Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 78

Only in Georgia

This story is true and you probably will not believe it.
I was working at my friends new house and it was one of those days where almost everything went wrong. It was late and I was tired and feeling low. I decieded to stop off on my way home at my favorite bar and have a few drinks. I sat at the bar and ordered my regular Wild Turkey & coke. As I was finishing my first beverage a old employee of mine sat down beside me and asked If I could give her a ride home because her roommate stood her up. Sally was one of my best bartenders when a owned my one club. She is blonde, cute, young, 5 foot 3... Continue»
Posted by Markxx99 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
696
  |  
9%

truth or dare

I am not sure who suggested truth or dare but we all seemed up for it.

There were 6 of us all together you me and two other couples.
It started pretty tame, truths about hoe many people we had slept with, telling fantasies ect .....
I think everyone was getting a bit horny from listening to all this talk if sex and with quite a few drinks down our necks we were all up for some dare's!
One of the girls seemed a bit apprehensive when you asked her to show how she gives head on a banana so we came to an agreement that we would have teams. Boys against girls.
We all did the dare, i showed ... Continue»
Posted by nicecock23 2 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
695
  |  
100%
  |  4

Dirty Japanese SLANG

Dirty Japanese

__BASICS / MISCELLANEOUS

Etchi.
Gross.


Chikan.
Pervert / m*****or.


Unko.
Unchi.
Kuso.
Shit.


Unching style.
Squatting, as in taking a shit.


Noguso.
Field shit, squatting position.


Shonben.
Piss.


Tachi shon.
Take a leak (standing).


Oshikko.
Urination.


Shishi.
Take a pee.


Eroi.
Obscene.


Tsureshon.
Cross pissing; two guys go to the bathroom together.


Tachishon shiteru.
Take a piss / Take a whiz.


Gehin.
Low class / V... Continue»
Posted by LeeHann 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
695
  |  
100%
  |  2

Doing it Yoga Style

Frank Templemead was thirty year old marriage counsellor who was still single at 45. His girlfriend, a 40 year old, rather reserved school teacher, with whom he slept most week-ends, had always sort of satisfied him sexually but he felt there was something lacking.

He didn’t want to be disloyal to his lady friend but when he listened to his clients talking about their sex lives he began to feel quite out of touch with today’s sexuality and decided he needed more experience to be a better lover and more effective counsellor. Enter Celestine Camarillo.

Celestine was a 20 year yoga instruct... Continue»
Posted by Belle_Sunshine 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
695
  |  
100%

I Demand A Do Over!

This is the story about how I lost my virginity. Some of my f****y live in small towns and we i go to visit them, we party (btw, this story is one the main reasons i don't drink anymore). Here I am, enjoying myself, and then all of a sudden, Bam! There she was. She was hot and to be honest, I didn't think I had a change with her. However, with the help of my cousin, I meet her(totally forgot her name). So, were talking and all off a sudden she wanted to dance. In the middle of the 3rd slow jam, I seemed to have "poked" her. Next thing I know, were upstairs. I remember kissing, and getting suck... Continue»
Posted by JFry 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
694
  |  
47%

Oil be damned

After the longest week I could remember, I came home to drown my sorrows with a long, hot shower. I stripped down and stepped in, feeling my cares begin to melt away under the hot droplets cascading down my body.

As I slowly soaped out the aches and pains from my tired muscles I suddenly decided to see if I could get in a session with my massage ther****t. This would just be what the ther****t ordered, so to speak, after such a long week.

I tried to call but there was no response. Damn. A sure sign they are either overbooked or busy. With the idea already set in my mind I quickly towel... Continue»
Posted by Keepitclandestine 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
693
  |  
98%
  |  3

Strip the night away PART 1

Men go to strip clubs to see tits and ass. Nothing else. Yeah occasionally a beer wont hurt. But Melvin Thomas goes for the happy hour whereby he gets nachos and a bowl of pretzels at no charge to go along with his 7up. Melvin married early when he was 18, right after highschool. Now at 38 years, his marriage had become as interesting as a senior citzen golf tournament. Thats why he went regularily to strip clubs to see two things he never saw back home; beautiful women and food. Today he enter the club wih pair of jean shorts that had month old mustard stains on them and an old blue faded po... Continue»
Posted by burrito_boy 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
693
  |  
70%
  |  1

Porno Party?????

I very rarely go to parties.

Most of the time I think of going to parties as some sort of a chore that I have to do for the person that I like that’s throwing the party, or the person that wants me to come with them. It’s just so hard for me to find interesting people to talk to, and I’m terrible about forcing a fake conversation. I just can’t do it anymore.

The only time parties are really fun for me besides the rare time when I get to talk to someone interesting, is when something fucked up happens.

So when I got a call from one of the guys I do jiu jitsu with, asking me if I wanted... Continue»
Posted by a_chord90 3 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
693
  |  
100%
  |  2

The Cross Dresser and The Big Fat Fuck

As soon as the door closed to her place Debbie started squeezing me tight. Before I knew it I was the one with my dress around my ankles. Soon I was being pulled down the hall to Debbie's bedroom. While I sat on her bed, Debbie went in her bathroom to freshen up.

When she came out she was wearing a sexy red night gown. If it weren't for the fact it was a size 6X you might have thought Debbie bought the thing at Victoria's Secret.

********************************************************************************

Debbie was one big fat fuck of a woman. I used to sa... Continue»
Posted by loriannthetran 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
691
  |  
79%
  |  2

Crack Addict prt. 4

You wanna do what ?!!

I want you to lay down on your stomach. I'm gonna rub this vial of baby oil on your ass cheeks and then I'm going to rub my dick in the crack of your ass until I cum. Preferably, I'd like to rub said cum all over your ass cheeks with my dick.

Man, you crazy ... Crazy as fuck.

But I got money.


I pulled a loose wad of cash from my pocket and gestured towards the prostitute. She giggled like an old hag and reached for the money.

you sure that's all you wanna do right ? I mean you aint gonna slip inot the booty hole or nothin and cla... Continue»
Posted by mondotoken 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
692
  |  
96%
  |  1

Mandy's Milk

ADULT. Not for selling.

By Jay Jay


1: Accidental Introduction

Mandy could not believe she was falling victim to her own devices. Had she never pushed her father into the 21st century, she would not be in the predicament she is today. Mandy was born and raised on the f****y farm. She had left to go to college and had returned after gaining dual degrees in Computer Technology and Financial Accounting. But in the five years since she had left the fourth generation dairy farm; it had become apparent that the farm was in severe jeopardy. As she worked on her acc... Continue»
Posted by Enteme 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
692
  |  
84%
  |  2

Damaged scrotum story

A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.

A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.

The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
Posted by sjroche1509 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
687
  |  
90%
  |  1

I should have done it.

When I was uni-student. One day I was going to a book store by motorcycle.
I was aware a woman walking this way. Passing beyond, we turned our eyes each other.
I murmured "she is tight!" in my heart. When I was reading a book in a sotre, someone
stood by me and pushed stucked book down to my side ..
I faced that person. She was there! She didn't look at me but seemed to expect something.
After a while she moved to exit and stopped to face me for a moment.
I was too square to chase her. I should have done it.... Continue»
Posted by tatsu403 6 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
686
  |  
54%
  |  2

The name's James Hard-on. Part I

In case you are wondering, this is a James Bond gay spoof.

Riding in a personal e****t vehicle and in the back, I felt nice and cozy in my suit and white tie. I looked down as I sat in the large seat and could feel a nice poking in my black trousers. A nice tent rising up to meet me as I got comfy in my dress slacks. Damn it felt so good to be horny!

The portable screen in front of me shut on and a white haired woman named B appeared. I almost closed my legs at the surprise. I was never used to that woman showing up unexpectedly.

"James Hard-on."
"That's my name."
"Enough of your je... Continue»
Posted by damlovmature 2 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Gay Male, Sex Humor  |  
686
  |  
100%
  |  1

Late Night Eggroll Delivery

I'm feeling pretty good today. An old friend of mine stopped by last night and we slept together. Susan is a gorgeous 38 year old redhead with a luscious body and a pair of really big breasts. When she gets excited, which is pretty much all the time, her nipples swell hugely. I swear that they become an inch long and they're very thick too. I just love to suck on them. Her clitoris swells hugely too and it is heaven to suck it into your mouth.

Susan and I didn't get to bed (sl**p) until pretty early this morning because we were in this 69 for two or three hours last night. I... Continue»
Posted by sparky1721 6 years ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
684
  |  
70%
  |  4

What women think while having sex

Some women have now revealed what really scores with them between the sheets.

Single comedian Shazia Mirza, 34, said that some of her friends revealed that during sex they are mentally writing a to-do list, remembering clothes they have to wash, what they've got to buy at Tesco's or those shoes they love in Selfridges.

And some women even think of men they secretly fantasise of.

"A friend of mine, who really loves her husband, told me that during sex she can't help thinking about all the men she secretly really desires, like Jeremy Beadle and Jeremy Paxman," the Sun quoted her as s... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
684
  |  
73%
  |  2

The XXX Olympiad

The XXX Olympiad

"And welcome to Day Two of the round-up show of the Olympiad here in
London," a smart suited gentleman said to the camera in a clear voice with
a cheesy smirk. "And what a programme we have lined up for you today. It's
been thrills, excitement and plenty of action."

His co-host, a beautiful young lady with bouncing brunette hair and an
infectious smile nodded. "There's some great events coming up," she agreed
and the host leant back on the red sofa.

"First a look at the medal table." A screen popped up next to the autocue
and he turned to his co-host. "So Br... Continue»
Posted by johndstories 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
684
  |  
89%
  |  3

How To Have Sex With a Friend

Seriously, who hasn’t met a friend who’s sexy and all that?

And how many of us haven’t wondered how to have sex with a friend?

It feels so good to be bad. It feels even better to cross that boundary and play dirty, doesn’t it?

Life in the fast lane couldn’t get any faster in these days of fast love and raging hormones. It’s hard to get over the blues of being single especially when everyone around is either madly in love, or physically in love.

If lovers can do it, why not friends? After all, friends do share everything lovers share, other than physical intimacy.

Sex with a frie... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 5 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
685
  |  
87%
  |  2

Memoirs of a Woman of the Wind


I opened my weak weary eyes, the glare from the bright sunshine obscured my vision,
as strange faces looked down upon me.

I could hear the sound of rolling waves from the sea, and my clothes felt heavy and wet.
My blonde hair was all matted from the salty water.
I had been lying u*********s on a sandy beach.

The handsome faces staring down at me were brown with a slight reddish tint to them.
I'd never seen faces like these before.
There was a mix of men and women, and some young boys and girls amongst the small crowd too.
They each had long strait thick black hair,
Both genders ... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissFart 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
683
  |  
100%
  |  4

Christmas Holly

It was early Christmas morning; actually it was 1:30am, when Holly awoke and heard and rustle, she couldn`t place where it was coming from. Suddenly she spotted a figure emerge from around the bedroom door. She knew it wasn’t Luke as he had his firm cock nestled along the crack of her bum cheeks; Holly could tell Luke was dreaming of one of the video`s they had watched on xhamster last night.

Suddenly the figure approached the edge of the bed and you Holly saw that it was Flasher974 Santa; he was dressed in a full Father Christmas outfit with hat, beard, coat and red trousers and black sh... Continue»
Posted by flasher974 4 years ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
683
  |  
75%
  |  2