I realize now that I am better at making men cum than I ever was women and I certainly love making men cum more than I did women. And each time I make a man cum, it just re-validates that I'm not really a real man like I once thought I was, but a male-gurl that loves taking cock and cum like a girl, instead of giving it like a man.
I suppose because of the way I was raised and was athletic and thought I was str8 starting out, wearing things like g-string panties and stockings always does make me feel very self concious and embarrassed because I was taught that if there was anything worse than a fag, it was a sissy fag and now here I am wearing such things at the behest of a real man because I somehow can't help my cravings for his cock and cum. It also instantly communicates my sexual role to myself and anyone that sees me in such embarrassing gurlie things. Daddy1 told me this was important, because of the way I look and act like a regular guy, just naked, someone might mistake me for a real man too and "the way you suck cock and are such good 'pussy', we both know better than that, now don't we?"
He'd always say things like that in a good natured teasing way and wasn't really trying to be mean, just stating fact, but it would still make me embarrassed and act shy. And I'm still not exactly sure how to explain the power men have over me, with me so willing to endure the embarrassment and humiliation and become so submissive and obedient to them, to please them ... maybe it was as Daddy1 also said, "it shows me what you are willing to do to please me and that turns me on even more!"
I would smile shyly, just wanting this very good, nice man's cock soo bad and as soon as his erection slipped between my lips, I no longer cared about anything except pleasing my man. And suddenly wearing panties and/or stockings and/or bras and/or dresses or skirts or anything only a girl or sissy would wear, would suddenly seem appropriate for someone with a hard cock in their mouth! Intellectually, in my mind, I KNEW it was 'queer', but it just didn't feel 'queer' to me personally ... it felt right and natural and like I was in my proper place, doing what I was born to do!
And it didn't seem 'queer' to my man either. He was doing what any and every real man loves to do -- have his cock sucked by someone who loves sucking it and fucking. A man would have to be 'queer' to NOT like doing those things! My gender was almost irrevalant, except that he said I was almost better than most real girls! "As a gurl, you put real girls with vaginas to shame the way you love pleasing your man and his cock!"
I DO love my lips lovingly kissing dicks, licking precum! I am in heaven tasting the most masculine substance on earth!
But sometimes I go back into my head and flash on what a man should be doing, like I was always taught a man should do. And when I am on all fours, doggystyle, I feel your erection rubbing up against my little bottom and rosebud and know that I am getting ready to perform THE least masculine thing a male can do and thats take cock up my ass and have my hole function identically to pussy for a real man! My brain and thoughts are not matching up with what I am doing because, on one hand, I am thinking things like "I shouldn't be doing this!" but on the other hand I am reciprocating and responding to your cock rubbing against my butt cleavage like a slut in heat and want your cock sooo bad! I whimper a little protest, "Daddy, don't make me do this! I shouldn't! I am a man, not a girl!"
"Baby, we keep having this conversation. I know you were a jock. I know you don't act or look effeminate. I know you once mistakenly thought you were a real man like me. And yes, I know you are male and have a penis, but no, you weren't born sexually a real man like me. Men give cock and cum and girls take cock and cum and what do you ALWAYS do? You love, crave and NEED taking cock and cum! Sexually, you couldn't be more of a gurl if you had a vagina! You are a male born with your sexual wiring crossed and you can't help the way you were born. You ARE a male-gurl and you are getting ready to get fucked AGAIN like a girl and I know you want it! And I love that you are the way you are! You will be much happier when you accept the way you are too. Look at the facts Baby. You know what you really want and really love. Look at you now ... you say one thing, but your body does another. You have a malepussy and it is rubbing against my erection, making me super horny and giving me absolutely no choice to fuck you like the gurl and cumslut you really are. Now watch what happens as my rock hard manhood penetrates your boipussy. You know you love it and you know you want it."
You whisper in my ear, "You will do as say. Just relax and give it up and be what you were born to be -- my little cumslut!"
I feel the cock head of your erection pop in and I whimper and gasp. You hold perfectly still while my hole accepts its true function once again. It hurts a little, but with you stroking my body and encourging me, Oh Baby, your pussy feels so good and is so tight! You love it too, don't you?"
And I do! I feel my hole relax a little and become more 'pussy-like' as you slowly and gently slide another inch of your thick manhood up into my hole, then hold perfectly still again. Once again, little remnants of thoughts like, "I am supposed to be a man, so how did I get here? Why does this feel so damn good? Why do I want more of this good man's cock further up into me?", then you shove your cock even further in! My resistance is almost gone! All that masculine power up inside me melts me and I finally totally yield and you sense that as you push the final inch of your diamond cutter hard erection, balls to the wall, inside me.
"Baby, you are some of the best pussy I have ever had! Male or female! Look over at yourself in the mirror beside my bed!"
I do and I see myself on all fours, wearing stockings a tiny lace g-string bikini panties, pulled aside and your rock hard erection slowly disappearing in and out of my skinny bottom. Other than my short hair and flat chested tiny titties, it looks EXACTLY like a man fucking a girl! I watch as you slowly but surely pick up the pace, soon you are pounding my little bottom, making my butt cheeks jiggle and you can hear the sound of our bodies slapping together as you demonstrate the POWER of a real man and how he fucks! While you are feeling never more manly, I am feeling never less! You are fucking any notion that I am remotely related to being a real man like you, completely and totally out of me!
Yet, I love it sooo much! I am loving BEING fucked as much as you are loving fucking like a man is supposed to! I flash on the strange thought that this is the best sex I have EVER had and it is with a big cock up my ass and my own penis flopping around beneath me! I could not be having sex further from what a real man is supposed to! I am not even using my dick like a man is supposed to, like HE is! I am using my ass and my hole EXACTLY LIKE it was pussy and dammit loving it more than I ever loved any sex! Gawd, I REALLY am good pussy and this REALLY IS how I am supposed to have sex! Now all I want to be is good pussy for this wonderful real man and I wouldn't care if we were on the 50-yard line in a sold out football stadium with people watching us, I wouldn't stop! I am in ecstacy, having some sort of earth shattering internal orgasms, just like a girl!
The passion overtakes us and we are BOTH talking 'dirty' to each other, with you over and over and over telling me what good pussy I am, what a good gurl I am, what a good sissy I am, what a good pussyboy I am.
I tell you "Fuck my pussy! Make me your bitch! Make me your gurl!" I also flash on how you are fucking ME better than I ever thought about fucking a girl, again showing me the contrast in YOUR sexuality and mine. I realize and totally accept I really am better pussy than being half the real man in fucking as you! Not only are you showing me how to be good pussy, but you are showing me how a real man fucks and like I never had or never could! Your thrusting cock just proves it over and over and over with each stroke, what a good real man you are and what good pussy I am. I never experienced sex this good in my life! I didn't think I could feel any less of a man and more like a gurl, but I was wrong ... I was about to experience exactly what it feels like to be a gurl.
About that time, you grab my slim hips with a death grip, let out a mighty roar and just your cock alone lifts up my little butt as you couldn't thrust any deeper up into me and I feel my insides flooding with warmth. I never experienced anything as magnificent in my life ... spurt after spurt after spurt and soon you could even HEAR the squishiness of your cock withdrawing and thrusting in and out of my cum soaked pussy! Your cock was sliding so smoothly and powerfully in me now.
I thought, "This indeed is exactly how a real man and his gurl are supposed to have sex! And I actually DO love being the gurl! I could not do what he does, but I obviously CAN be good pussy! I have proof of his spermal essense inside me!" You couldn't have been more a real man and I couldn't have been more a real gurl than right then -- proof of our respective sexualities!
You are letting out a torrent of ultra "dirty" talk said only in the ultimate heat of passion, because otherwise you are always the perfect gentleman, but you sound like a dominant, take charge man, "Take it bitch! I'm flooding your cunt with cum! You're my gurl now and I don't wanna hear that bullshit about you being a man ever again! Your hole is officially good pussy now because you made a man cum inside it. I bred you exactly like I would a girl. I shot my seed, my sperm deep inside you and now you know how a woman with a wet, juicy semen filled pussy feels like! You can offically forget about thinking of yourself sexually as a real man now"
The last thrust pushed me flat onto the bed and I could even feel your cum overflowing my pussy and running down onto my balls as you continued to slowly empty your balls in me, until you too finally collapsed onto my back.
Laying there, with you whispering and kissing my ears, still telling me I was the best pussy you ever had, I never had such a blissful feeling. Yet, I almost felt like crying too. It must be how a virgin feels when she loses her virginity. I had resisted so mightily and fought so hard against being a sissy or gurl or pussyboy or whatever label one wishes to attach to someone like me, a male who wears panties and stockings and has sex like a gurl, sucking cum from cock and now knowing exactly what it feels like to have a wet, juicy pussy ... but now, there was NO doubt. I knew what a girl with a freshly fucked pussy felt like and dammit, I loved it!
Although I wasn't an effeminate, swishy sissy, I had just had sex and furthermore, LOVED having sex, EXACTLY like a girl does and when you are a male, that is called being a sissy or gurl or pussyboy and there was simply no way to deny that fact since I still had a cock up my ass and it felt like I had a sperm soaked and saturated pussy and it was the best sexual feeling I ever had!
I felt so appreciative to you for showing me the truth about myself. I feel totally taken, yet totally taken care of in finally surrendering the false notion that I wasn't born to play the sexual role of a sissy cumslut gurl for real men.
I haven't had sex like a man is supposed to ever since. When I think of sex now, I think always of cock. I think about how I am never happier sucking cum from an appreciative man's cock and how he deserves that relief and release a nice blowjob provides him. I think about how I melt under the power of a man's erection and there's no greater proof that I'm not one when his cock penetrates my ass exactly like it was pussy. I think about how Daddy1 gave me my screen name of 'butch sissy jock' because even tho that sounds like an oxymoron, it fits me exactly because I still look and act like a regular guy with no one ever guessing on the streets that I love sucking cum from cocks and having my ass function as good pussy for men. I even now totally understand why I indeed should wear panties and other things only a girl or sissy would wear because it communicates my sexual role instantly.