Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 75

Picking up a guy

“Ernst, do you like me?” She looked at him with her big blue eyes, her long eye lashes fluttering exaggeratedly.
“Of course. I think you’re great… and beautiful too.”
“But you’ve never made a pass at me?” she said with a hurt expression.
“Everybody thought you were unavailable,” he said.
“Yeah I guess that was true, but now I am… so… are you going to make a pass at me?”
He looked into her earnest blue eyes “Well in that case yes, but I left the instructions in my bag.”
She smiled. “I can save you the time… we can go to my home if you like? My parents are at work.”
“OK, I like that ide... Continue»
Posted by FredNerk 12 months ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Winter Vacation

(Young couple help their best friend out of depression)

Cathy and Paul had been married for almost five years. They met in college, dated for two years and were married even before they finished school. The first year was tight but when they finally graduated they were both fortunate to land jobs quickly. This helped them to buy a house and move on to living life.

Paul’s friends harassed him about getting married so soon but Cathy is very beautiful and knew he couldn’t let her slip away.

Cathy is 5’5” 126 lbs. and has full firm breasts with nipples that will stick out almost an inch w... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Walking Dead Sex

Your all alone and sacred in the woods. It's been days since you got separated from your group. Your hungry, scared and and being followed by 3 walkers. As you try to run you trip over a fallen tree, you look up and a walker is almost on top of you. You close your eyes and wait for the bite the will turn you into on of them. Just as you have given up hope a gunshot rings out in the quiet forest and the walkers head explodes covering you in zombie filth. You turn to see who save you and there she is. One of the hottest girls you have ever seen. Two more shots ring out and the other walkers drop... Continue»
Posted by drew1207 1 year ago  |  Categories: Anal, BDSM, Sex Humor  |  
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Mind-Blowing Head

It''s story time. My first time story so take it easy on me. The year was 2005. I had been separated from my wife forever, and we were pretty much done anyways. I always joke and say I was married on a Monday and in the club by Friday lol. Anyways my best friend decided I needed to go with him to his home one weekend. I figured why not. He had a girlfriend who had a friend who wanted to meet up. I was like cool, let's go. We get to my friends moms house(who happened to be out of town) that Friday nite. Me and my friend start drinking and his girl calls and says they are on they're way. 30 mins... Continue»
Posted by nasty2012 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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Seduction Of Young Nurse


My duty is to look after her husband while she is out most of time shopping or with her friends. I often give sedatives to Mr Sharma so that he can have a peaceful sl**p. I once saw a collection of porn movies in their closet and began to watch them when the wife was away and husband was sl**ping. I would put the volume low and watch porn and then put the movie back. I would sit on the sofa and rub my pussy and cum by fingering myself. Porn collection was very hot. I would dress more casually in skirts and loose tops as I became more comfortable with the couple and they loved me. I am avera... Continue»
Posted by jpjai007 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Omegle Roleplay: Random day at the office

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You both like roleplay.

You: Its 3pm, you get to your desk and on your computer you get an anonymous message: “You look great in that skirt today!”
Stranger: I'm kinda startled, but, after a second, answer anyway. "Thanks, I guess... Who is this?"
You: I chuckle and respond: "Well that would spoil the fun, if i told you, wouldn't it?"
Stranger: "How do you even know I'm wearing a skirt? I don't have a webcam..." I start feeling a little uncomfortable.
You: "You passed right by me today" (you work in a big office with lots of desks)
S... Continue»
Posted by mayhem13 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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come with me to the casbar

Well my first blog entry was about my first swinger party , which went quite well , but I also learn that you not really a gamer until you go to an actually swingers club . Swinger parties are usually thrown by a home owner who invites their friends and other like minded people within their network, but swinger clubs is like going to a night club , but with one catch you can most likely fuck someone inside the club with little or no game , because everyone there is also looking for a sexual encounter. Most of the work is already done, all you need is walk around the room and see you like and s... Continue»
Posted by rudepunkfoc174 2 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  
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SEX IN JOURNEY

I am 26 old guy having a hunger for sex 24/7, I own a tool which is not gigantic as its described in the stories here, I have a 6.5 inch tool with a 2.5 inch circumference. I am working for a reputed company as a territory manager in Hyderabad. I have to travel a lot within AP and Pune. Few months back we had a requirement in one of our centers and had to hire a junior for which we started hiring. And one of the candidates was Bindu; she was 25 silky hair and stats of 32 24 36. Damn she was hot and I already made my plans of fucking her soon. I interviewed her and obviously selected her. Few w... Continue»
Posted by fukkerguy 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Risking Death for a Piece of Ass

Attending a seminar in Chicago was not Curt Whalen’s idea of fun, particularly in the winter but his boss insisted. It was only a two day event on the last evening he decided to take in a little bit of local culture and he wandered around a few streets basically people watching.

He was thinking of heading back to his hotel when the flashing sign from a small bar caught his eye. Wandering in it seemed friendly enough, he ordered a drink and then noticed a very beautiful girl sitting a few empty stools away from him.

She was really quite gorgeous, she had a tantalizing pair of legs wound a... Continue»
Posted by Belle_Sunshine 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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Fantasy

Walking to my desk, I dropped my damp towel to the floor and grabbed some lotion. The cool liquid soothed my heated skin from the shower as I massaged it into my body; thinking of his warm lips tending softly to the sensitive skin of my neck suddenly made me very aroused. I closed my eyes as I ran my hands gently over my breasts; his hot tongue flicking across my nipple in the forefront of my mind. My whole body heated up as thoughts of Eddie fucking me built up, and I soon found myself on the soft duvet of my bed with my hands between my legs. Eddie always knew what he was doing; he always kn... Continue»
Posted by ella-x 1 year ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  
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sex story patr I (sonnnyla) for me

You receive an email. 'I will drive the van, meet me under the lampost down at **** stree, 10:45pm'.. where your hottest outfit, and sexiest underwear
(next day) . Drivings tough, the fog thick everywhere, from the van I see what appears to be a high end e****t in a red overcoat, the light from the lampost shines down upon her. Her hair is glistening. locks flowing, lips so juicy, Her nipples appear to be erect under the lights gaze.I pull over ... 'get in the back'.
The van door closes and remains the same for 30 mins. It stops, arriving at what appears to be a lush hotel. 'Ladies first',... Continue»
Posted by JessicaBrown 2 years ago  |  Categories: Voyeur, Sex Humor, Fetish  |  
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back seat blowy

I had just broke up with my ex and met a girl in a town 30 mins away and my buddy was interested in her friend so it was good for both of us to drive there, we got there and the girls looked great and being kinda hick my buddy and i looks well hick, we went to a movie and then got a bit to eat (it was summer and nice out) we then desided that we could both push i luck if we go outta town were there was a park so we went there and me and the girl i hard my eye on went to the play ground and my buddy and his girl were walking around me and the girl started making out and bein inosent she was a l... Continue»
Posted by freek0418 5 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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Happy 2013 Newyear

2012-2013!
by Peter Leo.
approaching the door of our suite, with key in hand, i think with a frown how late business took me and that you’ll be fast asl**p. so knowing my fate, with the stealth of a cat burglar, i quietly slip the key into the lock of the knob. pushing the door open i enter soundlessly. wanting, but not wanting to wake you. i listen in hopes that you aren’t sl**p. but as i make my way into the darkened room, i see your cloths strewn over a chair near the bed. making out your soft steady breathing, that of someone lost in dreamland. “damn”, i mumble.
... Continue»
Posted by waxbat 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  
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fuck

1. Cut your finger nails!
This is such a simple little thing, but it goes a long way. You will be hard pressed to find any area on her body more sensitive than her vagina (inside and out), and the LAST thing you want to do is completely ruin the mood with a scratch. How do you know if your nails are cut short enough? Touch your gums with the tips of your fingers, how do they feel? If you're not sure, cut them. (If you're having daily sex with your partner, you might be cutting your fingernails as often as every 2-3 days.) But believe me, it's THAT important.
2. Listen and pay attention (in b... Continue»
Posted by manaliheel 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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Why do so many people want me to friend them?

Why is it so many people want to be my friend? I mean seriously. You don't have to be friends with somebody in order to be friends. Some of my best friends aren't my friends, but we're really, REALLY GOOD friends. Then on the other hand, some of my friends aren't friends at all. We're just friends, is all. It's a shame, but that the way it is sometimes.

So why do you want to be my friend? We don't know each other. Out of the clear blue you swoop down and say, "HEY! You want to be friends?" --I don't know you! For all I know, you could be an axe murderer! Or worse, you co... Continue»
Posted by George178 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  
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LittleMissLipService offers Doug an Apology

Hi all....I have been so bad about posting stories here,
I actually enjoy writing when I have the time and have many, many great true stories that I want to share with all of you naughty perverts ;)

So watch this space for several new stories shortly.....
This is an entry that I wanted to share with you about something that happened earlier this evening when I offered to take a fellow Xhamster writer's fantasy and flesh it out into a story...... They had no interest in doing it and I and several other readers thought it started out very sexily and then just died off - we wanted our Happ... Continue»
Posted by LittleMissLipService 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Shemales  |  
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A Kiss is Still a Kiss

Introduction:
Growing up in the same neighbourhood as Amy Jones and Samantha Williams, he'd known them from a distance since they were both knee-high to a grasshopper.
Growing up in the same neighbourhood as Amy Jones and Samantha Williams, he'd known them from a distance since they were both knee-high to a grasshopper. But he couldn't remember a single time when the two of them were not together.

If either of them had been in the least bit plain, they would have drawn snide comments from other schoolc***dren about their sexuality, no doubt, perhaps even earning nicknames suggesting that ... Continue»
Posted by qudduse 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  
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Free Greek nude camping - pt1

Early summer, I clot from everyday life and I realized that is Saturday morning that I have no obligations.
Oops I'm thinking, I will go to the sea. I make a couple of phone calls to some girlfriends, but naught.
Checking forecast, fickle weather.
Fuck the weather I say, I am loading the necessaries for a nudist beach with free camping and I depart.
Noon'm there. Loaded tents, mattresses, food, etc., descend the cliff of about 150 meters to get to the shore and ... there I am.
On another planet, the secluded beach with woods behind, right and left large rocks in front of me the light blue... Continue»
Posted by saloniko 3 months ago  |  Categories: Group Sex, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  
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Frustration Contact. (Short Story) Also seen on L

The queue, waiting for the first lift is large, but my eyes focus happily on the blonde hair of a woman ahead of me, rather than the floor indicator above each lift. I love women like her, slim, mature, maybe even over fifty, dressed in a suit, shiny hair in a bob style, elegant and feminine.

I am going into the same lift as her, just so that I may gaze discretely at her and enjoy her good looks. My head thrills at the possibility that she has a thin blouse and underneath, a Camisole top. Utterly divine!

The right hand lift arrives and a mass of people shuffle sideways to get it, but ... Continue»
Posted by matureworship 3 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Mature, Sex Humor  |  
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WILL'S FANTASY PART 1

I come to be with you in USA.
You take me to your home and we talk as you get me settled in the guest room.
Wanting to take things slow till we both feel ready for more.
We grow closer as the days go by and I know what I want.
I go to the garage to help you fix the car ,wearing a dress and bringing a small hamper of snacks (short bread biscuits,strawberries ,whipped cream and chocolate sauce )for later ...
I stand there ,in the door way ,smiling as you tell me I am not dressed for garage work...
You hand me overalls...
I look into your eyes & smile at you then drop my gaze & gigg... Continue»
Posted by JerseyBean 5 years ago  |  Categories: BDSM, Fetish, Sex Humor  |  
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