I’m absolutely not in jail or an 88-year-old toothless man or anything like that, okay? Although let’s just say I have plenty of time to myself in which to try something like this.
Ideally you would be a curious, fun-loving, sexually open-minded female, say ages 25-45 (I’m 27), and a little bit interested in trying something like this out for a lark, or to secretly blow off a little steam. It's fun to be naughty, isn't it? My idea is, we will exchange a few emails first, so you can determine my authenticity and we can solidly establish to your satisfaction that I am not a total lunatic (which, of course, I’m not). You can get to know enough about me to be comfortable. Then we will arrange a time some evening, I’ll call you up, we’ll both be a little awkward at first, and then in short order we’ll proceed to warm up to it and get each other all hot and bothered over the phone, get ourselves all worked up in a frenzy of passion until we both give each other fits.