Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 75
Nelliel was probably wishing she'd signed up to be tutored in the sword-arts by just about any other teacher in the world right now! This Kenpachi man... Something wasn't right about him... Well, maybe it should be more like there wasn't anything right about him! Worst of all was his height... Their teacher towered over the class at 202cm, making her one of the tallest men she'd ever seen, but he wasn't just tall, the man was looked strong, too!
Surely an instructor of students who still might as well be c***dren like them would be conducted with a taciturn and dignified approach, but all t... Continue»
A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding, she tells each
one to write back about their married life.
To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly
discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to
using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how
their love lives are going.
The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives
with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE".
Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House
advertisement, and it says:"Satisfaction to the last drop..... Continue»
Many years ago when I was about five or six years of age I experimented anally in the bath with a bit of soap; it felt good apart from the soap stinging a little bit.
When I was about ten years of age I got fucked for the first time by a friend of the same age. I don't know where he got the idea from but it felt very nice although there were minor complications.
In my teens a male friend and I used to have wanking races in his bedroom. We used to suck each other but not to orgasm so I never knowingly swallowed his cum.
Around about that time I lost my anal virginity in total to a Ga... Continue»
Chandler had been telling Monica and Rachel about the sex with Kathy the night before. It was alright, but Chandler wanted to really make her scream in pleasure. So Monica had drawn out a diagram showing the seven basic erogenous zones of a woman's body.
"Okay, now, most guys will hit one, two, and three and then go to seven and set up camp, " Monica began.
"And that's bad?" Chandler questioned.
"Well," Rachel replied, "if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn."
Chandler countered, "Well you might if it were anything like 'seven'."
Monica got him ... Continue»
Eddie McCaethy was a basically a motivator, he had great dental work, sleeked black hair and he wore a tailored suit to perfection. In his seminars, which were billed under the title “The McCaethy Method,” he told people what they already knew and for this they paid three thousand dollars a seat to hear it.
Very few people actually carried out his recommendations because – having been aware of their shortcomings before they entered the hall it was unlikely they would make changes in their life just because someone else pointed it out. Not wanting to work hard and work smart in order to be s... Continue»
In the morning the sun was shining right through our front room windows as I walked in wearing nothing but my gown. The carpet is very soft and the whole room was warm. Jenny was in her gown as she reached for a sheet, a large bed sheet that she folded neatly and placed on the floor as she did so she undone my gown and I got down on my hands and knees on the blanket.
As I undone Richards gown his penis jumped out to meet me. I completely removed the gown and as Richard got in position I gently moved his legs apart to allow the air to circulate nicely ... Continue»
A Short Story
in play format. (Originally written 23 Feb 2006)
Interior - waiting room of surgery. A voice over the P.A announces for Mrs Allott to enter Dr. R Don’s room.
Mrs Allott: Hello Dr.
Dr. Don: Good morning, Mrs Allott, what can I do for you? how’s Mr Allott?
Mrs Allott: He’s fine. Dr, I’m here about my pussy.
Dr. Don: And what is the problem with it?
Mrs Allott: It keeps itching.
Dr. Don: Well, you better get it out and I’ll take a look at it.
Mrs Allott gets it out and Dr. Don proceeds to take a good look at it.
Dr. Don: You have a lovely pussy,
After getting the best blow job I have ever had I was just lying there thinking why she left just like that. The I was thinking Kim was standing next to us the hole time not really paying attention to what was happening in the room. Then I noticed that Kim was looking at me and I began to think wow I'm still fully naked. I thought to myself I should maybe dress sins I didn’t know what would happen next. Just as I grabbed my underwear to put it on Kim said her first words to me. “You don’t need to do that it’s not over yet.”
My mind got stuck on that not over yet was going to happen. Then I... Continue»
I was talking with my Dom, earlier today and we were reminiscing about the indiscretions I had while I was married. Its not like it didn't happen once or twice, it occurred multiple times and in different ways with each time getting more brazen. He couldn't believe that my husband did not have the balls to punish a relentless little slut like me and put me in my place. Especially since he wanted to remain married to me. Yet he never set me on a path where I would forget cheating, cybersex, phone sex, webcamming or have any sexual contact with another man (or woman) without his explicit consent... Continue»
That's a hot chat I just had one hour ago with a fantastic english teen. As a lot of men ask me how I find girls, maybe they can find some tips there. I put a screen-shot at the end of the text. Comment if you like, I can post other hot talks I had and I will have ^^
I only modified CuteLéa by Lea and bleuchanel69 by Me - should be easier to read -, and hidded the town where she lives. It may be sometimes a little boring, but it is the real chat we had. Comment also if you don't like ;)
[17:33:19] Lea: hey sorry i havent spoken to you in ages :( i lost my laptop charger so i h... Continue»
Honor looked at me from across the bed and caught my eyes staring at her fiery red hair.
"Are you ok Tommy," She asked, "I really need you to help me with these Maths problems and then we can concentrate on Physics"
We were both 16 and in Year 11 at our school. We had been good friends for ages and as our exams were fast approaching she had asked me to help her with her Maths, and in return i asked her to help me with my Physics. I had fancied her like mad for years but had never had the courage to ask her out.
"Yeah, i'm fine, just distracted a little." I replied, never taking my eye... Continue»
Introduction: This is a funny joke for the ppl who never heard it before.
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try
to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio
the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.. Horatio thought about this and
said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but
it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause... Continue»
THE WALKING FUCKERS
It was supposed to be a weak RNA strand that
disabled the enemy then withered.
The vector virus had other ideas.
It found a single, mutated Ecoli bacterium
and mated with it.
Military “Intelligence” had finally fucked us all.
“M0m will be furious with me,” I thought, lying in bed,
trying to figure how I'd refuse the “corrective” surgery
and not get kicked out of the house.
The alarm clock beeped.
“I'm 18, why NOW?? I grew up this way! NO, mom, NO!”
Fifty rehearsals in my head.
Then voices in the street.
I looked out the w
A friend of mine -Ramon- said that Miemke Thorsun sat in my favorite-bar.
She stated before everyone in the bar that I was impotent and did not manage to fuck her.
Ramon said: Will you allow that cheap little whore to keep on like that or are you going to do something about it
I said: No, I guess I have to do something about it.
-Is it the usual gang that hangs in the bar?
-Yeah, you know ...ex-cons,bikers,freaks.Ramon laughed:
-I think I know what you gonna do Hans,you're gonna fuck her in the bar in front of all the guys.
-Not just fuck her, I will give her a good beating... Continue»
MY SEXY WIFE LIKES OLDER MEN
When I married my wife Sally I knew she had a thing for older men so it was no surprise to me when we were invited to my boss’s retirement party at the home of the director of the company home,
You see Sally who is 34 is a real sexy woman and always dresses sexy she has a great body and a nice pair of legs with a great rear and a rather large bust which is very firm I can confirm that she gives a great tit fuck so it’s no wonder she attracts so much male attention when ever she goes out,
But she seems to love the company of older men she always liked the x... Continue»
I laid across the bed on my stomach holding myself up by my elbows wearing just a T-shirt and my boxers looking up at the computer screen with the controller in my hands as my Guild and I marched boldly into the Forsaken Fortress to finally take down the Necromancer King. “This is it you guys” I said over the team channel knowing that this was going to be a long and tough fight, “I need a Defense boost” Shadow_Heart said over the comm. It didn’t take long for Elfkiller1 to start boosting everyone’s STATS, “first one to die has to put 500 gold into the guild bank” The-Bone-Eater said with a gig... Continue»
Seriously, who hasn’t met a friend who’s sexy and all that?
And how many of us haven’t wondered how to have sex with a friend?
It feels so good to be bad. It feels even better to cross that boundary and play dirty, doesn’t it?
Life in the fast lane couldn’t get any faster in these days of fast love and raging hormones. It’s hard to get over the blues of being single especially when everyone around is either madly in love, or physically in love.
If lovers can do it, why not friends? After all, friends do share everything lovers share, other than physical intimacy.
Sex with a frie... Continue»
Another show, another rigging call. The glamorous life of a big rock show usually begins at 6 AM in the morning putting the rigging in place that holds those massive sound and lighting systems in the air.
This day was starting out like any other. I got to the Arena around 5:15 AM so I could let in the caterers and stagehands. I got the guard to open to door and he went back on his cart to his office. I grabbed my briefcase and headed to the production office. When I got there I opened the door and there was a young girl sitting the desk. She kind of startled me. I asked if I could h... Continue»
The night I met Mei in a London club, she was dressed the way you see in
Japanese anime. I told her, and she got all offended since she was Chinese,
and anyway she could not understand what I meant, or so she claimed.
She had on high heeled boots, knee high socks the kind you'll see matched
with schoolgirl uniforms, a chequered plaid skirt that barely covered her
ass, and a white shirt that could barely contain her immense 38E bust.
She looked obscene - breasts that size on a chink, especially one not more
than 5'1 or 5'2 that couldn't be a day over 18 just accentuated the
(A short poem written in praise of my lovers' boobies, all of them regardless of size - and I include my own rather large ones in that category because nobody loves mine more than I do, with the possible exception of my lovely husband! Don't be fooled by the fact that it appears to be written from the male perspective - disregard gender as well as size. It's all about the love of boobies in general, but through my eyes and my lusts!)
My lover's tits are so tiny,
It's so plain for all to see,
Though my lover's tits are so tiny,
She sure loves them - just like me!