Regrets's Blog

Some Excellent Advice

Okay, here’s how to fuck good:

Fuck loud: When the fucking is happening with you, it must be loud. While you are fucking your sexual lover, scream loud and smash many porcelain dolls. This will ensure that the fucking is never forgotten. In 100 years, you can say to your sexual lover, “Remember the fucking?” and your sexual lover will say to you, “Yes, it was loud when it happened.”

Fuck so good that you win an award: One of the top ways to fuck great is to fuck so go... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 5 months ago  |  1

There's just something about a straight razor

There's just something about a straight razor shave that makes it so much more invigorating than using fifty cent d**g store disposable. Maybe it is the craftsmanship, maybe the fact that you have to take more time and care, maybe it has to do with sliding a lethal weapon across your face and throat as part of your daily routine. I can't speak for anyone else, but it puts a certain spring in my step all day. I find it very refreshing, and I feel very masculine and civilized. I also feel like a sexy b**st. And I started doing it before James Bond, for the record.
Posted by Regrets 6 months ago

Pulitzer Prize Winner's Porn

Edith Wharton (1862-1937) was one of the great American novelist, author of The House of Mirth, Ethan Frome, and the Pulitzer Prize winning classic The Age of Innocence. Her crisp, witty, poetic prose explored class, love, courtship, honor, the conflict between desire and morality, and the struggles of women is a disenfranchising time, all set against the backdrop of old New York and New England.

All in all, her stories were very proper. All infidelity ends in tragedy, and things never get further than a kiss. However, it seems she had a much darker side, as a fragment of a 1919 story call... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 8 months ago

The Olympic Village

Every two years, amidst pomp, pageantry, and tradition, all of the world's nations field their best and brightest athletes to compete with one another in a variety of events, in a display of cooperation, fair play and almost all of humanity's good qualities. The athletes of the Olympics are some of the most fit and disciplined people on Earth, physical manifestations of the human body's potential. Most are in their teens and early twenties. And they are all quartered for two weeks together in a private, luxurious hotel complex called the Olympic Village. So is it really any surprise that the O... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 1 year ago

Breasts by Charles Simic

I love breasts, hard
Full breasts, guarded
By a button.

They come in the night.
The bestiaries of the ancients
Which include the unicorn
Have kept them out.

Pearly, like the east
An hour before sunrise,
Two ovens of the only
Philosopher's stone
Worth bothering about.

They bring on their nipples
Beads of inaudible sighs,
Vowels of delicious clarity
For the little red schoolhouse of our mouths.

Elsewhere, solitude
Makes another gloomy entry
In its ledger, misery
Borrows another cup of rice.

They draw nearer: a****l
Presence. In the barn
The milk shivers in the pai... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 1 year ago

Uncle Spooky's Horror School

Back before cable and streaming online videos, local tv channels showed syndicated movie collections, often presented by a host who introduced the features, shared tidbits of trivia with the audience, and made terrible puns so that the k**s at home wouldn't be too frightened. It was all a part of making movies, especially scary movies, fun to watch. Now, if I was in charge of my own horror programming, the feature may look something like this....

In honor of the Halloween season, I present a collection of Top 10 lists to guide you to the scariest, creepiest, eeriest movies the horror genre ... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 2 years ago  |  2

Sex Sells: Erotic Suggestion in Advertising

I recently came across a very enlightening video, in which two of the intellectual titans of our time have a trenchant dialogue on modern media vis a vis the conflation of sexuality, body image, subliminal suggestion, and capitalism. As my words cannot do it justice, I suggest you take a look at this video of them expressing their insights.
Posted by Regrets 2 years ago  |  2

Lessons in Manliness from Ron Swanson

April: Are you ready?
Ron: I was born ready. I'm Ron Fucking Swanson

Ron: Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.

Ron: I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.

Ron: I find it relaxing. It's like yoga, except I get to kill something.

Ron: I am off to have a mid-morning pre-lunch with my lady friend, but I will be back in time for lunch.

Andy: Let's go to ... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 3 years ago  |  2

Pet Peeves

Just a list of very, very common things that get on my nerves in many different irritating ways.

Autotune If I want to listen to a computer sing, I'll just watch 2001

People who say things like 'LOL' 'OMG' or 'LMFAO' out loud. Considering the previous post, it should be clear how I feel about the "music" group LMFAO.

People who use cutsey portmanteaus like 'guesstimate' 'ginormous' or 'fantabulous.'

Grown adults who use words like 'tush' or 'tummy' to other grown adults.

Commercials for pretty much anything that is advertised during sporting events - beer, soda, phones, cars, t... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 3 years ago

L.A. porn industry to wear condoms?,67859/

From The A.V. Club

L.A. porn industry ironically saying it will pull out if it has to wear a condom

by Sean O'Neal January 18, 2012

Speaking of legislation involving both ramifications for the future of the Internet and a bunch of dicks, the Los Angeles City Council voted by an overwhelming margin of 9-1 to require that all porn films shot in the area strictly enf***ee the use of condoms, as dictated by state health laws regarding killing both the spread of bl**d-borne pathogens and boners.... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 3 years ago  |  2

Favorite Christmas Songs

*more to come soon*

Favorite Christmas Songs

Deck The Halls - Julie Andrews

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Nice an Victorian. Makes you think that it was the song the carolers were singing when Scrooge was walking home from work, unaware of the haunting and change of heart to follow.

Huron Carol/Twas In the Moon of Wintertime - I love a song with a good story behind it, and this was written by a French missionary in Canada. In order to explain the Chris... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 3 years ago  |  10

The Health Benefits of Ejaculation

Since Novemeber is Men's Health Awareness month, I thought I would share the information that frequent ejaculation, once thought of as something that weakens the body, has been found by scientists to reduce the risk of prostate cancer. "Leitzmann's findings were that men who ejaculate between 13 and 20 times a month had a 14% lower risk of prostate cancer that men who ejaculated on average, between 4 and 7 times a month for most of their adult life. Men who ejaculated upwards of 21 times a month had a 33% lower lifetime risk of prostate cancer than the baseline group."

http://www.newscien... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 3 years ago  |  5

[Story] Stitching Frankengirl Together: a Halloween Treat

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It combines candy, monsters, horror movies, ancient pagan rituals, booze, partying all night, fake bl**d, and hot girls in sexy costumes. On top of everything else, Halloween, a night given over to fun, fantasy, and revelry, is by far the sexiest holiday of them all (shove off Valentine's Day).

I always use October as a chance to revisit my favorite monster movies, the glorious black and white classics like Dracula, The Wolfman, The Mummy, and my favorites, Frankenstein and the even better Bride of Frankenstein. Now, Doctor Frankenstein had a bright idea, ... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 3 years ago  |  2

The Onion: America's Finest News Source

Since 1988, the satirical newspaper The Onion has served as a witty, twisted, and all too true mirror of American society and life. That includes sexuality. For your reading pleasure, I've included headlines and links to many very funny Onion stories dealing with sex and sexuality. Enjoy.

All content owned by Onion, Inc.

Relationships and Dating

Husband, Wife Have Conflicting Ideas About What Constitutes a Healthy Sex Life,214/

Housewife Charged In Sex-For-Security Scam
... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 4 years ago  |  4

The Birth of a New Profile

Wow! Look at this porn site! Thousands of streaming porn clips of every niche and fetish, and all free!

And hey, look! There are user can save favorite can friend other users...Say! Some of the users are girls! Sexy girls! Girls like porn? I had no idea! I should make a profile, so I can friend sexy girls! And then I can try to have sex with them!

Let's see, I need a name that sounds it! BigC0ck4U. Now all the sexy girl will know that I have a big cock for them!

Now details....Age? Let's say I'm 20 so they don't know I'm still in high school.... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 4 years ago  |  2

A Little Bit More About Me

Hey, I didn't want to clutter up my profile too much, so I've decieded to share more about myself here.

Favorite Movies: It's a Wonderful Life, Casablanca, King Kong, Citizen Kane, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Bringing Up Baby, Bride of Frankenstein, High Noon, The Searchers, Singin' In the Rain, The Adventures of Robin Hood, North by Northwest, Red River, On the Waterfront, Dr. Strangelove, From Russia With Love, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Godfather, Blazing Saddles, Jaws, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Halloween, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Superman, Aliens, The Jerk, Airplane!, Term... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 4 years ago  |  5

The Pervert's Thesaurus

Have you lovely ladies and gents ever needed a word to describe a sex organ or act but have been at a loss? Fear not! My latest project is to catalog the sexual eupamisms of the English language! Feel free to consult for stories, comment, or to add your own entries.

Disclaimer: Again, this is just supposed to be a bit of fun. If anyone is truly offended by anything, let me know and I can take it down.

Yes, this is very immature and c***dish. It was also a hell of a lot of fun to write.

Penis: Cock, Dick, Prick, Boner, Hard On, Wang, Rod, Johnson (as in "Ve vill cut off your chosnson!"... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 4 years ago  |  9

Who I Can Be Here

The anonymity of the interent is an amazing thing when you think about it. So much of who we are is defined by the people around us, but on cyberspace, you can build your own identity. You can say and do and be whatever you want. You don't need to fit in or supress urges and desires. You can develop and express yourself sexually in a way that would be unacceptable in every day society.

Hold on, this is going to be long winded, but I just feel like I need to say what I have to say.

If anyone I knew saw this profile, saw what I've said and looked at and done on this website, they... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 4 years ago  |  2

What I've Learned From Porno

Disclaimer: this is meant to be playful and funny, and if I inadvertantly offend your sex, orientation, race, nationality, religion, sensibilities, etc, I asure you this is not to be taken seriously. Half the joke is that I've spent way too much time watching this trash than is good for me.

- Condoms are for sissies! No one ever worries about or even mentions STDs or pregnancy. So what if he or she is a perfect stranger? What's the worst that can happen?

- Just about anything you do will induce a female orgasm.

-If a girl spells her name differently than it is usualy spell... Continue»
Posted by Regrets 4 years ago  |  23