Chapter Two Dancers are More than Dancing
I settled myself in to a chair at a table where I was far enough from the stage to be unobtrusive but close enough not to offend. My days watching strippers were long gone, and while it had been a source of visual stimulation and pleasure, it wore thin as I drank beer less and less. Oddly it felt weird to order wine in a peeler bar, and my bladder could not handle copious amounts of beer anymore.
I had timed my arrival so that I would be seated with a beer in front of me when Cheryl’s act started. As soon as she entered she was scanning the audience for me and as soon as she saw me she smiled so brilliantly that it created a familiar urge in my groin.
I fought the feeling as I remembered that I was there just to see what she was like on stage, not to critique her, but to enjoy her efforts. Her efforts were pretty good as I imagined they would be, she had a natural presence on the stage, her movements were flowing as they showed me a mixture of coyness and teasing that I find pleasing in a dancer of her kind. There was a lot of room for adjustments if she wanted to make them, but I already knew exactly how I would be able to help her and never once critique her act.
There was no sign of any guys wanting to give her a hard time even though the bar was almost packed with a fun loving Saturday crowd. When she made her final bow, I stood and clapped and left the bar as soon as she was off the stage. Back up in my room I had just settled down to watch some baseball when she knocked on my door.
She was on me as soon as I opened the door, her arms were around my neck, her lips were on mine as she kissed me with incredible passion. I could not resist and returned with equal temerity. She was trying to push me backwards onto my bed, but I stopped her, holding her back gently. “Maybe we should close the door before you get me into trouble.”
“You are fantastic! Just from what you told me at the restaurant I was better. Of course having you there was a bonus, it was so easy knowing that I was dancing for you, it was like the whole place just disappeared and I could see only you! I did not know something like that could happen.”
“Thank you Sir.”
“Now you must grant an old man a moment to get his breath.”
“You are so silly.” She did manage to push me on the bed this time. She was all over me, kissing me and wrestling with my clothes. What I did next was right up there with the most difficult things that I ever had to do.
“I am sorry, Cheryl, but this is not the time or the how.” I pushed her over so that I was holding her down and looking into her eyes. “When you and I make love, it will be special, right now you need to realize that. I have no desire to fuck you, I do how ever fully intend to make you mine even if it is for only a moment in time. Do you understand?
Her eyes watered suddenly as she looked up at me. “Yes, I understand, you are that man, I apologize for acting out of line.” It was my turn to look mystified.
“That man?” She sat up turning her back to me, it was obvious that she did not want me to see her tearing up.
“This is going to sound silly, and I am not sure that I should tell you because then you would send me away. I could not bear it if you sent me away.”
“Of course you know that after a speech like that you have to tell me now even at the risk of my sending you away.”
“Damn, why does everything seem to get complicated.”
“Because life is not simple, it is complex and that is what makes it worth getting up in the morning. So you can face a new challenge and overcome it.”
“You always talk like that?”
“So what is it you want to tell me?”
“That is just it, I am not sure that I want to tell you.”
“Fair enough, you do not have to, I promise that I will not have you do anything that you do not want to. Even being my student in the art of obedience and submission does not require you to do something against your will.”
“Really? I guess that I had a different idea about this maybe you should tell me more about it.”
“I am not so much of a teacher as I person that helps you to find your way. I can explain things to you when you need to know them, more often I will explain things in a way that make you figure it out for yourself. That is why we are not going to fuck right now, because it would not be what either one of us needs.”
“I suppose what I need is to tell you what I am afraid of telling you then. Is that it?”
“You tell me.”
“Grrrr, okay, I have always thought that when I find the right man, the one that I could be one with, it would be a man that would turn me down without turning me down. I figured out a long time ago that I was missing something, and that is why I recognized you for someone that could teach me. You are that one, I can feel it inside me.”
“I see, then you came here just now because you are in need of that spanking you asked me for.” I did not wait for an answer, I took her over my lap and smacked her firmly on her ass.
“Ow!” That is not why I came here you meany.” She reached back and rubbed herself where I spanked her. “Now my ass is going to have a red mark for my next show.”
“Nothing wrong with that, it is the mark of a Master.” I had to laugh at my joke even though she did not get it right away. “Now, when is your next show, little one.”
“In about an hour.”
“Hell, I did not hit you that hard, maybe I should give you a few more.” I raised my hand to make ready to smack her again. She turned and reached for my wrist.
“You wouldn’t!” She looked genuinely concerned that I was going to spank her.
I put on my most surprised look. “I remember you asking me to spank you when we got back to the hotel. Did I misunderstand?”
She hesitated, “Well no, but could you wait until after my last show?”
“Of course I can, now, if you do not mind, I probably need a cold shower.” I started to try to get up. She refused to move and instead started kissing me softer than before, it was nice and I responded in kind. The two of us fell back onto the bed wrapped in each other. This was nice, for so long I had gone without this feeling, far too long. We played like couple of teenagers for the next half hour. Then I really needed a cold shower.
“I have a plan, if you want to try it, but it requires you doing some shopping at the dollar store. I will give you the basics and you may be as creative as you care to be after that.”
“Tell me, I am all ears.”
“First of all, your room seems to be better suited for it, so do you have a problem with using your room?”
“Not at all, what do you want to do?”
“Okay, first you must go to the dollar store and get a bunch of………….and by the way, have a good show Cheryl, find someone away from the stage and dance for him, use your focus as your key to confidence.”
“Yes, Sir, I will try that. Okay I have to change now, do you want to help?”
“Right, I am sure the other girls would appreciate my hanging around the dressing room.”
“You never know.”
She gave me a kiss at the door and then bounced off down the hall, Neil was standing in his doorway watching her go, then he grinned at me. “So you are robbing the cradle now?”
“No, she is robbing the Seniors Center. You are looking well today. Are you going over for dinner?”
“Yeah, I think so, are you?”
“I need to, I am ravished right now even though I had a big breakfast. I have to run over to the mall right now to pick up a couple of things, I will knock on your door when I get back and go over with you.”
I searched through some of the bags and boxes that I had never opened since moving in here. I had a few things from an old life that I would need later on, there were a few things that I had forgotten about that could come in handy so I pulled them out and repacked everything else. Then I went to the mall, I needed a package from the d**g store and I needed some silk cloth.
Back at the hotel, I knocked on a few doors looking for a little blue pill, I lucked out and found someone willing to part with two at a reasonable price. I felt confident that I had myself set for the evening.
I was not k**ding myself, and at the risk of sounding jaded, I decided that I was going to make the most of this evening because I did not believe that there would be another with Cheryl. Whatever she thought today, there was a better chance that next week it would be something new, and I was not going to deprive myself of this moment of pleasure. After all, chances were that I might never again have an opportunity like this one.
Hell, I was damned lucky just to have this opportunity. I was going to make it a night she would not soon forget, I might even get arrested for what I had planned. I was looking forward to the evening, but before it was even came close, there was a knock on my door and I opened it to a teary eyed Cheryl. My first thought was that something had happened to ruin our evening, and I was close to being right. She hobbled into my room holding her back, before she could get passed me I lifted her onto the bed.
“What have you done little one?” It was not easy for her to get it out in between painful sobs.
“I caught my heel when leaving the stage and wrenched my back, I am so sorry, now our night is ruined. Please don’t be mad.”
“Now look who is being silly, now just lie here on your stomach, do you still have any of that scotch left from last night?”
“Yes, but I do not think that scotch will help.”
“Of course it will not help you, it is for me. Now where is your room key so I can go and get it?”
“Are you serious?”
“I am k**ding, you need a drink or two so that you can calm down and relax. I need a drink or two because I have a beautiful young girl on my bed with next to nothing on and she has a wrecked back. The key?” She was at least not sobbing anymore, although laughing might have been just as painful. She pointed at her bag which I handed to her so she could get her key out. I peeked an noticed a couple of other interesting things in there.
“Okay, you just try not to move, I will be back in minutes. Is there anything that I can get for you while I am rooting around in your room?”
“No, I think I am okay for now, thank you, I did not know where else to go.”
“You came to the right place and when I get back I will show you why. Oh by the way, do you have a vibrator?”
“Men! What could you possibly want with that?”
“Just being nosy. Actually it will help in fixing your back if you think about it.”
“Bring my overnight bag, but please don’t be nosy.”
“Girl, you know better.”
I was back in no time with my hands full of luggage and scotch, just as I got to my door one of the other dancers came bursting around the corner of the hallway and demanded to know what I was doing with Cheryl’s stuff. “Why don’t you ask her, she is just right here.” I unlocked the door and picked up the stuff I had put down to get my key. She did not look to sure about coming to look. I just shrugged and went into my room leaving the door open.
“Cheryl, one of your friends is wondering why I have stolen all of your stuff.” The poor girl started to giggle, but then it hurt her so she stopped.
“Who is it?”
“I have no idea, she is blonde and almost naked. Hard to tell if she is really blonde, she is holding a blanket in front of her fur. Hey blondie, Cheryl wants to know who you are.”
“Christine, is she really there?”
“Unless I am talking to my bed, I would say so.”
“Well you don’t have to be sarcastic, I am just looking out for her.”
“Tell you what, I will leave my door open, you get dressed and come and visit with her, in the mean time she needs my help and I have to get to work. Oh Christine, I need some ice would you mind going to the liquor store and getting some?”
“What do you need ice for?”
“The scotch? Oh, yes and for her sore muscles, so get some extra. Thank you Christine.”
“You really have a hard time being nice sometimes Alan.”
“Oh, maybe I should let you try and fix your own back if you think that.”
“Do you think you can help me really?”
“Sweetling, you are in the hands of the one, remember? Now the question is how much time do I have to fix you before your next show?”
“There is no way I will be able to do another show tonight, they will have to work it out one short.”
“Oh ye of little faith. Now take a slug of booze while I get ready.” I turned on the hot water and let it run, then I started to put towels under her. “Okay, feeling a bit better or do you need another belt of scotch?”
I handed her the bottle again and let her swig it back. After a healthy belt for myself, I put the bottle on the dresser and put my hands under the water to warm them up. I put a tube of Vaseline cream in the sink to let it warm up, and then started to feel her back pressing down firmly until I found the knot. She was a trooper, as she did not cry out when I pressed on it. “So little one, did you twist your back when you fell, or did you bump it?”
“Twisted it when I tried to catch myself.”
“What about anywhere else, do you think that you might have hurt your leg or ankle?”
“Pretty sure that it was my back only.” I took the lotion and squeezed some on her back.
“Feel good? It is warm enough, yes?”
“Mmmm, yes, nice.” I rubbed the lotion into her whole back, feeling around for any other problems that twisting might have caused, she seemed fine except for that one big one.
“Did you feel your spine crack, you know, did it feel like a bone might be out of place?”
“Mmm, your hands feel really good, no, at least I hope not it is hard to tell.”
“Okay, this is going to hurt a lot, just grit your teeth for a while. Do dancers have a plan to cover something like this? Or do you just live off of what you have been earning?”
“We have unemployment and compensation. I do not really want to have to do that though. Takes way longer than you would think.” I started working on the knot in her back, kneading it with my knuckles and the palm of my hand. She moaned, and I knew that it hurt the poor k**, but she had to feel some pain in order to fix her. I heard someone stomping down the hall so I assumed that it was Christine. Just before she got to my door I told her to just come in.
“How did you know it was me?” She seemed genuinely surprised when she entered.
“Can’t tell you, Cheryl gets mad at me, cause she thinks that I am mean.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“Yeah right, you play miss innocent now.”
“Cheryl who is this guy?”
“Sorry Christine, this is Alan, my masseur. Didn’t you know there was one in the hotel? He specializes in working the knots out of strippers backs.” I dug my knuckle deep into the knot causing her to scream.
“Sorry, was that to hard? Here Christine, hand me some of that ice will you? Yes, just a couple of cubes. Good now put some in that glass and fill it full of scotch. Now just drink the whole thing. Whoops, wrong girl.”
I started rubbing ice on the sore spot. I could feel that the muscle was starting to loosen up already, good thing she came straight to me. “Cheryl, you did the right thing coming to me right away. Being able to work on this muscle before it had time to really freeze up makes all the difference. Can you feel it loosening up yet?”
“I think so, maybe if I try to move it.”
“No just stay still, I have lots of work to do yet. Besides, you have such a nice ass, I am not letting you up until I have had a chance to feel it for a while.”
“Well in that case, I will just stay still then, come to think of it, I might have sat down hard on the edge of the stage.”
“Hmmm, now you are just trying to get me going. Christine, you look nice with clothes on. Would you mind holding this towel full of ice on this spot for a moment? I have a couple of things to do.”
“Thanks, I mean okay. Are you really the masseur for the hotel?”
“Hell no, the hotel does not need a masseur, I only work on girls.” I edged passed her and then went over to my computer, found some nice soothing jazz and set the volume so it was just right. Then I took another drink of scotch, I was getting quite a buzz now, and was feeling all warm and silly inside.
I heated up my hands again, heated up more lotion, and returned to my patient. “Maybe you can help her take another drink of scotch. I had to get on her other side so I got up on the bed and kneeled beside her. I removed the ice towel and applied the warm lotion to her back. I worked on her for an hour, Christine never left the room, she seemed like she was having too good of a time sipping whisky.
“I know it is not my place to say anything, but if you are going to dance again, don’t you think you should stay a little more sober? You would not want to be lying here getting your back worked on would you?”
“Well, I would not want to have an accident, but I might want to get my back worked on, it looks to me like you know what you are doing. I love a good massage.”
“He is my masseur, go get your own!” Both of us looked at Cheryl in surprise.
“Why darling, I did not know you cared.” I gave her cute butt cheek a nice slap.
“Mmmm, that felt nice. Are you going to spank me now?” She was looking at me with those blue eyes with a look of, well I have no idea but it was the kind of look that made me wish that Christine had to go dance somewhere.
“There you go teasing me again, keep it up and I will charge you double.”
“How much do you charge? Can I get a massage later?”
“I would love to help you but after I fix this chick, I have my evening planned already, if you had let me know earlier I might have been able to do something for you.”
“Damn, I did not know earlier. Do you have a number that I can get? I can always call if I am working close by, or when I come back here.”
“Sure, I will give it to you, I have a card on the dresser right beside you, yes, that is it.”
“It says you are a carpet cleaner.”
“Rug cleaning, massaging, I do what I can to keep girls happy. Same number, different rates.”
“What do you charge?”
“Fifty an hour, if you want anything else, that is extra.” Cheryl was starting to split a gut laughing, so I gave her another smack to quiet her down.
“I always get the extras, it is worth it.”
“Okay, I will remember that, thanks for your number Alan, I will call, I have to get ready for my next set. Nice music by the way.” She gave Cheryl a kiss and a hug and told her to get better, and then left.
“Whew, I am glad she is gone, I was having a hard time keeping a straight face.”
“So what are you going to do if she calls?” That was all I could take, I rolled over on the bed laughing, it had been a long time since I laughed that hard, I wonder if it was the scotch.
“I cannot believe how good my back feels. You fixed it!”
“Whoa, girl you need to rest with some ice on your back, and then some heat. Don’t be jumping up and doing anything crazy just because you feel better. That muscle is very tender and will be very easy to hurt it again.”
“Do you really think I have a cute ass?”
“You have an adorable ass, if you were not so cute, then it would be your second best feature.”
“What is my best feature?”
“Why that beautiful head that holds that clever brain of yours.”
“Hmmm, I like that, and my second best feature?”
“Well that would be those perfectly formed breasts of yours.”
“Wow, you like my breasts?”
“Of course, they are perfect.”
“But they are so small, I get comments about that all of the time.”
“From the assholes that belong to the pack?”
“Well, I suppose, yeah, you are right, if they say it then it does not matter.”
“Okay, I have to finish working on you now, are you ready?”
“What is next, I thought you were done?”
“Trust me, I am the masseur for the Haney Hotel, I must know what I am doing.”
I lined her up and started to work her legs, I massaged her feet, her calves and ankles before working up to her thighs. “You have amazing legs you know, I can feel how nicely formed your muscles are, but the nice thing is they look trim, no bulging calves or thighs, like some dancers develop.”
“Thank you, I am happy that you like my body, it is funny that when I look in the mirror I like me, but when I am with someone that I want to like me, I think there are all sorts of things wrong with me. Why do you suppose that is?”
“I suppose that is human nature. You just have to keep loving yourself so you do not develop a self-esteem problem. I really do not see you going there though.”
I was flexing her legs, drawing the lower part up until her heel touched her ass, “Do you feel any tightness in your back when I do that? Okay, what about now. Okay now put your arms straight down beside you.” I started checking the motion in her arms and shoulders and found myself almost disappointed that there were no problems left to fix.
“Okay Cheryl, you can sit up now but take is slowly we don’t want to strain it again. Good, how does it feel?”
“You are my hero, I cannot believe it but I feel better than I did before it happened.” I started to poke around again, running my hands firmly on her back looking for any knots.
“Now that spot is going to be sore for awhile it would be nice if we had one of those heat pads or some tiger balm. Maybe you could ask the other girls if they have anything like deep heat.”
“Yeah, I bet someone does, I usually have some but I can’t remember packing it.” She was slowly twisting and turning her torso making sure that she had all of her flexibility. “This really is amazing you know, I thought that I would be suffering until I got to my chiropractor, I might even tell the agency about you so if any girls they send here have a problem you can help them out.”
“Girl I am not sure that is a great idea, I mean it is not as if I am licensed or anything. I just used to get lots of practice because of minor accidents at a club I used to belong to.”
“Do you think that I should go and dance tonight? I can still get one more set in.”
“Well, I suppose that if you feel you should, I would not recommend it, but you are young and in good shape, we managed to get to the problem quicker than normal. Let me put it this way, you know your body so if it feels right, then give it a shot. I can always give you another workout if it comes back.”
“Okay, I am going to go down and talk to the DJ and see what he thinks, he might feel that it is not necessary. So we are on for later still, right?”
“Of course, I am full of anticipation. I will carry your stuff back to your room for you. Get dressed and I’ll walk you to your room.”
On the way to her room, yet another dancer bumped into us, she was dressed for her next set, although I could not see why they called them strippers anymore, she did not have enough cloth on her to make a decent necktie. “Cheryl, there you are, I was looking for you. I heard about your fall, are you alright?”
“Yes, my friend managed to fix me, I am going downstairs now to see if they want me to do my last set. Are you in a rush or can you wait a sec while I put my stuff in my room, I can walk down with you.”
“Sure, I can wait, who is your friend? I have seen you around here before.”
“That would be because I live here. I am Alan. Nice to meet you.”
“Cool, I am Nadine. What did you do to Cheryl to get her back fixed?”
“Just got her d***k. Booze is a great relaxant.”
“Right, anyway here she is, nice to meet you.”
“See you later Alan, I will pop in when my set is over, or before if they do not need me.” I carried her stuff into the room wanting a moment alone with her.
“Oh by the way, you did manage to get the items I requested?”
“Yes Sir, I got everything and more.”
“Have you figured out what we are going to do?”
“I have an idea, you plan on teaching me, whoops, you plan on helping me learn something about my confidence problem.”
“Partly, oh one other thing, did it hurt a lot when I worked on your back?”
“Quite a bit at first. But you managed to take the pain away pretty fast.”
“Did it feel good, even when I was hurting you?”
“Funny enough it did a bit. You have magic in your hands.”
“Okay, I am satisfied, good girl. Have a good show, but be careful, remember we have a date.”
“Yes, it is never far from my mind.”
I decided to go down and watch her show; I wanted to be close if she did hurt herself again. Damn girls sure made life more complicated than it had to be. In just over twenty-four hours I was deep in a relationship as temporary as it was destined to be. I was starting to get concerned about being involved with this girl; it could lead only to misery later on. But then, I had not had a really good evening for quite a long time. I went to my room and started changing to go down to the bar.
I was not even finished changing when there was a soft knock on my door. Usually Neil knocked quietly like that so I figured it was him. “Just a moment, I am putting pants on.”
“Don’t worry about pants on my account.” Who the hell was that? It was a female voice but one I did not recognize. I finished getting dressed and opened the door, yet another dancer was standing there. She was tall, way taller than I like women, although her heels added a few inches.
“Hi, what can I do for you?” She smiled and her eyes sort of twinkled with what could have been mischief.
“Cheryl sent me, she wanted you to know that they are letting her do her last set, and that she feels fine so you should not worry.”
“Of course she feels fine, and that is why I worry. Backs have a bad habit of just going at the worse times. What time is she starting her set, do you know?” She was looking over my head into my room. That annoyed me for some reason. Probably because she was looking over my head and that made me feel short. I hate feeling short.
“Half an hour, she is getting her make-up on and fixing her hair. So you are the guy with magic hands, I was expecting someone younger.”
“And I was expecting someone shorter when I answered the door. Thanks for the message, I appreciate you taking the time.”
“Oooh, Christine said you had a sharp tongue. No matter, can I get your card? I have a friend dancing here next week and she would love to be able to get a massage at least once a day.” Actually I was kind of stunned. I mean the whole thing was more of a joke and now I had strippers lining up at my door to give me work.
“Let me look, I am not sure where I put them last. I really do not have cards made up for this, but I have business cards for what I do for a job. Ah, here they are in my wallet, now that is a surprise.” I gave her two, just in case she had more than one friend, or in case she needed a carpet cleaner.
“Carpet cleaning, do you go to Van? My room mate and I need our carpets done, she had a party last week and they really are a mess.”
“Good thing we are called After The Party then.”
“Really? That is funny, she is going to love this. We will call you, can you come this coming week?”
“That is up to Max, but I am sure we can arrange it. Is your room mate a dancer as well?”
“Yeah, she works the same circuit but she is a couple of weeks behind me, she will probably be here in 2 or 3 weeks.”
“And your name is Serena, my room mate is Valerie. Anyway, nice meeting you, I will make sure we call about the cleaning, and if I am needing a back rub I will call you. I don’t suppose you deliver do you?”
“Had not thought of it, but I would have to charge more depending on how far I have to travel, I will give it some serious consideration.”
“Cool, if you are as good as Cheryl says, then I figure it would be worth it. I am surprised that I have not heard of you before, dancers are mostly a pretty tight community, word gets around fast with us.”
“No surprise there, I have not done this for years, the last time I gave back rubs to dancers was about 25 years ago in Kelowna.”
“What got you back into it?”
“Cheryl falling off of the stage.”
“She really likes you, so if you are just toying with her, well, put it this way, just try not to hurt her okay? Like I said we are a tight community.”
I looked at her as I worked out what I was going to say next. “Serena, come in and talk to me for a few minutes will you? I will leave the door open so no one gets the wrong idea.”
I did not wait for an answer, I turned and walked to my chair and sat down. I was going to have to get a bigger freaking room. A room this small is okay for a single hermit like me, but all of a sudden it was nuts how many people were coming and going. Maybe a revolving door would be a good idea.
“What do you want to talk about?” Her long legs were incredible as they stretched from her nice butt across my whole bed.
“You and Cheryl are friends? I mean do you know her well?”
“We all have been working the same circuit together for almost six months, I knew her before that but we became good friends when she joined us. The four of us look after each other, but she is like the little s****r.”
“Good, then you can tell me what the fuck is going on. She knocked on my door yesterday, I have done my best to keep my distance because there is a huge age difference, but she keeps reeling me in closer. Now, I am not worried about me, hell I have been married three times and I will not get into the other relationships, but I do not want to hurt her, and if you as a good friend think that I should shut the door on her, then I will take your advice.”
“Wow, do you ever breathe? Hey I am sorry if I put you off by what I said, let me tell you something about her, then make up your own mind, I am not going to be responsible for you dumping her.”
“Dumping her, gads we are not even a couple, how can I dump her?”
“Geez, calm down, Cheryl has not let a man of any age near her as long as I have known her. Then this morning she is gushing like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Alan, this, and Alan that. Of course the rest of us were curious, but more than that we were happy for her. Something is changing in her, she not only likes you a lot, but she seems more together today than I have ever seen her.”
“On top of that she says that you have kept your hands off of her even when she was throwing yourself at you. She worried you did not like her. She knows that you do though, she just cannot figure out how to get you to let yourself to let go of your fear.”
“Yes, let me ask you this, if she was not so much younger than you, would you even think twice about dating her?”
“Then what is your problem, she does not have a problem with your age.”
“Only because she has no idea what she is letting herself into. I did not get to this age without some prior experience in this kind of thing. My last girl was much younger, and no where near as much younger as Cheryl.”
“So what happened to her? Did she leave you for a younger man?”
“No, I sent her away because I had to start looking after my crazy b*****r. I did not feel that it would be a healthy thing for her to live with someone that was suicidal.”
“So you really do not know if it would have worked out in the long term.”
“True. Damn are all of you dancers so bl**dy smart? I am pleased that you talked to me Serena, you have been a huge help.”
“So what are you going to do, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“First I am going downstairs to watch her dance, just in case she needs me close. Then, well I think I just might teach her what it is she needs from me. After that, well if she flies away, I will be able to watch a beautiful bird with new wings.”
“I think she made a good choice, let me change and I will buy you a beer.”
“You have a deal.”
Cheryl danced superbly, well at least as exotic dancers go. I was pleased that her smile lit up when she noticed me sitting with her friend, mine probably shone back at her. Every movement that she made on stage was fluid, she wound her way through her routine like a nymph, there was not a person in the place that was not hanging on each and every step. When a piece of her costume was being removed, you had to stare as if the wait was intolerable, yet when it was whisked away you felt cheated because now she was that much closer to leaving.
I did want to look around and watch the audience, but even I could not take my eyes off of her. She was so obviously happy to be dancing for us, so confident that her movements were pleasure. I could hear Serena gasp beside me, and I knew that she had never seen Cheryl dance like this. It was fifteen minutes of pleasure that was also and eternity of torture. Pleasure for you eyes, and torture because you knew that you could not reach out and touch her.
Her final movement left her on the floor, collapsed with her arm stretched out toward me as if she were reaching, wanting me to come and take her hand. I almost did.
After some long seconds of silence the guys started to clap and yell for more. There was no more for them and after a while they seemed to just mill around, looking lost.
Serena took my arm. “Did you see what I just saw? That was something.” I came out of my reverie and just shook my head in agreement. “So my good sir, do you think that you can resist that? Hell I want to sneak into her room and make out with her.”
“Go get your own girl, she is mine.” I growled at her with a grin on my face. I moved as if to leave, but she put her hand back on my arm.
“Did you do that to her?”
“No, I just helped her understand that she could do that. Give me some time with her and see what she can do.”
“I don’t understand. I cannot believe she danced like that. What is it that is different?”
“She accepts her submissive nature now, that has freed her to start being herself.”
“Can you teach anyone that? I mean if I am submissive, can you show me how to be free?”
I stood up from the table and smiled at Serena. “Do you know that Serena is the name of a Moon Goddess? The moon is submissive; it is slave to our planet. And yet she is the most beautiful sight in our night sky, not only that, she influences the greatest f***e of nature on the planet, the tides.” I left her to think about that even though it was just a bunch of babble so that I could leave and go back to my room.
“Thank you Sir.” I could not turn around so I waved at her over my shoulder.
“See you Goddess of the Moon.” I had a date with a different Goddess.
Chapter Three Bliss and Pain, Pain and Bliss
You have probably figured out by now that I have a rather large ego. Why would a man my age living in a dump hotel have such a big opinion of himself you might ask. Well, it is really quite simple, I only project an ego, I like myself, but as I see it I am living on borrowed time. For what I have done in my life, I should probably be dead. Either from enemies I have made, too much booze and d**gs, years of driving fast, any of those things should have killed me. Hell one of my ex-wives should have killed me after the way I treated them.
But here I am, so I go on with the knowledge that if you project weakness, you are dead. So I live this way projecting that I am better, and for the most part it works and keeps the wolves from my throat. I am only telling you this because as yet I have not really mentioned much about the lifestyle that I used to have, before my b*****r. The world of BDSM is one of many faces. It is far from cut and dried, you could say that it has a myriad of faces. Many of us live a lifestyle where part of each day is devoted to what some call scening, or play.
My intention this particular evening was to introduce Cheryl to scening, because there is no way that I can have a relationship that is not based on this lifestyle. When I play with a submissive, it is as much of a learning tool as it is excitement. Bondage is usually included, although bondage itself can take several forms. The normal form would be using rope, or chains, handcuffs, etc. to bind the sub so that she is immobile. A more sophisticated form is to train her to be immobile because you wish her to be, this takes discipline. A great deal of it on the part of the Dom and the sub. Mental bondage is far more creative and difficult, but for that reason it is more rewarding. A sub is the person that gives herself to a Master, it takes a great deal of trust to be able to do this as you are pretty much giving the Dom carte blanche to do with as he will.
I really did not expect anything of this magnitude to happen with Cheryl, but I was interested to see if she had the aptitude and desire to explore herself in this way. If not, then all that would happen would be that she and I would have a nice time. At least I try to make it nice, after all the pleasure of the sub that I am with is My pleasure ultimately. Just to give you an example of what I mean. Just say that you really like oral sex. Of course you do. Now do you enjoy giving as well as receiving? Do you lick a pussy or suck a cock because you want to get your partner excited or do you do it because you get excited doing it? You do see the difference, right? Now, instead of oral sex, lets just say that it is flogging that we are talking about. It sort of turns around now, because the question becomes do you flog someone because it excites you to do it, or because it excites her to be flogged.
Maybe you can understand that things are not always what they seem, you often see something and interpret it based on your own experiences, or maybe your own fears, when in reality it has nothing to do with either one. I could be flogging a girl to excite, her, I could be doing it to explore her limitations; I might be doing it because it is a prelude to pleasure, or because I like contrast. Hell it might be because I like red stripes. Whatever the reasons are, both the subject and myself must agree before I start on each step and each thing I am going to do. If I fail to follow the agreement, then I have lost trust and if I lose trust I have lost everything I am trying to accomplish.
Why do we do these things? I can only answer for myself. I do them because if I am in a relationship I want it to work, I believe that to make it work we must agree on what our role in the relationship is and then stick to our role. It is what defines us and allows us to be free. Once a sub gives herself completely to her Dom, then she is free from many things, but the most important thing she frees herself from is guilt. She can experience things that she fantasizes about and feel no guilt, because it has been discussed and agreed on. Try it sometime and see for yourself.
Cheryl was waiting for me in her room as we had agreed, as I expected. I brought a few things with me that I hoped to put to use, but I knew that using them tonight would take time and patience because of the discussing that would precede using them. Cheryl had done her shopping and bought the items I asked her to, it was really quite simple, and inexpensive, things she could get at the dollar store. When I entered her room, my breath caught in my throat as she was kneeling in a circle of candles, the little ones in colored glass jars she bought as I instructed. She was wearing white lacy bra and panties, again something she bought there. I specifically asked her to buy them there for a reason.
“I am pleased sweetling, you have done very well, and you are very beautiful.”
“Thank you Sir.”
“You danced like a goddess tonight, it was a pleasure to be in the audience. How did it feel to be so captivating?”
“Oh it was unbelievable, I was so happy that you were there to see me, may I admit something to you?”
“Yes, you may, but I would like to kiss you again first, lips are so soft and I have missed the feel of them on my own.”
It was the truth; we spent at least five minutes in that kiss. She was molded into my arms, and I can tell you that the feel of her body was something men my age only can dream about. I came up for air and held her away from her so that I could drink in her beauty. Her smile alone made my knees rubbery. “Now little one, what is it that you want to admit to me.”
“I could only see you when I danced, if you had not been there, I still would have. When I was done, I was so jealous that Serena was sitting with you, not because I thought she and you, well you know, I wished that I was sitting with you.”
“Wow. You make a man feel ten feet tall. Now lets share a glass of wine, I have to confess, your friend and I had a long talk about you. I have been read the riot act about how I must treat you. Do you always get your mob to work a guy over and soften him up for you?”
“You are k**ding right?”
“In a way, we did talk, and she is protective of you. That sort of makes the next thing I am going to do rather difficult, do you like the wine?”
“It is nice, what are you going to do next?”
“Here, let me take your glass.” I set the wine glass on the desk by the mirror. Then I sat down on the bed. “Come here little one.” She came to me without a worry. I took her hand, pulled her across my lap and started to spank her, I did not spank her hard, but I made her yelp each time I smacked that beautiful ass of hers. I gave each cheek enough slaps to redden them very nicely. “Now if you were a good girl, you would thank me each time that I slap your ass. So, because you are not, I can only assume you have been naughty, maybe even bad.”
“No, no I am good, thank you Sir, thank you Sir,” and she kept on until she was caught up.
“Now I can tell you what I meant to tell you.” I allowed her to sit up, but kept her on my lap. There is something very nice about having a beautiful young girl on your lap, even better when she is not your descendent.
She regained her composure, although I think she might have been sore because she was squirming so much. On the other hand, she might have been trying to get a rise out of me. “I have a plan for you and I, and if you find it acceptable, then I would very much like to be your mentor and teacher. Other thing as well, but that is the important thing. You have a capacity to learn, I have not ever had the pleasure of working with a submissive with so much talent for it.”
“Do you think? I would love to have you teach me, I have already told you that. When can we start?”
“Silly girl, we have already started, now come here and lets get to know each other on a more personal plane.”
“Now that is something I truly would like.”
“We shall see. Now to start with, I am going to tell you what I am going to do before I do it. If you do not want to do it, no problem we will move to something else. If you feel uncomfortable, or afraid, then you need a word, we call it a safe word. Your word is ‘link’ use it only if you are uncomfortable or afraid.”
“Link, okay I can remember that.”
“I do not expect you to use it because I do not intend to do anything painful, but I want to try some immobility bondage to start with. While I am tying you up, you can talk. You can tell me about your reasons for being here this moment.”
So there I was tying up this gorgeous exotic dancer while she told me her short version of her life story. I bound her ankles together as she told me about how she got into dancing for a living. I tied her wrists as she explained how she had fantasies about being bound and gagged. I wrapped 20 feet of soft d****ry cord around her arms as I bound her breasts while she talked about having an online Master something that turned out to be a rather unsatisfactory relationship. I finished by putting rope through her bound ankles, through her legs to tie them to her wrists while she talked about the frustration of wanting to learn about being a submissive.
Now she was immobile, I looked over my handiwork and found it to be satisfactory; I had not lost my touch after all. “Now little one, I am going to blindfold you. For the next hour I am going to do with you as I please, but if you cannot take it, then you may use your safe word, otherwise you may not talk at all unless I ask you a question. Do you understand?”
I blindfolded her and then I arranged her on the bed so that I could enjoy the view. It was an astounding view that I realized I had missed very much in the last decade. I sat down in the only chair in the room and waited and watched. This was always a difficult time for a new girl, they expect me to do something, no, and they want me to do something. They think that I am going to touch them, whether it is touching them in a manner that creates pain or pleasure does not matter. As time goes on, they start to wonder what I am doing, wondering turns to frustration, frustration to worry, worry might even turn to fear that I left.
The need to talk becomes unbearable as the want to cry out, or ask if I am there, but she has been told not to talk. This really becomes a dilemma for them. Realistically if I did leave, then talking would do no good because no one would be there to hear, unless she started shouting, and this was a risk in a hotel like this. Half an hour can seem like hours, her senses begin to strain, her sense of smell tries to smell my cologne, but I was not wearing any as I took care to shower with a non-deodorant soap. Her ears try to pick up any noise at all, perhaps me breathing, or shuffling my feet, a creak of the chair perhaps, any noise that will let her know I am still with her.
They start to struggle with the ropes, hoping to get loose but knots are tied in such a way that tightens them when they are pulled on. This part is the toughest for me, as I worry that they will tighten the knots too much to soon as it will cut off circulation and then I have to do something. Cheryl was getting close to the end of her rope when I decided it was time to change the game. I had put a disk in her portable stereo before I started tying her up, a favorite of mine by Andreas Vollenweider, nice soft delicate music that is soothing; it starts very softly so as not to scare her when it started. When I pressed the button to turn it on it hardly made a noise at all, but I could see that she heard it. As soon as she heard the button and the first few notes of the harp playing I could see her relax. The tension in her body just melted away.
When the music was loud enough to cover my steps on the carpeted floor I crept over to her and whispered in her ear. “Good girl.” The feel of my warm breath on her ear made her shiver. “Now I am going to get rid of the articles of clothing that are impairing my view of your loveliness.” I took my knife and opened the blade and touched her neck with the sharp point of it. If she did not trust me this would really freak a girl out feeling a sharp object running along their jugular when they are immobile. Very carefully I started to slice through the lacy underwear she had purchased at the Dollar Giant.
When the bra and panty were cut into a few nice pieces, I started to pull the pieces through the ropes, slowly so that I could enjoy the unveiling of her nipples, and then her puffy pussy lips. I have always really enjoyed this moment with a girl if I have done my work right. The ropes should be just tight enough so that the nipples are harder and more swollen while the lips of her cunt are puffier. I like how a girl catches her breath when you kiss each nipple or softly push your finger between her lips in search of her clitoris.
Ice cubes come in handy at this point, as the feeling of cold ice on swollen nipples is confusingly painful and pleasurable at the same time. Allowing an ice cube to melt in a hot pussy produces the same effect only more intense. Cheryl was taking all of this with admirable poise although she was moaning and squirming as I applied ice and the used my mouth to bring whatever I was touching back to body temperature. I would venture to say that one of the most difficult parts of being a Dom is how disciplined you have to be to carry out your plan to its conclusion without just saying fuck it and finding a warm place to put your cock.
A less disciplined man would find an accommodating mouth, or a slippery vagina to be ready and welcoming. I managed to stay the course although after years of celibacy this was a strain on my resolve. My cock was aching to get out of my pants. To keep myself from getting amorous before the right time, I took a break and had a cigarette. I poured myself a glass of wine, sat back in the chair and put a new CD in the stereo, a compilation that I had made years ago for times like this. I relaxed listening to the soothing sound of Enya as I slowly sipped my wine. Two songs into the disk I got up and went over to Cheryl, “so little one, how does your back feel?” I massaged the area where she had injured herself earlier.
“It is good Sir, thank you.”
“You may tell me if you are uncomfortable, are any of the ropes to tight?”
“No, Sir I am fine, thank you.”
“Good, I am going to untie you in a few moments, but first I want to do something for you.” I went to my bag of goodies and took out a vibrator. It was a large one used for taking the soreness and knots out of your muscles, I used it for my neck that seemed prone to getting tight these days. Getting old is fucked up.
I started it up and started to use it to massage her inner thighs, I started low down close to her knees and when I got close to her pussy I would switch to the other leg. Back and forth I went getting closer to her pussy each time but never giving her the pleasure of feeling the vibration in direct contact to her cunt. When she started to squirm as if trying to make her vagina meet it, I turned it off. I waited for her to stop moving as I held it directly over her clit that was now fully erect and sticking out from its little envelope of skin.
I liked the way it glistened in the candlelight, and as my senses were beginning to heighten as well, I could smell her femininity. I turned it on and touched her clit with it at the same instant, causing her yelp and then start moaning. I whispered into her ear, “you may cum for me little one.” I moved the vibrator around her clit, touching it and then moving it away. I could sense that she was close and I could no longer resist tasting her pussy to I moved the vibrator so it was between her anus and her pussy as I dove into her sweet pussy with my tongue. None of this was that easy mind you as there were ropes everywhere, but I managed to eat her while she came and gave me her juices.
She had a nice little climax, just right for setting her up for something new, call it a reward for being a good girl. She was being a very good girl, having followed my instructions explicitly. I started undoing knots and releasing her from her bondage, each time I undid some rope I would massage the area making sure that her circulation was good, checking her fingers and toes to make sure they were not blue. Satisfied that all was good, I had her sit up slowly as I have had girls faint because they sat up to quickly after being immobile for too long.
“Now I want you to dance for me, you may use the cd I made for you, and you may dress as you wish, but I have something that I want you to add to your costume.” I took some slave bells out of my bag and handed them to her. It was a beautiful bright green belt with matching ankle and wrist bracelets with bells that would jingle with each movement that she made no matter how slight. There was also a matching choker with one larger silver bell on it.
“Thank you Sir, may this one ask a question?”
“Yes, little one, what is it?”
“If it is not to forward, why do you have these?”
“Hmmm, well it is a bit of an embarrassing thing, you see I had bought these for the girl that was under my stewardship years ago, but when I found out about my b*****r and sent her away, they had not been delivered, hence I still have them as I always hoped that I would find someone suitable to wear them. I think that after watching you dance tonight, they must have come late to me just so that I would have them for you.”
“Thank you Sir, you say the most amazing things.”
“Share a glass of wine with me? You may serve.” She took the glass from the dresser, ran the rim of it around her lip and then poured the wine. She handed the glass to me, I took it and held it to her lips for her to sip. I felt I could honor her for her good job. We took turns sipping the wine until we were finished the glass, which she refilled and then went to dress for her dance.
She spent a few moments rummaging through her suitcase in her closet, the tinkling of bells accompanied her movements every few seconds. Finally she gathered up a bundle of clothing and then she turned to face me with her eyes down. “Sir, if you could grant this one a favor.”
“What favor would that be girl?”
“Please Sir if you could close your eyes when this one is done changing in the bathroom until you hear the music start.”
“Why would you want that?
“Just so girl could make her entrance more appealing for Sir.”
“Fine, I can do that, just knock on the door when you are ready and I will close my eyes.”
“Thank you Sir, you are so good to this one.”
Waiting for a girl to put on a skimpy outfit, fix her hair, make-up etc. can be torture. It leaves a guy with nothing much to do but have a drink and maybe a cigarette. I was starting to get just a tad impatient when I heard the knock on the door. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of tinkling bells as she made her way to the stereo to set up her music, more bells as she moved to the empty area of the room. Music. I opened my eyes. A vision of loveliness like I have rarely seen was kneeling on the floor with her eyes averted. She was slowly moving her torso to the sound of Sade’s Soldier of Love. What can I say about the voice and music of Sade? Few things are as moving or as beautiful, but this girl moving in front of me was easily more than a match. Somehow she made it seem as if the music had been recorded just for her to dance to.
She had found this incredible outfit that looked as if she had bought it knowing I was going to give her the bells. The color of green as almost a perfect match. The bra and armlets were something out of an adult fantasy film, a very unique design that appeared to be made of silicon. The g-string was matching in color but was made of feathers and beads. As she moved, the bells sounded as if they were part of the musical arrangement. Her movements were both sensual and stately just as the music is. If I was ever on the verge of falling in love, it was during this first five minutes of this dance routine.
Did I say routine? There was nothing routine about what was happening in that room. I have always liked a little of the Gorean idea of submissives being like slave girls whose sole purpose is to entice and seduce men. The idea that a submissive can become such a being has always intrigued me, and thus when I train a girl; it is with that in mind. This girl was capturing that ideal with ease as if either she had been born to it or had months of training. Although there are many aspects of the Gorean ways that I do not agree with, the pure sensuality of a woman practicing this lifestyle is utterly amazing.
Cheryl danced for me in such a way that made the lust rise in me like a flood. It would have been so simple to just get up, throw her to the floor and use her and she would have been happy to let me. I believe in discipline for myself more than for the ones that I train, so I had to sit there and be tortured as she rose to her feet and started to glide around in front of me.
The music moved into La Isla Bonita done by Alizee, a song that I put in just for it’s beat and soft melodies that would allow a girl to use her hips. Most of you would recognize this as a Madonna song, but Alizee adds some sensuality to it, plus I wanted to set the table for another Alizee song called Limelight. I would consider this a serious challenge for a dancer because music is a different pace most of the time to the vocals, but then they work together for a bit and then change again. I figured changing languages was a nice touch as well.
She danced for me, matching the music as if she had picked my brain and knew how I imagined it should be. In My Dreams by Linda Perry followed and then Linda finished the set with her acoustic version of What’s Up. I purposely filled the set with some of the best female vocalists, just as I kept the pace from getting to frantic. The dance was a true test of this girl’s ability and stamina as the music lasted for almost twenty-five minutes, a bit of a trick on my part as I had added music to what she had on her disk and swapped them out when she was blindfolded.
I know, it was not a fair thing to do, but this was for my enjoyment, and I loved her dancing so I took a liberty just for my own satisfaction. She was not flustered in the least though, she managed to carry it off like the professional she is. My manhood was hard from almost the moment she started and as she became more into it, so did my member. Almost fifteen minutes after the music started, I stood up and began to strip as not only did I need the freedom from my clothing, but I hoped that she would understand the effect she was having on me.
A fine sheen of perspiration covered her body as she finally came to a rest kneeling face down on the carpet in front of me her arms stretched straight out with palms turned up. A classic Gorean pose for a girl who had just danced for her Master. Now I knew that she had at the very least visited Gorean sights, if not, then she had read a book or two. “This One is very pleased with girl’s dance but then I did not expect less.”
“Thank you Sir, this one is honored.”
I pulled her up by her hand, led her over to the bed and threw her on it roughly before I lined her up with her ass in the air toward me and I took her with all of the pent up desire that she had built up in me over the last day and a half. I pleasured myself as a man has the right to when a girl entices him, as the girl needs him to as she teased him to that point of no return. Entering her pussy was like pushing yourself into a well-oiled tube, she was as ready and as willing as I. I had no illusions that I was going to service her like a young stud, instead I used all the tricks that I had learned over many years and several girls like this. Only one or two before her had been as beautiful, probably only one had been as fit and flexible, I knew that none had been more willing, and that above all other attributes of hers was the most sexy one.
I held myself from cumming for as long as I could, I used mind tricks, I circled the base of my cock with my finger and thumb and squeezed as tight as I could bear, changed the speed of my fucking her. I fingered her clit to bring her close to orgasm as soon as I could. Even with all of the tricks, I still did not hold off long enough to cum with her. I came inside her hot pussy, the sensations of my climax were as incredible as any I could remember, I slowed my breathing and focused my energies to my chakras and started to vibrate inside my whole body. In the long ago past, I had been able to stay hard after cumming by doing this and thankfully this was still true.
I increased the speed of my thrusting my hardness into her, she must have realized that I was staying with her for a while longer because she started to groan as she was building up to her own orgasm. In a younger time of my life I might have prevented her from going there, but I had no illusions about my being able to prevent another quick climax on my own behalf, so I encouraged her, verbally and with my hands, while I stroked her clitoris and reached forward to twist her nipples. I told her that her cumming would be my greatest pleasure of the night, that I loved the feel of her silken pussy on my erection.
“Sirrrr, girl is cumming! Oh fuck, oh my god it is so fucking good!” She was bucking herself hard against me, the cheeks of her ass hitting my hips with f***e making it so I had to hold onto her waist to keep from falling out of her. She was so slippery that I almost lost my grip on her, but I managed to hold on as I started to fill her again with my seed. As we finished one after the other, I was almost exhausted, but my little one suddenly turned to me and took my softening manhood into her mouth and started to suck the mixture of juices from my cock. Having no energy to do anything else, I watched her beautiful mouth suck me dry.
We spent the night, talking softly while continually finding new ways to tease or excite the other; somehow she managed to find me capable of making love to her two more times before we finally slept in each other’s arms.
Morning was hectic as she had to be out of the room post haste and on her way to her next engagement that was not far away but she had to go home first, do laundry, get some shopping done for those little things that women need. Saying goodbye was bittersweet, I knew that I probably would not see her until next time she was dancing at my hotel, but there was hope that we would keep in touch as we exchanged phone numbers, email addresses and IM addresses.
I walked her to her car, both of us silent not knowing what else there was to say, moments like this were always awkward for me anyway. I held her in my arms as I told her that she had the most promise I had ever seen, that I hoped that she would pursue her need to be submissive as I could see the changes in her already. Before she got in her car, she whispered in my ear. “Thank You Master.” She got in and drove off.
I fought back tears; I had not had to do that since my mother passed away. Back in my room, I looked around at the shabby place I lived in and thought about moving.
The next day I was going down the hall to my room after finishing lunch across the street when I heard a voice behind me. “Master!” Cheryl was running down the hall toward me, her bags were on the floor back at the corner of the hallway. She was in my arms, kissing me and hugging me. The little vixen even groped me of all things.
“Sweetling, I am so pleased to see you that I cannot begin to tell you, but why are you here?”
“The most amazing thing happened, I got a phone call from the agency, one of the girls that was supposed to work here has to be home because of a f****y crisis, she needed to trade with someone, so they wanted to know if I could do another week here and she would take my place at the No. 5. So guess what I said?”
“No need to do that, but I have something for you to guess about.”
“Hmmm, you have a surprise for me?”
“You could say that.”
“Oh goody, this girl likes surprises from Sir. You have a new device to use on this one?”
“Very good guess, in fact I have three that I found in a box of things I forgot I had. The problem is that I cannot use two of them when you are working for fear you may be marked for a day or two, but the nipple clamps I can use anytime.” She looked a little bit worried.
“Nipple clamps? Sir those would hurt girl would they not?”
“I am sure that there is some pain, but the pleasure when I take them off is superb. Anyway, I have to reconsider a lot of things now; I will be honest with you Cheryl. I did not expect to see you again so soon, if ever. I misjudged you, no, to be correct I misjudged us. I am pleased to be wrong for once.”
“I thought you might feel that way, and I did not know how I was going to make you see that I want to be with you as much as I can. When I got that call, I almost had an orgasm, isn’t that wonderful?” I could only look at her in wonder.
“We should get your bags into your room before someone starts going through them.” I swatted her ass and put my arm around her waist as I pointed her in the direction of her suitcases and bags.
[There is much about this story that I kept to myself, as there are some things so private and personal that I will not ever tell them. I wanted to tell this much of this story because one never knows what life has in store for them, and sometimes it just turns out to be something fucking amazing.]