Culture Shock 10/23

12.06 A.M.. Elaine's teeth were brushed, skin moisturised, ready for sl**p. Kneeling tall on her bed in the dark, she'd opened the sliding window widely. With her elbows resting on the windowsill, she smelled the fresh air. A warm breeze caressed her face, billowing the gauzy curtains.

Street lamps and house lights dotted the hills that rolled into the distance and Elaine stared. Her room was on the opposite side to the quadrangle and looked away from the city. Until then Elaine had wished she had a view of the bright colourful lights and the promise of excitement. But it wasn't the city she was thinking about.

She smiled and closed her eyes.

Into her mind came Gary. He smirked at her as though he were waiting for her to speak. His arms were crossed and he was tapping his foot. It was a parody, but she sensed he was serious under the humour. He wanted her to hurry up and get to know herself. He knew they were right for each other.

What is it he sees in me?

It warmed her to know she was desired. She sighed softly, opening her eyes and gazing into the distance.

Maybe he's right, she thought. But I'm not rushing this. I mustn't rush it. It's too dangerous. I want to trust him so badly. But minimising the risks is important. I read that again and again. I'm going to have to ask him for references before I get in too deep. And I'm going to have to check them too. If I ever do meet him, I want to look into his eyes with confidence.

Elaine smiled to herself, her gaze focussing on a single, twinkling light, set alone in the hills.

God, his eyes...

C'mon, think!

I'd have to meet him and get to know him, to see what he was like and to connect with him. And we'd have to be attracted to each other.

Interested friends. Then again I could just meet him and fuck him.

Elaine laughed at her audacity. Amusing herself, she ran with the thought.

He'd be perfect. He's from out of town and he's hot. It's obvious he wants me, and God knows I could do with a good hard fucking. And with my virginity taken care of, there'd be no pain! We could get a motel room...

Elaine bit her lip.

I couldn't do that.

Could I?


I couldn't.

I couldn't bring myself to commit such dishonesty to MYSELF, let alone him. He'll always see me as I am. No matter what mask I wear. He'll know me. He already knows me.

We've only known each other a few days, and already he knows more about me than anyone else on the face of this earth. I couldn't look into those eyes and lie. God, those eyes... I want to take another picture of him. But I want him to be thinking of ME as I click the shutter. I want him to be thinking of fucking me... I want him to... I want... I want him...

"Oooohh!" Elaine gasped. The middle finger of her right hand had dragged too firmly across her clit and the poor little bud, unable to contain itself a moment longer, had jumped for joy, causing her pussy to contract tightly. For a moment, in Elaine's ears it sounded like she was standing in a wind tunnel. She'd been caught by surprise, her eyelids springing open and her hand bouncing off her flesh, frozen in mid-air.

How long have I been doing that?

Suddenly it was so quiet she heard her pussy drip on the bed beneath her as she kneeled by the window. Shaking her head, she slid it closed and climbed between the sheets on her bed. Lying on her back and listening to her breathing slow down, she calmed her beating heart.

As Elaine caught her breath, she remembered the faint flickering light that had originally mesmerised her.

He's out there somewhere...


Thursday morning.

My first official day of 'seeing what it's like to be an exhibitionist, thought Elaine ruefully, rolling out of bed and standing in front of her mirror, completely naked.

She'd always thought sl**ping naked would be a thrill, but stripping off her nightie had actually been a relief compared with wearing the scratchy thing. She simply hadn't been able to get to sl**p with it on. Breathing had proved to be enough to make the material move slightly over her sensitive nipples. It had been maddening.

Her body was buzzing with need. She fixed her gaze on her nipples and they started to throb softly, without even touching them.

Fuck... Stop!

She dared not see what they felt like, though she longed to pinch and pull them. Grabbing her towel, she gritted her teeth and headed for the shower. A cold shower.

Fifteen minutes later, Elaine groaned as she modelled the light blue tank top with the little black skirt she was going to be wearing later. Her nipples had tightened into hard little balls and she was pretty sure they'd stay like that all day.

Having them on display will keep them what way too, she thought, as she changed into her work clothes. At least she wouldn't be showing off at work. She just hoped no one would question her wearing a pink t-shirt under her white work blouse.

She was counting on it being busy, and she caught a break.


By the time she'd arrived back at the apartment, Elaine felt energised. Flushed with nervous excitement, her body was betraying her. Her pussy wasn't flooded. Just moist, warm and on her mind. After changing into her clothes for school, Elaine glanced in the mirror again.

This top is SO not supposed to be worn without a bra. Maybe I should stick with the t-shirt and wear this stupid tank top tomorrow.

"Ugh," she protested aloud.

I am NOT wearing this in a combo with the flimsy mini. People will think I'm a slut.

Resigned to wearing what she'd chosen, she wished her nipples weren't as prominent. They were really obvious and she was going to have to try to move slowly and not bounce as she walked. She had a wrecking ball of fear in her stomach side-by-side with a strange thrill. Like she needed to pee, but she didn't.

Elaine grabbed her backpack preparing to leave, and heard the front door open and close. Investigating, she headed to the kitchen finding Kendra with her head stuck in the refrigerator.

Great, thought Elaine. She'll get a real kick out of this.


"Fuck!" Kendra said, jumping backward and grabbing her heart. "You scared the shit out of me!"


Kendra looked up and down Elaine's body, as she'd come to do these last few days. Her gaze settled on Elaine's chest and she chuckled. "You're going to create quite a stir, aren't you? I never realised they were so..."

"Obscene? I shouldn't even be going out in this," Elaine said, pouting and hoping for at least a little sympathy from her roommate. "It's not fair."

"Oh, stop complaining. They look good enough to... show off to the whole world," Kendra said, blinking and meeting Elaine's stare. "I ah, I mean-"

"You're no help."

"Just grin and bear it." Kendra said quietly, sounding much more sympathetic. "It'll be a good learning experience. Something outside the square."

"Thanks a lot, Kendra."

"Now, now. Be nice."

Elaine knew what was coming. Kendra was about to check she had no undies on.

Dammit! I forgot to ask her to empty her bag this morning! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Intending to get in before her roommate, Elaine gasped, "Show me what you've got under your skirt!" Their eyes met and Elaine sensed Kendra was on the back foot. "Now!"

"All right, all right. Jeez Elaine, if you need to see my cunt so bad, you can ask anytime, you know." Kendra winked, gripping the hem of her short skirt, slowly lifting it up her thighs.

"I don't need to see it."

Kendra froze, her hem just below her pussy. "So you want to see it then."

"Oh, forget it," Elaine said, turning in her scuffs and heading for the front door. "I have class," she muttered.

"Not so fast," Kendra said firmly. Elaine froze in the kitchen doorway. "I haven't checked you yet. You might have been putting up a smokescreen."

"I'm not that devious."

"I don't believe you. Lift your hem. I want to see that pretty pussy again."

Elaine's breath caught in her throat. Kendra wanted to see her pussy. She swallowed, trying to find clever words. There was nothing there. "Only if you do."

"Fine. On the count of three," Kendra said, holding the hem of her skirt like a gunfighter about to draw. "One... Two... Three!"

Both girls lifted their skirts simultaneously, and when Kendra started rotating her hips a little, Elaine dropped her hem, smoothing down her skirt and grabbing her bag. She couldn't think of anything to say and she couldn't even look in Kendra's eyes. She actually thought Kendra's pussy had been wet, but there was no way she was going to mention it.

I MUST remember to look in Kendra's bag in the morning, Elaine thought as she exited the apartment.

She hadn't walked halfway across the quadrangle before a stranger stopped her and talked to her. At the time Elaine wondered whether the girl had mistaken her for someone else. Then it dawned on her. She was being hit on.

Despite the awkward feeling engulfing her, it made her smile and she wasn't sure why. She crossed her arms defensively, excusing herself and hurrying to her first class, blushing like crazy. She even felt the girl's eyes on her ass as she walked away.

She hadn't even reached the venue before she surrendered.

Despite the huge blinking signs on her chest saying, 'Check out my tits!', Elaine found a place in her mind where she could handle it. Throwing back her shoulders and lifting her chin, she met the challenge head on, somewhat surprised at how easily the afternoon progressed.

It was a bit of a blur, but it wasn't nearly as bad as she'd imagined. Sure, her nipples had ached for most of the day, but that was hardly surprising. And she'd done her best to ignore her wet pussy. The notes she'd taken hardly made sense. One of the cute guys in her Morality class even asked her out. That had been two and a half hours earlier. Since then she'd put up with guys whistling, commenting and gluing their eyes to her chest wherever she went. One really gorgeous guy had slowly licked his lips while staring into her eyes across a lecture theatre. She'd blushed and grit her teeth, returning her attention to the lecturer.

So this is how a sex object feels...

By the time the bell sounded to end her final class, Elaine was almost used to it.

Bounding up the last flight of stairs to her apartment, she laughed softly in relief. She'd done it! Turning the key, she tried to push open the door but the chain was across it, blocking its progress. At least it allowed Elaine enough room to yell her annoyance at her roommates. "Open the fucking door!"

Kendra was there in moments and Chelsea joined her, looking over her shoulder and rolling her eyes. Kendra smirked and said, "You can't come in till you lift your skirt."

"For God's sake, Kendra," Elaine whined, scouting the landing.

"Just do it."

"This is ridiculous," Elaine said, her fragile mood failing. "Just let me in."

"Come on. Hurry up. The pizzas are getting cold."

"You're crazy," said Elaine, putting down her backpack and turning her head, seeing if anyone was watching from across the quadrangle. Eight apartments faced toward theirs, but she couldn't see anyone.

"Well?" Kendra asked.

Fuck! Elaine thought, glancing down the concrete corridor. Their apartment was at one end and the one at the other end was usually occupied by a couple of grad students. They usually kept to themselves and the lights weren't on. They probably weren't home. The chances of being seen were pretty low.

Before she had a chance to comply, Kendra spoke again. "Take off your top and your skirt and hand them to me, then I'll undo the door."


"We decided that if you hadn't flashed your puss in two minutes, you'd have to get naked. Sorry."

Kendra looked at Chelsea and said, "I guess she doesn't want to come in." Chelsea giggled as Kendra closed the door. Elaine's jaw dropped.

I can wait them out. This is ridiculous.

One minute passed.

Then two.

Elaine banged her fist on the door. Then she banged on it again. "Come on you guys! This isn't funny..." Surely they weren't going to make her do this. "Please... C'mon..."

The door cracked open. The chain was still across it. "Skirt and top," Kendra demanded, a smug smile on her face. Chelsea was eating pizza.

Elaine steamed, biting her tongue. Somewhere in the back of her mind she thought it was an appropriately humiliating way to end the day. her heart rate rose and her breathing caught in her chest. Closing her eyes for just a moment, she decided to do it. It was the path of least resistance. She couldn't stand on the doorstep all night.

"Promise me you'll let me in. Straight away."

"I promise," Kendra said, winking.

Glancing around again, Elaine sighed. The coast was clear. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I can't believe I'm going to do this."

"Nor can I!" squealed Chelsea with a mouthful of pizza.

In a flash Elaine dragged her tank top over her head and stepped out of her little black skirt. Instinctively her left hand covered her pussy as she held out her clothes in her other hand, a pleading look on her face. "Come on! Hurry up!"

Kendra grinned, snatching the two items of clothing from Elaine's hand and closing the door on her.

And nothing happened.

Elaine held her breath as the moment stretched to breaking point. Then she started to panic. Picking up her backpack to give herself some cover, she banged her fist on the door urgently. She couldn't scream. Everyone would come and see what the fuss was about.

Dammit! Open the fucking door!!!!!!

"You guys... Please, c'mon... Pleaseeeee..." She banged a bit harder and to her surprise, the door suddenly opened. She gasped, rushing over the threshold to safety. "I can't believe you made me do that!" Elaine cried vehemently as Kendra closed the door behind her. "Give me my fucking clothes!"

Kendra tossed them to her saying, "Relax. Come and have some pizza. And put some bl**dy clothes on." Chelsea thought that was hilarious.

Pushing open her bedroom door, Elaine growled and tossed her clothes and backpack onto her bed. Firmly slamming the door, she leaned her back on it and shivered hard, her breath suddenly laboured with a desperate need for oxygen. Had she been holding it all that time?

God. What a rush!

She felt a tickle on her inner thigh and the skin twitched. Am I leaking? she asked herself, horrified. Elaine really didn't want to know, but she couldn't help touching herself to see. She confirmed she was dripping and walked over to the computer, picking up the towel d****d over the chair. After patting herself dry, she gave up, deciding the added stimulation wasn't helping. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she couldn't believe she was still naked. Since she'd entered her room, it hadn't even occurred to her to put her clothes back on.

Okay, so I've only been in here thirty seconds.

She giggled, covering her mouth. She had to get her head together.

They'll just call me a baby if I complain. I won't say a word and if they ask, I'll say it was nothing. This thing will be over by tomorrow night. I can make it!

Besides, I'm starving!

"That was awesome!" said a grinning Chelsea, as Elaine joined the girls in the living room, picking up a piece of pizza.

Kendra agreed. "I didn't think you'd do it. You cost me ten bucks!"

"You bet on it?" asked Elaine.

"Yep," said Chelsea.

"Five more seconds and I would have won. Just five more seconds," chuckled Kendra, reaching for another slice.

"What do you mean?"

"Five more seconds and I would have let you in. I wasn't going to make you flash outside the door. I'm not that mean."

Elaine was speechless and could only bring herself to roll her eyes. She wasn't taking the bait, instead grabbing another piece of pie and munching on it. When she was done, she informed them, "I've got some stuff to do."

"Okay," said Chelsea, eyes glued to the T.V.

"See ya," Kendra said. "Oh, hey?"

"What?" asked Elaine, stranded by the door to the living room.

"You were pretty brave. You're all right, Elaine."

Elaine didn't know what to make of Kendra. She never knew when she was telling the truth and when she was lying through her teeth. All she could think to say was, "Thanks."

After luxuriating in a nice hot shower that calmed her frayed nerves, Elaine was back in her room, sitting down in front of her computer and switching it on. She opened her copy of the BDSM checklist and set to work. She wanted to complete it and it was long.

Remembering Gary's suggestion to answer the questions she could and to make a list of those she wanted to have clarified, she realised before long that her 'clarification list' was getting quite lengthy. Opening a window to the net, she soon found herself getting bogged down in Google searches. Admitting there was a hell of a lot she didn't know, Elaine promised herself to read a little every day.

Her ass was numb by the time she'd arrived at the last of the two hundred and fifty 'items' she'd been rating. Before she rose to walk around, she scanned through her answers once more, changing a couple and shaking her head at the answers she'd given to others.

It surprised her that she was willing to try a lot. Biting her lip, she admitted there were a lot of things she didn't want to do either. And trying to imagine some of the things mentioned either made her head hurt, made her nauseous, or made her horny. She was pleased when she was done.

After grabbing a fresh cup of coffee, Elaine opened Castlerealm intent on honouring the promise she'd made to do some reading.

She was looking for something specific, and found a handy link to the Library. Clicking on it, then scanning the options presented to her, she found a couple of articles that she hoped would answer some of her questions.

Maybe she was getting ahead of herself, but Elaine wondered how she would go about setting up a meeting. Were there any pitfalls or precautions she should take? What sorts of things should she know before setting up a meeting? Where should it take place?

She smiled as she settled in her chair to read the engrossing commentaries. She even took notes. By the time she'd finished reading the third article on the subject, she felt empowered. She knew what kinds of questions she needed Gary to answer, and what sorts of dangerous practices or situations she had to avoid.

She read over and over of the need to approach a meeting as equals, not to be bullied and to be wary of evasive behaviours or answers. In fact, Elaine was pleased to read that the kinds of behaviours she should expect were those Gary had already been exhibiting.

Honesty. An open book. Fallible. In control of himself. Eager to learn. Caring. Humorous. Unhurried.

Elaine smiled, thinking she wasn't too sure about the last one. He had already admitted he liked her. He'd already mentioned that he wanted to meet her. Her brow furrowed.

How does one factor in 'honesty' with being 'unhurried'? What if he's just being honest when he tells me how keen he is? It's nice to be wanted... But I don't want to be blinded by his desire. He needs time to find out if I'm right for him too, doesn't he? He couldn't 'just know'. Could he?

Am I thinking too much?

Sitting back in her chair, Elaine massaged her temples. One question kept popping into her head.

What is it that I actually want?

She wished she knew. She wished she already had some experience to measure against her rapidly expanding fantasies. Being a technical virgin really didn't help. It left wide open a whole range of possibilities she had no idea whether she wanted or not. A good example was that she thought she might be 'bi-curious'. But she wasn't sure. No one had ever licked her pussy. So if she didn't even know what it felt like, how could she tell whether she'd like to do it to someone else? The 'idea' was tantalising. But the 'reality' might be very different. Beyond her admittedly colourful imagination, and of course all the stories she'd read, she had no idea.

Her lack of experience had to be a bad thing. It made her feel inadequate or at the very least potentially inadequate. What if she wasn't 'good at sex? What if she couldn't give a good blowjob? And what if she made a fool of herself or did or said something stupid?

Sometimes she felt so young.

She read that it was important to keep her expectations realistic, and to have a 'knowledge base' to draw on. She was beginning to understand the seriousness of the journey she was considering. It wasn't a game. If this was going to go anywhere, she was going to need to know a whole lot more about Gary.

She'd read one girl's advice article and it had asked the questions, 'What if he has a horrible snort when he laughs, or if he doesn't wash often enough for your taste and he smells rank? What if he has dirty fingernails all the time, or his breath smells? Or he doesn't change his underwear often enough?'

Elaine had giggled.

How terrible would that be? God, what a disappointment!

As another article had suggested, she promised herself that if they ever did meet, it would be in a public place, and with 'no promises'. Just a meeting. A lunch date. Or a coffee. Something like that.

"Good evening." Gary's message popped up on her screen.

Elaine hadn't even noticed the time. "Hello!" she typed quickly. It was eight forty-one. "You're early!"

"Would you prefer it if I left and came back in twenty minutes?"

"Um, no."

"I can if you need the time."

"Please stay."

"Okay." He sent a smile. "Had a good day?"

Ugh, thought Elaine. Gary's knack of asking open-ended questions really put the ball in her court. She wondered if she should tell him what was going on with her roommates. Maybe another day. "It was okay. How was yours?"

"It was amazing," he sent back. "New foal today. First one from the new pair. Sturdy little thing too."

"You've never really told me what you do." Elaine rested her chin on her fist.

"I've started a 'horse farm' type venture. I've imported a couple of horses and they've obviously settled in well."

Into Elaine's mind intruded Gary's smiling face. When she had a second, she'd bring up his picture. "A horse farm?"

"Yeah. If someone needs a horse, Gary Duke is the guy to see."


"Oh. Oops. I just gave you my last name, didn't I?"

"Giggles. Yep."

"What are you gigglin' at?"

"I dunno, Duke. Just a picture of your head on John Wayne's body. You know, 'Talk about a sense a humahh'."

There was a short silence before Gary typed, "You constantly surprise me."

Elaine swallowed. Fuck. What did I do? "Um. What do you mean?"

"You are going to be a handful if I ever get my hands on you, aren't you?"

Elaine stared wide-eyed, waiting to see how he responded when she sent, "You better believe it."

"Good. I think it would be so boring if we were perfect for each other." He shot off a wink before Elaine had finished reading his words.

She grinned. He's too fucking cute. I'm going to fall in love with this guy. I just know it. She typed, "I somehow doubt it would be boring."


"Um. Yes?"

"How about you ask me some questions?"

Shaking her head and wondering how he seemed to read her mind, Elaine typed, "Thank you. I'd appreciate it."

"This 'matter of fact' tone is very amusing. I'll try to keep a straight face."

I have a tone? Jeez. Hmmm... Stay the course. He's playing with me.

"Thank you, Sir," typed Elaine with unnecessary formality. She wished she could get his grin out of her head. "Um, you gave me the short answer before, but can you tell me how you came into the lifestyle? With more details?" Ahhhh! she thought. I feel like a plagiarist!

"You've been reading."

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He's always two steps ahead of me! "Yes, Sir."

"Good girl."

A smile broke across Elaine's face. She felt it. He was pleased. Shit! Concentrate! "Thank you. I have quite a few questions, actually."

"Good. I was introduced to the life in 1994 by a kinky girlfriend who saw something in me that up to that point I hadn't recognised."

"What was that?"

"A need for structure. I was all over the place. I'd tossed in my twenty-third job or something. I don't know why I was never too worried about that. I was likeable, I guess, and I always fell on my feet. My parents had moved to Cali to live by the sea. The girl, Anita, was pretty strange. She talked me into doing things with her that I'd never done before. She wanted me to tie her up and tease her and she encouraged me to do anything I wanted. The first time we were together she told me she'd 'make me into a man'."

Elaine smiled softly. "Did she?"

"Well, I'm not sure about that. She certainly opened my eyes. We were only together four or five weeks. I have no idea where she is now, but if I knew, I'd thank her."


"Because she taught me I could 'make my own structure'. That the world is my oyster, basically. She told me there were girls out there who, if I treated them well, would do anything to please me."

"What happened to her?"

"She moved on. She 'found who she was looking for'. To this day I'm not even sure why I wasn't more disappointed. I was happy for her. I mean, we always said it was temporary and that we weren't right for each other. I missed her though. I missed her honesty. She left me with amazing memories and a couple of books. One by Gloria Brame, and another by Jay Wiseman. She suggested I read them and I did."

Elaine jotted down the names while Gary continued. "I was dumbstruck. Some of the concepts just 'hit home'. The explanations of the way things worked blew me away. I was like Archimedes yelling, 'Eureka!' After that, all I needed was to find 'these people'. I had no idea where to look and for a couple of years I languished and the books gathered dust. Finding stuff on the net that pointed me in the right direction was heaven sent."

"You met people?"

"Yeah. I'd never had a problem hooking up with new people, but this time I was really nervous. When I arrived, there were only two couples in the restaurant. I asked, 'So, where are the subs?' It didn't go down too well."

"Sounds pretty funny to me." Elaine sent a smile.

"That's what I intended. Thankfully they realised it was my warped sense of humour soon enough."

"You mentioned before that you were part of a small group. Are these the same people?"

"Yeah. Antonio and Nica. If you joined our group, they'd be the ones you'd speak to. Others have come and gone."

Elaine bit her lip. "So, I could get a reference from them?"

"For me?"

"Yes." There was a pause in the conversation; long enough for Elaine to think something was wrong. Didn't I read he wasn't supposed to hesitate? She held her breath. Finally he was typing.

"Do you have a pen?"
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