AlyMelny's Blog
Why Guys scare Girls off the xHamster

I think this is one of those things that needs to be said.

Guys on this site, drive Girls off the site. I don't think that Guys do that on purpose, but they do it - not by individual action, but by what they do in mass.

Not even 2 hours after signing up, I was close to tossing it all out, I was stressed out by the Guys, even though hardly anyone had said or done anything bad. It was just the sheer quantity.

I appreciate the interest and getting all the attention and all, but it just got way to much.

While I had just signed up, and was still filling in the profile info, writing the about me, already there were over 30 friend requests, and even more messages (some guys writing already multiple messages because I wasn't writing back). I hadn't even gotten the hang of it all, and already I was flooded with requests.

Now, I'm not the type to ignore people, I was taught that it's good education to answer when someone talks to you. So I really tried my very best to do this, and answer all that wrote.

The thing is, I was getting still more messages, comments and requests. It started growing well above my head, and then finally - one good soul suggested, I should put some locks on my profile.

I didn't want to set any high limits or rules, I did not limit who could send me a friends request - I did however limit the messages to friends only. Already at the beginning I had chosen to have my profile viewable only to registered Hamsters.

This did help somewhat, and at least I could concentrate a bit on the messages I was getting. Still, it doesn't always work, I still have a lot of messages to go through when I return online. I have accepted a lot of friends requests (and if someone is nice and seems friendly - I do not turn down their request).

The situation is settling down a bit, now after a few days, but still at times can get stressful. The worst part of it is, often a Girl can't even enjoy the main reasons why she signed up to the site.

After all, the tag line is:
xHamster - just porn, no bullshit

Well, if someone doesn't want to wrong anyone, and tries to respond, in a timely manner to all. What suffers the most, is the time to view the porn. And we Girls love porn to!

In the past it might not have been proper for a Girl to admit this, and it was actually expected she not have anything to do with it. But we're in the year 2012 - and we do watch, and enjoy porn.

Most people who create a profile here, don't do it in the first minutes after they discover the site. xHamster offers really a lot to the non-registered Guest. Tons of beautiful material. The perks of signing up, are: being able to save your favorites, comment on them, upload your own material (if you wish to do so, or feel confident on what you share with the world - accepting the usual risks), and get to talk with like-minded people.

Talking with people is cool. Here I've met some really interesting people to have an exchange of thought with. - Sure OK there are also the occasional a**holes - But I have to say, the a**holes were far less than I would have expected. Yet still, I can't be spending the entire time I have to be on here with messaging other people, I want to view the porn too.

The thing is, Guys jump a Girl as soon as she appears. That's not cool. Maybe some Guys lurk around the page where it lists the new-female-members and start messaging her, requesting friendship, etc.

If one Guy does it, it's nothing bad, if 100 Guys do it all at once, it's to much, and some Girls just quit, and go back to being an anonymous visitor to the site. When you do this, just stop for a minute and think - how will it be for the person on the other side? You might be the nicest guy, the best at writing lovely messages and all. But what good is it, when it reaches a girl, who's totally stressed out by this bombardment?

Some might snap back, even when it's not warranted.
Some might take a long break - and not answer anyone.
Some might close the account for good.

It takes a lot of convincing oneselves that the situation will get better as time passes, and one's profile is older.

I was really really close to closing it all, but I said, I didn't want to go running off, in utter terror, screaming and pulling my hair out, and be defeated by the constant bombardment. I didn't want to "give up" after only a few hours, as I had enjoyed the site's videos and pics for quite some time already. I just hoped it would get better, and slowly slowly, it seems that it is.

But Guys, not every Girl is going to keep up her strength to stick around, and you scare many to leave and never come back.
Posted by AlyMelny 2 years ago
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2 months ago
So true, hope the vent made You feel better. i am getting more and more people who send me a message, then 5 minutes later if i haven't seen their message or responded they are hitting me back with "HELLO?" or "Answer me bitch" or "Y U ignorin' me?" or something similar. While annoying, it is an effective way of weeding out the ones i don't want to know!
5 months ago
so sadly true... I am real bored with sorting out invitation requests, whenever I clean a bunch, 50 more are coming in just a few days, this is just unreasonable and very very time consuming, additionally a lot of those requests are coming from guys with zero content at all, what should I get the hot from? their empty profile? really?
6 months ago
I'm an intense person with a wide-range of interests... very open-minded and intelligent according to other people and I have a lot of trouble making/keeping genuine friendships on here... I'm not surprised the women are leaving if they're being spammed with crude, unwanted sexual advances by crude, blunt and unintelligent men with nothing but cock pictures for avatars and no content of their own. =/
7 months ago
well said
8 months ago
Really well written and seems to be oh so true.. very good!!
8 months ago
Yeah you would think that most women would the attention but at some point it does get crazy for you women that's why I just log on to enjoy the porn I don't even try chatting are hooking up cause I can imagine you ladies must get your inbox filled on a daily basis.
8 months ago
Well written and very much on target.
I cannot agree anymore.
A vast majority of men behave as they do because it is the nature of the beast.
9 months ago
Not saying I've been on a lotta porn sites, but the few I've frequented in the past have mainly been the same. Women, and it was this way on the sites I was on, have the advantage ... may not be the right term, of being very, very selective. I agree with your blog and can't imagine what women confront on a day-to-day interaction with a site, and yes, there are some very aggressive guys out there, rude ones, creepy ones ... and the list goes on. Let me tell you a "flip side" of the coin, those that are respectful, polite in that they say "hi" followed with a comment on the person's site about their content, their efforts, or a funny or interesting narrative about themselves only to receive in return the sounds of crickets chirping in the night. Then you come across some profiles that have these prerequisites such as "if your a man, don't even try", or "I don't have any use for a man" ... okay I get the point, but damn that makes me feel really good about my gender ... nothing like a good solid verbal kick to the balls, thanks for that. Then you have the ones that say no cock pic avatars and when you look at her friends list lo and behold, the exact opposite, but wait, it's those with 2 foot long cocks ... I see, so no cock pic avatars unless your hung like a donkey ... okay got it. I've been on this site for a period of time, not an "old hand" by any means, but you can see the number of posts on my site and see the number of posts I've made. I've been on some profiles, especially women who have just joined and there are like "up-teen" comments welcoming them to the site ... me? ... I got nuthin'. So, yes it's overwhelming at times for you gals out there and I understand the frustration of just wanting to "do your thing" with out all the "hits". And while all this attention is no doubt an issue, keep in mind those of us out there that are friendly and respectful and usually end up getting lumped into the general population of "those guys" that women have issues with.
11 months ago
Cray cray, I wrote a message on one your gallery's only to impress a love in your attractiveness.. Please forgive any weirdness on behalf of the men in the xhamster community and please stick around to enjoy porn the way we should all do safely.. Please have a pleasant stay using xhamster and feel comfortable reading the compliments.. Btw I always check out women on the site to see what sought of videos they're into, don't take it weirdly but I love a woman who is comfortable watching porn and loves to show it and I like to get tips about what women actually love to watch to be honest.. Please feel free to add in favourite videos as there are other men on here that might come off creepy like me but are actually really enthusiastic seeing the opposite sex expressing their sexuality..
1 year ago
very well said :D
1 year ago
To say what we all have felt..thanks!
1 year ago
All you have to do is look at the comments on the page. Two girls of which one retired. The rest including myself all men.
1 year ago
Crazy but so true
1 year ago
lel.. as a guy having a girl on my avatar and guys being unable to read my description text i also receive plenty of cool messages. and the more i say no, the funnier it gets.. after the logic "if she says she is no girl, she must be one!" and all this beavis & butthead style hook up lines... jesus fucking christ.

and then.. you ask them "so what would you do with me?" it's straight fucking, his pleasure and the thought of what his partner might enjoy is irrelevant. kinda at least, sucking someones clit doesnt mean to get her off ;) there is some technic involved in that xD and then.. because i get bored of talking about sex (talking about sex is so fucking useless somehow...) i ask them "so.. wouldnt you prefer to get me to a nice dinner? maybe walking in the park? give me some flowers?" then it results in almost 90% in a block because they feel butthurt a woman would want more than being a cumdumpster.

geez.. people are so disgusting >_
1 year ago
wow that sucks it is hard to believe anyone talks on this site :(
1 year ago
o this is why there are so many fake profiles then??? Guys want to see what it's like to be a female and be over they build these bogus profiles just so they'll get messages and friend requests!!! Cause in actuality....there's like 10 real females on here that are not token whores!!!
Great site tho...this is Porn Heaven...if one can say those 2 words in the same sentence!!!
1 year ago
Very sad, it is depressing that there is such a lack of real women on this site for genuine guys to talk to about not just sex, but life in general for the very reasons you mention.....:(
1 year ago
Sometimes I'm glad I'm not a woman for that reason lol. Too many people for me to try to keep track of lol
1 year ago
ive seen this so many times here ... its sadly true
bad apples ruin it for the rest.
1 year ago
Well guys get frustrated too. Most of the 'women' on here are likely to be men posing as women, women scamming or something more sinister. I have found paging women to be very hit and miss: mostly miss. The site is a complete waste of time if you come here to chat.
1 year ago
well said!!! i dont request that often i wait for an invite sent to me which works better. if a woman wants to friend me she can invite me to join her and i gladly will . i dont want to scare any woman off this amazing site. enjoy the porn!!!
1 year ago
This is exactly what happened to me few days ago when i decided to make an account after few years of browsing the site, i got frustrated and decided to retire before i even started.. now i'm giving it a second chance and hope it lasts..
1 year ago
very well written but I am reminded of a comment posted on one of my blogs "those that read this ,probably don't need to, those that need to read this , won't" sadly that is the way it is.
Stay strong young lady and enjoy the site for what you came for in the first place.
you have my utmost sympathy.
1 year ago
It pretty much kills me this is the reason this website is such a giant sausage fest. Are my gender peers really all that desperate?
1 year ago
Very true & eloquently put.
1 year ago
I dont read many blogs but this is on my page now. Truth from beginning to end.
1 year ago
here here so true
1 year ago
Well said. I'm glad i accepted a friend request to such an intelligent and intrresting person. Not to mention beautifully kinky. Thanks for spelling it out for those who don't get it.
1 year ago
yeah but not all guys just want to fuck women and meet them, some jsut want to have a chat really meet people who are into porn just as much as you
1 year ago
I`ve been ignored by women so many times here,I switched to guys.