it was pretty obvious that I wasn't wearing no bra underneath it. ( It had been a hot summer back then, so don't blame me for it. And besides, I hate it if I wear something shoulder-free and everyone can see my bra-straps. )
But the situation turned even worse, when Karl klicked to the next picture. My s****r had done it at the beach. It showed my back, me only wearing a bikini, which bottoms didn't really cover any of my butt. ( I don't have to tell you about tan-stripes. And I don't mind to wear such a thing on vacation, when nobody around knows me. But having Karl see it, was something completely different. )
„This is kinda embarassing“, I grinned.
„Why? You look great“, Karl replied. „I would love to take a picture like that off you sometime.“
„Oh I bet you would“, I said. Don't ask me why, but at the moment, I wasn't even angry for him to say such a blunt thing. „But let me show you the rest of my home.“
„Sure“, he replied.
I led him to my bedroom. It was a small room, with just a single-bed, a small bedside-table and a wardrobe in it. When we entered it, I suddenly thought about the fact, that Karl was the first male to see it.
„My bedroom“, I said. „Nothing special, but what do you need it for expect for sl**ping.“ I bit my tongue immediately after having said that.
„Well, there might be some other things“, Karl smiled. „But I like it. It's simple, but homely.“
„Thanks“, I replied.
I wanted to walk past him back into the livingroom, when I suddenly felt his hands on my side. His lips touched mine. Not with too much pressure but very gently. The shudder I had felt before, returned instantly, this time even a bit stronger. For a second I didn't know what to do. Hit him? Or reply the kiss? God, it felt too good to be mad about. But wasn't he supposed to kiss me after the date? Not before?
„That was unexpected“, I mumbled, as soon as he had drawn back.
„Sorry, I don't know, why I did it?“, Karl stuttered. „It just felt right. I... „
„Don't worry“, I smiled. „I'm not mad at you. Well, I guess it's time to leave, isn't it?“
„Yeah, I guess“, Karl mumbled.
I smiled at him again and grabbed my coat. Then we left my apartment. The taste of his lips on mine joined me for the whole evening. And to be honest, don't ask me, how my prom was. I don't remember a second. Except for that 3:13 minutes, when I was laying against Karl's shoulder slow-dancing with him just before we left.
to be continued....( comments very much welcomed )