Anywhere you go on the Internet, there's a mysterious place where two people and ONLY two people can have a conversation privately. This forbidden zone where many a friendship have blossomed into relationships, where relationships break friendships, and where ships sometime pass in the night are called...
PRIVATE MESSAGES = cue flash of lightning/clap of thunder/ominous music =
Many of these messages have never been before seen by human eyes - most prefer they stay hidden out of fear of reprisal, discovery, and humiliation. However, the truth must be told - it can no longer be withheld.
The following is an ACTUAL private message that I received. I reprint it only to show the entire world that I too have been guilty of replying to these messages and to expose the damaging, hard-hitting, scandalous oral bi-play that occurs during these messages.
DISCLAIMER: By reading the following, you hereby waive all claims of litigation, any and all damages to your computer screens, your psyches, your cute, furry pets, your fat cousin Norris who only visits at Christmas, your religious organization you belong to, or any other damage we haven't listed.
You've been warned... here it is:
USERNAME WITHHELD: hey baby want to talk
USERNAME WITHHELD: we can talk about any thing
Me: Okay - you start.
USERNAME WITHHELD: why me i'm a shy person plz go first
Me: Why did you decide to send me a PM?
USERNAME WITHHELD: a wat
Me: A private message - where we are talking now.
USERNAME WITHHELD: do u want to talk to me yes or no
Me: I am talking to you - we just haven't found something to talk about yet.
USERNAME WITHHELD: wat u want to talk talk tell me plz
Me: Of all the people you could have chosen, why did you send me a message that read "Hey baby want to talk?"
USERNAME WITHHELD: i do alot of boys like that but sim like u don't want to talk to me
Me: What were you hoping we would talk about?
USERNAME WITHHELD: i don't know asshole
Me: Thanks - you just gave me a great inspiration for a blog post.
USERNAME WITHHELD: okay wat the fuck ever baby
Friends, I implore you to spread this message far and wide. Let it be read in every hall, clip joint, computer cafe, and poker palace. May the words spoken here and now spread to show the damaging effects these private messages do.
Lesson to be learned: please, in the name of the porn gods Ron Jeremy and Nina Hartley, when you send a private message to someone...
HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!