Does The Joy Beats the Shame?

Yesterday evening

Many will say why make the fuzz, but I'm not experienced with these kind of things.
Ok, I am married, relatively happy, I do have a decent job, earn a good living, maybe I am somewhat boring. Yes, I got d***k a few times a year, I smoke some, watch some porn, I even subscribed to a porn site. Nothing irregular so far, oh, perhaps this one, a few years ago I was in Antwerp, and I got a little d***k and I went to the red light district. And yes, I payed for sex, and it was not a bad experience, although I never went back to a hooker.
But you know, once you get older, you get settled, get c***dren, your sex life is suffering, and all the girlfriends you once could flee to are married and have c***dren too. Sometimes I go out with my friends, and I do flirt with women, but I won't go any further, I am still faithful.

So I had to find some alternatives to direct my extra marital sexual desires. My first thought was to find a girl with a webcam, that was an easy one, there are (it seems) millions of girls showing of in front of their cam. So I found this cute French woman, mid 30s, beautiful body, delicious black triangle...Oh, and she was good, I had to pay for it though, but I had no problem with that. She showed me everything, she opened up for me, put her fingers and some other stuff in it, I got hard and came a few times…It was a good experience, but it was not real, I mean, I could understand the girl, she did it for the money, so she didn't have much interest in me, the more in my money. I went back to the girl a few times, until she disappeared and left me alone…
I had to find something else.

I discovered xhamster, at first I only watched the porn, and I was very excited about the stuff people uploaded. Of course I knew 'amateur' porn, but I doubted if it was real amateur, but on this site there is no doubt…
I am almost shocked by the way people are showing themselves, and show the world their most intimate moments. Of course, there are things I don't like, that I find rather disgusting, but I don't mind, It feels like some sexual freedom I never experienced; it is (at last) my sexual revolution, I wish I could be that free.
Only a few days ago I found the 'dating' tab, I must have concentrated too much on the tits, asses and pussies that I never noticed it.
So now I am a member of this community and I did meet some interesting people with all kinds of needs and experiences, with funny aberrations and fetishes, some people are subtle, others kind of rough, but I take them as they come, curious and respectful.
(I must admit, it is hard to start talking to someone, I haven't find the right phrase to start with yet)

I Never thought of showing myself though.
Until…

Until I met this woman, this beautiful woman. She won't talk to me, I was sure. But she did and she asked me to tribute. I did, I took a picture of myself, jerking off, a seductive picture of her in the background, And I came on my screen, I took a picture, the seamen on her face, and I posted it, so everyone could see. I felt different, it was all new to me and I liked it, I was excited to know there were girls and boys that would look at my dick, my cum. And I hoped she would like it. (and of course I apologize to all of them who find it disgusting, but after all it is a porn site)

She asked me if I wanted to play with myself for her, on the webcam.
Why not?
No I won't do it!
Someone wants to see me masturbating, how strange is that?
I'm not that good looking…or am I?

I decided to do it. We made an appointment on msm. I was very nervous. I never used my webcam before, and now I'm going to get naked before it. She contacted me, first I had some technical problems, I think I pushed the wrong button with all the excitement, but then I managed to get it going, and I saw myself on the screen, naked already, but only showing the upper half of my body.
It felt strange. What will she think of me?, Was I handsome enough?
She typed…Hello… I waved.
She wrote that she was waving back, I found it funny and felt more comfortable. I didn't mind she had no cam, maybe it was better for me that way so I could control my nerves.
She asked me to show my dick. I did, I felt hot, my head was glowing. It was the first time I showed my dick to a complete stranger. I know, I posted the tribute, but now, the woman saw my face, this was real, I exhibited myself as I am. Bare naked and with a face.
What did she want?
She wanted me to come, not yet, but that was the ultimate goal. I said ok, like it was the most common thing. I started playing, I adjusted the cam, so she had a good view. I stroked my dick, held my balls, squeezed them, I spread my legs wide so she could see it all, I pushed my dick forward, so it pointed to the sky. I was looking at myself, I never saw myself like that, and it made me excited as hell, the woman watching, seeing myself in the most awkward positions.
She liked my balls she said.
I showed them closer, I let them bounce, up and down. Up and down
Move your foreskin backwards…
I did. I moved it all the way back and I saw my dickhead, purple and swollen, I pushed it against the cam. I lay down on the couch, I bent over, I let her look at me at every possible angle ,I let myself submerge in this sexual atmosphere.
She was at the office. She said I made her wet.
She made me feel like I never did before, although it was not real sex, I did not feel her warm body, I did not smell her sweetness, I did not taste her. But it felt so much better than the best masturbation session I had ever given to myself.
She wanted me to come, now, she had not much time left.
I lay down, I assured that she had a good view, and started stroking, a few seconds fast, then slow and pulling my foreskin backwards, then I jerked it fast again and then slow, fast and slow.
I saw myself playing, I saw my dick and balls from a different angle than I was used to. I was ready to explode, I could not hold this any longer. I wanted her to see me coming. This was for her, I wanted her to look me in the eyes, to see what I was feeling, I started to crawl, oh my god, It felt like my brain was exploding, look at me, look at me I whispered, now, look at me, see it, see it explode, look, look here!!!
It was like a boiling current was starting way up my neck, flowing fast through my spine, right to my groin, where it passed my balls and got to my dickhead. I looked at my dick and I saw the cum shooting out. The first load hit my navel, the second got to my breast, the third shot was right in my face, on my lips, fuck, it seemed like it would go on and on and on and on my groin was balancing between upper joy and pain.
The last drops flew out on my belly. I tasted the salt of my cum. I saw me lying there, fulfilled, experienced something I never did before. Cybersex. I liked it
I cleaned myself, she asked me to show my dick, she wanted to see it softened. That struck me, that was a very sweet thing to ask so I let her have a good look.
I felt very relaxed, at ease, strange.
I don't know why, but I thanked her.
For looking?
I wonder who had the best experience. Did she get wet, did she play with herself? Did she come?
Would it make any difference?
I said goodbye. I needed a shower.

Now I feel ashamed, caught red handed. No one saw me masturbating before. Never. It was my secret. Now that's gone.
But it felt great, so why being ashamed? I don't know, maybe I took it too serious, maybe it was more than just playing, maybe I needed someone looking at me, maybe I experienced that I am more exhibitionist than I ever wanted to be. Am I a pervert? It bothers me.
Will I do this again? I don't know, perhaps.
The joy beats the shame. I guess I'll do it again.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a girl, here on xhamster, I told her about the experience. I didn't want to do this thing with her, I just wanted to know what she thought about it. It was ok with her, but she told me to look out, you never know what kind of people you're dealing with. She met a girl, but it seemed that it was a boy, who thought had a bigger chance to get some attention if he faked his gender. He just took some pics of women on the web, and signed it with 'that's me'.
I never thought of that.
Did I play with myself before a woman or a man? I looked at her picturess, they looked like they were taken by a professional photographer. Is she a fake? My God, I hope not, it would really hurt me. Please say she's not.
Now I start wondering. Is there any girl interested in a boy jerking off? Probably not. And if there is, I don't think there are many of them. So am I a lucky boy, or am I trapped?

Please honey, be honest to me, and I will reward you!

Love, Frank.

PS. English is not my first language, I appreciate help and suggestions..
100% (35/0)
 
Posted by Naturalhairy
4 years ago    Views: 2,331
Comments (16)
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1 year ago
Good post, I've added it as a favorite. I'll have some comments which may be useful. This was posted three years ago so I'd imagine you've had more experiences and your thinking has evolved. I found this blog recommended here: http://xhamster.com/user/hellen555
1 year ago
Hmmmm - this raises some interesting questions about reality and who you are dealing with on here. But some ladies love to watch a guy jerk off - so probably it waqs all above board!!
nucam
retired
3 years ago
nice
3 years ago
If English is your second language, you must be a true Master of your First language. The story was well written; good English.
Blind cam wasn't really smart. It might have been your wife and her attorney. Or it could have been on a big screen at a college fraternity party. Whatever......... But as one person noted above, Cyber is all Fake.
Also, don't worry about a Guy watching you. Realize that he can get turned on and feel good, just like a woman can. And yes, women get off on that kind of stuff. I occasionally date a married woman who's married to a dull accountant with a big dick (mine isn't). Sometimes I just watch her masturbate to a guy jacking off. So, when the mood hit you again, go for it ~ but don't show face or any clearly "your room" identification. Best wishes. I'm going now, to buy a cam.
4 years ago
Well I have seen AFF and there are 10s of thousands of women who watch guys cum on cam. The thing is its a semi public broadcast and you could pick up 10,20,50 or even hundreds of watchers depending on how interesting you were. There are hundreds of guys on chat roulette and various sites doing it publicly.

If you don't want someone to record and save your session then don't show your face and don't worry. They will record them and save them, so if thats a problem and you need to show your face and dont want to go public, you need to build a trust relationship with one or more individuals and avoid that sort of one cam thing.
4 years ago
well we all know of girls who are really guys..like esmero06 who cammed with annjamiesson when she was on here..esmero got 'his' cock out, lol..but i guess at least half the girls on here are guys..usually masquerading as lesbians or bis..hence my friend list is very small..only people i know for a fact are women.
4 years ago
Hi Frank... just read your post and I can identify with your words. Yes, you never know for certain what gender the person is your camming for when they do not have one. Having been in that position myself, not on Hamster I hasten to add, I can understand the trust you first placed in that individual. It must have come as a bombshell for you to wonder and doubt as to whether that trust was misplaced? Let it be a warning to all...
ronsteel
retired
4 years ago
first one i read... it was great! i think we are all on here "anonymously" and we believe thats half, if not more the turn on. but just knowing that there really couples on here that share the same "lives" as you... well, thats a turn on too! but no harm no foul with the cam seriously, maybe inviting the wife into your cam session will unfold a new avenue to explore together. so let the experience enrich your marriage and life somehow... sorry to babble :)
4 years ago
Good reading and a valid point, i guess we do that for the thrill(the voyeur inside us) and sometimes its the not knowing that add's to the excitment(getting caught), you came and enjoyed it so if you dont see them dont show your face(see them, they see you and if you dont see them just show your bits), then the fantasy takes over.....
Happy caming
CumOnUrPic
retired
4 years ago
Look at it this way: Did you get off and did you enjoy it while you did it? If yes, then don't worry about the rest. The ratio is probably 1 in 5 for real vs. fake (just look at all the re-posts) The thing to remmember is: It's CyberSex by rule it's all FAKE. Leave the emotions for your real life were they count.
4 years ago
A real warning to us all. Fakes should be reported and barred.
4 years ago
I feel sorry for you dude. But to be honest if you were willing to cam with someone that didn't have a cam themselves then it is a very risky game after all you could have jerked off to a guy. But all is good you live and learn my friend.
4 years ago
first story i read on here, pleased i did, know the feelings well!
4 years ago
Fare comments I would say. Glad I read this blogg
4 years ago
I agree. Good story. Hope it was what you wanted, and not what you feared.
Ilse1986
retired
4 years ago
Good story, it's good to warn for fake profiles. Everyone who encounters one should say it.