Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 76
Hey everyone. I got a pretty good response to my last story so I'm going to post something I discovered on my old hard drive - my writings from when I was about 14-16. When I was younger I used to write what was on my mind, so here it is! Also, if you notice any differences in this story and the last, its because I exaggerated a lot in the last one. This is all true however. (Note: I had a very odd writing style because I thought nobody would ever read it)
AAARGH! I WANT SOMEONE TO EAT ME OUT NOW!!!
I'M SICK OF PORN. I WANT FUCKING!
My tits are getting bigger now. They are so s... Continue»
1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.
4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacte... Continue»
After the morning wrestle, I decided to go fishing. AJ & Rina were still diving. The adults got back from mainland. The good news is they brought back enough beer to keep the twins and Maribel from continuing their reverse gang bang.
I never done fishing with a real fishing rod before so when I tried to throw the line, I got myself hooked at my right shoulder. I flinched from the pain and tried not to move so much so I wouldn't feel the small piece of metal injected in my skin rubbing my flesh. I didn't call out for help. Thinking my aunt would just get mad for being careless. Instead, I tr... Continue»
Beginner’s Meeting, A Play
Scene 1: A church basement. An odd looking assortment of people are sitting on metal folding chairs arranged in a circle. In the corner is a table with coffee and donuts.
Charles: Middle aged man, about 40 dressed in a plaid sweater. He is the group leader.
Pete: a.k.a. Pervert Pete, a graying man of about 60 dressed in a raincoat.
Bob: A fidgety man of about 35 who continually clutches an inflatable sheep.
Alan: Middle aged man of about 48 dressed casually in jeans and a dress shirt.
Carrie: Middle aged woman, about 45 dressed rather scantily. ... Continue»
The Italian Job 13
The following morning to a knock on the bedroom door, Hazel walked in with some coffee and toast on a tray, “morning sl**py head” she said “how are you this morning?” she asked “morning Kim” she said, as Kim shot out from under the covers, she looked at me “how did she know I was here?” she asked “she knows everything, I think she is a witch” I joked “ you had better believe it” Hazel replied, she went to open the curtains, she stopped, “you had better see this” she said, I looked and saw Maria laid outside of my window wrapped up in a blanket, she was physically shaking wi... Continue»
HOW THEY HAVE SEX
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest ... Continue»
This is what all girls had to say when we asked them to mention a few traits that they like or dislike about men. So if you haven’t been out with women, or haven’t been able to hold on to a steady girlfriend, take a look. With this, tomorrow could be your lucky day! we compiled a few turn on’s and a few turn off’s that the men can definitely use.
Things that Impress Women
2. Sense of Humor
7. Focused Goals
8. Great Imagination
9. Independent Streak
10. Passionate and Desirous
11. Bravery and Coura... Continue»
Moving into my new home was both exciting and a little scary. It gave me a feeling of accomplishment and independence, as I struck out on my own for the first time, to take on the world. The house is old and could use some tender loving care but it is all mine. A place where I would make all the decisions and accept all the responsibilities for them. All of my furniture is hand me downs from my f****y and friends. I hope to save some money so eventually I can buy all new things and decorate the whole house to be my dream home.
At first sl**ping in the old house was a little unpleas... Continue»
“Your hands, your mouth are to be helpers to my cock, as are those of your s****r!
She has made me cum, with her hands and mouth, more times than I can count!
At command, she hardens me, strokes me, licks, sucks, until the inevitable end of her skills, and then, what do you think happens? What do you suppose I do?
I shoot my cum, my semen, on her face. That is my greatest pleasure, but not by any means my only one. But soon, you will see for yourself what I will require from you”.
I will make no comment on the above variant version of the Marquis de Sade, except to say that it is ... Continue»
The Italian Job 18
I have re-submitted this one after some confusion, so if it crops up again, just ignore it, this one may be a bit of a tear jerker so ladies have your hankies ready.
Several weeks past and all was relatively quiet but I was troubled, something was bugging me and I could not make up my mind, I said nothing to Ellie but finally succumbed and went to Genoa, I knew the address and parked outside, I sat in the car for an hour trying to get up the courage to go and knock on the door, finally I went to the door, I knocked and a tall elegant middle aged Italian woman answered th... Continue»
My plan to soften the Stone wall that was Erin Hardy was entering it's second week. After five days of one-sided banter I found myself contemplating another strategy.
"I'm gonna join the Crew!" I said with a smile.
"You wanna join Erin's crew...why?" Mouse asked.
"To get close to her and win her over man."
"And how do you plan to do that my good sir." he asked.
"Phase one, I steal her truck."
"I'd like to see you try, they never leave it unguarded for long."
"Yeah that would be a problem if I didn't already do it." I said handing him my iPhone. On the screen was a sn... Continue»
One Week Later....
As I regained my strength in my room. Ben was there every day keeping me aprised of his research. "Dude!" he said bursting into my room. "Guess what I found!" he added. "What?" I asked lampooning his excitement. "I found THE Milo Rembaldi expert, his name is Dr. Michael Reyerson!" "And this helps us how?" I asked. "Because not only is he the Rembaldi expert he's also his great grandson. He was Born Milo Michael Rembaldi!" "We gotta talk to this guy, he has to have answers!" I said sitting up. "The only drawback is that he lives and works in Coleman...that's 40 miles away!... Continue»
On the drive back to my apartment we stop at a red light, my attention turns to you, the lights of the city shine upon you, in such a way as I have never seen before, I begin to drink you in with my eyes, your flowing crimson hair, your gorgeous emerald eyes; I brush through your hair with my hand gently leaving it on your rosie cheeks, I draw you in for a kiss, as we embrace your lips quivers ,slightly, with anticipation, my kiss tender and soft, as tasting of the chocolate cake we shared for desert. We pull into the parking lot of my apartment. I exit the truck and quickly come open your doo... Continue»
The Italian Job 6
This story contains some reference to what can only be described as c***d abuse so if you are of a nervous disposition or hate anything of this nature then close it now but as it is a part of the overall tale then I must tell it, I apologise in advance if I offend anyone, it is not intentional.
I returned to the village and as suspected faced an inquisition from Maria, she wanted to know all about my weekend with Rosanna, what was her house like?, did she really live alone?, was it wild sex?, was anyone else there?, and last but not least did I prefer Roseanna to Maria or ... Continue»
Teri Sue walked down the yellow brick-road wearing her trademark red-riding hood and carrying a basket with cake and wine for her grand-aunt. She was in a rather good mood as the sun shone on her smiling face with its rosy cheeks. The weather was perfect for the delighting trip she had been looking forward to for so long.
Her shoes, also the same color red as her hood, clapped on the yellow bricks in an upbeat rhythm and you could tell how full of energy she was having just started on her trip. She felt like singing and started humming a melody that she made up as she went along. Her a****l c... Continue»
The sun filtered in through the window, its golden rays warming my naked flesh as I awoke.
I pushed the thin sheet covering back even further and smiled dreamily as I felt a pulse of sexual energy wash over me.
Lazily, I traced my fingers around the fullest part of my breasts, enjoying how heightened my senses were on this gorgeous sunny day. My skin tingled as fingertip connected to flesh, and I trailed a line down my body becoming more aroused by the moment.
My pelvic region began to pulsate as I teased myself running my fingers up and down my legs, and I felt myself becoming wetter... Continue»
Not really a true story...but, it sounds like fun...
My Girlfriend Told Me She's Gay
I had a girlfriend who told me she's gay,
My first reaction was to say "No way."
I gave this situation some heavy thought,
It seemed so against everything I was taught,
I told her she just had to go,
Who it was I didn't want to know,
I told her she could do what she like,
I didn't want to meet this other dyke,
Then in a while instead of being furious,
I found myself becoming a bit curious,
What she told me nearly put me in shock,
She'd been dating the girl down the block,
The on... Continue»
A few months ago my husband and I looked at all different brands of the vibration platform physical fitness machines displayed at a Zoomer Show. After testing all of the exercise positions shown on the visual guide (particularly the sitting ones), I decided that the Turbovibe Light suited my personal requirements the best. I particularly liked the dual motors concept and the flexibility of the electronic remote programming features. All of the other machines at the show had a complex superstructure that I felt impeded diagonal access to the plate area, thus limiting my inventive routines.
I will be posting tips and techniques learned over the years. I may do a book but for your edification/education...
And I am pretty much a normal nice guy who is too much a giver,(why so many labels...I'm an American first)and loves women. I will write in that context. Man for women. If you're gay/lesbian/tranny/granny/etc. apply the situation to yours. I can't write for everyone's satisfaction, but mine first.
Look in the mirror. Who do you see. Answer it before you go looking for sex, love, etc. Not just the physical but the spiritual, social, mental. Are you someone yo... Continue»
Babymoons: Holidays when pregnant
Holidaying when you’re expecting is now so popular there’s even a name for it. Practical Parenting has these must-read tips for going on a ‘babymoon'
Holidays for parents-to-be are a growing trend – so much so that resorts and hotels around the world are marketing special packages specifically aimed at ‘babymooners’.
If you’re healthy and well, holidaying with a bump is a great way to relax and enjoy a bit of alone time with your partner pre-bub. But before you pack your bags and book your flights, it pays to do some homework.
The best time
The ... Continue»