Disclaimer: this is meant to be playful and funny, and if I inadvertantly offend your sex, orientation, race, nationality, religion, sensibilities, etc, I asure you this is not to be taken seriously. Half the joke is that I've spent way too much time watching this trash than is good for me.

- Condoms are for sissies! No one ever worries about or even mentions STDs or pregnancy. So what if he or she is a perfect stranger? What's the worst that can happen?

- Just about anything you do will induce a female orgasm.

-If a girl spells her name differently than it is usualy spelled, you've hit the jackpot. Examples: Krystal, Jenni, Holli, Krystyn, etc. Bonus points if her name is a pun - Beverly Hills, Amber Waves, etc. James Bond was really on to something.

- Everyone has at least one tattoo, even if they are supposed to be a student, teacher, doctor, nunn, 18th Century pirate, Ancient Egyptian Princess come back to life, etc. Also everyone is meticulously shaved and free of body and pubic hair, even the men.

- All women are bisexual. No men are. (I actually know some people who believe this in real life)

- Every woman, no matter her age, position, or social status, has a limitless supply of toys and at least one set of expensive lingerie and hosiery. Actually, I've had my suspisions that this one may be true....

- All kissing eventually leads to fucking. If a bottle of wine is opened, it will eventually lead to fucking. All parent teacher confrences, open houses, police investigations, meetings with lawyers or contracters, disciplinary actions, medical procedures, and pizza deliveries eventually lead to fucking. Despite being astoundingly unprofessional, it will never cost the teacher/lawyer/doctor/nurse/policeman, etc. his or her job.

- Think of something. Anything. Yes, there is a fetish based around it.

- Unless you can stay hard, recieve a ten min. blow job, fuck a girl for 20 mins. change position and fuck her for another 20, ass fuck a her for another 20 mins., and then fuck another girl for 20 mins all while inducing multiple female orgasms, and STILL keep from ejaculating until you can give her a facial, you're not a REAL MAN.

- Monogamy, schmonogamy.

- Masturbation is so powerful, that one will not notice if someone is in the house, watching, or even in the same room. When caught, the maturbator will not be ashamed, but will rather ask the other person to join in, which they will gladdly do.

- All butts are always clean enough to put an unprotected, unlubricated penis or tounge in them.

-There is a lot of sex in America, France, Brazil, and other countries, but Eastern Europe is apparently one big nonstop orgy. Also the most perverted people on Earth are the Japanese.(side note: Japanese women often have strange, blurry vaginas)

- The popularity of any movie or tv show can be judged by how many of the combined following it meets a) does it have a porn parody? b) are the production values higher than $100? c) is the script longer than 3 pages? d) do the talent genrally resemble the characters they are portraying? and e) are the talent, bless their hearts, actually trying to act?

- Three ways never get awkward.

- No one goes to work. Life is divided into hitting the gym and having sex. If you go out to visit a friend, you will end up having sex. If you go to a job interview you will end up having sex. If you leave the house for any reason, you will end up having sex. If you stay home, someone will come over and you will end up having sex. No matter what, you're screwed.

- Romance? What's that?

Well, that is my first blog post. Feel free to comment or add anything you think I've missed. I hope I can use this space to write more about my thoughts on sex, love, life, etc. whether or not anyone wants to read about it.

Thanks.

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