Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 75
Frank Templemead was thirty year old marriage counsellor who was still single at 45. His girlfriend, a 40 year old, rather reserved school teacher, with whom he slept most week-ends, had always sort of satisfied him sexually but he felt there was something lacking.
He didn’t want to be disloyal to his lady friend but when he listened to his clients talking about their sex lives he began to feel quite out of touch with today’s sexuality and decided he needed more experience to be a better lover and more effective counsellor. Enter Celestine Camarillo.
Celestine was a 20 year yoga instruct... Continue»
Not only country boys know how to survive even though
the song that tells of their prowess would leave that
impression. We country girls have ways of seeing to
our needs also, and can do that quite well thank you.
One of our country girl needs is to keep down the
level of sexual stress to a point where we can
function otherwise. Of course, there are lots of ways
to do that and we usually find them and that's what
this little story is about, how I found mine.
I suppose I was like most girls in discovering the
exquisite pleasures my clitty could provide. My
fingers and th... Continue»
After the longest week I could remember, I came home to drown my sorrows with a long, hot shower. I stripped down and stepped in, feeling my cares begin to melt away under the hot droplets cascading down my body.
As I slowly soaped out the aches and pains from my tired muscles I suddenly decided to see if I could get in a session with my massage ther****t. This would just be what the ther****t ordered, so to speak, after such a long week.
I tried to call but there was no response. Damn. A sure sign they are either overbooked or busy. With the idea already set in my mind I quickly towel... Continue»
Men go to strip clubs to see tits and ass. Nothing else. Yeah occasionally a beer wont hurt. But Melvin Thomas goes for the happy hour whereby he gets nachos and a bowl of pretzels at no charge to go along with his 7up. Melvin married early when he was 18, right after highschool. Now at 38 years, his marriage had become as interesting as a senior citzen golf tournament. Thats why he went regularily to strip clubs to see two things he never saw back home; beautiful women and food. Today he enter the club wih pair of jean shorts that had month old mustard stains on them and an old blue faded po... Continue»
I am not sure who suggested truth or dare but we all seemed up for it.
There were 6 of us all together you me and two other couples.
It started pretty tame, truths about hoe many people we had slept with, telling fantasies ect .....
I think everyone was getting a bit horny from listening to all this talk if sex and with quite a few drinks down our necks we were all up for some dare's!
One of the girls seemed a bit apprehensive when you asked her to show how she gives head on a banana so we came to an agreement that we would have teams. Boys against girls.
We all did the dare, i showed ... Continue»
When a relationship fails, it leaves one wondering what went wrong in an absolutely perfect relationship. Some relationships aren’t able to stand the test of time due to the various differences between the couple.
These differences do not crop up within a single day and it takes various steps to lead a relationship to its breakdown. From a woman’s perspective, here are 5 tips which can help you guys make your relationship a better experience for your girl and yourself as well. As the saying goes, “Sometimes love just ain’t enough,” hence, we bring you certain tips that might help you fill t... Continue»
I very rarely go to parties.
Most of the time I think of going to parties as some sort of a chore that I have to do for the person that I like that’s throwing the party, or the person that wants me to come with them. It’s just so hard for me to find interesting people to talk to, and I’m terrible about forcing a fake conversation. I just can’t do it anymore.
The only time parties are really fun for me besides the rare time when I get to talk to someone interesting, is when something fucked up happens.
So when I got a call from one of the guys I do jiu jitsu with, asking me if I wanted... Continue»
My Wife and I felt very uncomfortable with a situation to be happened a few years ago ...
There was a business meeting with a supporting programm for golfers. So, we decided to go together there ...
We worked hard at day an had a funny evening in the wine yards benath RHINE, Germany ...
And, as always, we belonged to the last at the bar ...
You have to know, that SHE can squirt as hell, when she is in the right mood ...
This night she was in the right mood, and so were I ...
Next day we had business as usual and in the afternoon some golfing ...
The next and last morning, ... Continue»
As soon as the door closed to her place Debbie started squeezing me tight. Before I knew it I was the one with my dress around my ankles. Soon I was being pulled down the hall to Debbie's bedroom. While I sat on her bed, Debbie went in her bathroom to freshen up.
When she came out she was wearing a sexy red night gown. If it weren't for the fact it was a size 6X you might have thought Debbie bought the thing at Victoria's Secret.
Debbie was one big fat fuck of a woman. I used to sa... Continue»
You wanna do what ?!!
I want you to lay down on your stomach. I'm gonna rub this vial of baby oil on your ass cheeks and then I'm going to rub my dick in the crack of your ass until I cum. Preferably, I'd like to rub said cum all over your ass cheeks with my dick.
Man, you crazy ... Crazy as fuck.
But I got money.
I pulled a loose wad of cash from my pocket and gestured towards the prostitute. She giggled like an old hag and reached for the money.
you sure that's all you wanna do right ? I mean you aint gonna slip inot the booty hole or nothin and cla... Continue»
__BASICS / MISCELLANEOUS
Pervert / m*****or.
Squatting, as in taking a shit.
Field shit, squatting position.
Take a leak (standing).
Take a pee.
Cross pissing; two guys go to the bathroom together.
Take a piss / Take a whiz.
Low class / V... Continue»
When I was uni-student. One day I was going to a book store by motorcycle.
I was aware a woman walking this way. Passing beyond, we turned our eyes each other.
I murmured "she is tight!" in my heart. When I was reading a book in a sotre, someone
stood by me and pushed stucked book down to my side ..
I faced that person. She was there! She didn't look at me but seemed to expect something.
After a while she moved to exit and stopped to face me for a moment.
I was too square to chase her. I should have done it.... Continue»
In case you are wondering, this is a James Bond gay spoof.
Riding in a personal e****t vehicle and in the back, I felt nice and cozy in my suit and white tie. I looked down as I sat in the large seat and could feel a nice poking in my black trousers. A nice tent rising up to meet me as I got comfy in my dress slacks. Damn it felt so good to be horny!
The portable screen in front of me shut on and a white haired woman named B appeared. I almost closed my legs at the surprise. I was never used to that woman showing up unexpectedly.
"That's my name."
"Enough of your je... Continue»
A vicar asks his congregation if anyone would like to express thanks for their answered prayers.
A young woman makes her way to the front of the church and turns to face the congregation. "I would like to give thanks to my answered prayers! she announces. "Six months ago, my husband, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was agonizing and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
A stifled gasp came from every man in the congregation as they imagined the pain that the poor man must have experienced.
The young woman continued, "My ... Continue»
I opened my weak weary eyes, the glare from the bright sunshine obscured my vision,
as strange faces looked down upon me.
I could hear the sound of rolling waves from the sea, and my clothes felt heavy and wet.
My blonde hair was all matted from the salty water.
I had been lying u*********s on a sandy beach.
The handsome faces staring down at me were brown with a slight reddish tint to them.
I'd never seen faces like these before.
There was a mix of men and women, and some young boys and girls amongst the small crowd too.
They each had long strait thick black hair,
Both genders ... Continue»
Seriously, who hasn’t met a friend who’s sexy and all that?
And how many of us haven’t wondered how to have sex with a friend?
It feels so good to be bad. It feels even better to cross that boundary and play dirty, doesn’t it?
Life in the fast lane couldn’t get any faster in these days of fast love and raging hormones. It’s hard to get over the blues of being single especially when everyone around is either madly in love, or physically in love.
If lovers can do it, why not friends? After all, friends do share everything lovers share, other than physical intimacy.
Sex with a frie... Continue»
The XXX Olympiad
"And welcome to Day Two of the round-up show of the Olympiad here in
London," a smart suited gentleman said to the camera in a clear voice with
a cheesy smirk. "And what a programme we have lined up for you today. It's
been thrills, excitement and plenty of action."
His co-host, a beautiful young lady with bouncing brunette hair and an
infectious smile nodded. "There's some great events coming up," she agreed
and the host leant back on the red sofa.
"First a look at the medal table." A screen popped up next to the autocue
and he turned to his co-host. "So Br... Continue»
47 Don`t call me Mum
Now I need to tell you my name is Wooster, not Berty from the book, but Tim, Tim Wooster, my body is large and my friends call me “big woose” for some reason and Freddy my mate refers to me a Forrest Gump though I don’t understand that either.
My mother when I was born 18 years back, had to have me adopted as she, being so young could not cope with a c***d at that time, so I have been searching for her for some time. Anyway I had one of those “genes recalled” efforts for Christmas and bingo it gave mothers name and grandfathers as well.
So being a nosey git ... Continue»
Some women have now revealed what really scores with them between the sheets.
Single comedian Shazia Mirza, 34, said that some of her friends revealed that during sex they are mentally writing a to-do list, remembering clothes they have to wash, what they've got to buy at Tesco's or those shoes they love in Selfridges.
And some women even think of men they secretly fantasise of.
"A friend of mine, who really loves her husband, told me that during sex she can't help thinking about all the men she secretly really desires, like Jeremy Beadle and Jeremy Paxman," the Sun quoted her as s... Continue»
Trevor opened his eyes as the first rays of the Morning sun streamed through the open blinds.
"Did that really happen?" he asked himself. A quick glance at the bed next to him revealed Brad's lady friend Mandy, nude lying facedown in the bed. Trevor placed his hand on the small of her back and as he felt the warmth of her soft skin the events of the previous night came flooding back.
He noted that she couldn't have been less interested in him, and that it wasn't until he removed his glasses and looked at her with his naked eyes that she became sexually aroused. Perhaps the Crystallized... Continue»