Joe & Murhy Part 1: Breaking and entering

The moon was full, bathing the bay and surrounding suburbs in a cerulean hue. The hot and humid air of the summer's night was still and silent, save for the crashing of the waves in the distance.

A careful eye would have spied the lanky silhouette of Joe scaling the wall effortlessly and dropping into the grounds without a sound. The moon illuminated the grounds of the house allowing Joe to scan the scene perfectly. The large manor house slouched no more than fifty yards away, the lower windows and doors boarded up. Boarded up but accessible, yes, always accessible.

The garden consisted of little more than an overgrown lawn bordered by unkempt shrubs and flowers. No obstacles, no problem. The only possible risk was the large bay window, stretching the height of the first floor of the adjacent property. But all was dark next door. Nothing to worry about.

Joe began to advance towards the house but was suddenly shaken by a resounding crash directly behind him. Heart racing, he spun around to see the shadowy bulk of Murphy and the tool bag sprawled across the lawn.

“Fir Chrissakes Murphy, watch what the bl**dy hell you're doing,” Joe exclaimed through gritted teeth, not daring to raise his voice above a whisper and scampering back to the safety of the wall.

“Uuugh,” was as much as Murphy could manage as he lay spread-eagle, before trying unconvincingly to right himself. Joe gripped Murphy's enormous paw and hauled the big man to his feet, leaving the pair puffing and panting.

“You didn't say anything about climbing walls Joe,” Murphy breathed loudly.

“Quite, goddammit,” Joe whispered, his eyes bulging. “Stop moaning and get your fat arse in gear!”

A light from the adjacent house flicked on, sending a window-shaped beam over a large segment of the lawn. Joe closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. This fat idiot was going to ruin everything. It wasn't enough that he smoked and exploded a massive bag of peanuts across the van, he had to fall over the wall and spread the break-in tools across the surrounding countryside.

“Clean up this mess while I keep an eye on that window, the neighbour's probably checking to see what the hell that racket was.”

Murphy scowled and flipped Joe a finger from the safety of the shadows. It was no picnic being paired up with this uptight pillock, who refused to break into anywhere except recently abandoned buildings.

“What's the point?” he grumbled, “bl**dy place is empty anyway.”

He crouched down and began refilling the bag as Joe crept carefully towards the beam of light, never taking his eyes from the window. The broad window revealed a brightly-lit room with pine-panel walls. He crept round further, careful to stay out of the light, and positioned himself directly opposite the window in the relative safety of the darkness.

“Christ almighty!” said Murphy, making an unlovely appearance out of nowhere beside Joe and making him jump for the second time that evening. “Look at all that equipment just standing there.”

They stared in at the array of gym equipment arranged in the room. Exorcise bike, bench press, treadmill, rowing machine and even an elliptical cross trainer.

Joe sneered. “Must be one of those home gyms. All the rich and important types have them around these parts. It keep them from sweating next to 'plebs' like us.”

“Must be a good few thousand's worth in there though, at least. We'd be better off going in there instead of stripping this dump,” Murphy said, glanced over his shoulder at the brooding house behind them.

“What's bothering me is who turned that light on?” Joe mused. “Not a sole in sight. No matter. Let's get a move on while luck's still on our side.”

They retreated towards the house, stopping just short of one of the boarded-up windows.

“Hand me that crowbar will ya, we'll have this prized off in no time.”

Murphy fished around inside the bag and passed out the crowbar. Joe wedged it between the frame and the board and began applying pressure.

“Just keep an eye on that window, Murphy. We don't want any surprises.”

Murphy stuffed his hands in his pockets and nonchalantly wondered off towards the beam, leaving Joe to grunt and struggle with the stubborn board. Suddenly a figure smartly crossed the window before disappearing out of sight.

“Jesus Christ!” Murphy let out.

“Shit, what now?” demanded Joe as the crowbar slipped, breaking off a small corner of board.

“There's a naked bird up there! I just saw her!” Murphy whispered, pointing excitedly. “I just saw her, completely butt naked she was!”

Joe narrowed his eyes sceptically. If the boss had just let him come alone he'd have swept and stripped the place already and would now be on his way out with a bag full of taps and fixtures. But no. Instead he'd been teamed up with this bungler, presently standing in the middle of the lawn, monkey scratching his arse and imagining naked ladies.

Deeply irritated, he tossed the crowbar onto the grass and strode across to where Murphy stood transfixed. Joe stared up at the window. Just the same empty gym as before.

“Who's naked then Murphy? There's no one fuckin' there!”

He turned on his heel and stalked back towards the house.

“Um, you were saying?”

Joe glanced back and caught sight of the fully disrobed beauty alone in the room. “Oh my good God...” he said, trailing off.

She stood facing the window, one long toned leg straight, the other bent at the knee pivoted on her toes as she tied her shoulder-length blonde hair into a pony tail. The white towel folded across her shoulders accentuated her deliciously bronzed skin and framed her large, pert breasts. Giving her head a little shake, she sent her ponytail swinging from side to side, along with her heaving tits, before pulling the towel from her shoulders and throwing it over the arm of the cross trainer.

“Do you think she can see us?” Murphy blurted out, his eyes like saucers.

“Of course not, you muppet. Stay away from the light, if she catches us gawping at her she'll call the rozzers faster than you can say blonde fajita. That is a pain in the arse I could do without.

“I'd take a pain in the arse for her,” Murphy uttered.

“You'd take a pain in the arse for pic n' mix,” retorted Joe. “Now let's get this done before anything else happens, we've been in here half an hour already!”

“I'll just keep an eye on the window though, like you said,” uttered Murphy sheepishly.

Joe stole a last glance at the Goddess above, who had by then spread her legs wide apart and was leaning forward to stretch the backs of her legs, breast swaying lightly with each dip she made before using her tight, toned stomach muscles to rise up once more. She looked unbelievable, the product of hours of working out and not a spare inch in sight.

She began leg squats, showing off the power in her well-formed legs, breasts bouncing with each thrust and affording her secret audience sneak peeks of her bald slit. Joe could feel himself getting hard at the sight and thought of what he'd do to her given the chance.

“You can squat that pretty little thing down on my crowbar any time of day,” he thought to himself, imagining this Goddess grinding her tight body up and down his shaft.

He could see her in all her glory lowering her supple form slowly up and down before sinking her snatch down to envelop his throbbing cock, in one fluid movement. God, how tight she'd be, and powerful. Dominating the situation completely, placing her slim, shapely hands onto his chest to steady herself before riding him hard like the horse he technically wasn't.

Murphy swayed u*********sly like a tower of stacked magazines, unable to take his eyes off the Goddess's body as she ducked and thrusted, twisted and flexed. Legs spread, thighs burning, back arched, breasts rebounding.

Murphy felt his manhood stirring, picturing her in his mind, this fit wholesome angel with her legs wrapped around his huge body as he pumped his rod hard in and out her tight pussy. Hearing her scream out “Oh you're too big, baby you're stretching me, fuck me harder, fuck me harder!”

“Hey, shit for brains!”

Murphy was suddenly hit by reality, or more accurately, the back of someone's hand.

“Still with us, yeah?”

He turned to see Joe's livid face staring back at him.

“I'm going to the house. If you must, stay here keep a look out,” he said, retrieving the crowbar and heading back to the window. “And I don't mean at her!”

The Goddess had turned her back to the window by now, exposing her firm peachy buttocks. She began massaging them in smooth circular motions, parting them slightly and squeezing them back together as she arched her back.

Murphy composed himself and began pacing the perimeter of the beam furtively in sideways steps, his limited movement owing to the enormous bulge in his pants. Much puffing and grunting could be heard coming from Joe as he battled continually to pry open his blocked window.

“This goddamn fuckin' piece of shit (puff puff) c'mon, damn you (puff puff)...”

Stopping briefly to catch his breath he clocked Murphy stepping from side to side with no obvious motive.

“Why are you walking like that Murphy?”

“Like what?”

“Like a crab.”

“Mate, she's given me a massive boner. I'm fuckin' gaggin' for her.”

“Jesus get me outta here, just get me the fuck outta here,” Joe muttered to himself.

The Goddess had since moved to the cross trainer. Her muscular thighs powering away, making her tight firm arse flex and contract rhythmically. Her breasts, with nipples standing to attention, bobbed up and down seductively.

Joe couldn't help thinking about taking the Goddess on top of him again, squatting over him, sliding that tight wet pussy down the full length of his cock and drenching his balls with her juices. She starts to bounce violently up and down, working that firm arse to repeatedly impale herself on that rock hard cock. He reaches up to squeeze those tender breasts as they bob and sway, getting ready to blast her full of...

Movement suddenly caught Joe's eye. He turned hurriedly with a look of alarm to see Murphy standing just outside the forbidden perimeter, pants half down and stroking his fully erect cock.

“What the fuck are you doing??” Joe almost screamed in disbelief. “You can't do that here you bl**dy sicko! Put it way!”

“I can't mate, I'm in the moment, I can't let this go to waste. It's all I can do from going over there and fuckin' her senseless!”

“I'm warning you, you bl**dy bastard, we'll both end up on the sex offenders' register. And d'you know what the cops do with people like us? They rip your balls off and nail them to the fuckin' notice board!”

Joe was practically jumping on the spot. Enough was enough. He was getting into this house now and no later, even if he had to drag Murphy away by the hardon.

Brandishing the crowbar one last time he leaped at the boarded window with all his might, substituting the hard rhythmic fucking of the goddess in his mind, with the hard rhythmic beating he'd sustain at the hands of the boys in blue.

An almighty crack boomed across the garden as the board snapped in half. Murphy dived into the flowerbed suspecting gunfire while Joe tried in vane to hide behind the split piece that had fallen to the ground. The Goddess was immediately alerted and promptly bounced off the cross trainer to peer out the window.

“Don't move, stay where you are!” exclaimed Joe through his teeth. “She's looking out the window!”

Neither dared even breath as the Goddess squinted out towards them, breasts pressed against the glass highlighting her bullet-like nipples and pink areola. She cupped her hands round her eyes to try and get a better view.

“Go on. Sod off, sod off,” Joe breathed as she paced from one side of the window to the other. “bl**dy shameless tart.”

Frowning, she stepped away from the window, leaving steamy impressions of her breasts on the glass and wandered out of sight.

“OK, coast's clear,” whispered Joe before turning and quickly hopping through the window. Murphy emerged bashfully from the flowerbed, still fastening his pants.

“You can fairly move fast enough when the mood takes you. That'll teach you to try and bust a nut over Miss Big Tits up there,” he chortled.

“I'll be back in five. Do me a favour and keep your dick in your pants, next time we might not be so lucky.”

Joe disappeared into the darkness with his torch as Murphy stared after him.

“Lanky prick, I'll do what the fuck I want,” he muttered making a beeline for the light beam once more.

The gym room remained empty with no sign of the Goddess except for her towel, still d****d over the cross trainer. The world was perfectly still again, so much so that Murphy could hear his rapid heart beat thundering in his chest.

“No thanks to Joe. That was shaping up to be a night to remember,” Murphy moaned to himself.

He heard a faint clank coming from the vicinity of the empty house. Joe must have found a few fixtures and fittings worth stealing.

“Let's see how fast he really is.”

Murphy swayed from side, occasionally swinging his feet in front of him like a bored c***d. Crime was certainly not paying this evening and Murphy began to contemplate the remains of his bag of peanuts in the van.

He looked back up at the window, but still nothing. The Goddess had left the building. Or so it had seemed until he noticed a bizarre set of black straps beginning to descend from the ceiling. Puzzled, Murphy inched as close as he could without entering the forbidden zone, straining his eyes to try and make out this new contraption, that now hung suspended several feet from the floor.

The Goddess returned in all her naked glory, armed with an open bottle of champagne, and crossed close to the window and began tugging on each strap in turn.

“Thank you God,” Murphy beamed as he fixed his gaze back on her arse.

She turned to face the window once more and slipped her arms through two hoops in the far set of straps, and eased herself up onto what Murphy could now see was a back rest. He nearly fainted as she spread her legs and placed a foot inside each of the remaining straps, baring herself completely.

“It's a swing! Lord God almighty it's a sex swing!”

Murphy turned and scrambled back to the window in search of Joe. Peering into the darkness he listened carefully for any sounds of activity.

“Joe, Jooooooe,” he whispered, hearing a heavy thump in the distance. “Joe you've gotta see this, c'mon!”

Complete silence. He tapped his feet impatiently and drummed his fingers on the splintered sill. Glancing back towards the Goddess he could see, even at this distance, that she was busying herself sexily in her suspended state.

“Joe are you there? I promise, you'd kill me if you knew what you were missing.”

He became angry, at Joe's lack of response. Fine, if this is how he wanted to play it let him scramble around in the dark for scrap metal and other crap. Murphy was tired of Joe's superior aloofness and having to play second fiddle on these pointless break ins.

“Forget you, then,” Murphy echoed into the darkness. “I've had enough of this, I'm going back to the van. And hurry up will ya.”

Murphy soundlessly crept back towards the wall the pair had entered over, keeping the Goddess in sight.

“This isn't fucking fair,” he cursed, as he saw her circling her pink clit with two fingers while squeezing and rubbing her fleshy breasts.

He could feel his member stirring to attention in his pants once more and couldn't fight the temptation any longer.

Crossing back to the shadows in front of her, he feverishly unzipped his pants as he watched her begin to slide a finger inside herself and start pumping it back and forth exquisitely, throwing her head back and reveling in her own ecstasy.

Murphy stroked his cock in time with her movements, imagining lying on the bench press under her and thrusting his enormous shaft up into her wet pussy reverse cowgirl. He shuddered as his excitement grew, imagining her sleek tightness wrapped around his shaft as she continued rubbing her swollen clit.

She reached for the bottle of champagne and began pouring some of the bubbly contents over her body, feeling the tingle of the fizz as it ran down across her stomach and cascaded over her pussy in a small waterfall. Throwing her head back she began sensually rubbing the liquid across her breasts, making them shine brightly in the light, before taking a greedy swig from the bottle.

Murphy was spellbound. He closed his eyes momentarily, picturing her on her knees in front of him. Taking another swig from the bottle and holding the champagne in her mouth before reaching for his erect member and slipping it quickly between her lips.

Oh yes! The feeling of her soft lips wrapped around his shaft, sliding up and down his full length, coupled with the sensation of champagne bubbles dancing over his helmet was like ecstasy. Taking hold of her head he imagined thrusting hard and fast into her mouth, forcing her to dribble the champagne down her chin and over his balls. This was one cork that would easily pop.

Murphy opened his eyes and saw that the Goddess was now using two fingers in her bald cunt, working furiously as her body rocked in the swing. Expressions of joy and pleasure reflected in her features, her full lips pursed and emitting soundless moans, tight stomach and toned legs tensed with her pussy juices glistening from the overhead light.

He was in heaven. His strokes grew longer and faster as his breath quickened at the sight of the Goddess at play.

“Oh baby, if only you knew what you were doing to me,” he gasped, his cock aching and tightening in his grip.

She continued sliding her fingers quickly in and out her pussy, using her other hand to vigorously rub her clit. Her body swayed gently in the swing, giving Murphy the chance to glimpse her peachy arse as it bobbed with each thrust of her hips.

He though of her underneath him, tipping that expensive beverage over her body, but not all. No, the rest he had other plans for. Spreading her legs, he'd slip the smooth bottle into her allowing the last measure to pour inside her, sending fizzy shock waves through her core before thrusting his mammoth, throbbing cock all the way in to the hilt.

Gripping her ankles, he'd begin grinding deep into her sopping, bubbly pussy and looking down to see the champagne fizz out with each thrust. The tingling pleasure as she gripped his cock, screaming out as he pounded her snatch relentlessly. He's show this angelic rich bitch what it was like to get fucked by a rough stud, he'd make her moan and beg for more like the perfect slut she was, and finally, he'd fill her split peach with wave upon wave of his seed.

Almost lost in the dream, Murphy could feel his balls tightening and opened his eyes to witness her once more in the flesh.

Looking up through the window, he noticed the Goddess's body began to spasm uncontrollably as she threw her head back one last time, still plunging her fingers in and out her gorgeous slit. Her smooth, flat stomach began to twitch and she tried pulling her hot, trembling thighs together as she started to cum.

Murphy could no longer contain himself and with a loud grunt he arched his back and exploded several hot lengths of jism across the light beam and into the flowerbed. He closed his eyes tightly, savouring every moment of his ill-gotten orgasm. But he didn't care. No matter how angry Joe got, or even the Goddess if she knew, he'd seen the opportunity and seized it.

“Cart dealing,” he said with a flourish.

“It's pronounced 'carpe diem', you stupid arsehole.”


Murphy, still gripping his erect cock, collapsed u*********s.

Light filtered through a barred frosted window, illuminating the drab, cold interior. Murphy awoke with a groan and a nauseating headache.

“How you feeling Casanova?”

Murphy blinked repeatedly and dragged a paw back and forth across his face.

“Like I'm gonna die. Is that you Joe?”

Rubbing his eyes he sat up and looked around. Joe was sitting impatiently on a metal bunk across from him, arms folded and sporting a badly battered eye.

“Joe! Christ, what happened to you?”

“The same thing that happened to you, you barrel of monkey nuts,” he replied, positively seething.

“What? Where are we?”

“In a holding cell. We got busted don't you know.”

Murphy sat dumbstruck, barely able to comprehend the situation.

“And if you think this is the worst part,” Joe sneered, “take a look at the morning headline.”

He tossed the morning paper at Murphy, who was greeted with the booming headline “Cretinous perverts caught in the act!”

“Oh shit!” Murphy exclaimed.

Joe drummed his fingers on his knee.

“Read the story out for me,” he demanded.

Murphy held the paper aloft in front of him, partly to allow his weary eyes to focus on the typeface but mainly to escape Joe's piercing gaze. He began to read aloud.

“Police arrested two intruders last night in the stately former home of the late Lord Cavendish. Acting on a tip off from neighbours, officers apprehended the pair shortly after the ground's security guard, who'd also been tipped off, successfully subdued them.

“According to the shocked guard, who declined to be named, the assailants were caught masturbating in the darkness of the garden before befouling Cavendish's petunias - perhaps kudos to the Lord's renowned green fingers.

“They were also found with a haul of stolen goods from the property...”

“That'll do,” Joe interrupted.

Murphy sat open mouthed in disbelief.

“Funny how I end up also taking the wrap for your indecent behaviour,” Joe said quietly. “But what gets me even more is that the guard and the cops were tipped off.”

“But who knew we were there?” Murphy stammered. “Who saw us?”

Joe threw up his hands in exasperation.

“That bl**dy tart of course. It was a honey trap! She must have made the calls when she was out of sight the first time. Well this won't stand, my twisted little friend. This won't stand at all! As soon as we get out of this pickle we're going to pay Miss Big Tits a visit. She has a debt to pay...”

To be continued.
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3 years ago    Views: 347
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3 years ago
Well that was quite enjoyable...quite a few chuckles from me...
I'm curious to know what kind of debt Miss Big Tit is going to have to pay and now I have tons of questions for you too...