Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 78
On occasion you read about something kinky and it sounds so good you just want to try it. The first time Tonya and I did this, things didn’t quite go as they should have. Mike had left one of his pornographic magazines lying on our living room radiator and Tonya found it. We began reading through the letters in it and found one with an interesting premise. It offered both a measure of fear and arousal. We decided to try it.
The premise was for me to be nearly hanging by my balls, with my head and the tips of my toes the only support to prevent the actual suspension, while my wife performed or... Continue»
How many a****ls do you find after great sex? 2 tired Asses,1 wet Kitty,and dead Cock.... Continue»
The sun filtered in through the window, its golden rays warming my naked flesh as I awoke.
I pushed the thin sheet covering back even further and smiled dreamily as I felt a pulse of sexual energy wash over me.
Lazily, I traced my fingers around the fullest part of my breasts, enjoying how heightened my senses were on this gorgeous sunny day. My skin tingled as fingertip connected to flesh, and I trailed a line down my body becoming more aroused by the moment.
My pelvic region began to pulsate as I teased myself running my fingers up and down my legs, and I felt myself becoming wetter... Continue»
Watching her in the shower is a thrill, the slow fall of water flowing down her caramel skin legs, wr****g around those perfectly toned thighs long lean, graceful every move of the wash cloth over her flat stomach, bubbles gathering in her belly button praying to call it home, with her quick spin on the heels of her feet they are whipped away, shoulders elegantly dropped feeling the water rush over her short light brown hair, with soap on her face I make my move, open the door and slip right in, standing from behind my hands firmly grasp her arms and slide down to her hands fingers interlock, ... Continue»
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stere... Continue»
it was a late thursday evening, i was revising hard for my biology exam, i got to the sex ed part of my revision guide and my penis grew like a daffodil spring,i was stroking my penis tirelessley when my nan walked in, out of nowhere saucey music began to play, she took off her dressing gown and uttered the words " let me play with your daffodildo big boy" and then she died. ... Continue»
I get heaps of questions about me, so I'll answer as many as I can here.
1. Do you do guys?
As a general rule, no. I do appreciate a nice set of balls every now and again, however, but I don't like fucking men.
2. Do you do girls?
Yes. Of all ages.
3. What are your views on i****t?
Depends. Heterosexual i****t is just wrong, with chances of deformed babies and the illnesses and the like. Homosexual i****t is alright by me, because if two consenting people want to have sex with each other in a safe way without any chance of having a deformed c***d -... Continue»
Hey everyone. I got a pretty good response to my last story so I'm going to post something I discovered on my old hard drive - my writings from when I was about 14-16. When I was younger I used to write what was on my mind, so here it is! Also, if you notice any differences in this story and the last, its because I exaggerated a lot in the last one. This is all true however. (Note: I had a very odd writing style because I thought nobody would ever read it)
AAARGH! I WANT SOMEONE TO EAT ME OUT NOW!!!
I'M SICK OF PORN. I WANT FUCKING!
My tits are getting bigger now. They are so s... Continue»
1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.
4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacte... Continue»
Beginner’s Meeting, A Play
Scene 1: A church basement. An odd looking assortment of people are sitting on metal folding chairs arranged in a circle. In the corner is a table with coffee and donuts.
Charles: Middle aged man, about 40 dressed in a plaid sweater. He is the group leader.
Pete: a.k.a. Pervert Pete, a graying man of about 60 dressed in a raincoat.
Bob: A fidgety man of about 35 who continually clutches an inflatable sheep.
Alan: Middle aged man of about 48 dressed casually in jeans and a dress shirt.
Carrie: Middle aged woman, about 45 dressed rather scantily. ... Continue»
The Italian Job 13
The following morning to a knock on the bedroom door, Hazel walked in with some coffee and toast on a tray, “morning sl**py head” she said “how are you this morning?” she asked “morning Kim” she said, as Kim shot out from under the covers, she looked at me “how did she know I was here?” she asked “she knows everything, I think she is a witch” I joked “ you had better believe it” Hazel replied, she went to open the curtains, she stopped, “you had better see this” she said, I looked and saw Maria laid outside of my window wrapped up in a blanket, she was physically shaking wi... Continue»
HOW THEY HAVE SEX
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest ... Continue»
This is what all girls had to say when we asked them to mention a few traits that they like or dislike about men. So if you haven’t been out with women, or haven’t been able to hold on to a steady girlfriend, take a look. With this, tomorrow could be your lucky day! we compiled a few turn on’s and a few turn off’s that the men can definitely use.
Things that Impress Women
2. Sense of Humor
7. Focused Goals
8. Great Imagination
9. Independent Streak
10. Passionate and Desirous
11. Bravery and Coura... Continue»
Moving into my new home was both exciting and a little scary. It gave me a feeling of accomplishment and independence, as I struck out on my own for the first time, to take on the world. The house is old and could use some tender loving care but it is all mine. A place where I would make all the decisions and accept all the responsibilities for them. All of my furniture is hand me downs from my f****y and friends. I hope to save some money so eventually I can buy all new things and decorate the whole house to be my dream home.
At first sl**ping in the old house was a little unpleas... Continue»
One Week Later....
As I regained my strength in my room. Ben was there every day keeping me aprised of his research. "Dude!" he said bursting into my room. "Guess what I found!" he added. "What?" I asked lampooning his excitement. "I found THE Milo Rembaldi expert, his name is Dr. Michael Reyerson!" "And this helps us how?" I asked. "Because not only is he the Rembaldi expert he's also his great grandson. He was Born Milo Michael Rembaldi!" "We gotta talk to this guy, he has to have answers!" I said sitting up. "The only drawback is that he lives and works in Coleman...that's 40 miles away!... Continue»
“Your hands, your mouth are to be helpers to my cock, as are those of your s****r!
She has made me cum, with her hands and mouth, more times than I can count!
At command, she hardens me, strokes me, licks, sucks, until the inevitable end of her skills, and then, what do you think happens? What do you suppose I do?
I shoot my cum, my semen, on her face. That is my greatest pleasure, but not by any means my only one. But soon, you will see for yourself what I will require from you”.
I will make no comment on the above variant version of the Marquis de Sade, except to say that it is ... Continue»
As it turned out I was the highest scorer in my cbse exams of class 10 among that class, so very soon I started getting my response from teachers and friends including girls. A few of them struck me as they were very beautiful, and one of them was she. Even though I am writing this story with our mutual consent, let me not display her name, some things are better kept secret. She was a damn good looking girl, with a cute look, average height of 5.3 and a killing smile. A smile for which half the school will die for. She was among the most beautiful girls of the school. She had small boobs whic... Continue»
The Italian Job 18
I have re-submitted this one after some confusion, so if it crops up again, just ignore it, this one may be a bit of a tear jerker so ladies have your hankies ready.
Several weeks past and all was relatively quiet but I was troubled, something was bugging me and I could not make up my mind, I said nothing to Ellie but finally succumbed and went to Genoa, I knew the address and parked outside, I sat in the car for an hour trying to get up the courage to go and knock on the door, finally I went to the door, I knocked and a tall elegant middle aged Italian woman answered th... Continue»
My plan to soften the Stone wall that was Erin Hardy was entering it's second week. After five days of one-sided banter I found myself contemplating another strategy.
"I'm gonna join the Crew!" I said with a smile.
"You wanna join Erin's crew...why?" Mouse asked.
"To get close to her and win her over man."
"And how do you plan to do that my good sir." he asked.
"Phase one, I steal her truck."
"I'd like to see you try, they never leave it unguarded for long."
"Yeah that would be a problem if I didn't already do it." I said handing him my iPhone. On the screen was a sn... Continue»
On the drive back to my apartment we stop at a red light, my attention turns to you, the lights of the city shine upon you, in such a way as I have never seen before, I begin to drink you in with my eyes, your flowing crimson hair, your gorgeous emerald eyes; I brush through your hair with my hand gently leaving it on your rosie cheeks, I draw you in for a kiss, as we embrace your lips quivers ,slightly, with anticipation, my kiss tender and soft, as tasting of the chocolate cake we shared for desert. We pull into the parking lot of my apartment. I exit the truck and quickly come open your doo... Continue»