This post by yours truly, sub Barbie, is what I hope will be the first of several on xHamster, written not for any self-aggrandizement but merely as a way to express what is often not said in public regarding the sexual roles of men and women, Doms and subs and particularly how I as a sub have seen my own sexual development progress and mature.
Yes, this will be solely one sub's point of view but maybe in revealing what I have felt and experienced for myself, others can take something positive from that and move forward proactively in their own lives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In this first article, I would like to address what I think is often the most under-developed aspect of a woman's body, that a man, if he wants to have her more bodily in tune with his own sexual needs, should pay closer attention to, and that is nipple play and training.
Whether a woman wants to admit it to you or not, there is a direct correlation between the fondling of her nipples to the overall sexual arousal of her mind and her body elsewhere, so much so, in fact, that often, when twisted and pulled, possibly not in unison nor without any kind of prolonged emotional foreplay nor proper sexual mindset training, that kind of stimulation can be so intense that, more often than not, her instinct will be to rebuff her partner and his further advances to obtain a good fucking from her.
This kind of unprepared approach on the part of the man often fails even before it begins because this female stimulation is so sudden and the immediate arousal so severe that the woman can't compute it fast enough to behave properly for her man. She may not verbalize why she feels the need to reject such immediate advances as she herself may be unaware why this quite casual and natural approach from her partner feels initially like an assault rather than a loving embrace. And if, by chance, she is tired and/or stressed, the feeling to flee can be compounded and complete sexual rejection by her man will almost be certain.
And, of course, we all know where this goes...
The man is utterly deflated by this almost immediate and total rejection, regardless of the fact that he was right is guiding his woman to sexually capitulate. The woman, in turn, feels tremendous personal guilt for her need to flee, especially if her love for this man is real, and in the end, nobody is happy, everybody is upset and no one gets what they want or need.
I hate hearing about sexual rejection of any sort as it just should never happen between a loving and devoted man and woman.
Maybe this is why I feel that one of the main reasons why BDSM sex over vanilla sex is far more positive and productive is because there has to be a great deal of conversation, psychological as well as physical training and the overall desire on the part of the female sub to serve, please and obey her Dom at any cost, and most importantly, to see that service, pleasing and obedience to her man are NOT the Trinity of Pariahs.
Women, in my humble opinion, need to understand that men do indeed have the right instinct when it comes to knowing when sexual release is warranted and when it is not, as we women have long since been washed of that instinct with centuries long social conditioning that “good girls” shouldn't want or need sex, and to serve a man in this way is somehow demeaning and/or degrading when in fact such a belief can't be further from the truth.
It has been my experience that if a man/Dom takes the time to properly handle and train his woman to nipple respond, so much of what I have just said in terms of the negative response she will give her man, would just dissolve away.
Firstly, if worked often and regularly, the man can keep his woman in an almost constant state of low arousal. This is critical, as if she is kept in this manner, wherever and whenever the man has need of her, she WILL respond instantly to him, no umpteenth hour of foreplay required. I am not saying that romantic evenings aren't essential now and then to the overall health of the relationship, just that daily sexual needs can be easily achieved if the woman is taught to see that her immediate performance is not just natural but necessary.
A woman is like a car engine, men, you keep her well oiled and idling and she can go 0-60 in under 3 seconds when you need to take your foot off of the brake and go that orgasmic mile!
Secondly, if you sit down with her and have the courage to test out her nipples, to see what in her works best to get her to peek arousal and in total need of you, then she and you will recognize and instantly respond to that approach in all future contact, both aware that such fondling is necessary and welcome as to the end goal of mutual orgasm.
When men just grab wantonly at one nipple and yank on it without any regard for how this will effect the woman's body, he pretty much seals his fate in entering Rejectionville, population one – Him. He must experiment with her approval, test whether or not she requires both nipples to be simultaneously stimulated, whether she needs to be restrained, if even that's just you holding back her arms as you pull and twist, to make the act arousing for her and how the fondling is to be done that best achieves the cunt and ass throbbing and contractions the man should have as his end goal for himself.
I am still a huge believer in having a sub “locked down” throughout the day when the Dom has no need of her or is away from her for hours at a time. This is a psychological as well as physical benefit to him as it maintains her constant low arousal and reminds her of exactly what her purpose is under him on a minute-by-minute basis. As well, nipple clamping has the added benefit of what can be described as “discreet collaring”, that the sub can easily be collared by her Dom in and out of the public eye without fear of offending others.
For vanilla couples, I understand that this kind of “lock down” treatment might be foreign if not repulsive but the need to maintain a woman in a low arousal state can only be a benefit to the vanilla man as well. This can be achieved by the man paying more attention to how often and how long he manipulates his woman's nipples, having her see that such regular contact will relax her more to the experience, better own up to the overall body and mind arousal it creates in her and how such increased fondling will eliminate the guilt she will undoubtedly feel by that awful rejection response she was subject to before she was properly familiarized with her own body's needs.
Men, in my opinion, just do not realize the tremendous effect nipple play has on their women, physically and mentally. Once she is trained to realize that such a reaction is natural, necessary and wanted by her, then the man can parlay that realization into having her behave in such a way that if she does not get her daily nipple molestation, her overall desperation to cum will increase and his power over her to get her to do whatever he wants in return for her nipple play “treat” will increase as well.
Women can be trained over time to heel, suck, bend over and beg with just a few seconds of nipple fondling, the arousal can be made so great in her. And almost immediate squirting and/or cumming without penetration can be achieved as well.
Basically, if the man took time to understand the importance of nipple arousal in the woman, he would never be left wanting again, for anything. It is just that simple. But in order for that ultimate goal to be achieved, the man has to invest some time and effort into his woman to have her realize her own body's reaction, why such a reaction is necessary and desired and what she will achieve as her sexual “treats” if she obeys her man at every turn in this respect.
Nipple play, of course, can be achieved in a thousand different ways, from the basic fondling under her top, to restrained torment or lengthy clamping, to extreme needle and nailing sessions in BDSM. The level of treatment will be determined by the sexual level of the couple but the arousal in the woman and the satisfaction in the man will always be the same.
When next, men, you find you need her to kneel before you and suck you ferociously before you go out the door to work on a hectic Tuesday morning, think again how nipple play and training might just benefit you in the long run, keeping your cock constantly satiated and her in that constant state of arousal that will only benefit you and your life with her for years to come.
