I'm a pathetic, impotent loser and a fat faggot sissy!

I’m 54 years old, my height is 5’9” (175 cm) and my weight is 254 lb (115 kg). I was born at October 15, 1957 and I live in 12043 Berlin-Neukölln (Germany). I’m divorced, my marital status is single and I’m living alone. I’m male, but I’m not really a man, I’m a very submissive, ridiculous, fat sissy for many years. I’m impotent since 2010 and I’m only able to ejaculate a small amount of sperm once or twice a month while I’m stimulating my prostate.

To expose myself as a complete failure and a pathetic sissy I always wear an effeminate outfit, which is consisting of bra, girdles and panties, garter belt and stockings. But I’m not a crossdresser, transvestite and transgender in the true sense. It is not my intention to imitate women or to act out a feminine side. Women are enchanting goddesses, which I adore.



I was not always like a fat, disgusting guy, as I am today. Until I was 40 Year I was slim and athletic, then I got fat. Today I weigh about 254 lb (115 kg), sometimes more, sometimes less. In the past, until the end of 1990, I looked and acted like a normal guy and I've always had girlfriends and sex with women.

But the relationships to my girlfriends never lasted longer than four years. I've always been a sexual loser, even my first girlfriend cheated on me. I didn't understand this fact for a long time, until my sweet girlfriend told me in 1990 that I'm unable to satisfy a woman sexually. I've always been addicted to masturbation, before I became impotent I masturbated once or twice daily. Now I milk my sperm once or twice a month by stimulating my prostate.



On the images above you can see my ex-girlfriends Silvia, Bärbel, Dagmar and Ilona*. These are the women I really loved and which are most important in my life until today. On the picture below you can see a statistic that describes my sex life with women.



To live a deviant lifestyle in my little pink world is a decision that results from the fact, that I’m a lifelong sexual failure. My whole life I was only able to get poor erections and premature ejaculations and every time I ejaculated my sperm after a few seconds in the woman’s vagina at each intercourse. I never was able to satisfy a woman and I was always a cuckold since I had first sex with a woman, I never was a real man.

In August 1990 I had the last regular sexual intercourse with a woman. Since 1990 I had only five times sex with a woman, it was in October 2000 with my last girlfriend. In the year 2006 I had my last chance to have sexual intercourse with a woman. I was sweating like a fat pig and I groped whimpering her beautiful breasts with my fat, sweaty fingers. I vainly tried to penetrate her vagina with my ridiculous penis, but I couldn’t. After a few seconds I ejaculated my disgusting sperm between her thighs.



After so many years without sex with a woman I became not only a disgusting loser, but also a perverted voyeur, who stares lustful at the wonderful bust and the sweet bum of every young woman. But I’m only allowed to dream about sex with woman. My lifestyle as a pansy sissy is a deviant way of saying, that I adore women and that I submit to their will without any condition and I’m happy, if I’m allowed to be their servant.



I submit to every real man sexually, I kneel down before him and beg for his delicious sperm. I love it when real men humiliate me and use me for their satisfaction or only for their fun. I enjoy it when I expose myself to ridicule, kneel before the men as a submissive cocksucker and they laugh at me and mock me, when I swallow their delicious cum. I never say no to a man’s hard cock, I kneel down and suck any penis at any time and any place. Pump a load of your wonderful sperm down my throat, I swallow always. If you would like to fuck a fat butt, I’m ready to get fucked by any man at any time and any place. I beg every man to fuck my hole hard and leave a creamy load deep inside me. I’m a fat, impotent pansy sissy and a submissive cocksucker.

* alias name

What it means to be a faggot

Possibly you've noticed that I write "it" instead of "he" when I tell of my life as a faggot. What is a faggot? I think at first it's necessary to clarify the terms "gay" and "faggot" because there is a fundamental difference between the terms respectively their meaning. I know that many poeple use the term "faggot" to name a gay in a pejorative manner. That's not only disparaging, it's wrong in substance. The terms "gay" and "faggot" are not interchangeable or synonymic, they define different ways of living and behaving.

To be gay means much more than to practice homosexual intercourse. Gay is a world view with ethical values and principles, the term "gay" is standing for a distinct style resp. way of life and a genuine culture. Gay play an important or outstanding part in many sectors of society, in science, arts and politics. To be gay means to be proud and self-confident. The possibly greatest difference is the fact that a gay is able to love his partner and to live on an equal footing in a solid relationship.

A typical gay in this sense is the mayor of Berlin Klaus Wowereit [1], he represents all this attributes. I hope (and I think) he will be re-elected on September 18, 2011 (Governing Mayor of Berlin, equivalent of the ministers-president, because Berlin is one of the German federal states, in some respects comparable with a governor in the USA). The most people who write very disparagingly about gays as faggots forget (or don't know) that it was a gay who originally made it possible to type their tirades on a computer - his name is Alan Turing [2]. (I think this fact is one of the most stupid jokes in the history of science.)

It's my conviction that gays deserve the same respect like all other people. Tolerance doesn't mean to like another lifestyle, it means to put up with another way of life in respect for each other. This doesn't mean, of course, that all gays are irreproachable, the rate of fools is as high as in the total population. But I describe some fundamental components for the social importance of the gay community and I adduced some generally admitted facts - facts at least for those, who know what tolerance means.



I'm not gay, I'm a faggot. The faggot stands outside of this or any other importance because it possess not a single one of the personality characteristics, which I attributed to gay people - and implicit in the same manner to straight people. Faggots don't follow an own way of life and they don't create any kind of culture. A faggot's life is in fact a servient part of the people's life whom the faggot owes servile obedience. A faggot lives in a subordinate role to the exalted resp. primary people, no matter whether they are straight or gay, male or female. Although a faggot has self-awareness in the sense of self-knowledge it has no self-confidence. The self-awareness is necessary to discern the own situation as a faggot and to accept the subordinate role. But the faggot lacks self-confidence, which is the essential condition for self-assertion. The faggot's loss of it's self-confidence is caused by the continuous humiliation in it's attribute as a loser - if ever the faggot owned self-confidence.

That's why the faggot is unable to live in a harmonious relationship on an equal footing. A relationship can't be a partnership for the faggot, but only service relationship. In such a relationship the faggot needs instructions and orders, the faggot is unable to take the initiative and to act independently. Sometimes the faggot needs to be trained or to get punishment, but the faggot principally faces any man or woman with canine devotion as a groveling servant. Tor these reasons a faggot is an "it" and not a "he".

Those faggots, who accept their subordinate role, mostly practice homosexuell copulation in submissive and receiving manner. This doesn't mean that they are homosexuell in the proper sense. For example, when I offer myself the men as a sissy whore I do my duty to serve the mean in all respects. Of course I enjoy to kneel down and to suck the men's cocks and I love the feeling when a man penetrates my faggot cunt. But first of all it's the satisfaction to serve the men and I'm happy when a man compliments me because I'm a well-behaved faggot and a empathic cocksucker. I'm happy when then men visit me again, two men regularly use me since seven resp. six years as their obedient faggot.



The sexual orientation is basically irrelevant for a faggot. The faggot may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual - submission, humility and obedience are only important for the faggot's life. There are, of course, homosexual faggots, but they aren't gay. There are heterosexual faggots like me, but they never can be straight for the rest of the life. Last but not least there are a lot of "men" who are faggots really and who push this fact to the back of their mind. Many of them are married and when their wifes are asl**p they put on the wifes' undies. When they masturbate they dream about sucking a man's cock, but they never will do so. Only the usual "I wear mum's panties"-pictures from the bellybutton to the knees are left over from their fantasies on the net.

It's very difficult to survive the occupational life as a avowing faggot. It's difficult to work in teams and I think it's impossible to be a supervisor, a boss or the like. To be a faggot conflicts with the necessity to issue an order to a man or a woman. Since I'm an avowing faggot I worked in two jobs in a team, I'm a computer technician. In the first job I became a laughing stock within a few days when the colleagues realized what I am. That was absolutely right, but it wasn't conducive to the teamwork. To work in a team is for an avowing faggot only possible when the faggot is in the most subordinate position. This was the case in the second job and it was great. At present I work on a single workplace.

My explanation is, of course, my personal opinion, no more, no less. My opinion reflects my own experiences and observations. To avoid any misunderstanding - I don't lament my "fate" and there is no reason for pity. I am what I am and I love it. In consideration of my possibilities it's my best and most satisfying option to live as a faggot and I enjoy my life.



Explanatory remark: I don't like the terms "superior" resp. "inferior" concerning the characterization of humans because I think these terms are historically charged [3]. I try to substitute them with similar terms like "primary" or "exalted". It's simple in my native language but different for me in English language. I hope you nonetheless understand my intention.

[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klaus_Wowereit
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Turing
[3] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_race

I'm a faggot whore

I'm always looking for unsatisfied heterosexual or bisexual men who want to get sexual satisfaction in a fast, easy and anonymous way. There are several ways to meet guys who want to be sucked. On one hand I advertise in papers and on the Internet and offer myself to the men as a cocksucker. On the web I advertise on the platform "Homo.net" [1], here you can see my profile at Homo.net [2]. From time to time I also advertise in a weekly paper for classified ads named "Zweite Hand" [3], which is published as a paper edition and online. I advertise there twice a month for three running days. The interest of men is pretty good and I can usually arrange not less than five dates.



About half of the men are married or in a relationship with a woman. Lot of women refuse their husbands oral and anal sex and that's why many men visit me to use me for these sex practices. The rest are single males, who are permanently extremely sexually unsatisfied, these men I offer myself as a whore for free, they use me as their fuckmeat. Many men also practice their dominant preferences and fantasies with me. When the men come into my bedroom the very first time, they are surprised first and then delighted. At the sight of the decoration of the walls with pictures of sweet girls they are additionally sexually aroused.



I love it to be any time the men's unconditionally immediately available prostitute and I'm lucky when they ejaculate their delicious cum in my mouth and my fat sissy cunt. Some of the men become my regular guests, which means that they visit me after the first date repeatedly. The time intervals of the visits are different, some men come once or twice a week, others twice a month or at irregular intervals. Currently there are twelve regular guests who use me more or less regularly for their sexual satisfaction. I reserve Friday and Saturday afternoons and all day Sunday for the men. In the afternoons I have regularly two or three dates, on Sunday it may be five or more dates. On the remaining days of the week I arrange various individual dates, some guys have reserved fixed dates. If I've just advertised, it can happen over the weekend that I have to satisfy ten men a day. I enjoy these weekends, I have constantly the taste of cum in my mouth and on Sunday evening I can hardly walk, but I love it.



I decided in the summer of 2005 to live as a sissy whore. At this time my last girlfriend separated from me, because I was only five times able to have sex with her in the five years of our relationship. I realized that I'm definitely a sexual failure, and that I can be only a submissive cocksucker in future.







I do not expect anything for myself from the men, except for their sperm. The men don't need to touch or even to satisfy me. They don't need to talk with me, it is enough to f***e me to my knees and to command me to open my mouth. The men can do anything with me, some men enjoy to spank or to slap me, one of my regular guests loves to spit on my head and my face while I suck his cock. Many guys urinate in my face and some men pee into a glass and command me to drink their urine. My guests appreciate the simple, straightforward way to fuck an absolute submissive and obedient sissy slut.



[1] http://myhomo.net/gay-anzeigen/
[2] http://my.homo.net/Schluepferstute
[3] http://www.quoka.de/partnerschaften-kontakte/er-sucht-ihn/berlin/cat_53_5301_6150_ct_111756.html

How to meet the men

I often write that I had met or approached men on the street. How is that possible? Whenever the weather permit I offer myself as a sissy whore on the streets. To arouse the men's attention I dress up as a sissy, but I trie to do this without to much exaggeration. That's a weighing of interests, after all I successfully want to come in favour of the men. I wear a sheer silk blouse and tracksuit pants (jogging pants), made of sheer transparent fabric. Under the outer clothing I wear a bra in cup size A wich is filled with my fat titties, a garter belt and stocking and frillied panties. The lingerie, particularly garter belt and the suspender clips, is clearly visible. When a man passes by who could be interested I look in men's the face licking my lips. It's a gesture that can be understood as an offer to suck the man's cock.









I have found some appropriate places to the men my mouth and my faggot cunt. One of them is my favorite place because my tenement is within sight, it's only one minute walk away trough a small side street. I'm most successful at this place because there is no need to disappear into the bushes. I can offer the man a nice apartment decorated with a lot of pictures of sexy girls on the walls (see here) with a bathroom and fresh towels and the men can have a cup of coffee.





In addition I frequent other places nearby parks, see the maps below. If a man is interested we only have to cross the street and to disappear into the bushes where I finally get the eagerly-awaited sperm. All this places I visit in the afternoon and by early evening. An other possibility to myself as a faggot is cruising in parks. Nearby my apartment is the park "Hasenheide", there is a cruising area which is frequented by the men all-day. The Hasenheide is a large park, that's why is all-day cruising possible, but I visit this park only in the afternoon. The other parks I cruise after nightfall (see here for maps). When I frequent the parks I only wear women's underwear so that the men can see at first appearance that I'm a willing faggot. The success is enormous, particularly at the Hohenstaufenplatz, at Südstern / Fontanepromenade and at Reuterplatz I'm allowed to be an eager cocksucker and faggot cunt for several times at most every night, when I cruise there. At these places can I meet men which I like very much. They are about 40 or 50 years old, mostly married men, which are not satisfied, about half of my lovers are Turkish. They go out for an hour to find an eager cocksucker or a faggot to fuck and when they have relieved their sexual lust they go home to their f****y. I love the anonymity, often I can't see the faces in the dark. Like a shadow a man comes nearer and I hear him whispering only two words "Bläst du?" (Suck you my cock?) or "Lässt ficken?" (Can I fuck you?) while he fondles my butt. When I kneel down his trousers are already opened and he rubs his hard cock on my face, I lick his balls and then I suck his wonderful penis until he spurts his delicious sperm in my mouth. Like a shadow the man disappears and often I don't need to stand up because I have already another penis in my mouth, possibly from a man who has watched us. When I get fucked it's the same, at June 24 I met a Turkish man at Hohenstaufenplatz, he sat on a bench and I kneeled down in front of him and sucked his cock. After a while I sat down on his lap, his penis slided between my buttcheeks and penetrated my faggot cunt. More and more men came nearer and watched us and when the first was satisfied I knelt on the bench and four other men fucked me one after another.





For some time past I'm courageous enough to approach groups of hobos. I stand in front of them im my garter belt, stockings, bra and panties and I ask them for permission to suck their cocks. At first the men humiliate and ridicule me evertime, but finally two-thirds of the groups allow me to kneel down and to suck the men's cocks. Sometimes a group of men r**es me, they hogtie me to a park bench and pull down my panties. They beat me and spank my ass and then they fuck me one after another. Thereafter I'm allowed to lick their balls and to suck their cocks.

How an impotent faggot masturbates

Male impotence is named erectile dysfunction, it is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis during sexual performance. The Latin term impotentia coeundi describes the inability to insert the penis into the vagina. I've always been a sexual loser, my potency was low ever since I can remember. My whole life I was only able to get poor erections and premature ejaculations and every time I ejaculated my sperm after a few seconds in the woman’s vagina at each copulation.

In the past, until the end of 1990, I've always had girlfriends and sex with women. But the relationships to my girlfriends never lasted longer than four years. I didn't understand this fact for a long time, until my sweet girlfriend told me in 1990 that I'm unable to satisfy a woman sexually. I never was able to satisfy a woman and I literally was always a cuckold since I had first sex with a woman, already my first girlfriend cheated on me.



In August 1990 I had the last regular sex with a woman. Since 1990 I had only five copulation with a woman, it was in October 2000 with my last girlfriend. In the year 2006 I had my last chance to copulate with a woman. I was sweating like a fat pig and I groped whimpering her beautiful breasts with my fat, sweaty fingers. I vainly tried to penetrate her vagina with my ridiculous penis, but I couldn’t. After a few seconds I ejaculated my disgusting sperm between her thighs.

A prevalent factor leading to erectile dysfunction is diabetes mellitus for neuropathical reasons. I'm diabetic since 2004. Since that time my potency permanently decreased, today I'm able to get an erection only twice a month after a prolonged massage of my penis which lasts only a few minutes. although I dont get an erection I'm nonetheless able to secrete pre-cum and to ejaculate sperm. It's not an ejaculation in the proper meaning of the word, I don't spurt my cum but rather my sperm dribbles out of my glans. But the feeling is the same like a normal ejaculation.



Since May 2007 I use electrostimulation to stimulate my penis. The technique is called TENS (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation). TENS is the use of electric current produced by a device to stimulate the nerves for ther**eutic purposes. TENS by definition covers the complete range of transcutaneously applied currents used for nerve excitation although the term is often used with a more restrictive intent, namely to describe the kind of pulses produced by portable stimulators used to treat pain. The unit is usually connected to the skin using two or more electrodes. A typical battery-operated TENS unit is able to modulate pulse width, frequency and intensity. (Wikipedia)

For non-ther**eutic purposes TENS can be used for sexual stimulation (see here). I use it daily for hours and it's a great feeling when the electric current is stimulating my penis and my glans. I secrete a lot of pre-cum and from time to time my semen is dribbling out of my glans. Here I show you some other toys which I use to stimulate me.



#1 is an enema syringe to rinse the faggots anus.
#2 is a combination of a vibrating dildo and an inflatable anal plug, the feeling is great.
#3 is a dilator to widen the urethra
#4 are suction cups in various sizes to stimulate the nipples.
#5 & 6are dildos and anal plug in various sizes.

All toys are from Dildoking [1]. On the pictures below you see me using a dildo which one of my regukar guests brought to a date. It's his wife's dildo, he loved it to see how I penetrate my fat faggot ass with his wife's toy.





[1] http://www.sexshop-dildo-king.de/

When you live a promiscuous sexuality as a sissy faggot, it's necessary to think about HIV. This is a difficult and sensitive topic. The safest way to prevent a HIV infection is abstinence of course. But this is not really a practicable alternative, therefore the next best way is the consistent use of condoms. Condoms also protect against other sexually transmitted diseases like chlamydia, but only to and from the covered area. I strongly recommend the use of condoms, If someone wants to live a promiscuous sexuality or as a sissy whore. This is the required correct statement, I comply with this rule only partly. I leave the decision, whether they use condoms, to the guys discretion, who use me for their sexual satisfaction. The vast majority of men do not use a condom when I suck their cocks, about 50% of the guys use a condom when they fuck me.

Although any man, and also sissies, follows the sex drive, it is (or should be) an informed choice and a conscious decision to live as a sissy whore, because it's an ultimate decision. I have sex with men since I'm 14 years old and I was always the submissive and receptive partner. (When I was 18 years old I had the first sex with a girl.) Up to the year 1990 I had occasional sex with men, then I became more active and from 1990 to 2005 I sucked the cocks of the guys with increased regularity. My last girlfriend separated from me in 2005, because I wasn't able to have sex with her. We've had only five act of sexual intercourse in the five years of our relationship and this was only my fault. My girlfriend was gone, I was sitting in an empty apartment and I had to realize that I'm definitely a sexual loser.


I'm ocksucking with condom

I had to make a decision. The result of my reflections was that I could be either a sexual ascetic or a sissy in the future. I decided to be a submissive sissy faggot with full consequences. I decided to act out this side of my sexuality and my other fetishes and sexual preferences consistently. That was a consideration of facts and personal circumstances. I was 48 years old at that time and divorced. I'm a father and grandfather, I have fulfilled my demographic duty and I have no more f****y obligations.

Another consideration relates to the health risk. I think we should keep one's feet on the ground. Of course HIV is infectious and of course homosexual sex acts are more risky than heterosexual intercourse. The health statistics clarify the facts. Let me give some examples. I was a heavy smoker for many years (now I'm occasional smokers), for that reason my risk to die of heart disease is 60 times higher than the risk of an infection with HIV and the risk to die of cancer is 192 times higher. The risk to die of my diabetes is 22 times higher. I'm a cyclist, the risk to die in a traffic accident is more than 5 times higher than the risk of an infection with HIV - from a statistical point of view of course. Note: I compare the risk to die with the risk of an infection and HIV is not AIDS.

The following images show the statistics of HIV infection for Germany (upper image) and Berlin (lower image). The statistics show the absolut quantity of new HIV infections and the number per one hundred thousand inhabitants. You can see that the number of infections is relatively low, but you can see also, that the number of infections per one hundred thousand inhabitants in Berlin is much higher than on average in Germany.





Source: http://www.gbe-bund.de/

What I do to minimize the risk and to be a risk - I check my health by regular testing. At the beginning of each quarter I have a HIV test, it's possible in Berlin for free and anonymously in the public health authorities. In addition I test myself with point-of-care tests regularly, especially after phases, when I was extremely active. (BTW - I also test for chlamydia regularly.) I refuse extreme practices, for example, fisting, and all that is wounding or has to do with bl**d. Last but not least I satisfy only heterosexual and bisexual men and I refuse extreme practices, for example fisting and all that inflicts injuries or has to do with bl**d.