Damn, you follow me everywhere I go. Not really complaining! I was in a Laundromat minding my own business, sorting clothes. When I looked up, there you were. I was shocked. You just smiled and helped me sort the clothes. Everyone else had left. The attendant, a cute young Asian lady, put on her coat and left for a moment. We started the washers, two double loaders and one regular washer. Still, we never spoke. You were wearing a cute little casual skirt. You smiled with that evil grin that always gets me. You backed up to the regular washer, hopped up on it and said, “wanna go for... Continue»
A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.
Since delivery of my machine, I’ve tried every one of the suggested positions on each program setting and have begun to invent alternative positions for my unique personal toning. My favorite new session begins with placing small foam kneeling pads on the floor at each side of the top left corner of my machine. I kneel down on them, spread my legs widely and then move ahead so that my inner thighs are tightly hugging the corner of my machine. Then I reach ahead, turn on my machine then pluck my remote from its little pocket. I lean my upper body diagonally across to the opposite corner, resting my elbows down on the floor. From that position I can program the remote control to either a specific setting combination or one of those 3 glorious oscillating 10 minute programs.
However do I find the machine somewhat lacking for my unique personal needs and think there should be an accessory package for women. I found that by simply placing a tennis ball strategically on that sweet corner spot of the vibrating platform, I received even better results since the ball transmits the vibrations effectively up against my clitoris. With my pubis planted firmly onto that sharply rounded top left corner of the vibration plate and bare breasts dangling my nipples onto the little raised bumps of the more gently rounded opposite corner, my tender bits are pummeled so exquisitely that I frequently orgasm during the 48/18 pulse of program 1!
I’ve tried other objects and found that my dildo (the one with a set of testes on the base) is most superlative. I lube the shaft well then insert it in myself with the testicles facing outward. Program 2 switches from intense vibrations to intense rocking back and forth every 5 seconds. After one or two cycles the dildo works fully into my vagina, allowing the gonads to delightfully bump up against my clitoris. The short bursts of five seconds of rapid thrusting, followed by five seconds of intense clit buzzing don’t allow me to orgasm over the duration of the program, making it perfect for my marathon self abuse sessions.
Since the severity of the rocking motion is greatest on the outer edges of the plate so I have experimented further with the machine. Out of curiosity I looked around for a suitable vibration transferal tool. My search ended with my son’s old aluminum 26” Featherweight Louisville Slugger Big Barrel Tee ball bat, which I cleaned and polished up it up to a glorious shine. I straddle my machine with my feet placed on the floor at the top and bottom of my machine. I place the bat, barrel end down on the outer edge of my Turbovibe’s vibration plate, plant the opposite end of the bat up against my crotch and program my remote to program one. Oh it feels ever so delightful! It shakes and vibrates my pussy so gloriously that I just about cry when the 10 minute program ends. This without a doubt, is the best vaginal workout I’ve experienced, ever.
However, I must point out that it is absolutely imperative to wear pants of some description when vibrating the tip of the bat against women’s genitals. For example, having a “quicky” up under one’s dress could result in an embarrassing situation. In my case, the jackhammer vibrations on program 1 felt so good on my pussy. I moved the bat around to various spots but the vibrations were much too strong for my clit so I moved it backwards a little. The vibrations transferred comfortably through my labia up to my clit, while absolutely pummeling my pussy. I wished I had a mirror down on the floor so I could watch my genitals gyrating. I thought I’d try that another time then bent my knees slightly to intensify the glorious sensation.
Sensing pressure to get my orgasm over with, I bent my knees slightly to intensify my joyous trance. I was absolutely delirious from my pussy workout, when I heard my husbands’ footsteps clomping down the stairs. I spooked, cowered and suddenly felt the bat end punch past my panties up into my pussy as he opened the door! At that point, the bat started bouncing and clattering around noisily and I froze, gasping in terror. He walked in, catching me in what was undoubtedly, my most embarrassing situation ever!
My husband crouched down, shut off the Turbovibe then lifted up my skirt to see why a baseball bat was between my legs. Then I had to listen to his scolding of, “For fuck’s sake Laura, I just knew you’d figure out how to use this thing to masturbate with. I saw that look in your eyes, when you were sitting on this contraption there at the Zoomer Show.” Embarrassment with my situation caused my strong vaginal muscles to tighten even more securely and thwarted his attempt to remove the bat from my pussy. My truly patient husband carefully examined my predicament from all angles.
Luckily, my husband is very patient with my perversions. For example, during my morning wakeup exercises in bed, I discovered that while doing my morning “knee kiss” exercises, that if I over-flexed my knees I could whack my pussy with my heels. He watched carefully, obviously thinking deeply about my newfound talent and said, “Now that’s kicking ass!” The following morning when I was finishing my stretching, he reached down to the floor and brought up one of my old leather sandals. He had duct taped one of my dildos under the sole so it protruded out backwards from the heel. He fastened the sandal’s strap on my foot, smeared KY jelly all over the dildo then uttered the old Red Green Show catch phrase, “If you can’t call me handsome, you can at least call me handy!” Sure enough, when I started flexing my knee and with a little guidance from my hands pulling down slightly on my ankle, I could do an excellent job at fucking myself with very little effort!
Anyway, back to my bat situation. First, he repositioned those kneeling pads beside my feet. My adoring lover unzipped my dress, pulled it off over my head and then pulled a chair over for me to hang onto. He pulled my panties down around my ankles then carefully removed them one foot at a time, while simultaneously shoving those thick spongy kneeling pads under my feet, to raise me up a little higher.
He retrieved some KY jelly from the bedroom drawer and smeared ample amounts of lubricant generously all over the bat’s handle and my affected tissue areas. He flicked the power switch back on, picked up my dropped remote control down on the floor and started my Turbovibe back up again to closely observe what was actually happening to my pussy.
After a few moments of watching pussy juice stream down the bat, he nagged, “I thought you’d be all calmed down by now after menopause but since you’ve been taking those hormone supplements you’re getting even more insatiable!” He massaged my vulva and clitoris while twirling and pumping the bat up and down. Then he most observantly followed with, “Are you sure you’re not taking testosterone cause right now your clit is getting so big it’s beginning to look like a small dick.” As I giggled briefly at his absurd statement, my slurping pussy relaxed drastically at his silly humor and he deftly popped the bat out!
However, a strange look came to his face and he pulled his penis out through his fly. He told me to bend my belly over that chair’s back and hang onto the chair seat. He then slipped around behind me and I felt his penis slide up into my loose, really juicy pussy. He flipped the bat, barrel end up and held it in place so the tip of the bat jiggled against the underside of his penis as well as my clitoris and after a few moments of absolute screaming, grunting bliss we both experienced the ultimate tandem Turbovibe climax!!!
So Ladies, if this vibration platform is used to its full potential, it will certainly increase your muscle tone and be just as effective at pleasing your nether regions as the legendary Sybian machine. Standing on the Turbovibe, using the basic positions is much like experiencing an Asian earthquake. However, the addition of my simple accessories will definitely “Make the Earth move” for you too!
To determine if my applications are right for you, find a local machine sales outlet on the Internet, attend a product show where they are displayed or visit one of the vibration platform salons cropping up here and there. Wear loose fitting slacks or a dress. In their washroom, slip the tennis ball you brought along inside the crotch of your full fitting stretchy spandex panties because a hot gooey tennis ball smelling of pussy, picked up by an attendant as it rolled across the floor, could be very hard to explain.
***Unintended usage of these machines for masturbation purposes may result in serious but non life-threatening occurrences. If addicting lack of focus, dependency or depravity, unusual menstrual periods, genital skin rashes from using fuzzy tennis rather than hard rubber balls, hair growth on palms, weight loss, uncontrollable libido, dark chocolate cravings, increased pulse rate and skin flushing become problematic, a discussion with your health care professional is strongly advised. Additional guidance may be found in the Xhamster archives within my Dear Dirty Diary series.