Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 74
Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma. He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.
Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."
Little Johnn...y thought for a bit and said,"Well grandmas beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"
Bad girls are legendary - a guy who’s been with one practically passes out from bliss when he talks about his experience. You might be thinking, “Who, me? Be a bad girl?” But any woman who wants to can wake up her hibernating vixen...and have a damn good time doing it!
See, bed-devil status is about a fearless attitude, not how much sexual experience you have or whether you wear leather. “Guys dig when women are unbridled and uninhibited, push their own boundaries, break the rules, and ask for what they want,” says Barbara Keesling, PhD, author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex. So ... Continue»
Wow, that was pretty exciting," Sue said when he had disappeared. "I didn't realise what a randy sod you are, Steph. You wouldn't think that you only started frigging around today."
"Maybe, but I've been feeling like it for weeks. You know, I could easily let some bloke have a proper eyeful of my fanny, without any knickers in the way, I mean. They may as well be off, because they're saturated in any case. I'm really juicing up."
"Me too, but I don't know that I could just flash my fanny in cold bl**d as it were. Once we pull some bloke though, no problem."
"Tell you what, let me take... Continue»
I'd love to see a lesbian film featuring Roxanne Pallet from Emmerdale and Helen Flanagan from Coronation Street. To those of you reading this who don't know who they are, just google their names, and I'm sure you'll agree with me. Just imagine the 2 of them dressed in school uniforms eating each other out. Fucking amazing!
Now, as stunning as they may be, they are basically "normal" girls. It would be easy to say that you'd love to see Beyonce having her clit licked by Rihanna...(there's a thought!) Come on, boys and girls. I really want to hear who yo... Continue»
A man picks up a hooker and tells her that he wants to see a sample of what he might get before he spends his hard earned money. The slut, feeling very confident spreads her legs and says, "Put your hand all the way in," which the man does.
Impressed, the man is ready to plunk down the cash when she says, "Put your other hand all the way in too." Once both his hands are all the way in she says, "Now spread your hands apart." As the man attempts to spread his hands apart she says proudly, "Tight Huh?"... Continue»
So Almost a year into your sex-filled relationship and its our first valentines together. its been a week since we last saw each other and i owe Bappy big! wearing a tight shirt, baggy jeans and low cut vest under my shirt i could see his excitement as i walked down the stairs at the train station. walking to union square and we stop for a cuddle and i can feel his member hard in his pants. a few hours pass and we decide to go back to his to celebrate properly. as soon as we get into his room we strip off he's getting hard and its happening fast. i moaning his ear how bad i've been needing his... Continue»
I was blue and lonely,
I couldn’t sl**p a wink
And I could only get unconscious
If I’d had to much to drink
There was somehow, something wrong somewhere,
And each day seemed grey and dead
The seeds of desperation
Were growing in my head
I needed inspiration,
A brand new start in life,
Somewhere to place affection,
But I didn’t want a wife
And then by lucky chance I saw
In a special magazine
An ad that was unusual,
The like I’d never seen,
’experience something different
With our new imported toy,
She’s loving, warm, inflatible
Okay, before I start this story, let me get one thing straight first :) This first chapter is just a filler, explaining things about the characters and how the boy first meets the girls, so it will not include as much sexual action as the rest of the stories, so please be patient and bare with me, thank you :)
P.S. This story and throughout all the chapters/ parts is based on characters from Anime, so their names will be anime themed :)
"Come in Kaito." A womans voice says from the other side of the door. Kaito, a 19 year old boy who is very attractive, has dark brown hair, soft brown... Continue»
Mona Lindley, 29, single, international sales manager, travels a lot. She doesn't like men too much, despises kissing, is disgusted by touching dicks and hates warm sperm trickling down her thighs. But she uses men for her sexual satisfaction, and should there be none around her at the moment, she endulges always in her own erotic fantasies!
The golden sun sinks tired into the soft bed of clouds and the veil of the night draws over it to keep him warm. The contant vibration and the numbing hum of the heavy jet engines are lulling my senses. I made a bit of small talk with the guy next to ... Continue»
Part 1 1
AT THE ORGASM RESEARCH FOUNDATION Dr. Roger Prong, who was known by some foundation employees as "a bl**dy Peeping Tom" and a "horny old voyeur" was in fact very scientific, or so he always insisted as he watched the girls having orgasms.
At the laboratory, Josie Welch, already nude but with a single sheet demurely spread over her full and obviously glorious body, looked unhappy as Roger entered.
"They tell me there won't be any men today,"
she said as soon as she saw the doctor.
"That's right, my dear," he said with professional unction. "That part of your testing i... Continue»
The night before we had been watching the film The Pianist i
lluminated on her bedroom wall. I had been making appropriate and thoughtful comments throughout until they had thrown the disabled man, wheelchair and all, off a third floor balcony. “They’re only showing the bad bits,” I said. “Oh they should show all the good bits should they?” she asks in a sharp revoke. I say nothing more for a while.
Then the Russians came. The last Germans units were killed or fled the ruined city as it was liberated, and the pianist had lived through it all to play the tale. We had sex later. Emot... Continue»
This is actually a completely random post. I was talking with my a friend the other day, and he reminded me of something I did at a party a while back. I used to go to parties and get completely trashed when I was in high school. And I had this ex Abi, who was a total control freak, but very atractive, she was 5'4, mix of mexican and caucasion, very smoothe skin, long black hair, big doe eyes, perky b cup size, and a very tight ass. one thing I hated was that she would tease and lead me on but never actually do anything. After a few months of blue balls, we broke up and went our separated ways... Continue»
1. The Thrill of the Voice
Sean Paul was young and naïve when he answered the phone that day. The noises he heard shook him so much he would never, ever, forget this thrilling moment. The slow deep groans were utterly amazing. He had never experienced these noises before. The shock he first felt soon turned to intrigue. Sean Paul whispered ‘hello’ to the unknown thrill. The response he got made his young penis grow into something he had never seen before. His body slowly shook after the soft voice groaned ‘FUCK ME SOFTLY’. Sean Paul’s mouth suddenly went dry and he was unable to spea... Continue»
(Fishing couple discovers camp mates)
My wife, Virginia, and I had been driving continuously for over eighteen hours in a mad dash to get to our favorite Atlantic Salmon river for the season's opening day. The biggest obstacle that remained in our way was Kurley's Mountain! Commencing at near sea level, Kurley's Mountain Highway climbed the sea side of the mountain to over fifteen hundred feet above sea level. Climbing a distance of slightly less than four kilometers, with the last kilometer having the highest grade incline, the engine of our fully loaded four wheel drive howled in protest ... Continue»
Tip #1 - Fix your Profile
Look at your FB Profile. What does it say about you? A girl that doesn't know you yet - what kind of image will she create about you when she checks your Profile? Think about it. Manipulate your profile to create a more attractive image about yourself. A guy that travels, has a lot of friends and has a strong identity is much more attractive than a guy getting wasted with "the boys" and behaving like a douche. Think about what your profile TELLS about you, then work on it.
Tip #2 - Don't be an Open Book
"Open books" are guys that are, well, open books. A girl... Continue»
"You've got to be k**ding!" I shouted out loud.
"Whoever thought to name a town that, must have had a huge hairy pussy fetish!"
"WELCOME TO BIG BEAVER PA." The sign said.
I had almost arrived at my new home in Pleasant Town Pa. population 55,000.*
There was no way I could concentrate on my language learning tapes now, not when I was this close to my destination.
Plus my mind was wandering too much anyway. Seeing that "Big Beaver" sign reminded me of my old college days.
Up near Albany NY there's a town everyone refers to ... Continue»
“OK,” Ann said as she bustled about packing her bags. “Now you know what to do and where everything is, don’t you?”
“Yes dear.” I replied. My voice must have given my thoughts away. She came over and stood in front of me.
“And don’t adopt that tone of voice with me Robert,” she said sternly, her smile belying the irritation she was trying to inject. “You know what a useless sod you are without me around to organise you.”
I reached out to slide my hand up the inside of her shapely legs but she pushed it away.
“Don’t think that will help you either,” she said. “I’ll be gone about a wee... Continue»
‘He’s cute!’ enthused Mel in the kitchen as Gus continued his rewiring job in the living room with David observing close by.
‘I know, and patient!’ I pointed out. David had been constantly on Gus’s arm questioning my new man’s methods even though he didn’t really know anything about the job. Mel took the tea tray with drinks and selection of cream cakes into the living room and I followed. The men were in conversation.
‘I’m not sure…’ said David,
‘Not sure about what honey? interrupted Mel, you wouldn’t be questioning the work of the expert would you and interfering where you’re not ... Continue»
Im in Italia with my honey right now and for 2 weeks there is no distractions of work ect.
All day and night loving possibilities so I will do this little quiz here.
The night before last I sat on the edge of what being ate slowly by him?
A the bed
B the bath
C the pool
D a chair
E all of the above
I last night had something wonderful between my thighs what was it?
A my honeys mouth
B my honeys cock
C my honeys hands/fingers
D a toy held by my honey
E all of the above
The bed here is with a massive headboard how have I held it while he has ate me?
A standingfacing ... Continue»
it was a mild summer night as i held the one i loved in my arms. i held her close against me as i kissed her neck. as i started to nibble on her ear she tugged and pulled at my jeans as if to slowly claw them off me. passion was taking over and she was ready to go. i reclined my trucks seat as she saddled me and bit into my neck. it was somthing that just drove me nuts. her nibbling on my neck slowly moving down my collar bone, while slowly pulling my shirt off as i unsnapped her bra she tugged at my belt, begging for me to fuck her. i layed her down on the seat and undid her belt and pants wi... Continue»