Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 77
Not only country boys know how to survive even though
the song that tells of their prowess would leave that
impression. We country girls have ways of seeing to
our needs also, and can do that quite well thank you.
One of our country girl needs is to keep down the
level of sexual stress to a point where we can
function otherwise. Of course, there are lots of ways
to do that and we usually find them and that's what
this little story is about, how I found mine.
I suppose I was like most girls in discovering the
exquisite pleasures my clitty could provide. My
fingers and th... Continue»
Frank Templemead was thirty year old marriage counsellor who was still single at 45. His girlfriend, a 40 year old, rather reserved school teacher, with whom he slept most week-ends, had always sort of satisfied him sexually but he felt there was something lacking.
He didn’t want to be disloyal to his lady friend but when he listened to his clients talking about their sex lives he began to feel quite out of touch with today’s sexuality and decided he needed more experience to be a better lover and more effective counsellor. Enter Celestine Camarillo.
Celestine was a 20 year yoga instruct... Continue»
This is the story about how I lost my virginity. Some of my f****y live in small towns and we i go to visit them, we party (btw, this story is one the main reasons i don't drink anymore). Here I am, enjoying myself, and then all of a sudden, Bam! There she was. She was hot and to be honest, I didn't think I had a change with her. However, with the help of my cousin, I meet her(totally forgot her name). So, were talking and all off a sudden she wanted to dance. In the middle of the 3rd slow jam, I seemed to have "poked" her. Next thing I know, were upstairs. I remember kissing, and getting suck... Continue»
I very rarely go to parties.
Most of the time I think of going to parties as some sort of a chore that I have to do for the person that I like that’s throwing the party, or the person that wants me to come with them. It’s just so hard for me to find interesting people to talk to, and I’m terrible about forcing a fake conversation. I just can’t do it anymore.
The only time parties are really fun for me besides the rare time when I get to talk to someone interesting, is when something fucked up happens.
So when I got a call from one of the guys I do jiu jitsu with, asking me if I wanted... Continue»
After the longest week I could remember, I came home to drown my sorrows with a long, hot shower. I stripped down and stepped in, feeling my cares begin to melt away under the hot droplets cascading down my body.
As I slowly soaped out the aches and pains from my tired muscles I suddenly decided to see if I could get in a session with my massage ther****t. This would just be what the ther****t ordered, so to speak, after such a long week.
I tried to call but there was no response. Damn. A sure sign they are either overbooked or busy. With the idea already set in my mind I quickly towel... Continue»
You wanna do what ?!!
I want you to lay down on your stomach. I'm gonna rub this vial of baby oil on your ass cheeks and then I'm going to rub my dick in the crack of your ass until I cum. Preferably, I'd like to rub said cum all over your ass cheeks with my dick.
Man, you crazy ... Crazy as fuck.
But I got money.
I pulled a loose wad of cash from my pocket and gestured towards the prostitute. She giggled like an old hag and reached for the money.
you sure that's all you wanna do right ? I mean you aint gonna slip inot the booty hole or nothin and cla... Continue»
__BASICS / MISCELLANEOUS
Pervert / m*****or.
Squatting, as in taking a shit.
Field shit, squatting position.
Take a leak (standing).
Take a pee.
Cross pissing; two guys go to the bathroom together.
Take a piss / Take a whiz.
Low class / V... Continue»
. Not for selling.
By Jay Jay
1: Accidental Introduction
Mandy could not believe she was falling victim to her own devices. Had she never pushed her father into the 21st century, she would not be in the predicament she is today. Mandy was born and raised on the f****y farm. She had left to go to college and had returned after gaining dual degrees in Computer Technology and Financial Accounting. But in the five years since she had left the fourth generation dairy farm; it had become apparent that the farm was in severe jeopardy. As she worked on her acc... Continue»
When I was uni-student. One day I was going to a book store by motorcycle.
I was aware a woman walking this way. Passing beyond, we turned our eyes each other.
I murmured "she is tight!" in my heart. When I was reading a book in a sotre, someone
stood by me and pushed stucked book down to my side ..
I faced that person. She was there! She didn't look at me but seemed to expect something.
After a while she moved to exit and stopped to face me for a moment.
I was too square to chase her. I should have done it.... Continue»
A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.
A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.
The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
In case you are wondering, this is a James Bond gay spoof.
Riding in a personal e****t vehicle and in the back, I felt nice and cozy in my suit and white tie. I looked down as I sat in the large seat and could feel a nice poking in my black trousers. A nice tent rising up to meet me as I got comfy in my dress slacks. Damn it felt so good to be horny!
The portable screen in front of me shut on and a white haired woman named B appeared. I almost closed my legs at the surprise. I was never used to that woman showing up unexpectedly.
"That's my name."
"Enough of your je... Continue»
The XXX Olympiad
"And welcome to Day Two of the round-up show of the Olympiad here in
London," a smart suited gentleman said to the camera in a clear voice with
a cheesy smirk. "And what a programme we have lined up for you today. It's
been thrills, excitement and plenty of action."
His co-host, a beautiful young lady with bouncing brunette hair and an
infectious smile nodded. "There's some great events coming up," she agreed
and the host leant back on the red sofa.
"First a look at the medal table." A screen popped up next to the autocue
and he turned to his co-host. "So Br... Continue»
Well, I have told you about two of my four Grannies, so it’s time to reminisce about Granny number three, Joan, a well built, sassy redhead from Chicago. She was somewhat stocky but made up for it with the nicest set of large boobs I have ever seen on a granny. They still had plenty of lift and always wore low cut tops; her cleavage poured out of her bra. Now being a big city girl she knew the score when it came to a guy like me. She knew I was fucking other women. I would call her looking for a date and she would ask “who did you fuck last night” I jokingly responded “it doesn’t matter, who... Continue»
Seriously, who hasn’t met a friend who’s sexy and all that?
And how many of us haven’t wondered how to have sex with a friend?
It feels so good to be bad. It feels even better to cross that boundary and play dirty, doesn’t it?
Life in the fast lane couldn’t get any faster in these days of fast love and raging hormones. It’s hard to get over the blues of being single especially when everyone around is either madly in love, or physically in love.
If lovers can do it, why not friends? After all, friends do share everything lovers share, other than physical intimacy.
Sex with a frie... Continue»
Nelliel was probably wishing she'd signed up to be tutored in the sword-arts by just about any other teacher in the world right now! This Kenpachi man... Something wasn't right about him... Well, maybe it should be more like there wasn't anything right about him! Worst of all was his height... Their teacher towered over the class at 202cm, making her one of the tallest men she'd ever seen, but he wasn't just tall, the man was looked strong, too!
Surely an instructor of students who still might as well be c***dren like them would be conducted with a taciturn and dignified approach, but all t... Continue»
Some women have now revealed what really scores with them between the sheets.
Single comedian Shazia Mirza, 34, said that some of her friends revealed that during sex they are mentally writing a to-do list, remembering clothes they have to wash, what they've got to buy at Tesco's or those shoes they love in Selfridges.
And some women even think of men they secretly fantasise of.
"A friend of mine, who really loves her husband, told me that during sex she can't help thinking about all the men she secretly really desires, like Jeremy Beadle and Jeremy Paxman," the Sun quoted her as s... Continue»
Trevor opened his eyes as the first rays of the Morning sun streamed through the open blinds.
"Did that really happen?" he asked himself. A quick glance at the bed next to him revealed Brad's lady friend Mandy, nude lying facedown in the bed. Trevor placed his hand on the small of her back and as he felt the warmth of her soft skin the events of the previous night came flooding back.
He noted that she couldn't have been less interested in him, and that it wasn't until he removed his glasses and looked at her with his naked eyes that she became sexually aroused. Perhaps the Crystallized... Continue»
So back to this evening, we drove off to the hotel, Julia and I marched through reception again, while my friend booked us in and got the key, same room, as we went to the room a door opened in front of us and the black waiter came out carrying his tunic, he smiled and walked past us back to the reception, “is that?” Julia asked, “yes, he seems popular all of a sudden” I said smiling at her, we got to the room and I threw myself onto the couch, kicking off my shoes as I chuckled at the recollection of what had happened,
Gerald came into the lounge from the bathroom where he ... Continue»
I opened my weak weary eyes, the glare from the bright sunshine obscured my vision,
as strange faces looked down upon me.
I could hear the sound of rolling waves from the sea, and my clothes felt heavy and wet.
My blonde hair was all matted from the salty water.
I had been lying u*********s on a sandy beach.
The handsome faces staring down at me were brown with a slight reddish tint to them.
I'd never seen faces like these before.
There was a mix of men and women, and some young boys and girls amongst the small crowd too.
They each had long strait thick black hair,
Both genders ... Continue»
I'm feeling pretty good today. An old friend of mine stopped by last night and we slept together. Susan is a gorgeous 38 year old redhead with a luscious body and a pair of really big breasts. When she gets excited, which is pretty much all the time, her nipples swell hugely. I swear that they become an inch long and they're very thick too. I just love to suck on them. Her clitoris swells hugely too and it is heaven to suck it into your mouth.
Susan and I didn't get to bed (sl**p) until pretty early this morning because we were in this 69 for two or three hours last night. I... Continue»