April: Are you ready?
Ron: I was born ready. I'm Ron Fucking Swanson
Ron: Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.
Ron: I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.
Ron: I find it relaxing. It's like yoga, except I get to kill something.
Ron: I am off to have a mid-morning pre-lunch with my lady friend, but I will be back in time for lunch.
Andy: Let's go to Big Head Joe's. Their burritos are insane!
Ron: I don't really go in for ethnic food.
Andy: But they have one called the Meat Tornado. It literally killed a guy last year.
Ron:.....You had me at 'Meat Tornado.'
Ron: C'mon Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
Leslie: Well, you do attend a shocking number of WNBA games.
Ron: I don't like loud noises. And people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating becasue they know a piece of *private information* about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.
Ron: I need you to help me find out what Leslie has planned for my birthday.
Anne: It's your birthday? Happy birthday!
Ron: Shut your damn mouth!
Ron: Am I relgious man? I am. I'm a practicing None of Your Fucking Business.
Ron: We can either go hunting, fishing, or drinking.
Leslie: I don't know. I really want to shoot a gun.
Ron: Fishing it is.