Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 79

Oil be damned

After the longest week I could remember, I came home to drown my sorrows with a long, hot shower. I stripped down and stepped in, feeling my cares begin to melt away under the hot droplets cascading down my body.

As I slowly soaped out the aches and pains from my tired muscles I suddenly decided to see if I could get in a session with my massage ther****t. This would just be what the ther****t ordered, so to speak, after such a long week.

I tried to call but there was no response. Damn. A sure sign they are either overbooked or busy. With the idea already set in my mind I quickly towel... Continue»
Posted by Keepitclandestine 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Strip the night away PART 1

Men go to strip clubs to see tits and ass. Nothing else. Yeah occasionally a beer wont hurt. But Melvin Thomas goes for the happy hour whereby he gets nachos and a bowl of pretzels at no charge to go along with his 7up. Melvin married early when he was 18, right after highschool. Now at 38 years, his marriage had become as interesting as a senior citzen golf tournament. Thats why he went regularily to strip clubs to see two things he never saw back home; beautiful women and food. Today he enter the club wih pair of jean shorts that had month old mustard stains on them and an old blue faded po... Continue»
Posted by burrito_boy 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Crack Addict prt. 4

You wanna do what ?!!

I want you to lay down on your stomach. I'm gonna rub this vial of baby oil on your ass cheeks and then I'm going to rub my dick in the crack of your ass until I cum. Preferably, I'd like to rub said cum all over your ass cheeks with my dick.

Man, you crazy ... Crazy as fuck.

But I got money.


I pulled a loose wad of cash from my pocket and gestured towards the prostitute. She giggled like an old hag and reached for the money.

you sure that's all you wanna do right ? I mean you aint gonna slip inot the booty hole or nothin and cla... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Mandy's Milk

ADULT. Not for selling.

By Jay Jay


1: Accidental Introduction

Mandy could not believe she was falling victim to her own devices. Had she never pushed her father into the 21st century, she would not be in the predicament she is today. Mandy was born and raised on the f****y farm. She had left to go to college and had returned after gaining dual degrees in Computer Technology and Financial Accounting. But in the five years since she had left the fourth generation dairy farm; it had become apparent that the farm was in severe jeopardy. As she worked on her acc... Continue»
Posted by Enteme 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Damaged scrotum story

A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.

A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.

The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
Posted by sjroche1509 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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I should have done it.

When I was uni-student. One day I was going to a book store by motorcycle.
I was aware a woman walking this way. Passing beyond, we turned our eyes each other.
I murmured "she is tight!" in my heart. When I was reading a book in a sotre, someone
stood by me and pushed stucked book down to my side ..
I faced that person. She was there! She didn't look at me but seemed to expect something.
After a while she moved to exit and stopped to face me for a moment.
I was too square to chase her. I should have done it.... Continue»
Posted by tatsu403 6 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The name's James Hard-on. Part I

In case you are wondering, this is a James Bond gay spoof.

Riding in a personal e****t vehicle and in the back, I felt nice and cozy in my suit and white tie. I looked down as I sat in the large seat and could feel a nice poking in my black trousers. A nice tent rising up to meet me as I got comfy in my dress slacks. Damn it felt so good to be horny!

The portable screen in front of me shut on and a white haired woman named B appeared. I almost closed my legs at the surprise. I was never used to that woman showing up unexpectedly.

"James Hard-on."
"That's my name."
"Enough of your je... Continue»
Posted by damlovmature 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
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How To Have Sex With a Friend

Seriously, who hasn’t met a friend who’s sexy and all that?

And how many of us haven’t wondered how to have sex with a friend?

It feels so good to be bad. It feels even better to cross that boundary and play dirty, doesn’t it?

Life in the fast lane couldn’t get any faster in these days of fast love and raging hormones. It’s hard to get over the blues of being single especially when everyone around is either madly in love, or physically in love.

If lovers can do it, why not friends? After all, friends do share everything lovers share, other than physical intimacy.

Sex with a frie... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Late Night Eggroll Delivery

I'm feeling pretty good today. An old friend of mine stopped by last night and we slept together. Susan is a gorgeous 38 year old redhead with a luscious body and a pair of really big breasts. When she gets excited, which is pretty much all the time, her nipples swell hugely. I swear that they become an inch long and they're very thick too. I just love to suck on them. Her clitoris swells hugely too and it is heaven to suck it into your mouth.

Susan and I didn't get to bed (sl**p) until pretty early this morning because we were in this 69 for two or three hours last night. I... Continue»
Posted by sparky1721 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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The XXX Olympiad

The XXX Olympiad

"And welcome to Day Two of the round-up show of the Olympiad here in
London," a smart suited gentleman said to the camera in a clear voice with
a cheesy smirk. "And what a programme we have lined up for you today. It's
been thrills, excitement and plenty of action."

His co-host, a beautiful young lady with bouncing brunette hair and an
infectious smile nodded. "There's some great events coming up," she agreed
and the host leant back on the red sofa.

"First a look at the medal table." A screen popped up next to the autocue
and he turned to his co-host. "So Br... Continue»
Posted by johndstories 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Memoirs of a Woman of the Wind


I opened my weak weary eyes, the glare from the bright sunshine obscured my vision,
as strange faces looked down upon me.

I could hear the sound of rolling waves from the sea, and my clothes felt heavy and wet.
My blonde hair was all matted from the salty water.
I had been lying u*********s on a sandy beach.

The handsome faces staring down at me were brown with a slight reddish tint to them.
I'd never seen faces like these before.
There was a mix of men and women, and some young boys and girls amongst the small crowd too.
They each had long strait thick black hair,
Both genders ... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissFart 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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What women think while having sex

Some women have now revealed what really scores with them between the sheets.

Single comedian Shazia Mirza, 34, said that some of her friends revealed that during sex they are mentally writing a to-do list, remembering clothes they have to wash, what they've got to buy at Tesco's or those shoes they love in Selfridges.

And some women even think of men they secretly fantasise of.

"A friend of mine, who really loves her husband, told me that during sex she can't help thinking about all the men she secretly really desires, like Jeremy Beadle and Jeremy Paxman," the Sun quoted her as s... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Theatrical....18

Theatrical…..18
So back to this evening, we drove off to the hotel, Julia and I marched through reception again, while my friend booked us in and got the key, same room, as we went to the room a door opened in front of us and the black waiter came out carrying his tunic, he smiled and walked past us back to the reception, “is that?” Julia asked, “yes, he seems popular all of a sudden” I said smiling at her, we got to the room and I threw myself onto the couch, kicking off my shoes as I chuckled at the recollection of what had happened,
Gerald came into the lounge from the bathroom where he ... Continue»
Posted by the_priest 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Christmas Holly

It was early Christmas morning; actually it was 1:30am, when Holly awoke and heard and rustle, she couldn`t place where it was coming from. Suddenly she spotted a figure emerge from around the bedroom door. She knew it wasn’t Luke as he had his firm cock nestled along the crack of her bum cheeks; Holly could tell Luke was dreaming of one of the video`s they had watched on xhamster last night.

Suddenly the figure approached the edge of the bed and you Holly saw that it was Flasher974 Santa; he was dressed in a full Father Christmas outfit with hat, beard, coat and red trousers and black sh... Continue»
Posted by flasher974 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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The New Sexual Awakening: Part 2

Trevor opened his eyes as the first rays of the Morning sun streamed through the open blinds.

"Did that really happen?" he asked himself. A quick glance at the bed next to him revealed Brad's lady friend Mandy, nude lying facedown in the bed. Trevor placed his hand on the small of her back and as he felt the warmth of her soft skin the events of the previous night came flooding back.

He noted that she couldn't have been less interested in him, and that it wasn't until he removed his glasses and looked at her with his naked eyes that she became sexually aroused. Perhaps the Crystallized... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 3 years ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Taking Care of My Grannies Part III


Well, I have told you about two of my four Grannies, so it’s time to reminisce about Granny number three, Joan, a well built, sassy redhead from Chicago. She was somewhat stocky but made up for it with the nicest set of large boobs I have ever seen on a granny. They still had plenty of lift and always wore low cut tops; her cleavage poured out of her bra. Now being a big city girl she knew the score when it came to a guy like me. She knew I was fucking other women. I would call her looking for a date and she would ask “who did you fuck last night” I jokingly responded “it doesn’t matter, who... Continue»
Posted by captjim51 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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The Day We Caught the Train - Part 2

Newcastle
Morpeth
Alnmouth
Berwick-upon-Tweed
Dunbar
Edinburgh Waverley

The taxi pulled up in front of Kate's house and we stepped out into the shadow of the house. The air was a little chilly and Kate had picked up a light jacket from the hooks by the front door and carried to the taxi. She commented on how cold the air was but once she'd stepped in to the sunshine she warmed up immediately. I was walking a few steps behind watching her very well proportioned arse, hips and legs sashay casually to the car....and enjoyed it very much. It's nice to observe from a distance what you ... Continue»
Posted by Evile_DNA 11 months ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The dating game - Part 1: The inner game

Hey, y'all, what's up?... :)
I promised y'all something, and a promise is a promise, so...welcome to the first (and most important) part of my "program" of the dating game, meaning how you can date and have as many women as you want, as well as any woman you want. Also, a deal is a deal so, although I'll share to you information worthing 1 billion dollars, I'll do it for you totally free. ;)
Now, let's get it started...

Have you ever wondered why women react differentely while getting approached by different men? I mean, why she sais "no" to a guy that așks for her contact details or for ... Continue»
Posted by roadrigusantus 8 days ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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A Short Story

A Short Story
in play format. (Originally written 23 Feb 2006)




Interior - waiting room of surgery. A voice over the P.A announces for Mrs Allott to enter Dr. R Don’s room.

Mrs Allott: Hello Dr.

Dr. Don: Good morning, Mrs Allott, what can I do for you? how’s Mr Allott?

Mrs Allott: He’s fine. Dr, I’m here about my pussy.

Dr. Don: And what is the problem with it?

Mrs Allott: It keeps itching.

Dr. Don: Well, you better get it out and I’ll take a look at it.

Mrs Allott gets it out and Dr. Don proceeds to take a good look at it.

Dr. Don: You have a lovely pussy,
... Continue»
Posted by suavisdulcis 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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My first BBW

The 1st time I had sex with a BBW I was 17. I had sex before that but never with a big girl before but I had seen some BBW porn before and I did like it.

The girl wanted me for months (she had told me afterwards).She was latina, probably about 5'7, and weighed somewhere from 180-200lbs if I had to guess. We would go to the park and she would always bring liquor and we'd share stories of sex. I remember the 1st time I wanted to fuck her she had these tights on that made the outline of her ass and thighs look so plump, so delicious. I tried so hard to hide my dick as it was getting hard.

F... Continue»
Posted by BangxNiggax27 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Hardcore, Shemales  |  
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