Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 78

Funny wank story

You think it will never happen and then...

I was spending a few hours jacking off the other day while I was watching my favorite site, Xhamster. I was looking at pictures and found a new hottie I liked named Melissa. She only has a couple of pictures on the site but I was stroking pretty hard to them.
When you stroke for a long time you build up a pretty good cumblast waiting to happen. I was heavily stroking, thinking of Melissa's cute ass and how good it would feel to fuck her doggy-style when I shot a short quick blast.
It rose up into the air. Normally I shoot a little to the left... Continue»
Posted by cockstrokin1 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 535  |  
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Dark Nites

DarkNites I


The slap reverberated around the room. Jason gritted his teeth trying
desperately to keep hold of his temper. Daphne started towards the door but
Jason caught hold of her wrist, his eyes steely.

"You're not going anywhere until we've got this settled. Daphne
glanced coolly at his hand and then back to his face. Then she brought her
foot down on his. Hard.

Jason gave a furious growl and exploded into action. Grabbing her,
he swept her off her her feet and headed toward the bedroom. Daphne
gasped in anger.

"How dare you!", she bit out, starting to jerk and kick as... Continue»
Posted by AndrewBonzua 1 month ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 537  |  
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what a FUCKING day !

we are a couple and are very much in love and love to fuck each other whenever and where ever we can!

it was a saturday morning and my sexy boyfriend woke me up by fingering my pussy until i was nice and wet, he then proceeded to suck on my nipples and kiss all down my body until he came down to my wet pussy. he licked my clit and sucked on my lips until i came.

after i had cum he flipped me over ontop of him and slammed my pussy down onto his rock hard dick. i moaned with enjoyment... i leaned my upper body down onto his chest and began to shake my ass up and down just on the head of ... Continue»
Posted by Hrnycouple 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 534  |  
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The first time I saw you

I remember that day.
I was working for the college, finishing out the last years of my degree and picking up work at the gym. It was boring as all hell, checking the sign in sheet, orienting the new students, cleaning up after the students. It was a special type of hell, but hell, it payed. Not near enough, but it payed.

It was another boring afternoon, and i noticed you coming in for your workout. You had never been in before, but that isn't why i noticed you. you were attractive, but for a second i couldn't tell if you were a boy or a girl. Short, boy cut hair, originally brown, but col... Continue»
Posted by creasedmomo 1 year ago  |  Categories: Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 534  |  
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24

Ever hear that old rap song “It was a Good Day” by Ice Cube?

The song refers to that one inevitable day that every one has where everything goes “right”, you can’t make a mistake and you have the luck of the Irish.

Well, I recently had one of those days. It was probably one of the greatest days in my life.

For a little background on me (to put things in perspective) … I live and work in San Francisco. It’s a great city, but I have what is deemed bad karma. My friends tease me by calling me “Peter Parker” because I’m a little bit klutzy and always have some trouble with the ladies.
... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 4 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 534  |  
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Clever Love





Just reach hotel room after long train journey. Karim a contractual staff of our company suppose to receive me in the station do not turn up and number remain switch off. It was around 7 am in morning. I went to bathroom for fresh up. Got the call from Karim, apologizing for not able to receiving call and be in room with in 1/2 hour. He is well aware that a single call can terminate his job. Karim and I went to factory site which is 60 km from hotel.

I wonder that, this Karim try to please me whatever way it’s possible,
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 6 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 533  |  
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SPITFIRE

Shannon Blake couldn't help it. She simply had to talk herself
into trouble. This had been a problem for her growing up at home,
at school and later on, wherever she worked. She seemed to
crave confrontation and constantly found herself arguing with
others over the smallest of issues.

Of course, this was before she met Erik Powell.

The two had been dating less than a month when Shannon managed
to instigate a loud argument in the middle of a film they
were watching. Aggravated by Shannon's behavior and embarrassed
at being part of a public spectacle, Erik took his date by... Continue»
Posted by meatloaf90 4 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 532  |  
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Bar Pick Up (bbw)

(Short story I've got a longer one in the works I wrote
this back 2001 )

Gary Badcock was feeling a little drained from all the seminars,
he was attending the last three days. Now that he was finished with the
last one. He thought he'd stop in the hotel lounge for quick drink before
going home. Gary was lucky that all these seminars were in being held in his
home city.
It took a few minutes for his eyes to ajust to th darkness of the place.
He saw a few pleople in the place. As he sat down at the bar he glanced over
to dark hair lady a few stools down. He ordered a ... Continue»
Posted by MasterBill 3 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 532  |  
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Hooked

One early Sunday morning bored and a little turned on I decided to check Craigslist personals for a little fun (if I got lucky) and or just for shits and giggles.

This ended up landing me a hooker, pretending to be an average girl looking for free sex (usual craigslist stuff, but she never advertised she was a hooker until I emailed). Which kind of made me want to have fun with her a little.

Emails are as follows -

Riverdale (me):
"Hi, I saw your ad on craigslist. I saw your pictures and I just had to compliment you on it."

The girl:
"Are you generous?"
----

This shit again..... Continue»
Posted by CountJones 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 532  |  1

Joke..

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sl**p, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, Gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"

His wife repl... Continue»
Posted by papa61 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 531  |  
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My First

This is a real summary account of my 21 year old girlfriend (as of now, the only i been with technically) So i'll start off and say, i was around 24-25 year old at the time. In which i was still a virgin (thankfully i didn't reach the 40 year old statues, otherwise i was prepared to ship my dick to a random feminist group. To perform some ritual about a virgin man, while flapping it about in the air. I dunno, whatever.)

It all started on a OkCupid account. I was looking for any girl around my area, and basically came upon this Latina girl that we will call for now Meg. I call her Meg becaus... Continue»
Posted by TanDickk 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 531  |  1

How to train your dragon sex with toothless. part

Something was wrong with Astrid, and Hiccup had no idea what it could be. Ever since last wash day she has been far friskier then ever before. Hiccup couldn't turn around without Astrid barreling down on him, ripping his clothes off and doing every dirty thing under Sol's sun. She would show up at the forge and basically pounce him; or the one time in the mead hall while everyone was eating supper, she stealthily slipped under their bench and gave him the most amazing blow job ever. Hiccup couldn't understand why she was suddenly so... un Astrid like.

He wasn't overly concerned, it was Drag... Continue»
Posted by john123bons 8 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 531  |  
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cum over for a drink (short but sweet)

I have this story to share, never actually told it to anyone before but it’s kind of fun so enjoy.
I live outside of town a couple of miles and therefore the parties always ended up at my place. Far enough from town that we can have a big fire and make some noise and no one cares but close enough to still get a taxi home or whatever. So, this was a typical small party. About 25 people gathered around the fire pit which was in my back yard. The house was always open so people could use the fridge or washroom etc. It was about midnight or so when I accidentally spilled a drink onto my pant leg... Continue»
Posted by mr_pearson12 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 529  |  
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When Curiosity Pays Off.

I work in the fashion indstry so a lot of my mates are homosexual, I've been told by my homosexual friends guys do it better, deepthroat, hand jobs and general fucking. So me not being one to judge before hand, I started browsing Craigslist and found a candidate who's a bottom, after brief discussion, I went to his apartment, to which was as stated in his ad, the door wasn't closed only ajar, I walked in, a few meters from the computer was a blanket covered person with a hole for my dick to travel through to the mouth.

Me figuring this is it, unzipped and plunged my dick into his mouth, mak... Continue»
Posted by Nerd2score 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 529  |  
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Fun in the bathtub

The stories I´m posting here are absolutely true

2010, December 10
About 11:05 am


A hot bath almost always helps against a small cold. After a few cold hours at the weekly market the hot water could warm up and relax your body. And so did Claude who was lying in his large tub but there was no sign of ease in closed eyes. He put his arms to the sides and his half opened mouth occasionally moaned.

Suddenly I surfaced fitfully from the water and had to breathe heavy. The idea to give him an underwater blowjob was hot and realization actually was okay, but I always got out of breath. H... Continue»
Posted by Bea69 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  Views: 529  |  
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Extra Innings

It was a hot summer day in the windy city. I was at my girlfriend's house watching the Cubs play the Reds in Wrigley Field. My girl Lisa was a big Cubs fan but I was into the White Sox so we always debated on which team was better. Lisa, a hottie with flaming red hair, five foot five, and a body that wouldn't quit. On a hot day she wore short shorts and sandals and already I was feeling hard below the belt. The game was at the bottom of the eleventh inning with the game tied at three. With the game on the line I had to keep my mouth shut otherwise Lisa would have a fit. She was afrai... Continue»
Posted by Wordman 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 527  |  
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SEVEN WISE MEN

Seven wise men with the knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit.

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within.

Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell.

Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.

Last was... Continue»
Posted by LORDLONE 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 525  |  
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Rage Against His Machine

There is a man on this site by the name of Snake92666.
He is fairly well-known on this site, with over 36,000 comments and over 600 friends.
He is also amusingly homophobic.
I found this out one day, a little over a month back. I had left him a comment on his profile asking about the reason he explicitly stated twice in a row, in capital letters, that he was "100% straight." It seemed a little fishy to me, especially when his "about me" also contained several links to pictures of his penis, with overstated invitations for women to admire and men to avoid.
So I left him a comme... Continue»
Posted by Haseo89 2 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Sex Humor  |  Views: 525  |  
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Cheating On The Phone

This is a true story. I was once involved with a woman who had an on-again, off-again boyfriend. He was an alcoholic, and kind of a lout. At one point they even got engaged, even though he sometimes hit her. Eventually she broke that off, but even while she was 'with' him she kept having sex with me. It wasn't about romance, just sex and friendship.

Anyway, one day we were on her bed: she was wearing a sexy bra and panty set, which was kind of getting in the way, because she was on top of me, and we were in the "69" position, with me holding the panties to one s... Continue»
Posted by leftiebiker 5 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 520  |  
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Under the bridge

I am so hot and horney I need to take a walk and find some young slut with a big hairy dick to call my own. Born without a dick or a pussy I only have a tight ass and a willing mouth and I want something hard up my ass...something to explode inside of me and I don’t care if it is big or small as long as it is willing....
So I parade up and down the street faceless and with a hairy open ass to accept what ever comes along. and there is a man under the bridge with one of those of funny signs that say...I’ll fuck for food,,,,and he is so cute and he turns out to be a she and she has a willing mo... Continue»
Posted by mia1 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 518  |  
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