Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 78

MORE OUCH ..

Okay so I have been thinking about it for a while but today I did it, I went into the premises and up the stairs and waited my turn.

A gorgeous young lady beckoned me in to a room where I took clothes off, not all of them, just some.

Then she sat me in a reclining chair and started to play with my nipples! Now I do not get a hard on nowadays but I definitely got a flicker in the knickers so to speak.

She very carefully massaged one and then the other and did all manner of horny things with her hands.

Then after a moment or two she smiled nicely at me and 'HOLY FUCKING OUCH!!' That... Continue»
Posted by AussieJonno 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Right hand, left lane

Right hand, left lane

A little poem of love for
a teen driving dangerously


Right hand driving
Fast, hence left lane
On the road again
From West to East
From Left to Right
And back again
High speed, I know

Your little secret

It´s the hole in your pocket.
I know you did it on purpose.
Irish red-head swinging to the East.
Singing a song of love and longing.

Who are you? Old enough to drive?
A sexy hole in your pocket.
So you can drive very fast?

Your button of love

I know your dirty little secret.
You press your special button
All th... Continue»
Posted by petdyke 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Sarah and Daniela


This piece is a chapter extracted from my novel "Toggenburg" a lesbian love story set in the mountains of Switzerland which I've posted in case any Xhamster reader might enjoy it.


Toggenburg Thirty.

“We are going to get wet!” declared Sarah firmly. It was a fair analysis as she and Daniela stood huddled in the doorway of the Hotel Toggenburg contemplating the wretched weather before them. It was still raining heavily and the wind was blowing the sheets of rain around in a bewildering variety of directions. Umbrellas promised to be hazardous accessories ra... Continue»
Posted by Mikebasil 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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The Italiano..!!

An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a nearby table. ...Alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it to her saying who it came from. She looks at the bottle and decides to send a note over to the man. The note said "For me to accept this bottle, you must have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank , and 7 inches in your pants.." ... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Jan 1973 Bondi Beach

This is only part of a WORK IN PROGRESS


As the singer was exhorting the crowd to take part, she took three steps in my direction and smiled even more. She said the line perfectly in tune "I looked at you" and I answered, "You looked at me" and we both laughed. Another miracle, this was a girl who liked The Doors almost as much as I did. “I smiled at you," she said, and again I answered, "You smiled at me." At the exact moment the band on stage finished their intro to the war song both of us sang together, "And we're on OUR way."
Everyone in the crowd heard it and wonde... Continue»
Posted by DocW 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Fuckn My Flat 2



My hands were shaking at the anticipation, she grabbed the back of my neck and brought me in for another deep kiss, my fingers danced lightly over the mounds of her boobs grazing the hard nipples as my hand got closer to her glistening thighs. I moved my hands over her pussy lips. Wet doesn’t even get close to describing her. This girl was hot and dying for some hard cock to make her scream. Her back arched as I lightly moved her wet lips apart, her panty gusset was soaked through with it as I dragged them off her, her ass raising in the air to help giving me a waft of her pu... Continue»
Posted by salahgabr 2 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Big Boobs and a Bit of Luck

One of the many jobs I have had was at an electronics store which was pretty boring, except for the rare times when I would get to serve a hot busty customer.

I remember the first time that Sara walked in the door. It was a hot summers day, she was probably about 155cm (about 5'2" I think) she had a purple singlet top on, that barely could contain her bountiful breasts, with tight fitting 3/4 cutoff blue jeans and her short blonde hair pulled back in a pony tail. I'm a bit of a boob hound, so I was guessing a DD minimum but more likely an E cup.

As she walked in, I got a great look at h... Continue»
Posted by Luvboobs15 3 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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The Perils of Dating Supergirl, Part 2

Hi there!

My Name is Robert Shephard, but most people call me Bobby. I was living an average life, I had a good job teaching High School Chemistry, and was dating an absolute knock out named Linda. Then everything changed when I (through a complete fluke) discovered she was in reality Supergirl.


Messed up huh?

A Day after I discovered the truth I found myself Orbiting the Earth in a Massive Space Station called "Watchtower".

"This is the Coolest.....thing....ever!" I said pressing my face against the glass.

"It is beautiful isn't it." Kara said. "Sometimes I forget just how... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Memoirs of a strip club chef

A long time ago, I had the dubious honor of working as a cook at Sugar’s. The club was billed as a gentlemen's cabaret, although even back when the neighborhood was more prosperous the joint was always a bit seedy. Any building without windows and smoking allowed inside can’t help but turn into a den of ill repute.

The kind of place you’d see a midget cock slapped in the face by a giant lemon horse dick.

I myself was just another face back in the kitchen, where I started as a dishwasher and slowly learned how to cook everything the club had to offer. For the most part we were faceless, ... Continue»
Posted by Beowulf_S 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Payback

12.00am - I was in the bathroom and I placed the weapons in the holdall of our backpacks. "We have got to get this right!" commanded one girlfriend. Another one of my girlfriends sat in the reclining chair, pondering. "Having second thoughts?" "Me? no way" said another one of my girlfriends. "Its pay back". I stepped out of the bathroom and ushered the girls to the door. There were four of us.

12.30am - It was night and the air was cool. We pulled up outside John Rosh Avenue, near the Olympic Park, in London,. Very quietly, we approached No 41, pulled on our stockings over our head... Continue»
Posted by rockyharte 1 year ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Boy Having Fun When Parents Out For Temple Run



Hi this is Rishi, age 23 from Mumbai; my height is 6.1 ft. I have a 6 inches long dick and it’s a little broad as said by my earlier gfs. This story is about me and a friend of mine named “Jyoti”.’She was with me in my degree college. She is 24 yrs old.5.3 in height a little on the bulkier side with assets of 38d 32 36 the best part about her is her boobs their shape can be easily seen through her top. I don’t think she might have ever worn a plain bra there were always fancy designs on her cups with different colors and which ... Continue»
Posted by bava12 11 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Welcome To The Nieghbour Hood,Cally!

New Jersey-2006

well it was around spring when Cally arrived.
i was just walking shop when i saw a moving van next to my house,
there was a brunette girl who looked around my age,
long brown hair,curves to die for,and bright blue eyes.


i went over to introduce myself i asked her how old she was and i was right she was 16
after a while her mother asked her to go shop so we both went.
on our way back she asked me what school i attend.
it turns out she attending there next week
so i said i will knock on for her and walk school
that morning i made sure i looked my best i dont know ... Continue»
Posted by charlie-xxx 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Karen White. A lovely exhibitionist.

This story comes from Mark, who was part of the team videoing girls, including Karen White, for the video The Full Totty.


“My name’s Mark and I was a lighting assistant for a video production company, back a number of years ago. I met Karen White when we were shooting the video ‘The Top Totty’. I see that there are some excerpts from the video on Kevin Graves’s channel, here on xHamster. The production company is out of business now, so there’s no one to care about that.

The theme to the video was about men needing Viagra, but the idea was that Karen and a number of other girl... Continue»
Posted by KevinGraves2 21 hours ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Sperm Count

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?

Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mo... Continue»
Posted by Deecee29 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A Surprise BJ

"Oh my God! That girl's booty is SO fat!" laughed Rico as Elyse walked by. "You think you can get with that, T? Elyse Greer is the FINEST girl at Sanctuary High School. If you got with her, you would be top dog around here."





Those words stuck with me all my junior and senior years of high school. Elyse really was one of the most beautiful girls at SHS, but that is not why she was the most desirable; guys wanted her because they couldn't have her. Elyse was a good girl in the body every bad girl wanted. She had the most perfect DD tits that would make Pam Anderson cry and butt so jui... Continue»
Posted by ballzyturtl 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Cum cuisine excerpt

Planning to expand the story out more for future publication

My husband is a picky eater. Well, I take that back, he is a finicky, superstituous, overtly paranoid and down right trippy eater. The steak has to have the right amount of seasonings in it or he won't eat a bite.
Eggs have to be fried until they look, feel, and taste like rubber. Sweets can't be too sweet, but loads of chocolate on a sweet is ok. The fish can ONLY be wild caught, not farm raised (which had me hunting all over the beaches for a local fish market).
And his coffee? Freshly roasted and brewed each morning ... Continue»
Posted by juniysa 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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lil s****r...dam it

so me n my gf were layin in bed cuddlin wen reach dwn n startd 2 rub my cock. i told her 2 stop bcuz her lil s****r was aimlessly walkin around her house. she continue n got me hard. so i startd playin wit her tits. she got up,closed tha door n undressd. i did 2. she hops on top n stickz my cock inside her. she grabz my hands n places dem on her ass n tells me 2 smack it hard. about a minute into it her s****r walks in n she startd screamin. i push my gf n cover her wit a blanket. her s****r starts laughin n leaves. my gf was so embarress dat she gets dress (so do i) n tells me 2 leave.... Continue»
Posted by thamack408 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Lets Meet

WE TALKED ON THE PHONE AND YOU SOUNDED NERVOUS....TALKING MUCH SHIT TO A GIRL.....TELLING ME WHAT ALL YOU WOULD DO TO THE PUSSY..IM LIKE YEAH RIGHT ANOTHER MAN TELLING ME THAT THEY ARE GOING TO HIT IT LIKE IT NEED TO BE HITTED....

SO I SAT THERE LISTENING TO YOU BLOW ALL THIS STEAM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...THEN FINALLY I ASK YOU WAS YOU THROUGH USING UP YOUR ENERGY TALKING...YOU SAID HUH...I SAID ARE YOU THROUGH USING UP ALL OF YOUR ENERGY TALKING....

YOU ASK ME WHY..I SAY TO YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS....YOU GOT QUIET....I SAY DONT GET QUIET NOW...YOU WAS TALK... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Dream Job (Everyman's fantasy)

The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight.

"Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find a solution and soon. The dropout rate in the Southern California School system is at an all time high. Attendance rates are the worst in decades. Our federal funding is in jeopardy. If we don't fix this... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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SURPRISED VISITORS, THE HOT TUB, AND OUR SNOWY MO

I had rented a rustic cabin, up on snowy Mount Rainier, for this past weekend. Tatiana and I wanted to get away from neighbors, friends and f****y. And spend some quality time alone together, in a remote and intimate environment.

Saturday morning, while we were making love, we decided it would be fun and exciting, to continue our amorous efforts in the hot tub out side the cabin. Tatiana didn't need much convincing, she ran naked, out the door, across the deck, and jumped into the hot tub. I was right behind her. Tatiana is eleven years younger than me. Anyway, that's my excuse why she ... Continue»
Posted by RutgerIvanus 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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