Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 79

THE TRUTH ABOUTEATING PUSSY LADIES

I had to write this because men get a bad rap that we dont eat enough pussy so i had to break it down so that it was forever and correctly BROKE. Men love eating pussy ive seen men in strip clubs eating stripper pussy (nasty). First lets talk about the pussy. It is nasty as hell and you should that the heavens men even want to put their mouth down there. Yall pee thru it fuck with it men cum (big loads) inside of it, Babies come out of it, discharges, yeast infections, bladder infections, yall bleed stinky bl**d for a week an get mad at who wont eat it? Then some of yall dont know how to ke... Continue»
Posted by swat_tx 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Ex-girlfriend Sarah, exhibitionist, story 6

Now her new boyfriend is really, really annoyed about this blog about Sarah, my ex-girlfriend, so lets’ keep it going by another story about the horny bitch.

We were on holiday, somewhere on the Canary Islands. Lanzarote, I think. Two things happened on the holiday that her new boyfriend will hate to read about. I got a bit sunburnt one day, so the next day I couldn’t stay out in the sun too much. We were in a hotel room that overlooked some gardens with a lot of grassy areas and a few ponds. We had gone out to sunbath in the area of the gardens we could see from our room and after S... Continue»
Posted by KevinGraves2 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Unplanned Ultimate Sex With Swati



This story is about Swati (name changed for obvious reasons) and me. It all started when I was in std 12(2005). It was winter time and all schools were closed for Christmas. After scoring high grades in 10th, I moved to the capital city and was staying in a PG. My father’s ex colleague and his wife were my LG and were the only people I knew in the city. It was f****y of 4 : Husband, wife, daughter Swati(23 yrs) and son sanju (20). Lemme tell you about Sonam. She
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Asian Cum Slut

The night I met Mei in a London club, she was dressed the way you see in
Japanese anime. I told her, and she got all offended since she was Chinese,
and anyway she could not understand what I meant, or so she claimed.

She had on high heeled boots, knee high socks the kind you'll see matched
with schoolgirl uniforms, a chequered plaid skirt that barely covered her
ass, and a white shirt that could barely contain her immense 38E bust.
She looked obscene - breasts that size on a chink, especially one not more
than 5'1 or 5'2 that couldn't be a day over 18 just accentuated the
anime-girl... Continue»
Posted by pornofiend 5 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Woman's Story: First Fingering

When I had my first fingering, I was fresh out of high school and had just met the man who became my husband. He was a few years older than me but still a virgin and I was his first girlfriend. I too was a virgin. It was two weeks after we started dating that he wanted to fuck me. I wanted to fuck him too. He came by one night and we were out in the front of my parents’ house. We started kissing and he started to feel me up. He slipped his hand underneath my shirt and starting playing with my swollen nipples. Gosh, that felt good. He lowered himself down and starting sucking on them. Then h... Continue»
Posted by Sexyvixen36 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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The Queen’s Breasts

Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause... Continue»
Posted by PornApocalypse 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Friends: Learning to Count to Seven

Chandler had been telling Monica and Rachel about the sex with Kathy the night before. It was alright, but Chandler wanted to really make her scream in pleasure. So Monica had drawn out a diagram showing the seven basic erogenous zones of a woman's body.

"Okay, now, most guys will hit one, two, and three and then go to seven and set up camp, " Monica began.

"And that's bad?" Chandler questioned.

"Well," Rachel replied, "if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn."

Chandler countered, "Well you might if it were anything like 'seven'."

Monica got him ... Continue»
Posted by dudeman_85 1 year ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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The game begins

"Ohhh baby, baby, baby, , , harder baby yes FUCK!"

wait what? "FUCK"

This word from my wife rang some bells that got rust all over them in past eight years of relationship I had with my wife.

Yes I come from a conservative society where husband and wife are to be formal with each other. In past eight years I never heard my wife say Fuck while we were making love. It was always silent or only moans. I have to admit that my wife moans real good and at times only her moans can get me to spray it inside her that she describes as the best feeling she craves for :). So this word got me to s... Continue»
Posted by Loballo 2 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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She Fucked him Good

Eddie McCaethy was a basically a motivator, he had great dental work, sleeked black hair and he wore a tailored suit to perfection. In his seminars, which were billed under the title “The McCaethy Method,” he told people what they already knew and for this they paid three thousand dollars a seat to hear it.

Very few people actually carried out his recommendations because – having been aware of their shortcomings before they entered the hall it was unlikely they would make changes in their life just because someone else pointed it out. Not wanting to work hard and work smart in order to be s... Continue»
Posted by Belle_Sunshine 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Planning my Punishment - A Conversation with my Ma

I was talking with my Dom, earlier today and we were reminiscing about the indiscretions I had while I was married. Its not like it didn't happen once or twice, it occurred multiple times and in different ways with each time getting more brazen. He couldn't believe that my husband did not have the balls to punish a relentless little slut like me and put me in my place. Especially since he wanted to remain married to me. Yet he never set me on a path where I would forget cheating, cybersex, phone sex, webcamming or have any sexual contact with another man (or woman) without his explicit consent... Continue»
Posted by Kinkster-Gal 5 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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MY SEXY WIFE LIKES OLDER MEN

MY SEXY WIFE LIKES OLDER MEN

When I married my wife Sally I knew she had a thing for older men so it was no surprise to me when we were invited to my boss’s retirement party at the home of the director of the company home,

You see Sally who is 34 is a real sexy woman and always dresses sexy she has a great body and a nice pair of legs with a great rear and a rather large bust which is very firm I can confirm that she gives a great tit fuck so it’s no wonder she attracts so much male attention when ever she goes out,

But she seems to love the company of older men she always liked the x... Continue»
Posted by bobbyblue53 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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TELL MOTHER ...!


A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each
one to write back about their married life.

To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly
discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to
using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how
their love lives are going.

The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives
with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE".

Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House
advertisement, and it says:"Satisfaction to the last drop..... Continue»
Posted by papa61 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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--

This is the story of my first sexual experience with another female. I was 27 married for six years. We had a great sex life at first. We had sex several times a week. As time went by our sex life diminished in quality and quantity. My husband Dave began spending more time with the guys than me. He went out with the guys and I got to stay home with our daughter Arielle.

One Friday night when Dave was out playing cards with the guys, I put Arielle to sl**p and went online. Out of a combination of being bored, horny and curious I went into a chat room labeled F4F. When word got out in the roo... Continue»
Posted by rime923091 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Skype horny chat CuteLea & Bleuchanel69 sex ta

That's a hot chat I just had one hour ago with a fantastic english teen. As a lot of men ask me how I find girls, maybe they can find some tips there. I put a screen-shot at the end of the text. Comment if you like, I can post other hot talks I had and I will have ^^

I only modified CuteLéa by Lea and bleuchanel69 by Me - should be easier to read -, and hidded the town where she lives. It may be sometimes a little boring, but it is the real chat we had. Comment also if you don't like ;)



[17:33:19] Lea: hey sorry i havent spoken to you in ages :( i lost my laptop charger so i h... Continue»
Posted by bleuchanel69_skypeme 1 year ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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THE WALKING FUCKERS, Complete Story

THE WALKING FUCKERS


It was supposed to be a weak RNA strand that
disabled the enemy then withered.
The vector virus had other ideas.
It found a single, mutated Ecoli bacterium
and mated with it.
Military “Intelligence” had finally fucked us all.


“M0m will be furious with me,” I thought, lying in bed,
trying to figure how I'd refuse the “corrective” surgery
and not get kicked out of the house.
The alarm clock beeped.

“I'm 18, why NOW?? I grew up this way! NO, mom, NO!”

Fifty rehearsals in my head.
I waited.
Nothing.

Then voices in the street.
I looked out the w
... Continue»
Posted by yutubeslut 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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Sexy Studying Sessions!

Honor looked at me from across the bed and caught my eyes staring at her fiery red hair.

"Are you ok Tommy," She asked, "I really need you to help me with these Maths problems and then we can concentrate on Physics"

We were both 16 and in Year 11 at our school. We had been good friends for ages and as our exams were fast approaching she had asked me to help her with her Maths, and in return i asked her to help me with my Physics. I had fancied her like mad for years but had never had the courage to ask her out.

"Yeah, i'm fine, just distracted a little." I replied, never taking my eye... Continue»
Posted by tomtheaussie 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Teens 2

Story 2

Crazy hippie junky love, that was all about the relationship between Marry and Alex. They would take every toilet in every bar, every party we went, and every scene with them ended up with them fucking like crazy. Unfortunately she was really a junky in those days so, of course she was slowly changing him too.
One day I was in the kitchen, drinking some beer, when they came to me laughing. Marry sat down, took some beer and light a cigarette. She was dressed in one of those colorful dresses, and a leather jacket that I guess it was her guys’. She looked damn hot. “You know what ... Continue»
Posted by HerbaAlice 1 year ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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A visit to the vets

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they started a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and
asked " So why are you here today? "

The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a serial pisser. I piss on everything, I piss on the couch, the carpet, the curtains, the cat, the k**s. But last night was the final straw when I pissed on my owner's."

The black Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do? "

"Well, he's going to cut my balls off," answered the yellow Labrador. "Supposedly it'll calm me down and stop me pissing everywhere."

The Yellow Lab t... Continue»
Posted by sjroche1509 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Flaunting It At the Frat Party

Flaunting It At the Frat Party


The name is Tolden. James Tolden. There are three things you need to know about me.....
One:
I am tall. My towering height of 6’9” made me a natural for basketball, and my talent made me a star.
Two:
I am hung like a Bull Elephant. The same early growth spurts which gave me height, also added copious inches to my manhood, which was well-sized to begin with.
Three:
I am not above humiliating a lesser man. I’ve done it lots of times. This was the first.
I had been invited to my first Frat party my freshman year of ... Continue»
Posted by jkd1111 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Quality Not Quan-titty

(A short poem written in praise of my lovers' boobies, all of them regardless of size - and I include my own rather large ones in that category because nobody loves mine more than I do, with the possible exception of my lovely husband! Don't be fooled by the fact that it appears to be written from the male perspective - disregard gender as well as size. It's all about the love of boobies in general, but through my eyes and my lusts!)




My lover's tits are so tiny,

It's so plain for all to see,

Though my lover's tits are so tiny,

She sure loves them - just like me!

... Continue»
Posted by optanda 5 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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