Sex Humor Porn Stories Page 73
Take a moment to think about what you and your guy usually do after sex. Chances are, it’s sl**p, eat, or flip on the TV. Not exactly romantic, especially considering that the few hours afterward are one of the best times to bond. “When you orgasm, hormones are released that make you feel more connected,” says clinical sexologist Rachael Ross, MD, PhD. “Take advantage of that by doing things to prolong the feeling.” But that doesn’t mean intense conversations or eye gazing—little gestures can reap big benefits. Try these tips tonight.
1. If you’re hungry, forgo ordering a pizza and instead... Continue»
i woke up in the night and had to have a piss so held it in as long as i could and could feel my ball getting bigger and buy dick was pumping and pumping and just let go the piss fill my pants and soke my bed and it ran down my leg and it was a good feeling and i cum at the same time and left my room and as i left my room my mum went in and she could see all the piss and cum and said come with me so i did and my mum put me in her bed and lick my ball to get the cum off and piss and she sat on my face and said i have to clean that up and she piss on my face and piss on my dick so i pull of my a... Continue»
part 3 continuation of "Lunch Break"
I arrive home before you
no surprise...you went in to work an hour later today
I stop by the fridge and grab a beer
going to the bedroom I strip out of my work clothes...down to my boxers
tonight we're going out clubbing
"Let's see...what to wear...what to wear..."
looking in the closet I select a pair of jeans that I know you like
they're somewhat tight...but you like the way they show off my ass
now for a shirt...hmmmm...we'll go with the light blue button down you gave me last Christmas
it's your favorite...you say that it accentuates my bl... Continue»
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
A: Your job still sucks!
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: How do you kill a circus clown?
A: Go for the juggler!
Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?
A: Because he overdosed on viagra!
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
A: Because his wife died!
Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snowblower is coming.
Friday 5th September 2003 - I'm off on a long weekend. I'm sat on a train and my eventual destination is East Croydon though I will have to change at Haslemere.
I have arranged to meet and have a drink with a certain Mistress V with regards to my suitability to become her sub – it's only a preliminary meeting and I haven't brought along my favourite plastic beach shoe or garden cane.
For some reason I recall a paragraph I once read many years ago in a book about sexual perversion something along the lines that: The whip cracking, leather clad, fierce, obedience seek... Continue»
Bill's Adventures - April01 by Bun2bch
This work should only be read if it is legal for you to do so. This is a work of fiction, please do not read it if you may be offended. Comments are welcome at the above email address. Pursuant to the Berne Convention, this work is copyright with all rights reserved by its author unless explicitly indicated.
This story is set in the UK where driving is legal at 17 and sex is legal at 16.
I sat at the kitchen table with an envelope in my hands, on the back was printed DVLA, Swansea, SA9... Continue»
The author claims copyright on this document. It may be posted in other groups or copied for inclusion in archives, etc., but may not be used for commercial purposes in any way! If you do repost this or copy it off somewhere, please keep this notice of copyright attached.
NASA contributes 40% of the Budget at the Sexperimental Farm Laboratory.
This is a Documentary of 1998 when the Fallopians
threatened our Civlisation.
The account of SFL Dairy, June 1st - 24th 1998. Iowa
After meeting their maids in the house, k**man then
took the two w... Continue»
I said something wrong, you’re angry. Pacing back and forth you pause and look over at me. You turn away, reach for your keys and head for the door.
“No” I cry out as I run to you “don’t go.”
You are already out the door headed to your truck, when you reach the tailgate to close it you feel my hands grab your arm.
As you turn your head in the darkness you see me. My hair already drenched from the rain, my tender eyes pleading with you to stay, to love me, my flowered sundress soaked and clinging to the sexy curves of my body.
You turn your body towards mine. I can see your d... Continue»
This is a James Bond Gay spoof.
I answered it. "Hard-on here."
The boss B spoke. "Did you manage to find any evidence of Wadd?"
I smirked and pulled out the closed container of his white fluid. "Oh affirmative. I definitely 'managed' to pull it out of him. 3 pints of it possibly from my gues."
"Hard-on. You didn't."
"Well you wanted DNA, didn't you?"
"Yes but a simple skin sample would have sufficed."
"Yeah but what fun would that
have done..." and I made a little titter. "Noblofeld is heading to Switzerland for some reason and I have to find out where exactly in or... Continue»
In my messages I received a lot of positive feedback from my first experience, so here is the rest of the month. Again, this is the beginning of my sexual life and it is true.
After I had my first orgasm with Ron, I was pretty much insatiable. I still had no clue how to satisfy myself; that is to say I had no idea I could jack myself off. I only thought that Ron possessed this magical power. However, it seemed my dick was perpetually hard as all twelve year old boys are. And I could not stop thinking about sex: in the classroom, on the paper route, doing my homework, I was a wreck. I was co... Continue»
गुस्से से सेक्स तक????????????????????????????
हैलो दोस्तों ! मैं हमेशा यह सोचा करता था कि क्या मैं भी कभी अपनी ज़िन्दगी में किसी के साथ सेक्स कर पाऊँगा! मुझे ब्लू-फिल्म देखने की आदत है लेकिन क़िस्मत देखिए कि कभी भी मैं किसी के साथ सेक्स नहीं कर पाया था। मेरी उम्र २३ साल और कद ५ फीट ९ इंच है। वैसे लोग कहते हैं कि मैं स्मार्ट भी हूँ, ख़ैर छोड़िये।लेकिन मैं आप को अपनी एक ऐसी हक़ीकत से वाक़िफ कराना चाहता हूँ जो मेरे साथ पहले कभी नहीं हुई। ये होने के बाद मैं मन ही मन बड़ा खुश होता रहता था क्योंकि जो मैं इतनी कोशिश करने के बाद भी नहीं कर पायावो अचानक हो गया।हुआ ये कि मेरे घर के सामने एक घर है ... Continue»
The Red Dragon is, I suppose, my local, in that it’s the closest pub to my house. Saying that it’s not actually terribly close, being about a fifteen-minute walk away, and I didn’t frequent it a great deal. Richard loved the place though, being equidistant from his house in the opposite direction, and hence we spent a few Sunday lunches there followed by a walk back to his house. I wasn’t all that keen on eating there, what with owning my own restaurant anyway, and I always felt a little put out that Richard knew all the other patrons so well, whilst I often felt like a... Continue»
Bappy's parents went out for a few hours and we were feeling naughty.
I got up and kissed bappy really passionately and he pushed me against the wall holding my arms above my head.
I struggled free and opened the door with my elbow not taking my lips off bappy. on our way through I grabbed a towel from the bannister and threw it on the bed. He picked me up and pushed me onto the bed kissing his way down my body.
Ramming his tongue in my pussy we both groaned as he tasted me and teased my little pussy. as I leaned up he pulled off my top and trousers properly and left me in ... Continue»
Lucy Sky, 24, happily married with two c***dren, had a very straight religious up-bringing. She learned already very early in life, that as a true believer you have to condemn the sin but to love the sinner - and she definitely seems to love both of them equally. She is a conqueror, a temptress and a teaser, but only in her erotic fantasies:
»You were masturbating in the dormitory again - s****r Noris heard you! How many cautions did you get already?« »Two, Father Anselm!« »And: do you confess?« »Oh yeah, Father Anselm, I do?« »So: all my prayers were in vain? You still are a naughty woma... Continue»
The collar snug against my neck...a leash attached to the porch rail on both sides limits my movement....the warm breeze gently blows across my naked body...kneeling on the porch step my hands laced in front of me pushing my full round breast together...my strong desire for your thick throbbing cock as you stand on the porch with your jeans undone...teasing my lips making my mouth open wide for it… making my neck press against my collar as I stretch out for it...my mouth waters watching your fingers squeeze your shaft firmly as you stroke it forward & back...knowing you have full control of wh... Continue»
Todd Wood, 23, an interstate truck driver, experiences a lot of lonely nights, when his erotic fantasies are his only companion. He doesn' has a fetish with virgins, but as he says: There is an unfading attraction in the innocence of women, and you have to be extremely sensitive to be the first man in their life! And this one is his favourite fantasy:
It's two o'clock in the morning as I pull into the petrol station, not for gasoline but for some inspiration to quench my physical desire before a couple of hours of sl**p in the van. The little road shop seems to be unattended but open. I br... Continue»
Think you know a thing or two about kissing? You probably do. But the facts below are so off the beaten path, we’ll bet you don’t know them all—and they could come in handy. Not only could they provide some steamy “Did you know…?” chit chat, but they’ll help you see all the benefits a satisfying lip lock can bring into your life. Happy smooching!
1. Two out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kiss.
2. A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face. Now that’s a rigorous workout!
3. Like fingerprints or ... Continue»
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a les... Continue»
1. Expensive Penis:
Not many penis fall into this definition. Expensive penis can be recognized by the following - suit and tie, nice vehicle, expensive watches, and well groomed.
Advantages: when you close your purse and make him pay for your dates he’ll disappear.
Disadvantages: his mother will fall to her knees and beg you to take him away.
2.Cheap Penis: Is not rare at all, they live with their parents and take the bus. Because they don’t have a job to buy a car.
Advantage: once his many sources of borrowed money runs out he’ll go away.
This story is completely true and takes place about 3 years ago (2009). I had been seeing my ex girlfriend for about 2 months at this time and we had done pretty much everything but sex. Normally we would see each other once maybe twice a week because we lived about an hour away from each other. So because we were teenagers, we just needed to do something sexual every time we go together. Usually this would end up in her giving me head, or me fingering her.
The reason we did not actually have sex is because we were both virgins and she wanted to wait a little while before we eventually ... Continue»