Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 79

She Got to be a Cake

"I'd love to french kiss you," she said.

"Oh?" he teased.

She replied insistingly, " I'm going to French kiss you, put my lips on yours, part my lips, then push my tongue through my lips and into your mouth, swish it around in a little mating dance to attract the attention of your tongue, and then do the most French of all kisses."

"I can do the Belgian kiss, which is similar because they speak French there, and at the end we spit out a waffle. Also, it might take a little more to seduce my tongue then you might think. You know, I served as a Lieutenant in the Merchant Marines, and... Continue»
Posted by palbatross 1 year ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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a night away

I was on secondment to a local authority for 12 months and the team I was working with had a conference someone had to attend providing a promotion stand. For various reasons none of the permanent staff were able to attend as it meant an overnight stay, so Sarah my boss and I were the delegates.

We arrived at the hotel late afternoon, went to our rooms to clean up and agreed to meet in the bar for a pre-dinner drink.

Showered & changed, at about 5, I wandered down, Sarah arrived only a couple of minutes later.
“I feel better for getting the days grime off” she declared, as she sat down.... Continue»
Posted by qudduse 7 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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The Party

I did not write this, just enjoy.



"Oh come on Phyllis, it'll be fun," Brenda pleaded, "you're always saying how you never get a chance to meet anyone and I can guarantee you that the place will be loaded with a lot of guys!!!" Phyllis looked doubtfully at her room mate and replied, "I don't know, Freddy has some pretty weird friends, do you really think we should!?!" "Of course we should, silly," Brenda replied excitedly, "and what you consider weird, I consider "different"!!!" "Well," Phyllis replied, "if you really think so............." "Good, it's settle then," Brenda said happily, ... Continue»
Posted by snake_500011 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Unplanned Ultimate Sex With Swati



This story is about Swati (name changed for obvious reasons) and me. It all started when I was in std 12(2005). It was winter time and all schools were closed for Christmas. After scoring high grades in 10th, I moved to the capital city and was staying in a PG. My father’s ex colleague and his wife were my LG and were the only people I knew in the city. It was f****y of 4 : Husband, wife, daughter Swati(23 yrs) and son sanju (20). Lemme tell you about Sonam. She
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Asian Cum Slut

The night I met Mei in a London club, she was dressed the way you see in
Japanese anime. I told her, and she got all offended since she was Chinese,
and anyway she could not understand what I meant, or so she claimed.

She had on high heeled boots, knee high socks the kind you'll see matched
with schoolgirl uniforms, a chequered plaid skirt that barely covered her
ass, and a white shirt that could barely contain her immense 38E bust.
She looked obscene - breasts that size on a chink, especially one not more
than 5'1 or 5'2 that couldn't be a day over 18 just accentuated the
anime-girl... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Woman's Story: First Fingering

When I had my first fingering, I was fresh out of high school and had just met the man who became my husband. He was a few years older than me but still a virgin and I was his first girlfriend. I too was a virgin. It was two weeks after we started dating that he wanted to fuck me. I wanted to fuck him too. He came by one night and we were out in the front of my parents’ house. We started kissing and he started to feel me up. He slipped his hand underneath my shirt and starting playing with my swollen nipples. Gosh, that felt good. He lowered himself down and starting sucking on them. Then h... Continue»
Posted by Sexyvixen36 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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TELL MOTHER ...!


A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each
one to write back about their married life.

To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly
discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to
using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how
their love lives are going.

The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives
with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE".

Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House
advertisement, and it says:"Satisfaction to the last drop..... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Queen’s Breasts

Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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She Fucked him Good

Eddie McCaethy was a basically a motivator, he had great dental work, sleeked black hair and he wore a tailored suit to perfection. In his seminars, which were billed under the title “The McCaethy Method,” he told people what they already knew and for this they paid three thousand dollars a seat to hear it.

Very few people actually carried out his recommendations because – having been aware of their shortcomings before they entered the hall it was unlikely they would make changes in their life just because someone else pointed it out. Not wanting to work hard and work smart in order to be s... Continue»
Posted by Belle_Sunshine 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Planning my Punishment - A Conversation with my Ma

I was talking with my Dom, earlier today and we were reminiscing about the indiscretions I had while I was married. Its not like it didn't happen once or twice, it occurred multiple times and in different ways with each time getting more brazen. He couldn't believe that my husband did not have the balls to punish a relentless little slut like me and put me in my place. Especially since he wanted to remain married to me. Yet he never set me on a path where I would forget cheating, cybersex, phone sex, webcamming or have any sexual contact with another man (or woman) without his explicit consent... Continue»
Posted by Kinkster-Gal 5 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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--

This is the story of my first sexual experience with another female. I was 27 married for six years. We had a great sex life at first. We had sex several times a week. As time went by our sex life diminished in quality and quantity. My husband Dave began spending more time with the guys than me. He went out with the guys and I got to stay home with our daughter Arielle.

One Friday night when Dave was out playing cards with the guys, I put Arielle to sl**p and went online. Out of a combination of being bored, horny and curious I went into a chat room labeled F4F. When word got out in the roo... Continue»
Posted by rime923091 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Friends: Learning to Count to Seven

Chandler had been telling Monica and Rachel about the sex with Kathy the night before. It was alright, but Chandler wanted to really make her scream in pleasure. So Monica had drawn out a diagram showing the seven basic erogenous zones of a woman's body.

"Okay, now, most guys will hit one, two, and three and then go to seven and set up camp, " Monica began.

"And that's bad?" Chandler questioned.

"Well," Rachel replied, "if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn."

Chandler countered, "Well you might if it were anything like 'seven'."

Monica got him ... Continue»
Posted by dudeman_85 1 year ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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THE WALKING FUCKERS, Complete Story

THE WALKING FUCKERS


It was supposed to be a weak RNA strand that
disabled the enemy then withered.
The vector virus had other ideas.
It found a single, mutated Ecoli bacterium
and mated with it.
Military “Intelligence” had finally fucked us all.


“M0m will be furious with me,” I thought, lying in bed,
trying to figure how I'd refuse the “corrective” surgery
and not get kicked out of the house.
The alarm clock beeped.

“I'm 18, why NOW?? I grew up this way! NO, mom, NO!”

Fifty rehearsals in my head.
I waited.
Nothing.

Then voices in the street.
I looked out the w
... Continue»
Posted by yutubeslut 2 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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Skype horny chat CuteLea & Bleuchanel69 sex ta

That's a hot chat I just had one hour ago with a fantastic english teen. As a lot of men ask me how I find girls, maybe they can find some tips there. I put a screen-shot at the end of the text. Comment if you like, I can post other hot talks I had and I will have ^^

I only modified CuteLéa by Lea and bleuchanel69 by Me - should be easier to read -, and hidded the town where she lives. It may be sometimes a little boring, but it is the real chat we had. Comment also if you don't like ;)



[17:33:19] Lea: hey sorry i havent spoken to you in ages :( i lost my laptop charger so i h... Continue»
Posted by bleuchanel69_skypeme 1 year ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Sexy Studying Sessions!

Honor looked at me from across the bed and caught my eyes staring at her fiery red hair.

"Are you ok Tommy," She asked, "I really need you to help me with these Maths problems and then we can concentrate on Physics"

We were both 16 and in Year 11 at our school. We had been good friends for ages and as our exams were fast approaching she had asked me to help her with her Maths, and in return i asked her to help me with my Physics. I had fancied her like mad for years but had never had the courage to ask her out.

"Yeah, i'm fine, just distracted a little." I replied, never taking my eye... Continue»
Posted by tomtheaussie 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Teens 2

Story 2

Crazy hippie junky love, that was all about the relationship between Marry and Alex. They would take every toilet in every bar, every party we went, and every scene with them ended up with them fucking like crazy. Unfortunately she was really a junky in those days so, of course she was slowly changing him too.
One day I was in the kitchen, drinking some beer, when they came to me laughing. Marry sat down, took some beer and light a cigarette. She was dressed in one of those colorful dresses, and a leather jacket that I guess it was her guys’. She looked damn hot. “You know what ... Continue»
Posted by HerbaAlice 1 year ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Surprise in Boston ,Chapter 2 The Christmas Gift

Chapter 2 The Christmas gift


This Christmas was on a Friday and since I had vacation time coming and an invitation to visit f****y on the holidays I took the week off before Christmas. On Sunday December 20th the whole f****y went up to a Holiday party at my b*****rs house. He had one every year with f****y and friends. Since it was so warm this year the party spilled onto the porch outside and the menu was more summer than winter. My Niece Heather AKA April was there and made sure to give me a big hug and kiss when I arrived. She introduced me to her friend Sarah, a petit blonde blue-eye... Continue»
Posted by luvstolickpussy 13 days ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Chapter V Lesbian Love & sodomy

Great Lesbian Love and sodomy
Chapter V --- ---

Other stories to read: http://bisoumidomi.unblog.fr



After this meeting with Michelle and Mark, we often spent evenings together. Sometimes I came alone or with the elected if it accepted the moment. Throughout this period I confess I papillonnais a girl to another. Finally, rather than admit I had in reserve several lovers, and that depending on the mood I was choosing one or the other. Each may not know the existence of others .. Not necessarily, with some it does not pose a problem while others are more exclusive I had to juggle... Continue»
Posted by CinquantNERF 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Quality Not Quan-titty

(A short poem written in praise of my lovers' boobies, all of them regardless of size - and I include my own rather large ones in that category because nobody loves mine more than I do, with the possible exception of my lovely husband! Don't be fooled by the fact that it appears to be written from the male perspective - disregard gender as well as size. It's all about the love of boobies in general, but through my eyes and my lusts!)




My lover's tits are so tiny,

It's so plain for all to see,

Though my lover's tits are so tiny,

She sure loves them - just like me!

... Continue»
Posted by optanda 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Han Valen Production office stow aways

Another show, another rigging call. The glamorous life of a big rock show usually begins at 6 AM in the morning putting the rigging in place that holds those massive sound and lighting systems in the air.

This day was starting out like any other. I got to the Arena around 5:15 AM so I could let in the caterers and stagehands. I got the guard to open to door and he went back on his cart to his office. I grabbed my briefcase and headed to the production office. When I got there I opened the door and there was a young girl sitting the desk. She kind of startled me. I asked if I could h... Continue»
Posted by kdrummer 3 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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