Terry's story cont., Part 20

Recap of my previous journal entries:

In about a year and a half i had come to realize that my orientation was gay, that i was orally fixated, that i also enjoyed anal sex and was, by nature, a total pleaser who liked being dominated when it came to having sex. i went from being a 16 year-old k** who’d only had sex once with a girl to a having sex every day. Over time i had learned to be an expert cocksucker, and that helped change my painfully shy personality to that of a more confident guy because i knew i could do at least one thing well.

Back to my journey…

It didn’t take long for Sheron to call me. He was surprised i agreed to meet him cuz he truly believed that, despite what i had said to him, the reluctance on my part had to do with his color. i said i had the impression that he thought when we first met there was something racial involved and i felt bad about it. i wanted to meet to explain things in person so he would see that i’m not like that.

i explained my relationship with Frank to him. He offered his advice saying that i should tell him soon or decide never mention it at all and be done with it cuz he could see that the conflict was distressing me. i then explained about my situation with Jack and he found that hard to believe. He hadn’t thought Jack would do something like that. He offered to talk to him for me if i wanted. i thanked him but said no without telling him my reasons, which were that i didn’t want any trouble and besides, i liked having anal sex. i felt it might cause suspicion on Frank’s part if i showed an interest in anal sex after all this time, so having it with Jack satisfied the craving.

i asked Sheron if he believed me now about complications and that my hesitation had nothing to do with race. He said he had no idea about any of this, but still didn’t understand why, if i liked him and race wasn’t an issue, i wouldn’t be with him. Especially since i was already seeing two other guys. i said because dealing with my current relationships along with the rest of my life was difficult enough without having more complications. He said it didn’t have to be complicated; that he was a married guy and didn’t have a lot of spare time himself. He just liked me and thought maybe we could meet when we each had time… no demands, no strings. He just missed getting blowjobs because his wife refused to go down on him. He was just looking for someone he liked and could trust who would do that for him sometimes. i wondered if he was bisexual so i asked. He said no and i asked why he didn’t find another woman then. He said he didn’t trust women to keep their mouths shut and that his wife was the jealous type. He didn’t want to chance running into his wife or one of her friends when he was with another woman.

His explanation made sense to me in a way. i said maybe we could get together sometime if we each had some time. He asked me if i was doing anything right then. i probably should have said i was busy but was really hot to be with a guy. Above all, a black guy. i said i wasn’t doing anything then, so he asked me to go to a motel with him. i said i didn’t have any money and he said he’d pay. So i said i’d do it this time (thinking mainly to satisfy my curiosity and because he was soo hot) after we agreed that an on-going thing wouldn’t be likely for the reasons we already discussed. He said “Bet.”…

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Posted by TerryLovesIt
3 years ago    Views: 276
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11 months ago
lot of inner turmoil!