Sex Humor Porn Stories
Page 75

Lets Meet

WE TALKED ON THE PHONE AND YOU SOUNDED NERVOUS....TALKING MUCH SHIT TO A GIRL.....TELLING ME WHAT ALL YOU WOULD DO TO THE PUSSY..IM LIKE YEAH RIGHT ANOTHER MAN TELLING ME THAT THEY ARE GOING TO HIT IT LIKE IT NEED TO BE HITTED....

SO I SAT THERE LISTENING TO YOU BLOW ALL THIS STEAM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...THEN FINALLY I ASK YOU WAS YOU THROUGH USING UP YOUR ENERGY TALKING...YOU SAID HUH...I SAID ARE YOU THROUGH USING UP ALL OF YOUR ENERGY TALKING....

YOU ASK ME WHY..I SAY TO YOU PUT UP OR SHUT UP...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS....YOU GOT QUIET....I SAY DONT GET QUIET NOW...YOU WAS TALK... Continue»
Posted by ladytrucka42 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Hardcore, Sex Humor  |  Views: 607  |  
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Advice for you men...er, BOYS

When I was younger, before I had my male cherry taken by a beautiful, sweet, caring, and VERY patient woman (Did I mention BEAUTIFUL? They're ALL beautiful in their own way!)I was like a blind, starving dog in a meat house! When you're not getting it, oftentimes you just want to rip her clothes off and jam that thing right into her quick! Get it in, get it out! "It won't hurt, did it?!" Nah, hah, hay!! It's like when you want to get a car loan: you aren't gonna get it unless you really don't need it! Same with getting laid. The best luck I ever had as a pussy magnet was just AFTER I ma... Continue»
Posted by Volfy 2 years ago  |  Categories: Mature, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 607  |  
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Meeting up

Role-play time again! Fetishist fantasy only, sixth-form student over the age of consent, nothing else implied. Apart from that, zip down, get a grip and let's go.

It's after-school time and we've been exchanging some really filthy texts all day, mostly anatomically unlikely or downright unhygenic, and we're both in need of some extra-curricular activity before going home. We arrange to meet in the park, it’s got lots of secluded areas but there are always people passing through so there’s an element of danger should we decide to get up to anything naughty … which is why we’re there reall... Continue»
Posted by mariewilliams 9 months ago  |  Categories: Fetish, Sex Humor  |  Views: 606  |  
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English Pastimes (A day at the races)

Well a good day out at the races never fails to get me horny,the Sport of Kings,
watching horses run round a track is fascinating, I am usually lucky and win my stake back by the end of the day.
But I really go for the spectacle, Ladies Day at Royal Ascot is excellent for people watching, get to wear a hat,generally be elegant and a lady for the day.
Well until the Champers hits my heels.
It was at such an occasion I was recruited for the Pony Club, I am the Strawberry Blonde who actually believes they have taken the word gullible out of the English Dictionary.
So I will begin...

Stand... Continue»
Posted by DiamondLife 2 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 606  |  
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Self Service

(With a little help, he sucks his own cock)

After reading some erotic stories from men who enjoy eating their own cum, I was very aroused, though I've never been much into that. I never even like kissing my wife after she gave me head. For some reason I just couldn't shake these thoughts.

One day after reading some very hot stories, I needed to jerk off. In one of the stories a man sucked his woman's pussy after she had just been fucked by 2 other guys. This got me wondering again if maybe I was missing something, so I decided to try tasting my own jiz.

However, after I came, this des... Continue»
Posted by KingAmir 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 604  |  
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The learning curve

The learning curve
This story is based on an e mail I received from a “friend” who swore it was a true episode, her husband of two years, she reported as being; a “ half empty oil can and a brick short of a full load as well!”
As a blush saving exercise we will refer to him as Nigel and her as Tina, they live in a modern brick semi detached suburban estate, known locally as filofax ally, full of bottom rung wanabee stockbrokers.
He, Nigel came from well bred stock with money, and had been sent to the city to learn a trade, probably to get him away from home, not bright enough to dri... Continue»
Posted by alibodge 8 months ago  |  Categories: First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 604  |  
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Peter's Pointer

It was nearly midnight and Molly was bored out of her mind. Her friend Peter was here and he insisted that she took the bed. It was extremely hot out but that didn't seem to bother Peter. They chatted about school and parents for awhile until Peter changed the conversation to relation ships...
"So who's the lucky guy that gets to spend lunch with you?" asked Peter mockingly.
"Peter shut up.. you know I don't have a boyfriend.. and what about you and Sarah?" Tutted Molly with a hint of jealousy. Peter laughed and said something about breaking up with her a couple days ago but something else ... Continue»
Posted by sluef 3 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 603  |  
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To Be Kneaded Like This Was GREAT!!

I am a 61 year old man living in Florida who has always been healthy and rarely ever sees a doctor. However, about 6 months ago I had an auto accident that caused an injury to my neck. After my surgery, part of my recovery included physical therapy and massage therapy. I found a good physical ther****t and worked out diligently 3 times per week. After a week of working out and feeling a bit tight I remembered the massage script and checked the phone book and one ad caught my eye. There was a ther****t not even 5 miles from my home so I called and made my first massage appointment. However, the... Continue»
Posted by Margar 2 years ago  |  Categories: Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 602  |  
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Friends: Achieving Phase Three

FRIENDS: Deleted Scenes - Achieving Phase Three

Since Ross and Joey were unavailable, the girls had taken Chandler to a strip club to help him get over breaking up with Kathy. "Getting to Phase Three" is what the guys called it. Unfortunately, things didn't go well, and Chandler was still despondent as they returned to his apartment. Kneeling around him as he sat in this favorite chair, they tried to get him to talk about his feelings, but that didn't work either.

"Okay, look, I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave," Chandler said firmly.

Monica objected, "Come on! Chandler!"

"Look... Continue»
Posted by dudeman_85 7 months ago  |  Categories: Celebrities, Group Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 602  |  
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Dancing with Danger

by Milliemoon



"So you can see my problem. I know you are usually busy on Friday nights but I just wondered..."

My mom, Sandra, seemed to run out of steam and sat back heavily on the sofa as I stood and looked at her.

"You want me to go with you to your company's annual dinner and dance?"

I guess the astonishment sounded in my voice because she shook her head.

"No, no, it's ok, I'll see if Jean can come with me."

Jean was my mother's best friend, a lovely lady, but somehow not the best partner for a posh do.

"You don't have to ask Jean, I would love to com... Continue»
Posted by Erocus 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, Sex Humor, Voyeur  |  Views: 600  |  
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Sarah and Daniela


This piece is a chapter extracted from my novel "Toggenburg" a lesbian love story set in the mountains of Switzerland which I've posted in case any Xhamster reader might enjoy it.


Toggenburg Thirty.

“We are going to get wet!” declared Sarah firmly. It was a fair analysis as she and Daniela stood huddled in the doorway of the Hotel Toggenburg contemplating the wretched weather before them. It was still raining heavily and the wind was blowing the sheets of rain around in a bewildering variety of directions. Umbrellas promised to be hazardous accessories ra... Continue»
Posted by Mikebasil 3 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 599  |  
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The first day to school, part 1.

The first day to school, where I really do not feel like after that wonderful weeks on vacation in Rome.
I really reluctantly went to school and then I had to also introduce my self to all the new people. Phew!
I pulled me nothing and looked around to find. Place a free Back I saw an empty seat and I walked past the other students back to the table at the back of the room, where I then took place.
I looked a bit around me and saw people chatting with each other, it was mainly girls I saw sitting.
Completely in the other corner of the room I saw a girl like me who, it seemed, no one kne... Continue»
Posted by soesar 1 year ago  |  Categories: First Time, Lesbian Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 594  |  
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Heavenly Mother



It was a dark and stormy night. Rain was coming down in sheets and wind was sweeping it around furiously. Doors and windows were trembling against the onslaught of both air and water; as was Nitin because of the resulting cold.

It was a dreadful night. The blanket over him was not thick enough to keep the cold from seeping in and the small electric heater next to his bed was too weak to keep anything warm. There was a certain comfort in the red glow coming from
... Continue»
Posted by bava12 1 year ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Interracial Sex, Sex Humor  |  Views: 594  |  
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Bathroom Break

~Bathroom Break~

Karl walks into the bathroom in his school with his head hung down at the white tiles on the floor. He raises his head and turns toward the urinals. Karl gives off a small sigh as he takes out his semi - hard dick.

"What I wouldn't do for some dick right now." Karl said to himself while flushing his self out. Karl was admiring his soft light caramel skin in the mirror, when he then heard a soft moan coming out of the light gray stall. He chuckled to himself thinking it was just his imagination, since... Continue»
Posted by femboii 3 years ago  |  Categories: Anal, First Time, Sex Humor  |  Views: 592  |  
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Haze Balls! I fucked my pledge's girlfriend

That party was sick b*o. Glad you came out. Sucks you had to keep the fire going last night, but its pledge ship you’ll get used to it. Anyways while everyone was hanging out by the fire I asked your girlfriend Erin to give me a ride to the store so I could get a pack of cigarettes. She was looking so fucking sexy. Those slutty heels and that short black dress. Dude you’re lucky. Anyways I asked her how ya’ll were doing when she took me to the store.
She complained about how you were always doing stuff at the fraternity house for pledge ship. She says she never gets to spend any tim... Continue»
Posted by MonsterFish 4 years ago  |  Categories: Hardcore, Sex Humor, Taboo  |  Views: 591  |  
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White couple sharing a black cock

.

At this particular time in my life, I was 42 years old
and thinking of the possibility of actually
experiencing a young black man, and I had one in mind. He
recently started to work at the same place I was
employed. He needed money to start his college education
and had accepted a position in the stock room. We
seemed to hit it off from the start. He was a nice
looking young black guy with light brown skin.

I could see that he admired my 5 ft 2 inch, 120 lb
body, as his eyes would wander up and down my body. I
really liked to be admired by any man but to be admired
... Continue»
Posted by kinghut 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor, Hardcore, Shemales  |  Views: 591  |  
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Bernadette

Years ago I loved chat on Yahoo Messenger. I had a group of friends I would chat with from time to time...it was always filthy. One of my favorites was Bernadette. She and her husband Mario had been married for fifteen years.

She lived one state away from me and we would chat about her fantasy. Me fucking her while her husband watched. Eventually we moved onto phone sex. She always got super excited hearing my voice as I told her what I wanted to do with her. She almost never spoke during those phone calls. Her moans and screams were enough though. Eventually I hard a low voice tell... Continue»
Posted by peterpierre47 1 year ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 591  |  
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fuckin in d classroom

It was first time of ever fingerin a gal usually I dreamt about it and masturbated to it... Anyway let me not bore u... I was in class getting some assignments done den she came to class men were those boobs huge aniway we were talking nd den I bought up d topic of sex asking her if she has done it before I den ask do it wit me she said ok. She den sat on my laps nd startd grinding me god was dat good I den dragged ha skirt down nd started fingering ha she nw started talkin dirty tellin me 2 swirl ha cunt it den got me horny nd made me grow bigger she den took me in her mouth suckin me til I c... Continue»
Posted by hornynigerian 4 years ago  |  Categories: First Time, Masturbation, Sex Humor  |  Views: 588  |  
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Ghostfinger-----totally non-porn, but funny as hel

This is the mostly true story of how I lost my finger at work in a tragic yet humorous accident. It is up to you the reader to decide which parts are true, which parts are humorous and which parts I'm just blowing smoke up your ass.

It was a Monday like any other Monday, but this Monday was special. It was Sewards day. Just to refresh your memories, Sewards day is celebrated (in Alaska anyway) for the purchase of Alaska from those Godless commies bastards, the Russians. Trust me when I say they are kicking themselves for letting it go so cheap. In Alaska it is widely celebrated mos... Continue»
Posted by joewaterford 4 years ago  |  Categories: Sex Humor  |  Views: 587  |  
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Sexy story to Armoprince66@yahoo mountain dew

Now for your listening pleasure i made up a song for you all...a NEW SONG FOR U SING ALONG NOW EVERYBODY....IF YOU ARE HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS ...IF YOU ARE HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS ....IF YOUR HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT THEN YOUR FACE WILL SURELY SHOW IT...IF YOUR HORNY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS..CLAP CLAP THANK YOU, THANK YOU... HAHAHA... LOL... FUNNY SH-T FOR SURE... CAN YOU SEE THAT BEING PLAYED WITH THE HOKIE POKIE AT THE SKATING RING HAHAHAHA HOW WAS THAT BOYS AND GIRLS HEHEHEHAHAHAHA!!!! Full service provider no greek IN THE GRECIAN LANGUAGE OF REDBOOK THAT M... Continue»
Posted by notreasonusa 1 year ago  |  Categories: Gay Male, Mature, Sex Humor  |  Views: 587  |  
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