I think this is one of those things that needs to be said.
Guys on this site, drive Girls off the site. I don't think that Guys do that on purpose, but they do it - not by individual action, but by what they do in mass.
Not even 2 hours after signing up, I was close to tossing it all out, I was stressed out by the Guys, even though hardly anyone had said or done anything bad. It was just the sheer quantity.
I appreciate the interest and getting all the attention and all, but it just got way to much.
While I had just signed up, and was still filling in the profile info, writing the about me, already there were over 30 friend requests, and even more messages (some guys writing already multiple messages because I wasn't writing back). I hadn't even gotten the hang of it all, and already I was flooded with requests.
Now, I'm not the type to ignore people, I was taught that it's good education to answer when someone talks to you. So I really tried my very best to do this, and answer all that wrote.
The thing is, I was getting still more messages, comments and requests. It started growing well above my head, and then finally - one good soul suggested, I should put some locks on my profile.
I didn't want to set any high limits or rules, I did not limit who could send me a friends request - I did however limit the messages to friends only. Already at the beginning I had chosen to have my profile viewable only to registered Hamsters.
This did help somewhat, and at least I could concentrate a bit on the messages I was getting. Still, it doesn't always work, I still have a lot of messages to go through when I return online. I have accepted a lot of friends requests (and if someone is nice and seems friendly - I do not turn down their request).
The situation is settling down a bit, now after a few days, but still at times can get stressful. The worst part of it is, often a Girl can't even enjoy the main reasons why she signed up to the site.
After all, the tag line is:
xHamster - just porn, no bullshit
Well, if someone doesn't want to wrong anyone, and tries to respond, in a timely manner to all. What suffers the most, is the time to view the porn. And we Girls love porn to!
In the past it might not have been proper for a Girl to admit this, and it was actually expected she not have anything to do with it. But we're in the year 2012 - and we do watch, and enjoy porn.
Most people who create a profile here, don't do it in the first minutes after they discover the site. xHamster offers really a lot to the non-registered Guest. Tons of beautiful material. The perks of signing up, are: being able to save your favorites, comment on them, upload your own material (if you wish to do so, or feel confident on what you share with the world - accepting the usual risks), and get to talk with like-minded people.
Talking with people is cool. Here I've met some really interesting people to have an exchange of thought with. - Sure OK there are also the occasional a**holes - But I have to say, the a**holes were far less than I would have expected. Yet still, I can't be spending the entire time I have to be on here with messaging other people, I want to view the porn too.
The thing is, Guys jump a Girl as soon as she appears. That's not cool. Maybe some Guys lurk around the page where it lists the new-female-members and start messaging her, requesting friendship, etc.
If one Guy does it, it's nothing bad, if 100 Guys do it all at once, it's to much, and some Girls just quit, and go back to being an anonymous visitor to the site. When you do this, just stop for a minute and think - how will it be for the person on the other side? You might be the nicest guy, the best at writing lovely messages and all. But what good is it, when it reaches a girl, who's totally stressed out by this bombardment?
Some might snap back, even when it's not warranted.
Some might take a long break - and not answer anyone.
Some might close the account for good.
It takes a lot of convincing oneselves that the situation will get better as time passes, and one's profile is older.
I was really really close to closing it all, but I said, I didn't want to go running off, in utter terror, screaming and pulling my hair out, and be defeated by the constant bombardment. I didn't want to "give up" after only a few hours, as I had enjoyed the site's videos and pics for quite some time already. I just hoped it would get better, and slowly slowly, it seems that it is.
But Guys, not every Girl is going to keep up her strength to stick around, and you scare many to leave and never come back.