Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 79
Seven wise men with the knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last was... Continue»
There is a man on this site by the name of Snake92666
He is fairly well-known on this site, with over 36,000 comments and over 600 friends.
He is also amusingly homophobic.
I found this out one day, a little over a month back. I had left him a comment on his profile asking about the reason he explicitly stated twice in a row, in capital letters, that he was "100% straight." It seemed a little fishy to me, especially when his "about me" also contained several links to pictures of his penis, with overstated invitations for women to admire and men to avoid.
So I left him a comme... Continue»
This is a true story. I was once involved with a woman who had an on-again, off-again boyfriend. He was an alcoholic, and kind of a lout. At one point they even got engaged, even though he sometimes hit her. Eventually she broke that off, but even while she was 'with' him she kept having sex with me. It wasn't about romance, just sex and friendship.
Anyway, one day we were on her bed: she was wearing a sexy bra and panty set, which was kind of getting in the way, because she was on top of me, and we were in the "69" position, with me holding the panties to one s... Continue»
I am so hot and horney I need to take a walk and find some young slut with a big hairy dick to call my own. Born without a dick or a pussy I only have a tight ass and a willing mouth and I want something hard up my ass...something to explode inside of me and I don’t care if it is big or small as long as it is willing....
So I parade up and down the street faceless and with a hairy open ass to accept what ever comes along. and there is a man under the bridge with one of those of funny signs that say...I’ll fuck for food,,,,and he is so cute and he turns out to be a she and she has a willing mo... Continue»
“Hello love, I'm home”, I said as I closed front door.
There was no reply. After three day she still wasn't speaking to me. When I say not speaking that is not exactly the truth. Not speaking means I was actually being treated to a series of monologues about my grievous faults. Whenever I tried to say something in my defence, it was ignored. I must have apologised about a dozen times. It seemed that wasn't enough. She was really going to milk this one for all it was worth.
She appeared out of the kitchen, wearing a dressing gown and a look of disdain as she brushed past me and went u... Continue»
I sit straddling his hips, laughing as I swat him around the head with a cushion. He laughs back at me, tryng to fend off my pathetic blows. Looking down at him sheepishly, moving my hands to his ribs ready to tickle him. His mood changes, his chocolate brown eyes seeming to grow deeper as he gazes up at my downturned face.
“Are you sure you want to do that honey?” he’s challenging me, I know how much he hates to be tickled. “Why wouldn’t I want to?” I shoot back at him, eyebrows raised grinning wildly.
He lifts his hips up to meet mine, the seam of his jeans pressing into my crotch. H... Continue»
She is the one who has made me do this! I was saying to myself when I found myself sl**ping beside her. It was an intoxicating night none of us knew that it will lead to this but it was fun, hell of a night to experience. I never thought that I will ever get into bed with her so easily. She is one the most beautiful woman I have ever seen; she has the perfect figure with flash in right proportion in right places.
I was mesmerized by her beauty the moment I saw her and she understood the effect she had on me (which she used to her full advantage that night). It was my cousin’s bachelor part... Continue»
While on a vacation in the far north east part of India, On the day before I was due to leave the resort I was staying in, I had this singular experience, which I am about to relate.
The place I was staying in was in the forrests, by a lonely road, with plenty of vegetation. The cottage like living quarters were far apart, with a big garden with walkways and lawns separating them. I was enjoying the quietness of the place. For most of my vacation I was the lone guest, until a group of three very young college students arrived. Well, the people of the north-east are more chinese-looking
My name is August Fahey and two years ago I started secretly dating my best friends 16 year old s****r April Hunter. When I left for college we continued seeing each other long distance. To keep up appearances we'd go out on dates with other people but remain faithful to one another. I'd go home on Holidays and we'd sneak away together and elevate our pent up sexual frustration in (as the k**s say) marathon fuck sessions.
Time passed and we grew even closer. When April graduated Highschool she applied for Larchmont University, my school. I was ecstatic, but her mother had reservations espe... Continue»
Local women and wife of a truck driver was hot. The day he left she started calling the local boys. I had my opportunity and jumped on her like a rabbit. Was a young k** and excited to feel her adult hot box. Friend and I took turns fucking and watching the other fuck. She would call the other over and suck him hard before the other finished. She fucked us both dry and sucked my cock sore. I was know for having a big cock, but I was young then. The terry b*****rs were the lost teen long cock swingers. Frined and I knew where to get and watch her bed room.
One terry b*****r bent her over the ... Continue»
I climbed out of bed, yawning. It was Monday -brilliant. Everybody's favourite day, I don't think. At least I wouldbe able to see Clio and her s****r, my crush Jennifer again - they had been on vacation inBarbados for two months now. For Clio, that probablywould have been Hell. Her parents probablyf***ed her to go outside andsocialise, and Cliowould rather blow her own brains out than do that - though I think every f******n year oldgirl these days thinks that way.
In school, Clio, TJ, Matty, Jennifer and I were all having lunch. Clio, who generallystays away from her younger s****r, looked ... Continue»
"Ah Mr and Mrs Jameson. I'm Drss. Dragonmage, but my friends call me Misty."
"Hi I'm Don and this is my good wife Melinda."
The handshakes were firm and purposeful.
"Please take a seat, while I explain the procedure to you."
She waved towards two chairs across her desk. "Would you like a coffee before we start?" "I'm too excited for coffee I'm afraid." Melinda giggled.
Drss.Dragonmage smiled. "That's perfectly natural, after all it is your first time. Now as you already know we aim to ensure that the host is as perfect a match as possible. Which is why w
Castle looked at his cellphone Beckett was calling. He held the machine in his hand and swiftly pressed "Ignore". As he placed it back on his glass and chrome coffee table his plasma screen murder board caught his eye. He tapped on the portrait of Detective Kate Beckett and unfolded a digital file that spiderwebbed out all the known consorts in her mothers murder. He stared at the mess of names and dates and grudgingly dragged a file icon Marked Beckett to the Digital trash can.
"Deleting file." was all the screen said.
There was a knock at the door, he slowly walked over and opened it... Continue»
"Mais maman!" Je plaidé. "Je ne ai pas besoin d'une baby-sitter! Je ne peux pas simplement rester moi-même cette fois? »Mais elle ne bougeait pas. Pour l'amour de Pete, je avais quatorze ans. Tout simplement parce que mes parents ont dû sortir de la ville pour le week-end, pourquoi ai-je avoir quelqu'un rester avec moi comme si je étais un petit enfant!
«Regardez Jeff, je ai entendu tout ce que je vais vous entendre. Je reçois la fille de Mme Walker, Rachel de rester avec vous, et ce est tout ce qu'il ya à faire. »Puis sa voix se adoucit un peu. "Ecoute chérie, ce ne est pas que nous ne vou... Continue»
As, I sat naked on my bed front of my laptop, checking my emails; a usual email message came up on my computer, it reads: 'Open immediately from Chuck'. Curious, I open the email, and its show a picture of me lying on the bed with my legs spread open. It's more like I just finish masturbated! Shock, and confused, I replied back to Chuck and ask; 'How did you get that picture?' Chuck respond; ' I snap you while you were into your devotion. ‘You made my dick very hard.' I wasn't afraid, or, show no fear; I was more curious where Chuck was hiding? Is he nearby? Or, peeping at me from an open... Continue»
**If you read "AYCEB", the part of "ST" after I get to the restaurant, and "HT", it helps this all make more sense, but it's not necessary to get the story.**
Today was one of the few Saturdays my wife had to work, so I took advantage by doing nothing. Well, not "nothing", per se. I had my cock in my hand, stroking it, thinking about how my wife had enjoyed her gangbang. I wasn't at all in a hurry to cum, so it was just a leisurely stroke, where I would occasionally rub my nipples, thinking about how I had watched my wife get fucked by twelve guys, and The Solution; a little "thank you" for... Continue»
Heat-activated, anti-wrinkle, iPod-charging … today's bras are about as high-tech as computers. They have complex support systems and multiple operating modes. They're priced just a bit shy of a PC.
The quest for the perfect bra can lead women to extremes of shopping, trying on and spending without ever finding the One. And there's a reason for that: There is no perfect bra. High-tech bells and whistles and the brand new, ultimate design are just the side show. The main event is much simpler. It's the fit.
A well-fitting bra does two things: It supports and it enhances. Holds 'em and sha... Continue»
This is another true story about the chick I worked with at the factory. It just came to mind and I thought I'd better post it before I forgot it again. I hope you enjoy and please leave comments. Thanks!
I spent the night at her place and as usual when we went to bed, we fucked. I swear this bitch loved to fuck more than any other woman I've ever met! and it was very easy to make her cum, I've never seen a woman that was able to cum that easily and in so many different ways! Oh yeah and the best part...She was a squirter (my first and only one)I loved that about her! Ok here goes. Like ... Continue»
The Italian Job 25
The next morning I went to the factory and completed the reprogramming of the computer control, we were now 2 weeks into the job but Antonis had decided that as he had me there and he wanted me to stay for the duration promising me a bonus if all went well over the next 2 weeks, this was good news because it was just a 2 weeks holiday with the occasional trip to the factory although if they had a problem they could call me or page me as the hotel had leant me a bleeper, that worked on the phone system, Maria was full of herself anyway because she had fucked Carlos even tho... Continue»
It was almost ten thirty when they finally reached their destination. For about the last hour, once the sun had definitely gone down, Sylvia had ridden in the front of the car, giving Danny directions to an old unused factory on the industrial side of town.
Danny parked the limo next to the only other car, a black Porsche with darkened windows.
"Now when we're in there I want you to act subservient," instructed Sylvia.
"Don't worry honey," replied Danny with a smirk, patting Sylvia's thigh. "I'll be your little bl**d slave."
"I'm serious," Sylvia insisted. "Especially around Anita. I'll ... Continue»