Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 77

Welcome To The Nieghbour Hood,Cally!

New Jersey-2006

well it was around spring when Cally arrived.
i was just walking shop when i saw a moving van next to my house,
there was a brunette girl who looked around my age,
long brown hair,curves to die for,and bright blue eyes.


i went over to introduce myself i asked her how old she was and i was right she was 16
after a while her mother asked her to go shop so we both went.
on our way back she asked me what school i attend.
it turns out she attending there next week
so i said i will knock on for her and walk school
that morning i made sure i looked my best i dont know ... Continue»
Posted by charlie-xxx 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Memoirs of a strip club chef

A long time ago, I had the dubious honor of working as a cook at Sugar’s. The club was billed as a gentlemen's cabaret, although even back when the neighborhood was more prosperous the joint was always a bit seedy. Any building without windows and smoking allowed inside can’t help but turn into a den of ill repute.

The kind of place you’d see a midget cock slapped in the face by a giant lemon horse dick.

I myself was just another face back in the kitchen, where I started as a dishwasher and slowly learned how to cook everything the club had to offer. For the most part we were faceless, ... Continue»
Posted by Beowulf_S 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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Sperm Count

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?

Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mo... Continue»
Posted by Deecee29 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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A Surprise BJ

"Oh my God! That girl's booty is SO fat!" laughed Rico as Elyse walked by. "You think you can get with that, T? Elyse Greer is the FINEST girl at Sanctuary High School. If you got with her, you would be top dog around here."





Those words stuck with me all my junior and senior years of high school. Elyse really was one of the most beautiful girls at SHS, but that is not why she was the most desirable; guys wanted her because they couldn't have her. Elyse was a good girl in the body every bad girl wanted. She had the most perfect DD tits that would make Pam Anderson cry and butt so jui... Continue»
Posted by ballzyturtl 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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The learning curve

The learning curve
This story is based on an e mail I received from a “friend” who swore it was a true episode, her husband of two years, she reported as being; a “ half empty oil can and a brick short of a full load as well!”
As a blush saving exercise we will refer to him as Nigel and her as Tina, they live in a modern brick semi detached suburban estate, known locally as filofax ally, full of bottom rung wanabee stockbrokers.
He, Nigel came from well bred stock with money, and had been sent to the city to learn a trade, probably to get him away from home, not bright enough to dri... Continue»
Posted by alibodge 12 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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Dream Job (Everyman's fantasy)

The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight.

"Look," said the chairman flatly, "we have to find a solution and soon. The dropout rate in the Southern California School system is at an all time high. Attendance rates are the worst in decades. Our federal funding is in jeopardy. If we don't fix this... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Chapter V Lesbian Love & sodomy

Great Lesbian Love and sodomy
Chapter V --- ---

Other stories to read: http://bisoumidomi.unblog.fr



After this meeting with Michelle and Mark, we often spent evenings together. Sometimes I came alone or with the elected if it accepted the moment. Throughout this period I confess I papillonnais a girl to another. Finally, rather than admit I had in reserve several lovers, and that depending on the mood I was choosing one or the other. Each may not know the existence of others .. Not necessarily, with some it does not pose a problem while others are more exclusive I had to juggle... Continue»
Posted by CinquantNERF 3 years ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Meeting up

Role-play time again! Fetishist fantasy only, sixth-form student over the age of consent, nothing else implied. Apart from that, zip down, get a grip and let's go.

It's after-school time and we've been exchanging some really filthy texts all day, mostly anatomically unlikely or downright unhygenic, and we're both in need of some extra-curricular activity before going home. We arrange to meet in the park, it’s got lots of secluded areas but there are always people passing through so there’s an element of danger should we decide to get up to anything naughty … which is why we’re there reall... Continue»
Posted by mariewilliams 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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My Big Fat Farty Friend 2

Alright you dirty fart fetishist fuckers?!

It's Danni, here again. A 26 British BBW who has more wind than a hurricane!

My mate whose profile this is told me all about how my last anecdote was so well received and that there's been a demand for more, so I've sat my big fat arse down (and don't you wish it was on your face and not this chair?) and decided to tell you another fart filled funny story. Trust me, I've got tons of them!

Have you ever been trapped in a lift?

I have.

Now think about it. A lift is a small tightly contained box with very little air. When it breaks down b... Continue»
Posted by gwensational 8 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  
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Cum cuisine excerpt

Planning to expand the story out more for future publication

My husband is a picky eater. Well, I take that back, he is a finicky, superstituous, overtly paranoid and down right trippy eater. The steak has to have the right amount of seasonings in it or he won't eat a bite.
Eggs have to be fried until they look, feel, and taste like rubber. Sweets can't be too sweet, but loads of chocolate on a sweet is ok. The fish can ONLY be wild caught, not farm raised (which had me hunting all over the beaches for a local fish market).
And his coffee? Freshly roasted and brewed each morning ... Continue»
Posted by juniysa 4 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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lil s****r...dam it

so me n my gf were layin in bed cuddlin wen reach dwn n startd 2 rub my cock. i told her 2 stop bcuz her lil s****r was aimlessly walkin around her house. she continue n got me hard. so i startd playin wit her tits. she got up,closed tha door n undressd. i did 2. she hops on top n stickz my cock inside her. she grabz my hands n places dem on her ass n tells me 2 smack it hard. about a minute into it her s****r walks in n she startd screamin. i push my gf n cover her wit a blanket. her s****r starts laughin n leaves. my gf was so embarress dat she gets dress (so do i) n tells me 2 leave.... Continue»
Posted by thamack408 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Lets Meet

WE TALKED ON THE PHONE AND YOU SOUNDED NERVOUS....TALKING MUCH SHIT TO A GIRL.....TELLING ME WHAT ALL YOU WOULD DO TO THE PUSSY..IM LIKE YEAH RIGHT ANOTHER MAN TELLING ME THAT THEY ARE GOING TO HIT IT LIKE IT NEED TO BE HITTED....

SO I SAT THERE LISTENING TO YOU BLOW ALL THIS STEAM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...THEN FINALLY I ASK YOU WAS YOU THROUGH USING UP YOUR ENERGY TALKING...YOU SAID HUH...I SAID ARE YOU THROUGH USING UP ALL OF YOUR ENERGY TALKING....

YOU ASK ME WHY..I SAY TO YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS....YOU GOT QUIET....I SAY DONT GET QUIET NOW...YOU WAS TALK... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Cum Face the Boyz

I am not sure if this story belongs under this category since it doesn't involve nudity, but I think this is the most appropriate place. Last week I went to visit the guy I am dating, Adam. We were hanging out alone at his parent's house (they were out) and we decided to order pizza. While waiting for the pizza we started to fool around a little bit in his living room, and I ended up giving him a blowjob. I was really getting into it (Adam's always into it!) when the doorbell rang. I immediately stopped and pulled my face away. At that same moment Adam ejaculated unexpectedly. After the first ... Continue»
Posted by oralTcmlvr 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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The Perils of Dating Supergirl, Part 2

Hi there!

My Name is Robert Shephard, but most people call me Bobby. I was living an average life, I had a good job teaching High School Chemistry, and was dating an absolute knock out named Linda. Then everything changed when I (through a complete fluke) discovered she was in reality Supergirl.


Messed up huh?

A Day after I discovered the truth I found myself Orbiting the Earth in a Massive Space Station called "Watchtower".

"This is the Coolest.....thing....ever!" I said pressing my face against the glass.

"It is beautiful isn't it." Kara said. "Sometimes I forget just how... Continue»
Posted by Johnny_Lee_Miller 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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SEXY KUWAIT LADY

That was winter days and she came from England after having vacations. Her house was in front row and there was a single street between our homes. In our area houses are quite big and no one knows that what is happening in someone’s home. My f****y has good terms with her f****y and we usually visit each other. This time she was alone and her daughters remained there and she came for selling her home. For this purpose she told my mom that she wants me to do this job as I have sound contacts in area. I readily accepted this assignment and met with her in her home. We were alone and she was tell... Continue»
Posted by fukkerguy 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Don't mess with Mr.Hanson (like Miemke Thorsu

A friend of mine -Ramon- said that Miemke Thorsun sat in my favorite-bar.
She stated before everyone in the bar that I was impotent and did not manage to fuck her.
Ramon said: Will you allow that cheap little whore to keep on like that or are you going to do something about it
I said: No, I guess I have to do something about it.
-Is it the usual gang that hangs in the bar?
-Yeah, you know ...ex-cons,bikers,freaks.Ramon laughed:
-I think I know what you gonna do Hans,you're gonna fuck her in the bar in front of all the guys.
I said:
-Not just fuck her, I will give her a good beating... Continue»
Posted by bigstrong 3 months ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor  |  
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USE ME


My head pulled back, your hand in my hair holding my head stiff.
The position designed to create it im possible for me to resist, you want to take me your way and I must obey..


I'm bent over with my kness on the bed,my legs parted wide...my hands tied at the wrists between my legs, the long rope trailing down the length of the bed.
"Uh.....UH.....UH......UH......UH.......UH......UH" All that can be heard from my mouth as you ride me brutally. I feel my body vibrating with the f***e of the thrusts, my tits and ass dancing like jelly.


"Fuck, your Pussy's tight..Take this..."
I... Continue»
Posted by jadeandjasmin 3 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Going back in time to give the first woman her first orgasm...hey, somebody had to do it...

Eve (A true story...OK, maybe not)

Hello people. Hope you are doing well out there in Fantasy Land. What, you say you are not in Fantasy Land? Oh you will be soon. Don't worry, because we are going deep into Fantasy Land. So deep, we may never return. And believe me, you will go to Fantasy Land with me. Even if I have to pick you up and sling you over my shoulder. So come with me, to Fantasy Land.

It all started innocently enough one fine day back in the eighties. If you recall f... Continue»
Posted by Exakta66 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Roxanne

“You still with the rug-muncher,” he said, putting his empty beer bottle down.
“If you mean Kirstie,” she replied. “Then yes.”
“Well, like I said Rox,” said Bumfelt. “It's been a long day. And as hot as you are, I'm not here for an angry I'm fucked off with my lesbian partner and what some dick fuck.”
“You think that's what this is?” replied Ballsakey. “Fuck you, Eddie.”
“Fuck me?”
“Yes. Fuck. You,” said Ballsakey. “You don't have to be a complete asshole.”
“I don't?” shrugged Bumfelt.
“No. You don't,” snapped Ballsakey, getting up from the chair, moving across the dining... Continue»
Posted by sirprecum 12 months ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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English Pastimes (A day at the races)

Well a good day out at the races never fails to get me horny,the Sport of Kings,
watching horses run round a track is fascinating, I am usually lucky and win my stake back by the end of the day.
But I really go for the spectacle, Ladies Day at Royal Ascot is excellent for people watching, get to wear a hat,generally be elegant and a lady for the day.
Well until the Champers hits my heels.
It was at such an occasion I was recruited for the Pony Club, I am the Strawberry Blonde who actually believes they have taken the word gullible out of the English Dictionary.
So I will begin...

Stand... Continue»
Posted by DiamondLife 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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